Class of May 2012 part 22
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Day 32. And I went to get my passport photos done. Luckily it stayed dry so I didn't look like a drowned rat. My stomach's been a bit iffy, but it's nothing I can't deal with, which is good.
Tomorrow looks like it's going to be a very busy day, and I might be out from before 9 till after 11. Hopefully I can arrange my tattoo tomorrow. I don't know how long it's going to take yet (and therefore how much it's going to be) so I also don't know exactly when I'll get it done. It'll be my second, and it's going to be a bit bigger than the first one.
I was thinking back to 2011 again yesterday, and how I felt that people were judging me, not on what I did, but what my characters did, especially one in particular, and how... unfair that felt. After all, I wasn't her. Now when I read her story, she feels like all my character defects given form. I started to hate her, but now... now I know why. Without knowing, I put too much of me into her, and I didn't like what I saw. But how could she be well when I wasn't?
Part of me wants to ignore her, and leave her story unfinished. After all, I'm not sure I want to spend much time with a character who's still stuck in the same old destructive cycle that I've got out of. The problem is, how do I change where she is and make it believable? For that matter, how I stop her from becoming dull? Because, like it or not, people don't really want to read about people who are content and happy. Or do they? I don't know, but I get the feeling that the characters that people find interesting are the ones that are, to a greater or lesser extent, messed up in some way.
But enough about that. As problems go, that's hardly a big one, is it?
SoberJaneDoe - have an 'escape plan' in place for if it gets too uncomfortable, and try not to let them drag you back to that dark place that you've got out of.
Jeni - glad you had a good time. I'm ok around people who are drinking, but around people who are drunk... It's not that I want to join them, I just find them irritating, especially if they're loud. I remember being on a bus to Nottingham, and there were three or four guys all singing the same two or three lines from some song or other, possibly because they couldn't remember any more, and cringing. I told myself I was never like that. But, looking back, I'd have had my iPod with me, and been singing along to whatever I was listening to, so... not so different really.
Saskia - hope that things are good with you.
Thanks for your kind words folks. It means a lot. 32 days without a drink or drugs.
I found a video on youtube for this that doesn't link it to Trainspotting, and just add...
Don't let anyone tell you life's about the big f***ing telly, the car, the mortgage, the career, or any of that shite. Because that's what it is. Shite that stops you seeing what really matters and lets you fool yourself that you're doing ok when, on the inside, you're dying a little more every single f***ing day. Doing the same thing because you don't know how to do anything else.
Or else you're chasing it because, hey, if you've got that shite you must be ok, right? So you chase, and you chase, and every day the light inside you dims a little more, because it's just out of reach. Even when it's miles away. Honestly, who in their right mind would choose that? Who wouldn't choose something else?
But today, I know what life is. And so I can say this.
Choose life. Choose peace of mind. Choose waking up in the morning and not wondering what you did or said the night before. Choose not knowing what the day has in store, but knowing what it doesn't. Choose contentment. Choose freedom. Choose being able to walk down the streets without worrying who you're going to run into. And never forget what the alternative is.
Have a good day folks. Be gentle with yourselves. As it says in the Hippocratic Oath, 'First, do no harm.' And that's not just to others.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
Tomorrow looks like it's going to be a very busy day, and I might be out from before 9 till after 11. Hopefully I can arrange my tattoo tomorrow. I don't know how long it's going to take yet (and therefore how much it's going to be) so I also don't know exactly when I'll get it done. It'll be my second, and it's going to be a bit bigger than the first one.
I was thinking back to 2011 again yesterday, and how I felt that people were judging me, not on what I did, but what my characters did, especially one in particular, and how... unfair that felt. After all, I wasn't her. Now when I read her story, she feels like all my character defects given form. I started to hate her, but now... now I know why. Without knowing, I put too much of me into her, and I didn't like what I saw. But how could she be well when I wasn't?
Part of me wants to ignore her, and leave her story unfinished. After all, I'm not sure I want to spend much time with a character who's still stuck in the same old destructive cycle that I've got out of. The problem is, how do I change where she is and make it believable? For that matter, how I stop her from becoming dull? Because, like it or not, people don't really want to read about people who are content and happy. Or do they? I don't know, but I get the feeling that the characters that people find interesting are the ones that are, to a greater or lesser extent, messed up in some way.
But enough about that. As problems go, that's hardly a big one, is it?
