360shoes

Ahhhhhhhahahaha, I'm lmao on the haircuts Mr hairdresser on fire James!! I got a good one. I woke up once to a bald spot. I guess from what I'm told I had the bright idea of a tattoo I wanted on the back of my head. To this day the only memory I have of it is the picture on my cell phone of the 665 permanently inked on my skull. At first I was mortified but now I just think of it as a reminder to be a good person and that I'm only one number away from not being one. Thank god it's on the back of my head under hair and not on my forehead.

jambry123

That's wild 360!!!

360shoes

Just the number 665. Did you see the movie The Omen? Tells you what I thought of myself back then.

jambry123

Sleep well Mrbeagle!

Well done on your first real test and seeing it through!! All the best to you.

jambry123

I never saw that film but it doesn't sound like a Rachel Mcadams romcom...

At least you're not in that place anymore!! (Or watching a Rachel Mcadams romcom)

360shoes

Yeah, we can just move on from that one. On a serious note I did have a moment of those familiar thoughts of stop and pick up 3 bottles of wine. Today was my mom's birthday and she has Alzheimer's and lives in a memory unit in assisted living along with my dad. I'm the only family here so it all falls on me. They should have had more children cuz I could use some help now. It's a freakin horrible disease. I always feel responsible for them. 24/7. Anyway, after spending the day with them, I got in my car and immediately just thought of which liquor store should I stop at. Then I went yuck, I don't drink that sh*t any more. So off I went to the local drug store to buy more skin care products and a baby bottle of San Pellegrino. It is what it is with my parents. I'm just happy to have them and I just do what I can.

Later friends
xoxo
shoes

Dee74

It's not easy 360 I know - I've been through with my grandmother and there's always the fear I may have to go through it again with my parents.

You may feel responsible for them, but I'm not sure that means you have to do it alone - there's a lot of alzheimers support groups out there now?

D

SoberForMySon

Great avatar Dee.

On to day 17 tomorrow. Not worried about drinking. Just anxious. Need that to pass. But I am fighting it hard and trying to keep a hopeful outlook.

360shoes

Sorry about your Grandmother, Dee. It is hard. I worked in the flipping senior care business and I knew it was hard but I had no clue till it was personal to me. My life was turned upside down. They lived in a small town almost 3 hours away and I didn't get home often. That would have cut into my partying drinking time. Every time I talked to them it was everything was fine. When I finally went to visit, it was far from fine. My mom weighed under a 100 lbs, the house was dirty, and my dad had no business driving a car. I sat them down and said this cant go on. So within 1 week I moved them to the town I lived. Within another 2 weeks I moved them again. I had to take over all finances, sell their house, get them the care they needed. Meanwhile, my life was unraveling quickly. I resigned from my job and sat in a pool of wine in between struggling to help them. I had nothing but guilt every day and the only relief I got was drinking every single day. All of that and I still never told anyone I was sinking fast and I hid it well because everyone always thinks I'm the strong one and the eternal optimist. And I am, that's just how I'm wired. The thing is even strong optimists need help sometimes and rarely can anyone do it alone.

Yep, I took a turn when I found SR and started asking for help plus getting support for me with my parents. And boy it poured in. It has made the world of difference.

FeenixxRising

So I slipped and went on a bender Thursday night into early Friday afternoon. That was after 5 days without drinking. I beat myself up yesterday, but today I stood-up and brushed myself off.

I don't excuse myself, but hating myself won't help. I want to stop and I will be successful with my attempt to quit for good. Last year I did stop drinking for 5 months and it was nice not being afraid of myself. I want to be in that place again. Next week I'll attend a few AA meetings and a SMART recovery meeting. I'll need a little help with this.

As the cliché goes, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Dee74

great to hear 360. My grandmother was 20 years ago now and I wish I'd have been sober - but it is what it is.

welcome back Feenix. Do whatever you have to to make this a permanent thing

D

Marcher13

I had a weird thing happen to me this morning, it wasn't AV it was habit that nearly made me have a couple of sips of wine. A friend and I were at a local food market, I picked up some local honey, organic nicola potatoes, free range eggs then I noticed a new stall.

"Local organic wine", "taste here". Well I strolled over, no AV in my head, just "wow it's local and organic, wonder what it's like". Then it was like a tape did a fast rewind in my brain and I remembered "I don't drink anymore." So I walked away. That part was easy because it was just a normal reaction for me to go over, I love things green local and organic and AV seemed to be asleep at the time.

Now the sleeping AV has been woken, he's harping and taunting but I'm not feeding him I'm ignoring him.

But it was such a surprise ...

360shoes

A social worker turned me around on the guilt when I was balling my eyes out on about how I felt how I did everything wrong with them. Should have been there, should have know better, should have done it different. She said save the guilt if you would have left them. You didn't. No one knows what they are doing when they go through this. Sounds a lot like what we are all going through. Save the guilt for the day you quit trying to stay sober.

Good for you FeenixxRising for getting right back on it!

clight

Goodnight, everyone

I am going to watch a movie, eat a snack and then try to get my sleep pattern for nights. Great posts everyone it kept me busy all afternoon and night.

MeSoSober

Good night! Sweet dreams!

Marcher13

This morning I took this photo of autumnal sunshine for all of you.

P1010545.jpg

yestofreedom

another sober night
of good conversations with friends
and feeling apart of the world
and not hiding alone watching the days go by wasted
friday and saturday always the hardest
but i did it
night to all of you

Dee74

LOL doesn't feel much like autumn up here in Qld Marcher - it's a two fan day LOL

D

Elizabethmarie

evening all just getting home from work. strange how wonderful my day is, and as soon as i get to work, ANXIETY sets in. being a waitress at an upscale place, anxiety is not good. made it through another night though, and my manager approached me and asked me how my sobriety was going, how i was doing im blessed to have coworkers on my side through this crap. now they all know not to take offense if i snap at them.

energy spikes are setting in. this morning, i had ants in my pants. couldnt sit still long enough to paint my nails. painted them standing up at the kitchen counter. halfway through my shift at work, i couldnt hold my eyes open. waiting for that to even out.

last thought. one of my friends, which was a fellow wine drinker and also a coworker, invited me to lunch today. i declined and explained that im not ready to be in that setting, whenever we would go out to lunch, wine was involved. avoiding the triggers for as long as possible. she understood and has been great. she put it wonderfully to me. "it will be nice for you to get back to ground zero" yes it will.

stay strong everyone and lets do this together!!!!!!!!! big hugs and luvs to all

Elizabethmarie

PS.... feenixx, great for you to get back on it and not give up. not sure if i would have that strength. it doesnt matter how many sober days we have under our belt, we all chose TODAY not to put liquid poison in our bodies.

marcher13 and shoes, wonderful job catching yourself before it was too late!!!!! bad habits are hard to break, but we will get there