Class of July 2012 Part 6
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,446
I definitely agree with Sentso R4R....I don't think tattoo removal is a diy job.
I'm a little worried about you to be honest - are you using much support outside of SR right now?
D
I'm a little worried about you to be honest - are you using much support outside of SR right now?
D
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Thanks, Sentso. I hit a real rough patch with this one. Meeting some friends later... hopefully talk out, cry out, yell out what ever is going on.
Yeah, D... I'm a little worried about myself. I have support in place... therapist every 3 weeks, psychiatrist for the meds (see him tomorrow) - suppose I should tell him about the obsessive tattoo thing also and the decline in depression taking the higher dose of anti-depressants. I really don't know how much to tell a psychiatrist. But my therapist doesn't know either... and won't for a couple weeks. I have friends at church and direct lines to some good people who will pray for me and 'have my back' so to speak. I suppose if need be I will call the pastor himself. But I don't want to seem so freaking needy.
Yeah, D... I'm a little worried about myself. I have support in place... therapist every 3 weeks, psychiatrist for the meds (see him tomorrow) - suppose I should tell him about the obsessive tattoo thing also and the decline in depression taking the higher dose of anti-depressants. I really don't know how much to tell a psychiatrist. But my therapist doesn't know either... and won't for a couple weeks. I have friends at church and direct lines to some good people who will pray for me and 'have my back' so to speak. I suppose if need be I will call the pastor himself. But I don't want to seem so freaking needy.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 222
R4R, don't be scared of how you look or what you seem like! Especially with your friends or pastor or here on SR.
To accept your weaknesses and your needs is definitely a strength.
Therapist every three weeks doesn't seem enough, maybe you should call him sooner. I remember my girlfriend needed to see her at least once a week when she was really bad.
Are you happy with your therapist? If you don't really know how much to tell him/her maybe you could find a better one for you. I don't know.
I hope you get some rest and peace. Take care of yourself, and focus on your inner being instead of the thoughts in your brain. I'll keep you in my thoughts tonight.
xx
To accept your weaknesses and your needs is definitely a strength.
Therapist every three weeks doesn't seem enough, maybe you should call him sooner. I remember my girlfriend needed to see her at least once a week when she was really bad.
Are you happy with your therapist? If you don't really know how much to tell him/her maybe you could find a better one for you. I don't know.
I hope you get some rest and peace. Take care of yourself, and focus on your inner being instead of the thoughts in your brain. I'll keep you in my thoughts tonight.
xx
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Yeah, I really like my therapist. He can be over-protective at times, but I've been seeing him for about ten years. Yeah, it's taken that long to get as far as I have. I can't see him any sooner because he's not in my insurance, so they don't pay.
I feel really crummy tho.
I didn't get to have that prayer/counseling time with my friends yesterday. I forgot they changed it to next Monday. But I do see the psychiatrist today. Not sure how much to actually tell him especially when it comes to the whole 'harming' myself thing. I figured out something yesterday tho... I'm not doing the whole tattoo removal because it causes more pain than I feel inside - thus dulling the pain.... but because it's a black heart and I 'see' it as the pain and I'm trying to get rid of it. Oh geez, that is soooooo messed up.
Ok, gotta go.... at least I'm sober, eh? That's a good thing.
I feel really crummy tho.
I didn't get to have that prayer/counseling time with my friends yesterday. I forgot they changed it to next Monday. But I do see the psychiatrist today. Not sure how much to actually tell him especially when it comes to the whole 'harming' myself thing. I figured out something yesterday tho... I'm not doing the whole tattoo removal because it causes more pain than I feel inside - thus dulling the pain.... but because it's a black heart and I 'see' it as the pain and I'm trying to get rid of it. Oh geez, that is soooooo messed up.
Ok, gotta go.... at least I'm sober, eh? That's a good thing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 68
Hello Julians. I have to admit I am really struggling at the moment. I have no desire to drink at all so no problem there. I just seem to be going through a prolonged period of PAWS which is frustrating as it usually only lasts for a few days. Just seem to be very tired and have a 'foggy' head all the time that just doesn't feel right. No physical pain as such but rather a general feeling of being well below par! (Can't stop eating either).