SoberJaneDoe - have an 'escape plan' in place for if it gets too uncomfortable, and try not to let them drag you back to that dark place that you've got out of.
Jeni - glad you had a good time. I'm ok around people who are drinking, but around people who are drunk... It's not that I want to join them, I just find them irritating, especially if they're loud. I remember being on a bus to Nottingham, and there were three or four guys all singing the same two or three lines from some song or other, possibly because they couldn't remember any more, and cringing. I told myself I was never like that. But, looking back, I'd have had my iPod with me, and been singing along to whatever I was listening to, so... not so different really.
Saskia - hope that things are good with you.
Thanks for your kind words folks. It means a lot. 32 days without a drink or drugs.
I found a video on youtube for this that doesn't link it to Trainspotting, and just add...
Don't let anyone tell you life's about the big f***ing telly, the car, the mortgage, the career, or any of that shite. Because that's what it is. Shite that stops you seeing what really matters and lets you fool yourself that you're doing ok when, on the inside, you're dying a little more every single f***ing day. Doing the same thing because you don't know how to do anything else.
Or else you're chasing it because, hey, if you've got that shite you must be ok, right? So you chase, and you chase, and every day the light inside you dims a little more, because it's just out of reach. Even when it's miles away. Honestly, who in their right mind would choose that? Who wouldn't choose something else?
But today, I know what life is. And so I can say this.
Choose life. Choose peace of mind. Choose waking up in the morning and not wondering what you did or said the night before. Choose not knowing what the day has in store, but knowing what it doesn't. Choose contentment. Choose freedom. Choose being able to walk down the streets without worrying who you're going to run into. And never forget what the alternative is.
Have a good day folks. Be gentle with yourselves. As it says in the Hippocratic Oath, 'First, do no harm.' And that's not just to others.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Emily - Congratulations 32 days
I am glad to hear that the doctor's appointment went better than usual. How kind of you to offer to offer to be a temporary sponsor.
I love your post on choosing life, peace of mind and doing no harm. I had never thought of it as applying to myself. How insightful.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
I am glad to hear that the doctor's appointment went better than usual. How kind of you to offer to offer to be a temporary sponsor.I love your post on choosing life, peace of mind and doing no harm. I had never thought of it as applying to myself. How insightful.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Thanks Sassy, every visit to my parents is done with my emotional overcoat on. I'm not sure its possible for them to hurt me any more, I'm just trying to make my peace with it all. I will get there x
Have a lovely weekend guys. Hope you are all well xxx
Have a lovely weekend guys. Hope you are all well xxx
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 30+ DAYS MILESTONE, EMILY!!!
Mammoth roamed through strawberry fields to celebrate your awesome sober accomplishment, and then turned into one! Wonderful work on your sober journey! Many proud hugs of love to you, transatlantic sister.
strawberry-elephant.jpg
Mammoth roamed through strawberry fields to celebrate your awesome sober accomplishment, and then turned into one! Wonderful work on your sober journey! Many proud hugs of love to you, transatlantic sister.
strawberry-elephant.jpg
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Day 34, and I'm having a restful day. Part of it's down to the bike thing closing off the roads round where I live, and part of it's down to yesterday being so busy.
My phone's died. Either it won't charge, or it's just got stuck in a world of its own. Either way, I can't turn it on, but I can get it sorted tomorrow, so no worries there.
And yesterday was f***ing awesome. Had good seats at the O2, even if they were in the really steep bit, and close to the roof, they were, at least, directly in front of the stage. I don't thin Iron Maiden have ever been bad, and last night... was classic. It's the fourth time I've seen them, but only the first time I've been sober, so it's going to be the one I remember. It's also the first time I've been with friends rather than on my own.
I must admit, I was nervous before hand, a little worried about embarrassing myself. I think that disappeared within two minutes. I'm almost surprised I could speak afterwards... It might have been a long day, but any tiredness I had quickly vanished too...
I know life's not going to be great every day, but that's alright. I've got another good memory for the bank, another reason to be grateful, and I'm really looking forward to seeing Roger Waters at Wem-ber-ley in a month's time.
fp - that's a really cool pic.
wehav2day, dee - hope life's treating you well, and things are good with you.
Have a great day folks, and remember that while life might throw stuff at you, we don't have to take it personally.
