Class of April 2013 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Originally Posted by DG0409 
First off, sorry if parts of this are a little... harsh. I'm not very good at providing sympathy for relapses. But then, I'm not here to support other people in relapsing, I'm here to support them in living without alcohol.
It's not self-medicating. It's self-poisoning.
It's not self-medicating. It's self-poisoning.
I can honestly say that if I lived in a house with no alcohol, I wouldn't feel so compelled to drink. In other words, I wouldn't go out of my way to go out and get it. Call me lazy in that respect. I also don't drink more than one or two whenever we're out, either. For some reason, the only time I have trouble moderating is when I'm at home. [B]That being said[B], I agree that there's no avoiding it and that I need to change.
I'll revisit my old list and add your suggestions, too, so THANK YOU. I will revisit this post, as well, and I'll make more of an effort to post before I take the drink or walk out the door for that 10 minutes.
One point that I do want to make, though, is that I don't blame my kids or my husband for anything. I know I'm the one making the decisions. I'm just trying to identify and deal with my personal triggers. They're different for everyone, and as you said... I need to come up with a variety of plans to combat them.
My husband doesn't understand really... he might even be an alcoholic in that he can control how much he drinks most nights (which is quite a bit), but he admittedly can't go more than two days without it. I think part of the problem is that he doesn't want to lose a drinking buddy. But you're right... I must focus on myself and no one else.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 141
DG0409 - Sorry you were so down yesterday. I cried most of Monday and Tuesday of this week, but when I stopped. Yesterday seemed eerily calm, and I feel really peaceful today. I hope the same happens for you.
Trubbled - Wow, sassy huh? Getting a hair cut, especially one as drastic as you are describing, is an exciting life. That is bordering on the "drama" I am trying to avoid in my life right now. LOL! Good for you!
Trying to figure out how I'm going to "start" my day. I need to get off the computer and make something happen!
Trubbled - Wow, sassy huh? Getting a hair cut, especially one as drastic as you are describing, is an exciting life. That is bordering on the "drama" I am trying to avoid in my life right now. LOL! Good for you!
Trying to figure out how I'm going to "start" my day. I need to get off the computer and make something happen!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Originally Posted by DG0409
24 days for me today!! 
The last 2 days were really quite wretched. My switch somehow just got stuck on 'cry uncontrollably' for most of yesterday. I don't know why.
....
I thought about drinking maybe more than any other day since I quit. I wanted so badly to just stop feeling how I was and couldn't no matter how many times I dried my tears and decided to get up and do something, I'd just find myself bawling again.
....
I made it though!! It was really, really miserable, but I made it through without drinking.
The last 2 days were really quite wretched. My switch somehow just got stuck on 'cry uncontrollably' for most of yesterday. I don't know why.
....
I thought about drinking maybe more than any other day since I quit. I wanted so badly to just stop feeling how I was and couldn't no matter how many times I dried my tears and decided to get up and do something, I'd just find myself bawling again.
....
I made it though!! It was really, really miserable, but I made it through without drinking.
HUGS and hope today's a happier day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Good morning all! First off, HUGE congrats to ScoutBall & Fruity for hitting their 30 days!
It must feel great and gives me inspiration to get there too. I couldn't even get there last year when I tried AA so hoping this is the month I do it.
NewLeaf, so sorry you are having a hard time. I've slipped up a few times and kept beating myself up about it, but we just need to learn from it and keep trying. I thing I learned from my last slip is I need to change my routine when I am faced with a trigger. Last week I slipped because my husband went out of town. Instead of staying home, where I usually drank, I should have kept myself busy outside of home. I also know that having immediate "access" to alcohol (keeping it house) is a big no no for me. Have you talked to your husband how hard this is for you and how it would really help you if he could stop drinking for awhile? If this isn't an option maybe you could make other plans so you are not at home when your hubby and kids are having their happy hour? I know that would be very hard and tempting for me to be around. I am just too vulnerable at this stage of my sobriety. At least until you get some time under your belt and feel stronger? We do need to be doing this for ourselves so if your family is not willing to change their routine maybe you should change yours? Hope this helps .... I know it is hard. Please stay with us and don't feel like you are letting any of us down. Just look out for you and no one else. It is OK to be selfish right now
So I am at the end of another week 1. Besides the emotional ups and downs I have felt pretty good. No real cravings or battles with AV. Not getting overly confident, though, as the weekend is approaching . . ....Sunday will be another test, but that is a story for a later post
Welcome new members! Stay strong everyone!!