Nearly 5 months under my belt so a bit disappointed that I still feel like this at this stage!
Nearly 5 months under my belt so a bit disappointed that I still feel like this at this stage!
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Originally Posted by Really4Real 
I do see the psychiatrist today. Not sure how much to actually tell him especially when it comes to the whole 'harming' myself thing.
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Go easy on yourself, J9. It sounds a lot like anxiety to me. Might want to check it out with your doc.
Thanks a lot Ghost. I really appreciated that. I did tell him everything although it was hard... don't like opening up to complete strangers (ok, face to face
). He wants me to stop working on the emotional stuff and past crap for now until I can level out mentally and emotionally. I don't know how to do that!!! I'm the kind that wants to push through and 'git r done'. THEN, I'll feel better.... it doesn't make sense to me in my logical thinking that not working on getting through the stuff will make me feel better.... 
Anyway, now I'm on Cymbalta (next to maximum dose), Klonopin (1mg twice/day + 1/2 'if I get really agitated'!!), and now Wellbutrin at 75mg!! I feel like I'm spinning out of control on meds. But the dude is a psychiatrist and a rather good one from what I here so I think that I better listen to him since I'm going to him..... ugh. I need a vacation.
Thanks a lot Ghost. I really appreciated that. I did tell him everything although it was hard... don't like opening up to complete strangers (ok, face to face
). He wants me to stop working on the emotional stuff and past crap for now until I can level out mentally and emotionally. I don't know how to do that!!! I'm the kind that wants to push through and 'git r done'. THEN, I'll feel better.... it doesn't make sense to me in my logical thinking that not working on getting through the stuff will make me feel better.... Anyway, now I'm on Cymbalta (next to maximum dose), Klonopin (1mg twice/day + 1/2 'if I get really agitated'!!), and now Wellbutrin at 75mg!! I feel like I'm spinning out of control on meds. But the dude is a psychiatrist and a rather good one from what I here so I think that I better listen to him since I'm going to him..... ugh. I need a vacation.
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Helllllooooooooooooo 
I'm here. Going to work. Gonna try to keep my head on straight today
I'm getting kind of worried about TiG and some others..... haven't heard from them for a while.
Catch ya later.
I'm here. Going to work. Gonna try to keep my head on straight today
I'm getting kind of worried about TiG and some others..... haven't heard from them for a while.
Catch ya later.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 222
R4R, sometimes it's better to let go of the past for a while. Sometimes you're not completely ready to face things and it's better to become a little bit stronger. I know how bad it feels, it feels like giving up, but it's not at all!
If you are ever scared of taking too many meds, why not go ask a second doctor's opinion?
I'm not saying yours is bad, but I'm just worrying about you, and I'm a bit paranoid about meds in general.
I think about you often and hope you feel better.
Once an ENT (is that the right name?) prescribed be some klonopin against... tinnitus! It was really bad at the time, but obviously because I was drinking, smoking, popping pills and not sleeping. In retrospect, I'm a bit angry with him now, cause I actually enjoyed klonopin, and it was cheap and easy to get. How can they prescribe stuff like that so easily?!
I'm just back from a concert, which was good. In my hotel room now.
I really crave for sugar on tour. It replaces alcohol. I can't stop eating chocolate bars and fruits!
Hey what's going on here? Where is everybody?! FF, Tig, Mel, everyone, watcha doing?
Good night, good day, keep it up, sober is the new cool!
xx
If you are ever scared of taking too many meds, why not go ask a second doctor's opinion?
I'm not saying yours is bad, but I'm just worrying about you, and I'm a bit paranoid about meds in general.
I think about you often and hope you feel better.
Once an ENT (is that the right name?) prescribed be some klonopin against... tinnitus! It was really bad at the time, but obviously because I was drinking, smoking, popping pills and not sleeping. In retrospect, I'm a bit angry with him now, cause I actually enjoyed klonopin, and it was cheap and easy to get. How can they prescribe stuff like that so easily?!
I'm just back from a concert, which was good. In my hotel room now.
I really crave for sugar on tour. It replaces alcohol. I can't stop eating chocolate bars and fruits!