Love and hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
My phone's died. Either it won't charge, or it's just got stuck in a world of its own. Either way, I can't turn it on, but I can get it sorted tomorrow, so no worries there.
And yesterday was f***ing awesome. Had good seats at the O2, even if they were in the really steep bit, and close to the roof, they were, at least, directly in front of the stage. I don't thin Iron Maiden have ever been bad, and last night... was classic. It's the fourth time I've seen them, but only the first time I've been sober, so it's going to be the one I remember. It's also the first time I've been with friends rather than on my own.
I must admit, I was nervous before hand, a little worried about embarrassing myself. I think that disappeared within two minutes. I'm almost surprised I could speak afterwards...
It might have been a long day, but any tiredness I had quickly vanished too...I know life's not going to be great every day, but that's alright. I've got another good memory for the bank, another reason to be grateful, and I'm really looking forward to seeing Roger Waters at Wem-ber-ley in a month's time.
fp - that's a really cool pic.
wehav2day, dee - hope life's treating you well, and things are good with you.
Have a great day folks, and remember that while life might throw stuff at you, we don't have to take it personally.
Love and hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
Hey everyone,
Em grats on 30+ days!
Just enjoying my weekend here. Did some errands and house stuff yesterday, then baked some cookies. Today we've gone for a walk and I did some weeding on my non-garden. My neighbors had brought over some perennials in May which I planted and they did well. She said I could have any more that I wanted. But I guess I went over too late in the season to get more. So she said in September I can take some and hope they come back next year. I had such high hopes or having some nice little flower gardens around but I didn't realize I needed to take them all so early. I was so caught up in bathroom renovations and our trip in May. Oh well. Not ire what the rest of the day holds but I wanted to just pop in and say hi. Hope everyone is well.
Em grats on 30+ days!
Just enjoying my weekend here. Did some errands and house stuff yesterday, then baked some cookies. Today we've gone for a walk and I did some weeding on my non-garden. My neighbors had brought over some perennials in May which I planted and they did well. She said I could have any more that I wanted. But I guess I went over too late in the season to get more. So she said in September I can take some and hope they come back next year. I had such high hopes or having some nice little flower gardens around but I didn't realize I needed to take them all so early. I was so caught up in bathroom renovations and our trip in May. Oh well. Not ire what the rest of the day holds but I wanted to just pop in and say hi. Hope everyone is well.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
We have one unexpected project when it cools down saskia, maybe September/October. We also want crown moulding but are going to do that in a year or two. We're just kind of burnt out with renovating. Now it's just maintenance things and small projects, which is good. I do hope any perennials I get transplant well for the fall and do come back next year. Not sure if not doing in the spring and letting them get established all summer will effect how they take. Hope you're well!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
OLL, good to take a break fom house renovations. With just a couple hours left to go I'm taking an extended break from my closets. As far as I know, they won't run off anywhere and I'll probably finish them this winter.
Outside of less energy with aging, I'm doing well! I don't plan to work after December with the possible exception of an occasional very short job, if there even are any. I'm looking at continuous care retirement communities as a possible option sometime in the next 10 years.
Outside of less energy with aging, I'm doing well! I don't plan to work after December with the possible exception of an occasional very short job, if there even are any. I'm looking at continuous care retirement communities as a possible option sometime in the next 10 years.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi guys.
I hope you're all well. I thought as I'm off work I'd give you all a break from my daily ramblings....you've all been so good at putting up with me in the past!
Everything is fine with me. I'm working hard at therapy, have my good and bad sessions and my up and down nights, but am definitely moving in the right direction.
I LOVE being at home. I'm just so content here. I really should make more of an effort to go out and see friends, but I've realised what a loner I really am. Having a job which involves me interacting with others so much means that when I've got the choice, I do none of it!
There is a tendency of course to get a little lost in my own head, and I need to be careful to strike that balance between healthy self-reflection and becoming totally self-absorbed. I had a day last week when I veered towards the latter and I got a little down. My therapist thinks those days are necessary to process memories, she thinks many of mine are stuck and that's why I still get flashbacks and the like. So it's ok, as long as there's a balance, and I don't forget where I am now. And where I am now is in a great place. And she tells me every week that I'm not crazy...and that's what I need to hear!!
Everyone is out today and I've got to wait in for the plumber who is coming to service the boiler, so it's a day doing housework for me. Loud music all set up and I'm going to tackle those jobs I hate...like cleaning out the oven and the fridge. Yuk!