It must feel great and gives me inspiration to get there too. I couldn't even get there last year when I tried AA so hoping this is the month I do it. NewLeaf, so sorry you are having a hard time. I've slipped up a few times and kept beating myself up about it, but we just need to learn from it and keep trying. I thing I learned from my last slip is I need to change my routine when I am faced with a trigger. Last week I slipped because my husband went out of town. Instead of staying home, where I usually drank, I should have kept myself busy outside of home. I also know that having immediate "access" to alcohol (keeping it house) is a big no no for me. Have you talked to your husband how hard this is for you and how it would really help you if he could stop drinking for awhile? If this isn't an option maybe you could make other plans so you are not at home when your hubby and kids are having their happy hour? I know that would be very hard and tempting for me to be around. I am just too vulnerable at this stage of my sobriety. At least until you get some time under your belt and feel stronger? We do need to be doing this for ourselves so if your family is not willing to change their routine maybe you should change yours? Hope this helps .... I know it is hard. Please stay with us and don't feel like you are letting any of us down. Just look out for you and no one else. It is OK to be selfish right now
So I am at the end of another week 1. Besides the emotional ups and downs I have felt pretty good. No real cravings or battles with AV. Not getting overly confident, though, as the weekend is approaching . . ....Sunday will be another test, but that is a story for a later post
Welcome new members! Stay strong everyone!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 297
Good morning and hi! I've been lurking on SR for a while, then posting in word games and smoking cessation. I've really enjoyed and benefited from reading through your posts as you journey. I'm 8 days sober today, just squeaking into the April group, and thought I'd finally join and say hello.
8 days is actually not a big deal for me...unfortunately, I've tended over the years to binge (generally once or twice a week, but sometimes "only" once or twice a month), so I'm afraid that my current clarity and resolve (the very clear "why the bleep would I drink? what good does it ever do me? isn't nihilism only cute in teenagers?" voice) may dissolve in a heartbeat as it so often has. I'm posting here and reading with you to make sure it doesn't.
Congrats on all your hard-won days so far, and wish me luck and strength!
8 days is actually not a big deal for me...unfortunately, I've tended over the years to binge (generally once or twice a week, but sometimes "only" once or twice a month), so I'm afraid that my current clarity and resolve (the very clear "why the bleep would I drink? what good does it ever do me? isn't nihilism only cute in teenagers?" voice) may dissolve in a heartbeat as it so often has. I'm posting here and reading with you to make sure it doesn't.
Congrats on all your hard-won days so far, and wish me luck and strength!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by MustLoveCoffee
MsHyde - Welcome! Is that a Jekkyl and Hyde reference?
Originally Posted by DG0409
MsHyde- I wanted to say welcome and congrats on what is now day 12.
AllieB, welcome! These last months I've been more a binge-drinker than a daily drinker (I used to be a daily drinker several years ago) so I'm having the same concerns; we can support each other if you want to.
Today has been mixed.
I've been very busy in the kitchen, we're going to a party tomorrow and since I'm gonna be (as usual) the only vegan there I had to cook some stuff to make sure I have something to eat (espescially since I won't be drinking I can't be hungry or I might slip). And I hate cooking just for myself and people always end up tasting my stuff so I cooked a lot today: savory muffins, sweet muffins and quiches. French people really don't have a clue about veganism.
I was totally ok with not drinking tomorrow at the party (and I already told everyone I won't be drinking) until someone mentionned that they would bring organic wine... good wine is one of my weaknesses, I used to love it. So I was already planning to have "only one glass". But I know it won't work, moderation is something I've already tried and I know it's much easier for me to abstain totally.
