Class of April 2013 Part 4
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 31
I use Moodscope (it's a website) and the Adroid bipolar mood tracker, they are quite basic but work well for me.
I'm day 14 today again, can't wait to be at your amazing numbers DG and everyone else!
Good news: my PDoc finally taked me into trying lithium which I have been very reluctant to take because of its reputation (and I've been on pretty much everything else as far as thymos and anti-psychotics and antidepressants are concerned) and it seems to be working amazingly on me!
I actually had a normal day.
No mood swings, no constant noise in my head, no sentences stuck for hours repeated ad nauseam in my head so I want to scream or kill myself to make it stop. I actually got things done (yes I'm a big planner / procrastinator like you Johnny and DG and NotSoIvory). But no, today I actually did things. I was focused, I was not as distracted as usual (I am even questioning the adult ADD thing now) and the way I approached things was not messy but actually made sense (I did the things in the right order, didn't forget half of what I needed to do them etc...).
So if the lithium actually keeps working, it would be a little miracle for me and I'm pretty sure it will be of huge help for alcohol. I feel so calm without being zombified that if I don't get the nasty side effect I can see that I could actually function like a normal person. And I'm sure that if will help in the recovery process. AND lithium associated with alcohol has a high toxicity risk, and it means immediate death (seizures etc...) so I think that even if we all play with death by drinking it's a delayed death. Now I'm stronger and more stable, I really don't think that I'll play the Russian roulette with the lithium and alcohol (I would have a few years ago).
I think that I spent a day in the head of a normal person. So this is how it feels. Pretty amazing and sooo soothing. I really hope it's not temporary.
That med thing makes me realize how much some of the issues we're going through when recovering exacerbate the mental conditions we can have, and have self-medicated for years with substance abuse. I was always very reluctant to take meds (I've been diagnosed with bipolar when I was 19, took huge amounts of meds for years, then stopped everything) but now I see how beneficial they can be. I don't even feel the need to use since I was mostly using to remove anxiety, monitoring mood swings with uppers and downers, trying to fight the ADD symptoms etc...
Hope I didn't bore you too much with my psych meds post (I know everyone is different and reactis differently) but I just wanted to share my super positive day and give some hope to all those who are struggling with mental issues as well as addiction issues.
I'm day 14 today again, can't wait to be at your amazing numbers DG and everyone else!
Good news: my PDoc finally taked me into trying lithium which I have been very reluctant to take because of its reputation (and I've been on pretty much everything else as far as thymos and anti-psychotics and antidepressants are concerned) and it seems to be working amazingly on me!
I actually had a normal day.
No mood swings, no constant noise in my head, no sentences stuck for hours repeated ad nauseam in my head so I want to scream or kill myself to make it stop. I actually got things done (yes I'm a big planner / procrastinator like you Johnny and DG and NotSoIvory). But no, today I actually did things. I was focused, I was not as distracted as usual (I am even questioning the adult ADD thing now) and the way I approached things was not messy but actually made sense (I did the things in the right order, didn't forget half of what I needed to do them etc...).
So if the lithium actually keeps working, it would be a little miracle for me and I'm pretty sure it will be of huge help for alcohol. I feel so calm without being zombified that if I don't get the nasty side effect I can see that I could actually function like a normal person. And I'm sure that if will help in the recovery process. AND lithium associated with alcohol has a high toxicity risk, and it means immediate death (seizures etc...) so I think that even if we all play with death by drinking it's a delayed death. Now I'm stronger and more stable, I really don't think that I'll play the Russian roulette with the lithium and alcohol (I would have a few years ago).
I think that I spent a day in the head of a normal person. So this is how it feels. Pretty amazing and sooo soothing. I really hope it's not temporary.
That med thing makes me realize how much some of the issues we're going through when recovering exacerbate the mental conditions we can have, and have self-medicated for years with substance abuse. I was always very reluctant to take meds (I've been diagnosed with bipolar when I was 19, took huge amounts of meds for years, then stopped everything) but now I see how beneficial they can be. I don't even feel the need to use since I was mostly using to remove anxiety, monitoring mood swings with uppers and downers, trying to fight the ADD symptoms etc...
Hope I didn't bore you too much with my psych meds post (I know everyone is different and reactis differently) but I just wanted to share my super positive day and give some hope to all those who are struggling with mental issues as well as addiction issues.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
DG, thank you so much for taking the time to write that for me, and all of us. I really feel a little choked up that someone took the time to do that. It is a process and I need to stop pressuring myself. I love to beat myself up.
Ivory and Allie(new sitcom), that IS brilliant with the spreadsheet and emoticons. Ivory, are you a synesthete? I am. You probably have Color Graphemic Synesthesia at least. I have several types, all visual. The neatest form I have goes by different names, but consists of seeing things as complex 3 dimensional structures. I have been drawing grid structures since I could pick up a pencil.
