halfvictory

Hello January Class. The days keep ticking by but my AV seems to be getting louder and louder. It's trying to convince me that I've made it this far, that having a few won't be a problem. And like I said before, I think I could do a few but then what? Even if I could have a few and then get back on the wagon; well, then why have the few in the first place - at least that's what I keep telling the AV but it's been hard.

It's day 26 for me but since Jan. 1st it's only 3 days of drinks out of 45 days and that makes me happy but unfortunately more vulnerable to the AV. I am fighting though. Not worried about right now - I'm at work and that's never a problem. Just thinking about the 3 day weekend. In the past it would get me excited because I COULD wake up hungover on Monday.

Rosieblue: I think for all of us it's a good thing if our drinking friends didn't tempt us. Hopefully, they'll come back around later on.

Reeny: I'm in the same boat but still plugging along. stay strong and I will to.

Gilmer: well, hello to you. Hope you're enjoying your day.

woodhead

Dorris,
Not a miserable post as you were sharing your feelings and a victory over alcohol that can continue forward. Time heals most things, and as you continue to be sober perhaps you can reestablish a relationship with your folks. It generally takes a lot for a parent to give up on a child, and I doubt you have crossed that line. Think of whether or not you would forgive your child in a similar situation - I bet you would - it's only natural.
Best,
W

sober1ck

Exactly. Then what? I might be fine getting drunk all weekend long, but it doesn't help me to work toward things I blew off while drinking.

Rosieblue

Dorris ((hugs))

Woodhead is right time is a good healer hope you sort out your differences

One thing that is becoming clearer is drinking never really blocked out problems.. If drinking did block them out why was things on your mind when drunk.

bounced

The second month is always a really tricky (and unrewarding) time and I think we are all doing a great job to stay sober and take it each day at a time.

I am conscious that there is still this "not drinking" agenda rather than more of a "living sober" thing. So I am really looking forward to getting into mid March by which time things should start to even out a whole lot and I can really start to move on with my life with more confidence about my sobriety.

Well done everyone for your perseverance. It will definitely start to get better from here on in.

Gilmer

I just told my husband about this post-30-day temptation. He was supportive and encouraging. In the past he's turned into a total worrywart, so I didn't bother telling him about every little temptation--till they all built up and I got loaded, then eventually I'd get caught and he'd feel betrayed. I think now he can see that I'm serious about being sober, and he likes the new me much better. Before a little bit of social drinking or date night drinking always had its foot in the door--I wasn't alcohol-free, so he could never trust me on my off days to be alcohol-free (in fact, if I drank socially on one day, I'd lust for full-on drunkenness all the rest of the week). Now he's helping me with my temptation--we're finally working as a team.

sobrietygrl4

Sounds like I'm in the same boat as quite a few others right now. The 'pink cloud' feeling is definitely fading. I don't want to drink, but my emotions have been quite the roller-coaster. In my treatment group this week, I barely spoke, which isn't like me, and I've found myself isolating a bit. I'm definitely paying attention to my relapse warning signs, but that isn't what this is. I'm not feeling angry or disturbed right now... More contemplative and self-searching, I guess. It's just not the happy 'high' that I had when I first quit. I know that the PAWS are probably kicking in, too, at this point (I've got 40 days today!), so I am not surprised to be getting hit with the mood swings (and sleep problems and forgetfulness and .... what was I saying?) but it sure would be nice if quitting our DOC would just show us better and better and better days instead of throwing us into yet another whirlwind of mindf*cks. Sorry for that, but that's what it feels like to me. What can I say? I'm an alcoholic and I want to be better NOW.

Siesta

Gilmer, glad you are able to share with your husband and he is supportive and encouraging. My hubby is still at the worrywart stage but getting better as I do. Makes it easier to work as a team, doesn't it?
Sobrietygrl, congratulations on 40 days!!! Awesome!! I'm right there with you wishing that everything would "be better NOW" . I keep telling myself "patience patience patience"
Hope everyone has a good weekend. I'll be keeping busy with work and a visit from my boys. Looking forward to it.

blondsober

Wow, glad people are posting again! I thought everyone had become perfect and I could no longer get any help! Well, I wasn't perfect in late January . . . rather than kick myself and feel bad if I slip a bit over the weekend I've started a spreadsheet where I count non-drinking days v. total days. So, through yesterday I've built it up to 32 non-drinking days v. 45 total days - so over 70%. That's probably a record since my mid-20's. However, any day I drink seems like a huge step backward and I'm really enjoying how solid I feel. In meetings (I do software development) it make it much easier to stand up to someone when you aren't insecure about how you're coming across or if they can smell the whiskey from the night before . . . and the more frequent peeing, sweating, etc. . . . . just makes everything smoother and more predictable no drinking at all.