I'm gonna load the car with Fanta Zero and Coke Zero and Perrier and I'll have my e-cig with cool e-liquid tastes (and the e liquids I currently have really suck with alcohol anyway). And I'm not gonna drink the organic wine. At least I know it will be there so I had time to prepare myself and to react in an appropriate way.
Oh and I even bought the SR app for my phone, so if I really need the drink I can lock up in a bathroom and post something here. It's the first time I pay for a phone app, so it's also a symbol for me (even if was cheap).
My husband just left for the pub, I really enjoy going there and I would even have gone with him , I love the place and several people there don't drink, but they serve really lousy and expensive non alcoholic drinks (in really small glasses). I can really enjoy the place without alcohol, but I would at least need a decent non alcoholic drink. So I kind of wanted to go with him but I was afraid I would slip and end up drinking.
I know that I have to anticipate a lot, always have something to drink for me when we go somewhere (I need the physical act of drinking for the moment) and I'm happy I can come here on my phone too, I'm sure it will help me.
Have a nice sober day, everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 297
Ms Hyde -
It sounds like you've done excellent prep for the party...I know what you mean about needing to be prepared with alternative drinks and smokes. I find it easy to abstain in groups (like a sad, sad cowboy, I drink alone), but I remember having to run through social scenarios I might encounter and how to deal with them when I first quit smoking.
Thanks for the welcome and good luck at the party! I predict that, with all your preparation and resolve, you'll sail through with aplomb! And, yes, would love to be a moral support team.
It sounds like you've done excellent prep for the party...I know what you mean about needing to be prepared with alternative drinks and smokes. I find it easy to abstain in groups (like a sad, sad cowboy, I drink alone), but I remember having to run through social scenarios I might encounter and how to deal with them when I first quit smoking.
Thanks for the welcome and good luck at the party! I predict that, with all your preparation and resolve, you'll sail through with aplomb! And, yes, would love to be a moral support team.
urban chicken
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 94
Yay fruity!!!! :-)
Welcome Bettagirl!
Woke up to day 4 refreshed and full of energy. Last night I started keeping a gratitude journal to help keep me on track. I think that will be a great resource when I need support. Im also going to list one thing I like about myself to keep the negativity away.
Hope everyone has a safe and sober Thursday :-)
Welcome Bettagirl!
Woke up to day 4 refreshed and full of energy. Last night I started keeping a gratitude journal to help keep me on track. I think that will be a great resource when I need support. Im also going to list one thing I like about myself to keep the negativity away.
Hope everyone has a safe and sober Thursday :-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The South Pacific
Posts: 306
Morning! Rain here today...it makes nearly zero sense, since I'm wet anyway...but I don't like to surf/swim when it's raining. Dunno why. So...Blue Dog and I are indulging a little bit with a little extra bed time.
Mom arrived on island late last night, haven't seen her yet. She flew from the East Coast so she's pretty beat anyhow. She's going to take today to rest and recuperate. She turns 60 this month-years ago she made the flippant statement: "if I live to see 60, I'm spending a month on the beach". Well, she's doing it!
As a surprise, Sister is going to fly in...I hope. There was some dramatic texting/calling/crying as she was informed of a tax CREDIT instead of a refund. So...I made her promise me that before she cancels her ticket, she wait 24 hours...and I've made the decision to offer to pay for it. For now. I've never loaned money (aside from pocket change) to my siblings before. It's not an insignificant amount, but...seeing Sister...and the look on Mom's face when Sister walks in and surprises her is pretty much priceless. I am in a nice spot lately...and for better or worse, I'm rather flippant about money. I can make more, or get a part time job if need be. Or the dreaded commission. Ugh.
Anyway...we're still solving that quagmire.
Welcome new Bandicoots! I have the organizational skills of a hamster, so I cannot recall everyone's posts that go with the names. You may check in with MLC if that is your cup of tea. With me: you will get tales of derring-do, swashbuckling adventure, and the occasional cartoon.
Confidential to NewLeaf: I am with DG here...make plans. Stick with it. We can do this, and more importantly: You can. I know it. I like the idea of posting, or taking 10 before the drink. It's a checks and balances plan I suppose. Maybe use both. If you take 10, come here and read, and post I am guessing the event (I dislike trigger more and more...once a trigger is pulled, the result is a foregone conclusion) will pass. And if not...tomorrow is a new, sober day. Day 1s don't seem like a bad thing to me, provided we are still committed to learning why it's a new day 1, and doing our best to avoid the pitfalls that got us there.