Hey what's going on here? Where is everybody?! FF, Tig, Mel, everyone, watcha doing?
Good night, good day, keep it up, sober is the new cool!
xx
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Hi All, Just trying to catch up on all the news! It's nice to see some new people joining us-this is a wonderful group and we welcome you
I've been busy taking care of mom with Alzheimers-insane week including hospital stay and new walker. Tried coconut oil with her as I read it helps people with memory impairment and saw an incredible result in just one day. We actually had conversations today-surreal but very cool.
I think it's so neat that we have musicians here-it's cool to hear about the musical process and the roads it can lead you to. Mel and Sentso thanks for sharing your thoughts on it all.
R4R I get worried sometimes when I hear about all the meds you're dealing with too-I worry about all the interactions and the numbing effect they must have...Do you journal at all? I've always found when I was most unhappy or upset about something in life it really helped to write it down and get it out of my system. It doesn't cost anything and it might help you get to the root of your depression and help you to deal with the feelings. Also, do you participate in any online forums for people with depression? It might help to get support from people going through the same type thing.
Sentso, I hear you on the chocolate and sugar. I'm going to have to make that my next thing to conquer. I think the AV has lodged itself in my sweet tooth lol
Hoping our gang is just busy from the holiday week and will all check in soon. Lots of people are missed!
I've been busy taking care of mom with Alzheimers-insane week including hospital stay and new walker. Tried coconut oil with her as I read it helps people with memory impairment and saw an incredible result in just one day. We actually had conversations today-surreal but very cool.
I think it's so neat that we have musicians here-it's cool to hear about the musical process and the roads it can lead you to. Mel and Sentso thanks for sharing your thoughts on it all.
R4R I get worried sometimes when I hear about all the meds you're dealing with too-I worry about all the interactions and the numbing effect they must have...Do you journal at all? I've always found when I was most unhappy or upset about something in life it really helped to write it down and get it out of my system. It doesn't cost anything and it might help you get to the root of your depression and help you to deal with the feelings. Also, do you participate in any online forums for people with depression? It might help to get support from people going through the same type thing.
Sentso, I hear you on the chocolate and sugar. I'm going to have to make that my next thing to conquer. I think the AV has lodged itself in my sweet tooth lol
Hoping our gang is just busy from the holiday week and will all check in soon. Lots of people are missed!
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Hi all! Still here and thinking of you. I've just been running (more than I care to) but will be back to posting in not too long. Thanks for your messages, and keep them coming! - Mel
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Well at least you mix some fruit in there Sentso Yeah, I'm basically ok with not pushing myself anymore. If stuff comes up, then I'll know it's ok and I CAN deal with it, if not.... I'm not going to try to figure it all out anymore.
FF.... yes, I do journal.... sometimes too much - like trying figure everything out. So, I'm trying to only journal my feelings at the moment and not go delving into stuff.
Amazingly I think the Wellbutrin so far is leveling me out. I'm not numb by any sense of the word. Still can be hyper and run 500-700 stairs or 6 miles. So, it's not wiping me out completely, I'm just so high-strung. I'll listen to the psychiatrist - I have to admit that I think he knows what he's doing. I can't deal with the stuff I need to if it's going to always overwhelm me. I need to be calmed down so I can deal with the emotions without them going haywire and me ending up hyperventilating.
Hi Mel.... hope you are doing ok.... you're in my thoughts and prayers!
See you all later.
Yeah, I'm basically ok with not pushing myself anymore. If stuff comes up, then I'll know it's ok and I CAN deal with it, if not.... I'm not going to try to figure it all out anymore.FF.... yes, I do journal.... sometimes too much - like trying figure everything out. So, I'm trying to only journal my feelings at the moment and not go delving into stuff.
Amazingly I think the Wellbutrin so far is leveling me out. I'm not numb by any sense of the word. Still can be hyper and run 500-700 stairs or 6 miles. So, it's not wiping me out completely, I'm just so high-strung. I'll listen to the psychiatrist - I have to admit that I think he knows what he's doing. I can't deal with the stuff I need to if it's going to always overwhelm me. I need to be calmed down so I can deal with the emotions without them going haywire and me ending up hyperventilating.