Love you all loads, never forget xxxx
I hope you're all well. I thought as I'm off work I'd give you all a break from my daily ramblings....you've all been so good at putting up with me in the past!
Everything is fine with me. I'm working hard at therapy, have my good and bad sessions and my up and down nights, but am definitely moving in the right direction.
I LOVE being at home. I'm just so content here. I really should make more of an effort to go out and see friends, but I've realised what a loner I really am. Having a job which involves me interacting with others so much means that when I've got the choice, I do none of it!
There is a tendency of course to get a little lost in my own head, and I need to be careful to strike that balance between healthy self-reflection and becoming totally self-absorbed. I had a day last week when I veered towards the latter and I got a little down. My therapist thinks those days are necessary to process memories, she thinks many of mine are stuck and that's why I still get flashbacks and the like. So it's ok, as long as there's a balance, and I don't forget where I am now. And where I am now is in a great place. And she tells me every week that I'm not crazy...and that's what I need to hear!!
Everyone is out today and I've got to wait in for the plumber who is coming to service the boiler, so it's a day doing housework for me. Loud music all set up and I'm going to tackle those jobs I hate...like cleaning out the oven and the fridge. Yuk!
Love you all loads, never forget xxxx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Hi Jeni, I enjoy your daily ramblings :-). They have changed over time as you have changed. I'm delighted to hear that you now have some time away from work to nourish your soul.
Cheers to all! I'm doing well ;-)
Cheers to all! I'm doing well ;-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Jeni, I love your daily "rambling!" Don't stop them on our account, it's nice to see your presence every day.
okay, I have been sitting on something since Weds. I started to post about it, but didn't get it all out I suppose. It was really heavy, at least for me. The situation is tough for me to talk about in my 'real' real life, and it's tough to talk about here because it will require me to talk more than usual about my 'real' life with you guys. so, here goes...
I run a nature center in my area. do a lot of programs for the public, adults and families and a lot of teaching. in the school year, we are a popular field trip destination for school kids. in the summer, we have 8 weeks of pretty large summer camps ("crazy workapalooza"). Last week was our last week, a camp for older kids where we take them canoeing down the river and it ends in a campout in the park. pretty fun stuff, but it's also very labor intensive and probably my most stressful week being "in charge" of all these activities. keeping the kids safe is priority one, showing them a good time, making sure my staff do the same, etc. are continually on my mind the whole season even more than other times in the year.
so Tuesday went great, the canoeing went well. I didn't have to pull anyone out of the water or tow them, so that's a fine canoe day in my book! :-) Wednesday went pretty normal. a manager from our main office came to take pictures. we had a nice hike, then a big grillout where all the kids cooked on a fire. that went fine. after lunch, we did a big game with all the groups together. I wasn't supposed to have a group of my own that whole day so I could get some office/planning work done, so I went back to my office to deal with that. about 15 minutes go by, and one of my counselors came running to tell me they think one boy was injured in the game. I grab an ice pack and my file with all the kids' information, and grab my phone. I get outside, and this kid is being supported by another counselor. he was very wobbly. well, that's consistent with a concussion, I thought, so i'll check that out. we sat the boy down. he looked at me, I started to ask him "standard" questions and watch for other signs of a concussion. I didn't like what I heard and saw. he wasn't disoriented, he was afraid. he had a hard time moving. even though he's a kid, my mind went to stroke and I asked him some questions which might point to or away from that. in the midst of that, I called his mother and somehow calmly explained that her son was having some sort of incident. "does he have any allergies not mentioned on his medical form, or has he ever had a seizure? no? okay, I would like to call 911 as a precaution if that's okay with you. of course i'll call you as soon as possible with an update." the 911 operator asked me to ask the boy the same questions I had already asked. he was getting worse, so at the risk of seeming disrespectful I said I already asked concussion questions, he isn't disoriented, he's slurring and has paralysis on his left side. I think it's a stroke, please send an ambulance now. they did. I rode with him to the hospital. the paramedic kept asking me about allergies and seizure history, I kept reiterating that he had none (thanks to all parents who accurately fill out their kids medical forms!). at the hospital, they took us into the trauma bay and quickly took us to the CT scanner. brain hemhorrage. his parents got there as quick as they could and got the news. I felt horrible being right there when they received such devastating news, so did my best to be supportive but stay out of the way. I stayed about another hour while they absorbed the news and everyone waited for a brain surgeon. when I did leave, I had no way of knowing if he would make it through the night. I lost it. i'm starting to cry right now typing it out. i called my partner and lost it again. told her the whole thing. apparently started repeating myself, because she kindly stopped me at some point and told me i was re-living it and she was confident i did everything i could as quickly as possible.
