Class of July 2012 Part 6
 

we continue from here :)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-5-a-20.html

D

Hi Sentso,

Your announcement that you are leaving the band surprised me in that I have been thinking of your band membership as a reason for me to change my policy and to start saying "yes" to live performances.

On the other hand, taking time off from live work has been very enjoyable for me, a much-needed vacation from all that stress and rushing around. Let's keep in touch on this.

Mel

R4R, thank you so so much for you wonderful message! It's a very important message for me, I'll keep it in mind for a long time. A leap of faith, exactly. Thank you. I hope you're good and your running went well.

Mel, I'm not really questioning live music as much as I'm questioning my life in general. I feel I need to focus on my inner life for some time, otherwise playing and writing music will just become a pointless and meaningless activity. I now don't consider myself a musician. I think I always searched for something in music or books or movies (I wanted and started to work in this field before we got the label offer for the band), and now I've lost it, I don't know exactly why, and I need to find it again.
But of course, life on the road does not really allow me to do that, so it has to stop.

I'm planning on doing a 10 day Vipassana course after our last bit of touring in january and then see what happens.

Good day, good night everyone!

For me I discovered that while I was still very much a musician, and I still loved music, I had no lingering desire to be a [IRONY]'rock star' [/IRONY]anymore, y'know?.

the bar and club scene was just horribly horribly empty to me.

D

Sentso it takes courage to pursue new things and not fall into the same role you've had for years. I think musicians will always find a way to keep music in their lives but being in the public eye isn't always the only form of success. You can only find what you're seeking if you're actually seeking right? Quitting booze really makes you examine everything in your life doesn't it?

Doing the whole Thanksgiving prep wasn't even a challenge sober lol It was nice not to be bleary eyed and hungover trying to get the whole dinner ready, and it seemed so easy. I even managed to bake a pie and do something creative this year. Hope you all enjoyed your day, however you spent it!

Thanks for the Welcome!
 

Thanks for the welcome! Well, a little about me.....

Coming up to 5 months sober now (As all of you are :c031:) which is actually the 3rd time I've reached this milestone and I have come to recognise this as a bit of a danger point in my sobriety and I don't want to go through this again!

I'm English, 37 years old, married with 2 small children and currently living in Germany on International Assignment with work. Past addictions include gambling, smoking, cannabis, cocaine, food and caffiene (Clearly some cross-addiction going on here!). Just the alcohol to deal with and then I'm done!

I see real progress over the past 5 months and all areas of my life have seen a significant improvement. Work, family, marriage, depression have all improved and I see a great future ahead for myself and my family.

I still have some issues to deal with such as anger which resurface from time to time. Last week for example was pretty awful which was so frustrating. The previous few weeks had gone really well and then I just deteriorated last week with all the classic symptoms of PAWS. I was angry, very tired, I'd put 3kg back on that i'd lost and I was quite depressed.

Anyone else been having set backs like this after periods of real progress? Is there a general consensus as to how long this lasts? One thing is for sure, you only realise how much substance abuse messes with your brain when you try to abstain. Some serious healing needs to be done to the 'ole noggin'

Cheers

Julynine

:c031:

Hi Sentso, I am experiencing déjà vu from your message, in remembering a decision chain I pursued quite a few years ago involving a digressive exploration of a meditation path. By all means, keep us updated.

A horribly empty scene replete with horribly full glasses. :biggrin:

So far I am not examining broadly but reducing the process to its simplest terms, that is, to simply not drinking. Having said this, I also can see a broader self-examination will probably necessarily follow my current phase.

Mel

Julynine, welcome here!

FreeFall, thanks for your message, I really appreciate. It's true quitting drinking made me look at my whole life differently. I never could have imagined that.
I really appreciate how supportive you all are, thank you.

Mel, would you accept to give me details about this time in your life? I'm obviously very interested!

Keep it up guys!!

The glasses didn't bother me mel but the overwhelming air of despair in the room did...
maybe I was projecting, I dunno...:dunno:

D

Hey Julians!

J9 -- I wouldn't call them setbacks... they're part of moving forward. Alcohol changes the chemisty in our brains and deadens our capacity to feel. Everything changes when we stop drinking... at least that's how it was explained to me. I started to feel things again... crummy, yucky things... that are seriously coming to a head at this stage. I'm on meds to help 'restructure' my brain - cut new pathways I suppose. While I learn new ways of coping with pain, fear, anger and even happiness. All without alcohol and for me... without any other 'harmful to myself' coping mechanism. Which I just saw a new one surface the other day and am trying to do something about it.
So no set backs... we're learning to live :)

Glad everyone made it through Thanksgiving. I was really blessed last night to be able to cook a turkey and stuffing and sweet potatoes and take them to the Addiction Recovery in Christ meeting. Only two of us ended up making turkeys and it still was sufficient for the the couple hundred people who were there. Some homeless, some family-less, all recovering addicts and/or alcoholics... even the Pastor.