Hi Mel.... hope you are doing ok.... you're in my thoughts and prayers!
See you all later.
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
hi R4R! Hi folks!
Still here but still running (and still not drinking, amazingly enough). I will post soon when I get back. Have a super week folks, and do send in those updates. - Mel
Still here but still running (and still not drinking, amazingly enough). I will post soon when I get back. Have a super week folks, and do send in those updates. - Mel
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 222
FF, I'm so happy that you could talk with your mum. That must have felt wonderful.
Yes my AV has lodged itself in sugar. I'm trying to control that. I know that once I eat a chocolate bar or something, I just give up and eat them all the time for the rest of the day. Like I used to do with alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. And I did that yesterday with some stupid online flash game. I never play games, but for some reason I did yesterday. I was kinda down, and I think I needed to forget myself for some time. I'm a little ashamed now. But I've been thinking about it, and it's the same old AV expressing itself, and I know I have to fight it.
The gigs are going well, but I keep counting how many are left. Just a few in december, and then 2 weeks far far away in January, and it's over.
Sometimes my brain wakes up and panics: why give it all away? why not keep on playing music like usual? what will you do? what about money? Sometimes it all sounds crazy. But the little light is still there, inside, a mere instinct giving me strength and hope. I don't wanna play music just because I've become a musician. I don't wanna go through the motions just because it has become a job. I'm lying everytime I walk up on stage. I don't wanna have to lie.
So I still don't exactly know what I'll do. I'm planning on staying in a buddhist meditation center at the end of december for a week. Then I'll go on tour again. Then I'll rest and do the Vipassana retreat. Then we'll see. Maybe the place in Canada. Thinking about giving up my apartment. I wanna leave anyway, so why keep it? We'll see.
Sorry to bother you with all of this, I didn't log in to write that but couldn't help it!
R4R it's a good idea to journal your feelings. I did that a couple months and learned a lot about myself. Haven't done that or even dream journal for a couple weeks now. It's sometimes hard on tour to have some discipline. Too much time spent on a van, travelling.
I have to go see a friend.
I hope you're alright. I hope everyone will be back soon.
Good day, good night everyone!
Yes my AV has lodged itself in sugar. I'm trying to control that. I know that once I eat a chocolate bar or something, I just give up and eat them all the time for the rest of the day. Like I used to do with alcohol, drugs or cigarettes. And I did that yesterday with some stupid online flash game. I never play games, but for some reason I did yesterday. I was kinda down, and I think I needed to forget myself for some time. I'm a little ashamed now. But I've been thinking about it, and it's the same old AV expressing itself, and I know I have to fight it.
The gigs are going well, but I keep counting how many are left. Just a few in december, and then 2 weeks far far away in January, and it's over.
Sometimes my brain wakes up and panics: why give it all away? why not keep on playing music like usual? what will you do? what about money? Sometimes it all sounds crazy. But the little light is still there, inside, a mere instinct giving me strength and hope. I don't wanna play music just because I've become a musician. I don't wanna go through the motions just because it has become a job. I'm lying everytime I walk up on stage. I don't wanna have to lie.
So I still don't exactly know what I'll do. I'm planning on staying in a buddhist meditation center at the end of december for a week. Then I'll go on tour again. Then I'll rest and do the Vipassana retreat. Then we'll see. Maybe the place in Canada. Thinking about giving up my apartment. I wanna leave anyway, so why keep it? We'll see.
Sorry to bother you with all of this, I didn't log in to write that but couldn't help it!
R4R it's a good idea to journal your feelings. I did that a couple months and learned a lot about myself. Haven't done that or even dream journal for a couple weeks now. It's sometimes hard on tour to have some discipline. Too much time spent on a van, travelling.
I have to go see a friend.
I hope you're alright. I hope everyone will be back soon.
Good day, good night everyone!
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Well, glad I'm not all alone in here
Hi Mel and Sentso. Sentso, don't worry about the sugar thing. I can sit down on a Saturday night and polish off a whole medium bag of peanut M&M's and I have quite a lot.
I'm doing ok. Hubby and I were doing better, now we're back to not so good. I see my psychiatrist tonight - tired. A friend coming to watch me make buckeyes then maybe we'll go get a burger or something.
