Class of May 2012 part 22
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hey wehav-am LOVING the hair...both styles...I'm thinking the latter will perhaps be a little more practical....
. You are one crazy chick, you will fit right in when you come to England.
Glad you're doing well Sassy, you sound good. Enjoy your time way with your folks. Xxx
Emily-sorry you had that nightmare, they can be SO unsettling I know. But remember, breathe deeply and remind yourself they're not real and can't hurt you. I found walking around helped me when I was having lots of them. I must have seemed weird walking around in my garden in the early hours but I needed the air and exercise. Oh and I used to post here too...my early morning panic posts...I remember them well.
I think sometimes it really helps me to look back at how I was. This week I have been having a lot of anxiety. No real reason. Everything was going so well but then out of the blue I had a full blown panic attack when I was sharing at a meeting on Monday. It was awful and since then I've been getting waves of anxiety coming over me with no obvious trigger. I started feeling that sort of hopeless resignation...this is how I will always be. Nothing will ever change. I sort of began to feel I may as well give up. I mean, not go back to drinking, that never entered my head...but just give everything else up..the gym, the praying, my meetings, the meditation, the gruelling therapy...all the stuff I do every day to try and keep moving forward. I mean what is the point? I'm always going to be that screwed up woman and I will never get over my past. It will always follow me round and has damaged me forever.
And then I took a moment to think back to when I felt like that ALL the time, when I couldn't sleep, when I walked around the garden every morning in sub-zero degrees until my mind was numb...when I used to be physically sick before going to therapy.... I had forgotten all that.
Sometimes it just helps me when I'm struggling to stop, take some deep breaths and look back down that road I've travelled. It was much steeper and hard to walk through back then. When I've got my breath back, I will be ready to take those next steps forward again....
Thanks guys, you are all the best
Love you loads xxx
. You are one crazy chick, you will fit right in when you come to England. Glad you're doing well Sassy, you sound good. Enjoy your time way with your folks. Xxx
Emily-sorry you had that nightmare, they can be SO unsettling I know. But remember, breathe deeply and remind yourself they're not real and can't hurt you. I found walking around helped me when I was having lots of them. I must have seemed weird walking around in my garden in the early hours but I needed the air and exercise. Oh and I used to post here too...my early morning panic posts...I remember them well.
I think sometimes it really helps me to look back at how I was. This week I have been having a lot of anxiety. No real reason. Everything was going so well but then out of the blue I had a full blown panic attack when I was sharing at a meeting on Monday. It was awful and since then I've been getting waves of anxiety coming over me with no obvious trigger. I started feeling that sort of hopeless resignation...this is how I will always be. Nothing will ever change. I sort of began to feel I may as well give up. I mean, not go back to drinking, that never entered my head...but just give everything else up..the gym, the praying, my meetings, the meditation, the gruelling therapy...all the stuff I do every day to try and keep moving forward. I mean what is the point? I'm always going to be that screwed up woman and I will never get over my past. It will always follow me round and has damaged me forever.
And then I took a moment to think back to when I felt like that ALL the time, when I couldn't sleep, when I walked around the garden every morning in sub-zero degrees until my mind was numb...when I used to be physically sick before going to therapy.... I had forgotten all that.
Sometimes it just helps me when I'm struggling to stop, take some deep breaths and look back down that road I've travelled. It was much steeper and hard to walk through back then. When I've got my breath back, I will be ready to take those next steps forward again....
Thanks guys, you are all the best
Love you loads xxx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Love the haircut, WeHav!
Jeni, things will never be perfect but they do improve gradually - I do know whereof I speak! I now look at it this way and it helps me: I am who I am because of what I've been through NOT in spite of it. Yes, I have spells that aren't so great, but on balance, life is pretty good :-)
Jeni, things will never be perfect but they do improve gradually - I do know whereof I speak! I now look at it this way and it helps me: I am who I am because of what I've been through NOT in spite of it. Yes, I have spells that aren't so great, but on balance, life is pretty good :-)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Day 43. And I just managed to throw away a post I was writing, because I clicked on a different tab, forgot I was posting and closed the first one. (d'oh) So, sorry if this is short, but right now, I don't feel up to typing it all in again.
Jeni - thank you for your wise words. You make a lot of sense.
Have a good day folks.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
Jeni - thank you for your wise words. You make a lot of sense.
Have a good day folks.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 382
Wehave I love that haircut. Good on you for donating the hair
JenI agree that it really helps to look back sonetimes and see how far you've come. I know for me going through my grandfathers death I started to stress out about my mental state but then I looked at where I was just 6 months ago and I realised how far I have actually come.
JenI agree that it really helps to look back sonetimes and see how far you've come. I know for me going through my grandfathers death I started to stress out about my mental state but then I looked at where I was just 6 months ago and I realised how far I have actually come.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
You have come sooooo far Jane!! You e always been pretty cool but your growth in the last several months has been awesome! No body can take that from you, not even family who are accustomed to the way you were and will expect that person.
