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Class of April 2013 Part 4

Old 06-04-2013, 02:01 PM
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I have a ton of anxiety today. It's focused on a stupid phone. I'm seriously ruminating. It could be booze anxiety from 2 nights ago. At&t is running a special where if you have an Iphone 4 you can trade it for an free Iphone 5. The only thing is you have to sign up for another 2 years. Uggghhhh. I saw this promotion and walked into the store and just did it on a whim. My goal is to get out of here, so that contract is another mental barrier. I cannot get it out of my head. I can't go back, because I gave up my phone. Anyway, worst case, sell the new Iphone on ebay and pay off the fine to break the deal, but I am still going nuts, worrying, bad anxiety can't get it out of my head. The terrible walls that I ruined in here are attacking me again too. I've just been avoiding everything.

Having this rumination problem kept me drinking for a long time. It stinks.
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Old 06-04-2013, 04:07 PM
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There was a time I felt I didn't need SR anymore too DG but I'm glad I stayed around ...
Not sure how phone deals work in the US Johnny so all I can say I hope you can figure out a solution and stop stressing ASAP

and...you belong here - we all do.

To use the heroic metaphor a little more, we're all in the trenches. It's not a competition, no ones better than anyone else, and we don't leave our buddies behind

Hope things a little better today Allie, Ivory and Sobreia

Congrats on the new job Ms Hyde
well done on 30 days ladybug

hiya Drake Jennie, and Goat

D
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Old 06-04-2013, 04:25 PM
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30 days today, finally

I have never made it this far (except when I was pregnant) so I feel a huge sense of accomplishment Thank you to EVERYONE for your support, encouragement and for putting up with me (after all of my slips in April). I could have never done this on my own ... I know, I have tried too many times and failed. I am so grateful for this forum and for all of you
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Old 06-04-2013, 04:39 PM
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April 23 here and still rockin' it straight. Be well my fellow April Babies.
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Old 06-04-2013, 05:01 PM
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Johnny,
Not sure what state you're in, but look up the right of recission law in you state. You may be able to back out of it. Have you looked into Straight Talk? I hate the subsidized phone scam here in the States. You can pick up a decent smartphone for $100 out right and go on their unlimited everything data, text and web for less than $40 per month. I personally hate monopolies as well as corporations trying to reduce demand elasticity for the consumer. Anyways hope this helps.
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Old 06-04-2013, 05:24 PM
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Originally Posted by johnny555 View Post
Ivory, That is a really toxic environment. Your brother should be a champion for your sobriety. All of the inconsiderate people hanging out, drinking and drugging, and having sex. It's not f-ing Woodstock, it's your house. Your husband is very nice to offer the money. Maybe you can just pay him back as soon as possible, or your contributions to the household income will make up for it.

Woodstock lol! Thanks Johnny. I think I've come up with a plan... But you know how plans go! lol :P
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Old 06-04-2013, 06:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
There was a time I felt I didn't need SR anymore too DG but I'm glad I stayed around ...
I'm not going anywhere. Just meant that like if the internet in my town went down for the week or something, I still don't think I'd be drinking.
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Old 06-04-2013, 09:05 PM
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Ivory, I actually cracked myself up with that Woodstock comment. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I had an anxiety attack this afternoon that lead to that post. That is what happens when I drink. I got really tweaked out about my walls again too. To think I lived with that anxiety 24-7 when I was a full out drinker. I also noticed, MY ASMA CAME BACK. It has been really under control, and the drinking brought it on again. So, anxiety, and asma...two things I can live without. Tomorrow I should be closer to 'normal.'

The phone is very nice. I love it. I just installed about 10 Apps. There is always a 30 day full return policy with ATT. I just have an anxiety attack when I have to commit. In the US contracts are 2 years, but you get the phone cheap or free, just so you know, and everyone is in a contract. I just have to pay a fine if I break the contract. That's IF I want to leave the USA. I'm meeting with my cousin who goes to South America about 10 times a year, next week. Yes! At least a volunteer trip for a bit, and so much better without booze.

Relapse: I refused to get behind the wheel. I walked to my destination and back. Also it was 4 drinks, not 10. None of that is great, but it is different. I was so hung over from 4 wines that it was unreal. My body is telling my AV to go screw itself. I think my body started getting better, and is simply going to reject alcohol completely. It's good. On with the healing!

This new Iphone is pretty sweet and I started a Reminders App where I can put in everything I need to do, and it reminds me at the right time. I can also actually check off each thing as I go by tapping a little check box next to the task. It might be satisfying. People have success with schedules and sobriety.

Thanks all for welcoming me. You Bandikoots!