Otherwise, why call it day 1 at all? Be well, and I'm rooting for you. I get email notifications on my tablet, and phone. PM me anytime you would like. Even if you just want to talk about the fascinating animal that is the Bandicoot.
MLC: I may have missed your Brain Squirrels post...but boy does that give me some ideas.
Make it a great day all. I wish you and yours well, and we can do this.
Onward!
-sB
Mom arrived on island late last night, haven't seen her yet. She flew from the East Coast so she's pretty beat anyhow. She's going to take today to rest and recuperate. She turns 60 this month-years ago she made the flippant statement: "if I live to see 60, I'm spending a month on the beach". Well, she's doing it!
As a surprise, Sister is going to fly in...I hope. There was some dramatic texting/calling/crying as she was informed of a tax CREDIT instead of a refund. So...I made her promise me that before she cancels her ticket, she wait 24 hours...and I've made the decision to offer to pay for it. For now. I've never loaned money (aside from pocket change) to my siblings before. It's not an insignificant amount, but...seeing Sister...and the look on Mom's face when Sister walks in and surprises her is pretty much priceless. I am in a nice spot lately...and for better or worse, I'm rather flippant about money. I can make more, or get a part time job if need be. Or the dreaded commission. Ugh.
Anyway...we're still solving that quagmire.
Welcome new Bandicoots! I have the organizational skills of a hamster, so I cannot recall everyone's posts that go with the names. You may check in with MLC if that is your cup of tea. With me: you will get tales of derring-do, swashbuckling adventure, and the occasional cartoon.
Confidential to NewLeaf: I am with DG here...make plans. Stick with it. We can do this, and more importantly: You can. I know it. I like the idea of posting, or taking 10 before the drink. It's a checks and balances plan I suppose. Maybe use both. If you take 10, come here and read, and post I am guessing the event (I dislike trigger more and more...once a trigger is pulled, the result is a foregone conclusion) will pass. And if not...tomorrow is a new, sober day. Day 1s don't seem like a bad thing to me, provided we are still committed to learning why it's a new day 1, and doing our best to avoid the pitfalls that got us there.
Otherwise, why call it day 1 at all? Be well, and I'm rooting for you. I get email notifications on my tablet, and phone. PM me anytime you would like. Even if you just want to talk about the fascinating animal that is the Bandicoot.
MLC: I may have missed your Brain Squirrels post...but boy does that give me some ideas.
Make it a great day all. I wish you and yours well, and we can do this.
Onward!
-sB
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by ScoutBall
(I dislike trigger more and more...once a trigger is pulled, the result is a foregone conclusion)
The brain squirrels are just those rat race thoughts that run around in your head. Anything from someone that was bothering you earlier in the day, to something you're worried about tomorrow, to whether it is fundamentally safe to leave the toaster plugged in, to that guitar riff that you heard on a commercial that is now stuck in your head and you can't figure out what song it goes too. Then suddenly you roll over and it's 1am and you still haven't fallen asleep yet and you are dead tired and just want them to SHUT UP! My squirrels are awake all the time, I would take it better if they were simply nocturnal, but they are party animals. Anyway, I was fighting the squirrels, trying to make them shut it. What I realized is that the squirrels are probably going to stick around, at least for a while, and I need to find a way to only hear what they're chattering on about once, and then let it go. Not let them go on and on and drain my bird feeder. I've changed my avatar to remind me to get out of my own head.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The South Pacific
Posts: 306
Hmmm, well...I stole your brain squirrel idea...and used it for my warm up sketch this morning. Haha. Hope you don't mind!
Party animals...I'll have to make him much more excited about this job next time.
Forgive the hijacking of the thread size...I can't seem to make it resize... ><
My file sharer thing that I use for clients does it for me...not so much on the tablet...
The lighting is crap too...but it was just too much fun to draw. Good way to get my hand working, and get some coffee in me!