Emily, you are doing great. Sorry you had a nightmare, those suck. But it wasn't real. And staying sober is the best defense against nightmares becoming real.
Jeni, you are not a nutcase! I see you and as one of few people who come on here every day and post no matter what. I always get something from it, too! When I go through spells of being too busy to post I always read what you and sas, etc. have to say.
Well here I sit on a layover waiting to fly to Manchester. Keep wanting to sing that song from "hair," "Manchester England England..." Had a few uncomfortable moments/pangs from the past. Between being in vacation mode, not driving anywhere or needing to be in charge of anything except getting to a gate on time, and the plethora of bars my old habits started to creep up. But I looked the beast in the eye and thumbed my nose at her. A new wine bar in my home airport? Really? Thppppt!
four hour layover and drinking water and ate a lovely meal that I could afford because yes, you guessed it, I drank water.
Take care may mates! Sas I hope your visit is lovely. Rock, FP hope you are doing awesome!
Emily, you are doing great. Sorry you had a nightmare, those suck. But it wasn't real. And staying sober is the best defense against nightmares becoming real.
Jeni, you are not a nutcase! I see you and as one of few people who come on here every day and post no matter what. I always get something from it, too! When I go through spells of being too busy to post I always read what you and sas, etc. have to say.
Well here I sit on a layover waiting to fly to Manchester. Keep wanting to sing that song from "hair," "Manchester England England..." Had a few uncomfortable moments/pangs from the past. Between being in vacation mode, not driving anywhere or needing to be in charge of anything except getting to a gate on time, and the plethora of bars my old habits started to creep up. But I looked the beast in the eye and thumbed my nose at her. A new wine bar in my home airport? Really? Thppppt!
four hour layover and drinking water and ate a lovely meal that I could afford because yes, you guessed it, I drank water. Take care may mates! Sas I hope your visit is lovely. Rock, FP hope you are doing awesome!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Wehav-welcome to England!! I hope you have a wonderful time here. You're visiting a beautiful part of the country, Yorkshire is lovely xxx
Nothing personal you understand, but I'm leaving for a week or so!! We are packing today and in the early hours of tomorrow morning will be flying out to Crete. We won't bother to go to bed tonight.
Well guys, you wouldn't believe the right ole state I've got myself into about this trip. Anxiety, panic attacks, the works. I've had to take beta-blockers for the first time since I got sober and have been hitting a meeting every night since I had my meltdown on Monday. This is ridiculous. And so unnecessary. I am just so scared of losing what I have in my life now...my family is all I ever wanted and it could all be lost in the time it takes for me or H to pick up a drink.
But that won't happen. I'm calmer now. I've got therapy in a little while and that will help I'm hoping. Hard to predict that one as all sorts of unexpected things happen during my sessions.
But it will be ok. I need to trust and believe that. Thanks guys. Xxx
Nothing personal you understand, but I'm leaving for a week or so!! We are packing today and in the early hours of tomorrow morning will be flying out to Crete. We won't bother to go to bed tonight.
Well guys, you wouldn't believe the right ole state I've got myself into about this trip. Anxiety, panic attacks, the works. I've had to take beta-blockers for the first time since I got sober and have been hitting a meeting every night since I had my meltdown on Monday. This is ridiculous. And so unnecessary. I am just so scared of losing what I have in my life now...my family is all I ever wanted and it could all be lost in the time it takes for me or H to pick up a drink.
But that won't happen. I'm calmer now. I've got therapy in a little while and that will help I'm hoping. Hard to predict that one as all sorts of unexpected things happen during my sessions.
But it will be ok. I need to trust and believe that. Thanks guys. Xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hi guys. I had a slip on Wednesday night. I went to a HH and drank a beer to fit in. Then another. After I got home I went to the bar downstairs and had more drinks with some neighbors.....quite angry with myself for doing this when I know what the end result is. Why do I let myself be enticed by the booze? Ended up at a neighbors place late, he made a couple passes at me, and I left. I'm grateful I didn't make a mistake there, but now he's been texting and I hope I don't run into him anytime soon or any of the others since I was tipsy and obnoxious. I hate myself for it. I called in sick the next day to work, was throwing up all day. I wonder if it was some kind of withdrawal.... I guess that's what all hangovers are aren't they?
I don't want you to worry, I am feeling loads better now, went back to work and stayed late to catch up. I almost didn't want to share this, I really thought this was the time. I have been feeling sorry for myself, kinda lost, and I think this was my attempt to rectify it. Do I crave the drama of this BS to distract me from the real work of being sober?
I'm helping my parents today and will stay sober. I'm so grateful for another chance to get this right. Love you guys. Xo.
I don't want you to worry, I am feeling loads better now, went back to work and stayed late to catch up. I almost didn't want to share this, I really thought this was the time. I have been feeling sorry for myself, kinda lost, and I think this was my attempt to rectify it. Do I crave the drama of this BS to distract me from the real work of being sober?