the other 45 kids in the camp didn't really see what happened. my staff kept the kids in the playfield so they might have seen this boy stumble a little but didn't see the extent of what happened. thank god. between the 911 call and the ambulance coming (less than 5 minutes), he proceeded to get worse. it was like his body was shutting down. thankfully, he did make it through the night. his father actually called me Friday morning to give me an update. he's got a long road ahead of him, but he can recover from this. this family has so much to think about, but the dad actually called to thank us. i was so worried about whether i did enough, and he's thanking me.
all this led me to two, completely conflicting thoughts. first, i'm SO thankful that i'm sober. there is no doubt i would have been thinking slower if i had been hungover. the second, confusing thought, was that i wanted a drink when it was all said and done. relief? reward? stupidity? the looming 6 month anniversary i can't seem to have gotten far past before? probably all of the above.
I haven't had a drink. it's scary how the mind perverts things. put it on paper, it looks stupid. "hey, thanks to your sobriety you know you did EVERYTHING you could to help someone through a life threatening situation. how about a drink?" see? ridiculous! but in the mind, it made sense for a little while there.
thanks to all of you for encouraging me to open up and show the good, bad and the downright scary. it does help to shine a light on screwed up thinking, it tends to lose its power. take care, all! wehav
okay, I have been sitting on something since Weds. I started to post about it, but didn't get it all out I suppose. It was really heavy, at least for me. The situation is tough for me to talk about in my 'real' real life, and it's tough to talk about here because it will require me to talk more than usual about my 'real' life with you guys. so, here goes...
I run a nature center in my area. do a lot of programs for the public, adults and families and a lot of teaching. in the school year, we are a popular field trip destination for school kids. in the summer, we have 8 weeks of pretty large summer camps ("crazy workapalooza"). Last week was our last week, a camp for older kids where we take them canoeing down the river and it ends in a campout in the park. pretty fun stuff, but it's also very labor intensive and probably my most stressful week being "in charge" of all these activities. keeping the kids safe is priority one, showing them a good time, making sure my staff do the same, etc. are continually on my mind the whole season even more than other times in the year.
so Tuesday went great, the canoeing went well. I didn't have to pull anyone out of the water or tow them, so that's a fine canoe day in my book! :-) Wednesday went pretty normal. a manager from our main office came to take pictures. we had a nice hike, then a big grillout where all the kids cooked on a fire. that went fine. after lunch, we did a big game with all the groups together. I wasn't supposed to have a group of my own that whole day so I could get some office/planning work done, so I went back to my office to deal with that. about 15 minutes go by, and one of my counselors came running to tell me they think one boy was injured in the game. I grab an ice pack and my file with all the kids' information, and grab my phone. I get outside, and this kid is being supported by another counselor. he was very wobbly. well, that's consistent with a concussion, I thought, so i'll check that out. we sat the boy down. he looked at me, I started to ask him "standard" questions and watch for other signs of a concussion. I didn't like what I heard and saw. he wasn't disoriented, he was afraid. he had a hard time moving. even though he's a kid, my mind went to stroke and I asked him some questions which might point to or away from that. in the midst of that, I called his mother and somehow calmly explained that her son was having some sort of incident. "does he have any allergies not mentioned on his medical form, or has he ever had a seizure? no? okay, I would like to call 911 as a precaution if that's okay with you. of course i'll call you as soon as possible with an update." the 911 operator asked me to ask the boy the same questions I had already asked. he was getting worse, so at the risk of seeming disrespectful I said I already asked concussion questions, he isn't disoriented, he's slurring and has paralysis on his left side. I think it's a stroke, please send an ambulance now. they did. I rode with him to the hospital. the paramedic kept asking me about allergies and seizure history, I kept reiterating that he had none (thanks to all parents who accurately fill out their kids medical forms!). at the hospital, they took us into the trauma bay and quickly took us to the CT scanner. brain hemhorrage. his parents got there as quick as they could and got the news. I felt horrible being right there when they received such devastating news, so did my best to be supportive but stay out of the way. I stayed about another hour while they absorbed the news and everyone waited for a brain surgeon. when I did leave, I had no way of knowing if he would make it through the night. I lost it. i'm starting to cry right now typing it out. i called my partner and lost it again. told her the whole thing. apparently started repeating myself, because she kindly stopped me at some point and told me i was re-living it and she was confident i did everything i could as quickly as possible.