If you have no clue what I am talking about, many people don't, read this:
Synesthesia Project | FAQ
Ivory and Allie(new sitcom), that IS brilliant with the spreadsheet and emoticons. Ivory, are you a synesthete? I am. You probably have Color Graphemic Synesthesia at least. I have several types, all visual. The neatest form I have goes by different names, but consists of seeing things as complex 3 dimensional structures. I have been drawing grid structures since I could pick up a pencil.
If you have no clue what I am talking about, many people don't, read this:
Synesthesia Project | FAQ
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 141
Hey Bandicoots!
Just checking in. Day 71 for me.
Johnny - Sorry to read about your slip a few days ago. I am so glad to see you still here fighting the fight! You are April through and through. Hang tight!
Goat - Well said pep talk and I loved the goat pic you posted like a week or so ago, I am glad I wasn't drinking my coffee at that point!
SoberJennie - Welcome!
Doing lots of self-work here. Same old crazy routine of back related therapies, seeing my therapist, attending meetings, meeting with my sponsor, etc. Now I'm adding writing my fourth step on top of all the kids year end school activities. I'm not sure which end is up lately. I'm getting really burned out on making my sobriety a #1 priority, and I'm trying to watch that feeling as they said it's SO IMPORTANT to keep your sobriety in the #1 slot in meetings, but I am just feeling so burned out!
Today is Day 71 for me. Crazy!
Hope you are all doing well!
Just checking in. Day 71 for me.
Johnny - Sorry to read about your slip a few days ago. I am so glad to see you still here fighting the fight! You are April through and through. Hang tight!
Goat - Well said pep talk and I loved the goat pic you posted like a week or so ago, I am glad I wasn't drinking my coffee at that point!
SoberJennie - Welcome!
Doing lots of self-work here. Same old crazy routine of back related therapies, seeing my therapist, attending meetings, meeting with my sponsor, etc. Now I'm adding writing my fourth step on top of all the kids year end school activities. I'm not sure which end is up lately. I'm getting really burned out on making my sobriety a #1 priority, and I'm trying to watch that feeling as they said it's SO IMPORTANT to keep your sobriety in the #1 slot in meetings, but I am just feeling so burned out!
Today is Day 71 for me. Crazy!
Hope you are all doing well!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
TOP OF THE MORNING TO ALL OF YOU !!!! AND BIG HUGS !!!!!
loving life today and sober ta boot.
I haven't much to add ---just be safe and have a wonderful and great week-end. and Just tell that AV that your not going to listen and to get lost.
loving life today and sober ta boot.
I haven't much to add ---just be safe and have a wonderful and great week-end. and Just tell that AV that your not going to listen and to get lost.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,672
Originally Posted by DG0409 
60 days for me today!!
I am super proud of myself. It feels good to be able to say that.
I am super proud of myself. It feels good to be able to say that.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Good morning MsHyde, Babs, Drake, Goat, Ivory, DG, and I'm sure I'm missing a few others... trying to play catch up here and learn everyone's names
MustLoveCoffee... first of all, congrats on day 71! That's awesome. And I just wanted to say... that looks like a very familiar schedule to me... Lol! Down to the 4th Step even. Haha. I think I must be right there with ya. And I'm feeling a tiny bit of burn out too... some days anyway.
Doing lots of self-work here. Same old crazy routine of back related therapies, seeing my therapist, attending meetings, meeting with my sponsor, etc. Now I'm adding writing my fourth step on top of all the kids year end school activities. I'm not sure which end is up lately. I'm getting really burned out on making my sobriety a #1 priority, and I'm trying to watch that feeling as they said it's SO IMPORTANT to keep your sobriety in the #1 slot in meetings, but I am just feeling so burned out!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 297
Originally Posted by johnny555
Ivory, are you a synesthete? I am. You probably have Color Graphemic Synesthesia at least. I have several types, all visual. The neatest form I have goes by different names, but consists of seeing things as complex 3 dimensional structures. I have been drawing grid structures since I could pick up a pencil.
If you have no clue what I am talking about, many people don't, read this:
Synesthesia Project | FAQ
If you have no clue what I am talking about, many people don't, read this:
Synesthesia Project | FAQ
I fell off the wagon yesterday (it was going to be just a drink, and then in a few short hours, w/o meaning to, I got blindingly drunk). I don't want to talk about it, though I did want to confess, and now I'm back on day 1. On the other hand, I had a good long run and another reminder (which I should not need, but apparently I did) that I cannot ever have a drink, especially not when I'm alone. Props to those of you (like DG...60 days, whoohoo!) who got the message already. Sorry to have let the side down. Won't happen again. I got worn down by fighting off nihilism for weeks, but I'm working on coping mechanisms.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi all, just checking in on Day 33. Feel like I am too far behind everyone here and maybe should just concentrate on May class since they are going through more of what I am? Will still check in here, but maybe not as often. Thanks for all of your support and encouragement and congrats to those who are doing so well!
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I'm at 67 days today. Things are going well. I do feel like I'm starting to isolate a bit. I'd probably benefit from more f2f meetings at this point in the game.
Also, still struggling with my husband... I have mood swings and somehow we're able to work through things but it's hard. Lots of feelings are coming up. I'm reading a lot though and so I think that's helping me to work through it all.