Plus I'm scuba diving in the morning and it's much safer if you're not hung over!

Best to all this weekend . . .

bounced

Hey Dorris

Your parents will come around. For now, just concentrate on you, ok?

bounced

woodhead

Just got back from the orthopedist, because I've been gimping around on my left leg for a couple of years. I thought it was the sciatic nerve, and that it eventually would go away. The pain varies in location anywhere from my hip to below my knee. This week the pain in my knee got so intense I made a doctor's appointment, hence today. Well, after X-rays the doc popped in and said the good news was my knee is fine. I said what's the bad news. He replied that the ball joint in my hip is necrotic and worn out. Pain pills and anti-inflamatories can work for a while, but the bottom line is that hip replacement surgery is in order. Moreover, he said my right hip joint is on it's way out also. He said I'm young (55 haha) and I need to have this done so I won't be a cripple in 10 years. Never been under the knife, and have never spent the night in a hospital.

In the past this situation would have triggered a 3-day or longer binge, but not this time. I'll get prepared for surgery and take it as it comes.

Have a great weekend.
Best,
W

Gilmer

I have found in hospitals that if you smile at the staff and say thank you they treat you great. When do you go in for the surgery?

woodhead

I'll put it off until this summer when my work load decreases.

Carlotta

Good morning Class,

Just checking in
Dorris: Your post is not miserable, we cannot be chirpy all the time (God knows I m not). I know that ALL posts help me one way or another. I had a very bad break up a bit over a year ago with someone I truly loved and who betrayed me terribly. He was my best friend, my colleague and my lover. I was not drunk per se when I retaliated but I was not working the program anymore and was drinking.
While he did deserve to have his a$$ kicked, I have regrets now...we are not on speaking terms and I know that if I had maintained my sobriety and ketp going to meetings, I probably would have dealt with the pain and resulting resentment in a different manner.
I am not stressing it out too much though....I ll have ample time to address it when I do my 4 th step and 9 is way down the line LOL.
All I can say is hang in there and things will fall in place sooner or later.
HalfVictory: I have had a couple of runs in withthe AVs and found that putting their nonsense in writing then debunking it in writing too is really helpful. I go back to my notebook daily.

So where am I at today? Yesterday late at night, I had a sudden though for a beer but was able to get back to my note book and ride it out...I did not pick up.
I slept 12 hours last night (I have been feeling exhausted and sleep a lot) and woke up feeling as if I was high..serious for one minute I got scared, thought that maybe I had picked up and blacked out...but nope. Just woke up feeling stoned. It disappeared after a few cups of coffee.
I'm wondering if anyone has experienced that before? Waking up feeling high even though you are sober? It never happened to me.
I am heading for my home group in a few.
Wishing everyone a good and sober week end.

bounced

Hip relacements are quite routine these days, Woodhead. We have friends who have had them and it all went like clockwork. From what I understand, the relief from pain makes the whole thing entirely desirable by the time the second one needs doing. There is even one person we know who has had both hips replaced and he continues to play squash in his seventies!

Dee74

The second month can be hard, but it's a lot easier than drinking...
keep it up guys

together we can do this

D

LizG

Day 20! First test passed last night -- went to the opera (bought the ticket back in November) where I normally would have had a glass or two of wine with pre-show dinner, another glass at the opera house before the performance, another during 1st intermission and yet another during 2nd intermission ... 'enjoyed a coffee and delish brie sandwich at the venue instead. It's embarrassing to admit that I didn't even know they served food!?

Reeny

It sounds like a lot of us are struggling through the second month. Thanks for your words of encouragement, Dee. Is it just our egos telling us it should be easier than this? (we're doing the right thing - where's the reward?!) Anyway, I hope everyone has a safe and sober weekend.

Dee74

I think a lot of us are simply used to instant gratification Renny...open bottle and pour.
thats not a criticism - it's just a subconscious thing for a lot of us - it was for me.

I had to learn patience, and a little faith that things would turn out.

There's also the fact the 30-60 days can literally *seem* like a lifetime...I think a lot of us feel we've been doing this forever and should be 'further on' - I know I did... whereas really it's shy of 8 weeks since you guys changed your lives...

it's pretty common....but I found 60+ a little easier, so hang in there

D

bounced

Welcome LizG

We absolutely love the opera. I never thought I would but a friend of ours was front of house at the Opera House in Covent Garden, London and the staff there used to get a seating allocation to give away for the full dress rehearsals (they wanted to get a full audience feed back before the first night) so we were forever getting calls to see if we wanted to go to the opera or the ballet for free. We saw so many beautiful performances that we never would have been able to pay to see. So fortunate!! Plus the dress rehearsals were usually at 11am so the bar was never so much of a problem.

Congratulations on 20 days.