Have a good night.
Dee - what's up with you.... or down - since you are down under and all
Hi Mel and Sentso. Sentso, don't worry about the sugar thing. I can sit down on a Saturday night and polish off a whole medium bag of peanut M&M's and I have quite a lot.
I'm doing ok. Hubby and I were doing better, now we're back to not so good. I see my psychiatrist tonight - tired. A friend coming to watch me make buckeyes then maybe we'll go get a burger or something.
Have a good night.
Dee - what's up with you.... or down - since you are down under and all
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
R4R sorry it's been up and down with you and your husband. That's got to make things stressful.
Glad you checked in Mel.
Sentso, I'm with you on the sugar. The AV didn't go away, it just found a new home and it has a massive sweet tooth. Pisses me off that most people lose a lot of weight when they quit drinking and I'm not one of them. The sugar thing seemed to taper off for a bit, but it's back. I don't really do games either but I like one, Bubble Breaker, that I play before I go to sleep. It seems to take my mind off the worries of the day for some reason...
Your retreats sound like they're going to be really interesting. Maybe they will help you focus on what your next direction will be. Are you on Pinterest? I find it really shows where your interests and heart lies once you've been pinning for awhile. Great way to save ideas for the future too. It sounds like you need a break from your live music performer persona for awhile. Make music because it feels right, not because it pays the bills (although you're lucky you're talented enough that it does). I'm sure you'll do fine in whatever you pursue
I got the Christmas spirit today-did a lot of dollar store shopping and am trying to be creative because I'm broke. It was nice though, shopping with no lines on a mild afternoon. Also nice because I've tried to shop and be creative while broke and hungover at the same time and it wasn't pretty.
Glad you checked in Mel.
Sentso, I'm with you on the sugar. The AV didn't go away, it just found a new home and it has a massive sweet tooth. Pisses me off that most people lose a lot of weight when they quit drinking and I'm not one of them. The sugar thing seemed to taper off for a bit, but it's back. I don't really do games either but I like one, Bubble Breaker, that I play before I go to sleep. It seems to take my mind off the worries of the day for some reason...
Your retreats sound like they're going to be really interesting. Maybe they will help you focus on what your next direction will be. Are you on Pinterest? I find it really shows where your interests and heart lies once you've been pinning for awhile. Great way to save ideas for the future too. It sounds like you need a break from your live music performer persona for awhile. Make music because it feels right, not because it pays the bills (although you're lucky you're talented enough that it does). I'm sure you'll do fine in whatever you pursue
I got the Christmas spirit today-did a lot of dollar store shopping and am trying to be creative because I'm broke. It was nice though, shopping with no lines on a mild afternoon. Also nice because I've tried to shop and be creative while broke and hungover at the same time and it wasn't pretty.
ANewBeginning
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,822
Very tired today.... for someone who hates meds... gosh they seem to be going overboard. Cymbalta stayed the same. Psych wanted me to double my klonopin from 1 to 2mg twice daily. The wellbutrin from 75mg to 150 and wants to see me at 300mg!!
So, yeah, I'm tired at the moment.
On the flip side, I did get my blood test for hormonal changes (yeah, guys 45 can start the whole ball of fire to start). Doc asked why because it's really not going to change anything med wise. But it's more of a satisfying my curiosity because other people have asked. So, we'll see.
Yeah, Dee.... I still missed ya
FF ... thanks. He offered an apology for the way he's been treating me this morning. So, we'll see on that also.
Have had some notions about drinking lately.... but now on the meds - that would TOTALLY NOT be a grand idea!!!
Ok, see you guys later.
So, yeah, I'm tired at the moment.
On the flip side, I did get my blood test for hormonal changes (yeah, guys 45 can start the whole ball of fire to start). Doc asked why because it's really not going to change anything med wise. But it's more of a satisfying my curiosity because other people have asked. So, we'll see.
Yeah, Dee.... I still missed ya
FF ... thanks. He offered an apology for the way he's been treating me this morning. So, we'll see on that also.
Have had some notions about drinking lately.... but now on the meds - that would TOTALLY NOT be a grand idea!!!
Ok, see you guys later.
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