I'm just now beginning to read the ACA (adult children of alcoholics) handbook and a book by Claudia Black, It Will Never Happen to Me. Was suggested by my therapist. It's really good, actually both of them are excellent. Just called the local treatment center to find out if they know of any f2f ACOA meetings I can attend. I went to an online meeting last night. Interesting format. Absolutely no cross talk. Felt odd. But it's like AA format so not totally unfamiliar.
I still struggle to keep a pretty simple daily routine. Dealing with procrastination. Trying to focus on my Big 3 Rocks per day... the three big things that must get done. I'm on schedule for today but kinda behind already, but nothing I can't correct.
Today I'm going to aim for 30 min meditation, 30 min running or exercise bike depending on weather, and some work related emails (600 of them!! yikes). Those are the Big 3 today.
Also, still struggling with my husband... I have mood swings and somehow we're able to work through things but it's hard. Lots of feelings are coming up. I'm reading a lot though and so I think that's helping me to work through it all.
I'm just now beginning to read the ACA (adult children of alcoholics) handbook and a book by Claudia Black, It Will Never Happen to Me. Was suggested by my therapist. It's really good, actually both of them are excellent. Just called the local treatment center to find out if they know of any f2f ACOA meetings I can attend. I went to an online meeting last night. Interesting format. Absolutely no cross talk. Felt odd. But it's like AA format so not totally unfamiliar.
I still struggle to keep a pretty simple daily routine. Dealing with procrastination. Trying to focus on my Big 3 Rocks per day... the three big things that must get done. I'm on schedule for today but kinda behind already, but nothing I can't correct.
Today I'm going to aim for 30 min meditation, 30 min running or exercise bike depending on weather, and some work related emails (600 of them!! yikes). Those are the Big 3 today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 244
Good morning all. Day 49. Squeeeeeee. Feeling pretty good about the weekend. Have lots to do to keep me occupied thankfully. The nice weather however does bring back beer garden wants. Sigh. Kinda hard knowing your friends are all sitting there but then again they're wasting money and the hangover is not worth it to me anymore. I think its more socializing for me. Time for new/different friends I guess.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 297
Hi, Jennie.
I think a couple people have commented on this before, but I'm going imitate your "big 3" approach. 3 things sounds like something I can commit to and follow through on. Thanks for sharing your motivational/focus technique.
I think a couple people have commented on this before, but I'm going imitate your "big 3" approach. 3 things sounds like something I can commit to and follow through on. Thanks for sharing your motivational/focus technique.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
DG, amazing job! That is incredible.
I'm going through the process. Which includes relapses and realizing things. You ever realize that you are just a fatally flawed jackass? That you are incredibly immature, stupid, and selfish? You have a superiority/inferiority complex the size of a truck? Your ego is the size of the Space Shuttle?
It's all raining down on me today and it's raining cats and dogs outside. My god I have a lot of work to do. I wish I could just wash out my brain with a pressure washer. This is not easy, that's why we're all here. I need 6 months in a Buddhist temple.
My social anxiety flies off the charts in AA(my ego and cynicism get in the way too). I wish I could make that or something else work for me. My goal now is to stay sober 30 days and not think about anything big, as suggested by Jennie(I think). Keep a logue or journal of some kind, etc. I have all the tools, I am just not using them. I need to keep very busy. I just won't think about the big stuff. I'm going to make a list of flaws, a list of drinking negatives, and a list of sober positives and start there.
I had to break down and take one of my Valiums that I haven't taken in like 50 days. It's better than ANOTHER in a string of benders. I'm just going to lay here and let it kick in.
I'm sorry to be a downer. There is no way I can ever leave you guys because this is one of the smartest groups of people I have ever known. Seriously, you guys and gals are a really sharp group. You also care about me.
I will get over this by the end of the weekend. Thanks for being around.
I'm going through the process. Which includes relapses and realizing things. You ever realize that you are just a fatally flawed jackass? That you are incredibly immature, stupid, and selfish? You have a superiority/inferiority complex the size of a truck? Your ego is the size of the Space Shuttle?
It's all raining down on me today and it's raining cats and dogs outside. My god I have a lot of work to do. I wish I could just wash out my brain with a pressure washer. This is not easy, that's why we're all here. I need 6 months in a Buddhist temple.
My social anxiety flies off the charts in AA(my ego and cynicism get in the way too). I wish I could make that or something else work for me. My goal now is to stay sober 30 days and not think about anything big, as suggested by Jennie(I think). Keep a logue or journal of some kind, etc. I have all the tools, I am just not using them. I need to keep very busy. I just won't think about the big stuff. I'm going to make a list of flaws, a list of drinking negatives, and a list of sober positives and start there.
I had to break down and take one of my Valiums that I haven't taken in like 50 days. It's better than ANOTHER in a string of benders. I'm just going to lay here and let it kick in.
I'm sorry to be a downer. There is no way I can ever leave you guys because this is one of the smartest groups of people I have ever known. Seriously, you guys and gals are a really sharp group. You also care about me.
I will get over this by the end of the weekend. Thanks for being around.
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