DG! Get those markers out! Would love to see some stuff!
Party animals...I'll have to make him much more excited about this job next time.
Forgive the hijacking of the thread size...I can't seem to make it resize... ><
My file sharer thing that I use for clients does it for me...not so much on the tablet...
The lighting is crap too...but it was just too much fun to draw. Good way to get my hand working, and get some coffee in me!
DG! Get those markers out! Would love to see some stuff!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 2,073
Hi guys. Thanks for being here. Day 8. I did not even consider drinking today. I feel better because I slept. Sleeping 3 hours a night for 2 nights is not cool. Got a refill on my non addictive med that knocks me out. I am spending happy our in Elizabeth Park. Huge flower gardens and koi ponds. lovely. Im in the park on my phone. Thanks!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 160
Just found out my H is agreeing to work all through my birthday weekend.
Having a ridiculous and self absorbed pity party for one in my head and conniving AV thinks it's a good time to attack. Telling me I should drink for my birthday since nobody cares enough to be around for it. I know that's a stupid notion but somehow I can't shake it and am finding myself going in circles. What is that?? Here, self, have some poison and feelings of shame and defeat as a gift! Throw a wrench into everything you've been working for and continue to watch yourself and your life deteriorate! Uhm, no. No thank you. Been there done that.
Sigh... I guess, when I think about it, at the root, the fact that he would choose to work just makes me feel really small and unimportant. I need to shake these unproductive and self sabotaging tapes/arguments in my head! They are dangerous.
What about this perspective: "I know he needs the money and even though it's my birthday, it's just another day and not everything is about me... We can make it up another time." Trying to think of ways I can treat myself sober and healthfully by myself without a car and limited funds.
Retrain the brain! :P
Day 20 today. Not giving that up so easily, dang it!
Having a ridiculous and self absorbed pity party for one in my head and conniving AV thinks it's a good time to attack. Telling me I should drink for my birthday since nobody cares enough to be around for it. I know that's a stupid notion but somehow I can't shake it and am finding myself going in circles. What is that?? Here, self, have some poison and feelings of shame and defeat as a gift! Throw a wrench into everything you've been working for and continue to watch yourself and your life deteriorate! Uhm, no. No thank you. Been there done that.
Sigh... I guess, when I think about it, at the root, the fact that he would choose to work just makes me feel really small and unimportant. I need to shake these unproductive and self sabotaging tapes/arguments in my head! They are dangerous.
What about this perspective: "I know he needs the money and even though it's my birthday, it's just another day and not everything is about me... We can make it up another time." Trying to think of ways I can treat myself sober and healthfully by myself without a car and limited funds.
Retrain the brain! :P
Day 20 today. Not giving that up so easily, dang it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
Originally Posted by NotSoIvory
Just found out my H is agreeing to work all through my birthday weekend.
Having a ridiculous and self absorbed pity party for one in my head and conniving AV thinks it's a good time to attack. Telling me I should drink for my birthday since nobody cares enough to be around for it. I know that's a stupid notion but somehow I can't shake it and am finding myself going in circles. What is that?? Here, self, have some poison and feelings of shame and defeat as a gift! Throw a wrench into everything you've been working for and continue to watch yourself and your life deteriorate! Uhm, no. No thank you. Been there done that.
Sigh... I guess, when I think about it, at the root, the fact that he would choose to work just makes me feel really small and unimportant. I need to shake these unproductive and self sabotaging tapes/arguments in my head! They are dangerous.
What about this perspective: "I know he needs the money and even though it's my birthday, it's just another day and not everything is about me... We can make it up another time." Trying to think of ways I can treat myself sober and healthfully by myself without a car and limited funds.
Retrain the brain! :P
Day 20 today. Not giving that up so easily, dang it!
Having a ridiculous and self absorbed pity party for one in my head and conniving AV thinks it's a good time to attack. Telling me I should drink for my birthday since nobody cares enough to be around for it. I know that's a stupid notion but somehow I can't shake it and am finding myself going in circles. What is that?? Here, self, have some poison and feelings of shame and defeat as a gift! Throw a wrench into everything you've been working for and continue to watch yourself and your life deteriorate! Uhm, no. No thank you. Been there done that.