the other 45 kids in the camp didn't really see what happened. my staff kept the kids in the playfield so they might have seen this boy stumble a little but didn't see the extent of what happened. thank god. between the 911 call and the ambulance coming (less than 5 minutes), he proceeded to get worse. it was like his body was shutting down. thankfully, he did make it through the night. his father actually called me Friday morning to give me an update. he's got a long road ahead of him, but he can recover from this. this family has so much to think about, but the dad actually called to thank us. i was so worried about whether i did enough, and he's thanking me.
all this led me to two, completely conflicting thoughts. first, i'm SO thankful that i'm sober. there is no doubt i would have been thinking slower if i had been hungover. the second, confusing thought, was that i wanted a drink when it was all said and done. relief? reward? stupidity? the looming 6 month anniversary i can't seem to have gotten far past before? probably all of the above.
I haven't had a drink. it's scary how the mind perverts things. put it on paper, it looks stupid. "hey, thanks to your sobriety you know you did EVERYTHING you could to help someone through a life threatening situation. how about a drink?" see? ridiculous! but in the mind, it made sense for a little while there.
thanks to all of you for encouraging me to open up and show the good, bad and the downright scary. it does help to shine a light on screwed up thinking, it tends to lose its power. take care, all! wehav
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 382
Wow wehav2day That is a really intense situation to face. I think it was a good catch of you to recognise a potential stroke on the call because the high priority of a stroke call verse a concussion call would have helped him receive the help sooner.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Wehav-you undoubtably saved that young lad's life. What happened was shocking and you reacted instinctively, followed procedure and kept him and others as safe as you could.
Being responsible for the well-being of children in your care is a big undertaking I know, and all the training and preparation in the world can't prepare you for that moment when you see an emergency unfolding in front of you and know that is down to you to manage it.
But manage it you did. You didn't freeze. You did great, and by all accounts this boy will go on to make a full recovery.
I have dealt with these sorts of situations a lot in my career. Not with outdoor activities maybe, but with kids whose medical conditions are life threatening or whose behaviour could put them at serious risk. I've had to phone ambulances when kids have stopped breathing during a seizure, I've had to pull kids out of a road when they've absconded.
It doesn't matter how many times this happens, none of us quite get used to the enormity of these situations.
You saved his life. His parents recognised that and have phoned you. Of course your natural instinct is to have a drink. It's what you've always done when faced with trauma or shock.
But you know better now don't you. The way to deal with this is to take a little time to reflect. Does your management system have a way of de-briefing staff who have been involved in these sorts of situations? Part of my current job is to talk to staff after these events and provide support. You may have something similar.
Don't focus in the 'what ifs'. You did great. No need to drink. No need at all. That will cloud everything.
Well done wehav. What a star xxx
Being responsible for the well-being of children in your care is a big undertaking I know, and all the training and preparation in the world can't prepare you for that moment when you see an emergency unfolding in front of you and know that is down to you to manage it.
But manage it you did. You didn't freeze. You did great, and by all accounts this boy will go on to make a full recovery.
I have dealt with these sorts of situations a lot in my career. Not with outdoor activities maybe, but with kids whose medical conditions are life threatening or whose behaviour could put them at serious risk. I've had to phone ambulances when kids have stopped breathing during a seizure, I've had to pull kids out of a road when they've absconded.
It doesn't matter how many times this happens, none of us quite get used to the enormity of these situations.
You saved his life. His parents recognised that and have phoned you. Of course your natural instinct is to have a drink. It's what you've always done when faced with trauma or shock.
But you know better now don't you. The way to deal with this is to take a little time to reflect. Does your management system have a way of de-briefing staff who have been involved in these sorts of situations? Part of my current job is to talk to staff after these events and provide support. You may have something similar.
Don't focus in the 'what ifs'. You did great. No need to drink. No need at all. That will cloud everything.
Well done wehav. What a star xxx
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