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Old 06-05-2013, 04:20 AM
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It was a frustrating day yesterday, lots of nagging annoyances and people not cooperating at all. My vet is not returning the call from the online pharmacy to renew my dog's medicine she needs for seizures, so I was dogging him (pun intended) and a somehow missed email from me means a delay in an appointment for me.

BUT!

If, and I have every intention to, I make through today... 60 days sober. Had two people last night tell me I looked great and what was I doing.

They were surprised.

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Old 06-05-2013, 04:27 AM
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Congrats on 60 days! It's a real achievement!!
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Old 06-05-2013, 04:43 AM
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Congratulations Don

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Old 06-05-2013, 05:58 AM
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Day 58

All I can think is: So close to 60!!

Bf has definitely stopped being such an a$$. I've stopped being such an a$$, too. It is hard to just forget everything that's happened in the past, but I think we are both changing and becoming different people. I know I really need to try to see him as he's acting now and not just as he was in the past.

They say that friends and families start lying when the alcoholic acts unreasonable because they want to placate the alcoholic and not be in trouble for ever-changing standards. I guess there is no way to make the alcoholic happy so the solution is to just make stuff up. But I was an alcoholic, I wasn't F-ing stupid!! I always knew that the things he said to promise me X wouldn't be a problem later were a bunch of nice sounding things to end the argument and make me shut-up. That always made me so ticked off! It made it worse and it 'made' me drink more because I'd be so frustrated by discussions.

There is a lot less tension around the house now. And bf seems to have started doing many of the things that I thought he should on his own... and he seems much happier for it. I know that I have changed and that is part of why there is less tension, but he has changed, too.

Things are going well. The more I reflect on my life as a drunk now that I'm sober the more I want away from that place. I don't want to be that way again. There are things that hurt to remember.
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Old 06-05-2013, 06:00 AM
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Originally Posted by DrakeCKC View Post
If, and I have every intention to, I make through today... 60 days sober. Had two people last night tell me I looked great and what was I doing.

They were surprised.

Way to go!!


60 days is really amazing.
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Old 06-05-2013, 06:33 AM
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Originally Posted by DrakeCKC View Post
It was a frustrating day yesterday, lots of nagging annoyances and people not cooperating at all. My vet is not returning the call from the online pharmacy to renew my dog's medicine she needs for seizures, so I was dogging him (pun intended) and a somehow missed email from me means a delay in an appointment for me.

BUT!

If, and I have every intention to, I make through today... 60 days sober. Had two people last night tell me I looked great and what was I doing.

They were surprised.

yaaaahooooooo Drake----way to go !!!!!!
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Old 06-05-2013, 11:59 AM
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Today, instead of being positive, has become depressing, disappointing and frustrating on many levels. I just want to go and hide.
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Old 06-05-2013, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by DrakeCKC View Post
Today, instead of being positive, has become depressing, disappointing and frustrating on many levels. I just want to go and hide.
What's going on, Drake?
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Old 06-05-2013, 12:32 PM
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Drake- Sending hugs your way. Hang in there. We're here if you want to vent.
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Old 06-05-2013, 01:06 PM
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So yesterday was 60 days sober for me as well. Still having some mood swings, but the bad days seem to be getting further apart at least. I'll take any progress I can get.
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Old 06-05-2013, 01:07 PM
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My insane client has reached new levels of insanity. My contractor that I use in this case is now refusing to work with them because of their absurd demands. It is one person who thinks she knows all and enjoyed wielding her little bit of power. She has a reputation of being difficult in her field and I can understand it.

My vet is causing trouble and just for some reason is not communicating with me or the pet pharmacy on needed meds. Just one simple call to approve and we are all ok. Don't know what the issue is.

It is cold, dark and raining and my depression is at an all time high. After my last go around with the client, I just crawled into bed... the danger of working at home.

And.. I do some writing for a local organization and for the third time in a row, it appears they are not going to use my contribution... which they asked for. Pi**ing in the wind in that case too. Put a lot of time and effort into it.

Not felt this lousy in a long time.
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Old 06-05-2013, 01:10 PM
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Originally Posted by DrakeCKC View Post
My insane client has reached new levels of insanity. My contractor that I use in this case is now refusing to work with them because of their absurd demands. It is one person who thinks she knows all and enjoyed wielding her little bit of power. She has a reputation of being difficult in her field and I can understand it.
Oh boy, I can relate to this! I worked in the construction/real estate industry for a while... wow, lots of insanity, egos, and pressure, lol!

Hang in there... the weather being gloomy certainly doesn't help. Be kind to yourself.
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