Before that during the day, I was a complete mess. Super sad and wanting to harm myself. Pain right at the surface. I think the other day opened up a whole new level of pain and anguish inside. It really hurts. But God... His grace is sufficient and I will let Him do what He needs to do in me to make me whole again.

Hey check it out guys... we have started our 6th page and we're almost into our 6th month... I thought is was cool anyway ;)

Love you all and have a great day!

Off for a nice walk this morning with Mrs J and the kids through the forest followed by a nice Sunday lunch at the restaurant (it has open fires :c031: ). It is so nice to go out for Sunday lunch and not spend all afternoon asleep on the couch because you had 5 large beers before it (and then 5 more when you woke up).

Will have to compromise with the boy this afternoon, he wants to watch Harry Potter and I want to watch the football (thank god for iPad and headphones).

Have a great sober Sunday Julians

Julynine.

Happy Sunday all!

Busy day today... so just a quick post to say you all ROCK including me, of course ;)

Have a wonderful day and remember sobriety is real and attainable and we're living proof!

have a good day R4R :)

D

Hey everyone, I just saw these classes and July 4th 2012 is my date! So I popped in to say hello and that I'll be around.

welcome aboard Xune :)

D

Thanks Dee! I am doing better since ceasing the nightclub dates. Among other things, it is easier to maintain a regular sleep schedule, which seems to matter more the older I get.

Hi R4R! What you said, about brain chemistry--times 2.

Good to hear your update Julynine. Have a super week.

Mel

Welcome Xune! - Mel

Dear Sentso,

Thanks for your interest! I am not sure where to start in answering your question. Let me try a brief paragraph: I have been lucky in life and relationships, with the good fortune of being able to live comfortably since doing my first national tours and recording sessions some four decades ago before I was old enough for a driver's license. My music career has had many phases--the current phase being focused mostly on writing. I am at a crossroads as to what big project to next undertake, though I have enough small projects to keep me busy. Deciding whether small-room live performance will continue to be on my calendar will influence my decision on next projects.

Mel

Welcome X - glad you found us and could join in the fun :) Nice cow ;)

Hey Mel.... are you feeling any better?

Sentso.... you doing ok?

FF? TiG? Lauren? LWB? SBB? IWW? (((Where ARE YOU?)))

Got a prayer/counseling time tonight with a couple that I've grown to really like (parent figures).... get through some more of the hard crap.
Am having a bit of obsessive thing going on... have this tattoo on my wrist that I don't like (it's not bad, just a bracelet type), but I've been to a couple laser treatments years ago and then tried tricloroacetic acid... used that this weekend and then got the sanding block out - got it looking pretty bad - it's going to scar - so I figured since I screwed it up already then I might as well get the Dremmel out. Now I know you all think I'm crazy now... certifiably, but I realized it got worse after taking a friends kid out on Thanksgiving night for shopping Black Friday stuff... and found out she was 12 yrs. old. It dawned on me that that was the age I started cutting and harming myself because of all the pain.

Got a lot of healing to get tonight, me thinks. I think I'll take stock out in Kleenex....

Welcome Xune!

Mel, thanks for the details. I too was lucky enough to live comfortably since we signed our record contract, around six years ago, in my early 20's.
Complicated choices... I hope you get some sort of answers or signs to help you make a decision.
I was lucky to realize suddenly after quitting drinking I had to listen to what my dreams and my instincts were telling me. Maybe you could try to write down your dreams and see what their messages are.

Also, if you feel like writing a bit more, I'd be very interested in your "digressive exploration of a meditation path". It's interesting how similar parts of our lives seem to be.

R4R, sorry to hear about your tattoo. I have a friend who also has trouble with one of her tattoos. I know how painful and stressful it can be. But please don't harm yourself. Acid and sanding block don't sound good, especially if you're by yourself and in an obsessive mood. I know how uncontrollable an urge like that can be. Please be careful and accept it as it is: an urge, an obsessive thought going through your brain. You don't need to follow it. It's just a thought. You are not your thoughts and you are not your body. And you can find peace inside yourself, using prayers or meditation. Please let go of those thoughts. I think about you, and will put you in the light tonight when I meditate.