I'm helping my parents today and will stay sober. I'm so grateful for another chance to get this right. Love you guys. Xo.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hey Kittycat, you're amongst friends here.. No judgements just love and concern.
I'm sorry you had a slip. Sounds like you were sort of in the wrong place mentally. I read somewhere on SR that taking that drink is the final step in a relapse, that it begins a long time before that with a change in thinking. I can understand that. It seems sometimes that people stop doing the things that are keeping them sober and strong after a while. They might let go of their support network, stop going to meetings, stop being grateful...whatever you were doing that was working, did you let it slide?
As for the withdrawals...I think they do get worse the more we do it. Please get checked over if you're worried.
I'm so pleased you're back with us. Keep posting.
We love you too xxx
I'm sorry you had a slip. Sounds like you were sort of in the wrong place mentally. I read somewhere on SR that taking that drink is the final step in a relapse, that it begins a long time before that with a change in thinking. I can understand that. It seems sometimes that people stop doing the things that are keeping them sober and strong after a while. They might let go of their support network, stop going to meetings, stop being grateful...whatever you were doing that was working, did you let it slide?
As for the withdrawals...I think they do get worse the more we do it. Please get checked over if you're worried.
I'm so pleased you're back with us. Keep posting.
We love you too xxx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Hi Mayans.
Just want to check in before 3 grueling shifts. Things have been going pretty well. Life has been good and I really think being sober feels more natural and "me". The longer I go without drinking the stronger I feel I never will again.
Don't get me wrong... I do have those thoughts once in a while... "oh it's ok to just have a sip" or "it's been long enough, I can have just 1". It's just I understand these are lies. It's not "think" it's "KNOW"
I am spending a lot more time outdoors having fun. Doing a lot of kayaking and windsurfing. I'm also spending more time trying to repair my relationship with my partner.
This has not left a lot of time for posting and checking in. Life has been kinda crazy good. Please know I love you guys even though my posting has gotten sparse.
WeHav, Awesome haircut! You are so cute. The cousin it style is rockin too you are gonna make someone so happy with that beautiful gift.
Kitty, Sorry to hear about the slip. I know that feeling of being out of place gets pretty strong for me too and wanting to fit in seems like a good idea. It's a lie though. Drinking only makes me feel so much apart from the world. Maybe not that moment, but certainly soon after. Some can drink responsibly, we have shown we can't, ever. Sober time really will be your friend and you will get stronger and stronger by the month. Keep up the good fight.
Have a good weekend friends!
Just want to check in before 3 grueling shifts. Things have been going pretty well. Life has been good and I really think being sober feels more natural and "me". The longer I go without drinking the stronger I feel I never will again.
Don't get me wrong... I do have those thoughts once in a while... "oh it's ok to just have a sip" or "it's been long enough, I can have just 1". It's just I understand these are lies. It's not "think" it's "KNOW"
I am spending a lot more time outdoors having fun. Doing a lot of kayaking and windsurfing. I'm also spending more time trying to repair my relationship with my partner.
This has not left a lot of time for posting and checking in. Life has been kinda crazy good. Please know I love you guys even though my posting has gotten sparse.
WeHav, Awesome haircut! You are so cute. The cousin it style is rockin too
you are gonna make someone so happy with that beautiful gift.Kitty, Sorry to hear about the slip. I know that feeling of being out of place gets pretty strong for me too and wanting to fit in seems like a good idea. It's a lie though. Drinking only makes me feel so much apart from the world. Maybe not that moment, but certainly soon after. Some can drink responsibly, we have shown we can't, ever. Sober time really will be your friend and you will get stronger and stronger by the month. Keep up the good fight.
Have a good weekend friends!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Thx friends. I am mostly disappointed in myself because I know better. I am physically feeling recovered, mentally and spiritually not as much.... But trying to not beat myself up too much and learn from it. You said it right rock, it is all a lie that my addiction tells me. So glad I have you all who know the same feelings. Xo.
Gonna stay in tonight and hopefully meet my sober friend tomorrow for a walk. Thanks for all the support.
Gonna stay in tonight and hopefully meet my sober friend tomorrow for a walk. Thanks for all the support.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Kitty I'm sorry to hear about your slip. I'm glad it's contained to the one time and you're back on track. If HH is happy hour, I agree with Dee that its not a place to go. Glad you're back.
SJD grats on 5 months!! Very happy for you.
Hope everyone is doing well.
SJD grats on 5 months!! Very happy for you.
Hope everyone is doing well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Yes HH is a happy hour Dee and OLL, and you are totally right. I should not have gone and in the future I will pass.
I am also resolving to take better care of myself. I could have seen the slip coming in my mood, because I haven't been taking care of myself with exercise, diet, and smoking. I started exercising today. I'm going to do everything I can to keep this sobriety in tact. Today is day 4.....
I am also resolving to take better care of myself. I could have seen the slip coming in my mood, because I haven't been taking care of myself with exercise, diet, and smoking. I started exercising today. I'm going to do everything I can to keep this sobriety in tact. Today is day 4.....
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