Sigh... I guess, when I think about it, at the root, the fact that he would choose to work just makes me feel really small and unimportant. I need to shake these unproductive and self sabotaging tapes/arguments in my head! They are dangerous.
What about this perspective: "I know he needs the money and even though it's my birthday, it's just another day and not everything is about me... We can make it up another time." Trying to think of ways I can treat myself sober and healthfully by myself without a car and limited funds.
Retrain the brain! :P
Day 20 today. Not giving that up so easily, dang it!
Perhaps he doesn't know how to celebrate without drinking and wants to make things easier for you. Maybe he honestly forgot when he scheduled his hours and is too embarrassed to admit it? Who knows, but don't let it define you.
My word... you've made it 20 days. Now THAT's something special. Wishing I good give you a great big birthday hug!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 2
So made it to day 12! I'm still having some weird physical stuff like pins and needles in my hands and feel and a general tired feeling. And when I go to sleep it is so hard to wake up! I feel like my body is trying to make up for all the years of fitful sleep when I was drinking.
I joined a gym a couple of days after I decided to quit drinking and have been going almost every day so far- I'm trying to give myself some struture and replace time after work when I would usually start drinking with something healthier. So far it seems to be working well- I only hope I will keep it up.
MsHyde- Good luck at the party tomorrow. It sounds like you have prepped well. I know it would be hard for me if I was at a party with everyone enjoying a wine I liked. But waking up the next day without a hangover will be better than having the wine!
AllieB- I can relate to drinking alone like a sad cowboy! I also drink socially but the by myself drinking is way harder to give up.
NotSoIvory- Sorry you will be on your own for your birthday. Hopefully you can choose some sober things to do that will make you happy! I like New Leaf's idea of planting something.
I joined a gym a couple of days after I decided to quit drinking and have been going almost every day so far- I'm trying to give myself some struture and replace time after work when I would usually start drinking with something healthier. So far it seems to be working well- I only hope I will keep it up.
MsHyde- Good luck at the party tomorrow. It sounds like you have prepped well. I know it would be hard for me if I was at a party with everyone enjoying a wine I liked. But waking up the next day without a hangover will be better than having the wine!
AllieB- I can relate to drinking alone like a sad cowboy! I also drink socially but the by myself drinking is way harder to give up.
NotSoIvory- Sorry you will be on your own for your birthday. Hopefully you can choose some sober things to do that will make you happy! I like New Leaf's idea of planting something.
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Hiya folks! Just checking in Scout - there's such joy in your drawings! I really appreciate you sharing them.
Two weeks and a day for me. I'm leaving for a business trip to Boston tomorrow. Time to show off for my clients (and hopefully secure future work).
I'm in much better shape for this trip than I think I ever have been before. I've been hung over in my clients' offices much more often than not in the past -- and I even once gave a presentation to the president of one client while quite drunk on vodka!
Man, I think back to how rough those visits were. I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore This will be a much easier and more fun trip! And, my wife (I like to take her along on business trips) will get to relax in the evenings instead of having to take care of my drunk ass.
I'm really lucky to have her, and my thoughts are really going out to the folks on this thread who don't always have the support they need at home. I've been there, too, in past relationships. In the end we're the ones who have to own our own sobriety, but the folks at home sure can make it harder.
Scout - there's such joy in your drawings! I really appreciate you sharing them.Two weeks and a day for me. I'm leaving for a business trip to Boston tomorrow. Time to show off for my clients (and hopefully secure future work).
I'm in much better shape for this trip than I think I ever have been before. I've been hung over in my clients' offices much more often than not in the past -- and I even once gave a presentation to the president of one client while quite drunk on vodka!
Man, I think back to how rough those visits were. I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore
This will be a much easier and more fun trip! And, my wife (I like to take her along on business trips) will get to relax in the evenings instead of having to take care of my drunk ass. I'm really lucky to have her, and my thoughts are really going out to the folks on this thread who don't always have the support they need at home. I've been there, too, in past relationships. In the end we're the ones who have to own our own sobriety, but the folks at home sure can make it harder.
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