Class Of February 2012 Part 2
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I think everyone wishes they could go back to 'normal drinking' but I think we all cross a line at some point & we can't go back - personally I was never a 'normal' drinker - it was always drink until I fell down with me.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Orbea,
I have said it would be alot easier, and so two nights last week, I noticed he abstained, and a third night, he had one after I went to bed. But short of an all out fight or getting mad, I have expressed it to him. It is up to him to do whatever with that information.
He does not have the healthiest relationship with alcohol either. Father was an alcoholic(my mother was), and his family can drink alot. One brother with drug and alcohol addictions. Dh waxes and wanes in his drinking, usually controlled, though heavy on weekends(6-8 beers on weekend nights). There have been a few severe binges where he lost control, I have once had to pick him up at a police station when he and his buddies were way too drunk after a concert. They were arrested for their own protection, just before getting into their vehicles. That was only once and I was furious and let him stay the night until i got kids settled somewhere the next day!
So, Obviously, it is not exactly easy for him to "just not drink" because I have decided I am quitting. he has his own journey to map. KWIM? I just don't think he can stop for me. He needs to stop for him, because I think he also has a problem.
I cannot get mad at him, since I have no leg to stand on. Mostly, my heath has led me to try to stop, and so, he thinks it is more like my issue with the diabetes, and liver stuff, and weight control, not a real alcoholic thing. Denial, enabling, we do it well.
Sigh... We don't really fight about drinking, but I talk about it, and he grunts.
I have said it would be alot easier, and so two nights last week, I noticed he abstained, and a third night, he had one after I went to bed. But short of an all out fight or getting mad, I have expressed it to him. It is up to him to do whatever with that information.
He does not have the healthiest relationship with alcohol either. Father was an alcoholic(my mother was), and his family can drink alot. One brother with drug and alcohol addictions. Dh waxes and wanes in his drinking, usually controlled, though heavy on weekends(6-8 beers on weekend nights). There have been a few severe binges where he lost control, I have once had to pick him up at a police station when he and his buddies were way too drunk after a concert. They were arrested for their own protection, just before getting into their vehicles. That was only once and I was furious and let him stay the night until i got kids settled somewhere the next day!
So, Obviously, it is not exactly easy for him to "just not drink" because I have decided I am quitting. he has his own journey to map. KWIM? I just don't think he can stop for me. He needs to stop for him, because I think he also has a problem.
I cannot get mad at him, since I have no leg to stand on. Mostly, my heath has led me to try to stop, and so, he thinks it is more like my issue with the diabetes, and liver stuff, and weight control, not a real alcoholic thing. Denial, enabling, we do it well.
Sigh... We don't really fight about drinking, but I talk about it, and he grunts.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Trigirl,
You have described hiding.bottles all.over the garage and getting up.in the middle of the night for a chaser to stop the shakes. It is concerning. I hope you dont go back to that with your idea of one drink a night. Do you feel that six days of sobriety followed by a daily.monitored drink will shield you from going back to that? And will that hinder your athletic goals? What is your vision of yourself five years from now? Begin, with the end in mind.
You have described hiding.bottles all.over the garage and getting up.in the middle of the night for a chaser to stop the shakes. It is concerning. I hope you dont go back to that with your idea of one drink a night. Do you feel that six days of sobriety followed by a daily.monitored drink will shield you from going back to that? And will that hinder your athletic goals? What is your vision of yourself five years from now? Begin, with the end in mind.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Rochelle, it is a complicated situation. But it struck.me when I read your post, that drinking is an activity you & your husband both do together... So what else can you both agree to do together, to get some connection time reinforced that does not involve time drinking? While you sort the drinking part out?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Yeah, well, I would say our marriage is troubled. But we have 2 kids, etc... There is little time together anyway, with all the driving kids here and there, homework, etc... then he works out and has 2 beers and goes to bed. It has been an ongoing issue where I find him inattentive, and I have alot of resentment at this point. And i just don't even bother to fight about any of it, anymore.
We never fight about money, how to raise the kids, and core values. But I cannot help but think this unspoken drinking dysfunction we share is really the poison in the relationship. I am sure it kills his libido, and if he drinks and I do not, I find it a huge turnoff. Always have. I definately began drinking more and more as part of our relationship. I was a pretty normal drinker, with lots of little rules for myself(as the child of an alcoholic) before I met him. I could very happily have 2 very small glasses of wine a few nights a week. Often would not drink at all. I did a few nights in my life where I had too much, maybe on a vacation, or at a party where others fill your glass all night. But I could count them on one hand.
I should not have married someone who drinks more than me. That was not a good choice. Even though it is my problem.
rochele
We never fight about money, how to raise the kids, and core values. But I cannot help but think this unspoken drinking dysfunction we share is really the poison in the relationship. I am sure it kills his libido, and if he drinks and I do not, I find it a huge turnoff. Always have. I definately began drinking more and more as part of our relationship. I was a pretty normal drinker, with lots of little rules for myself(as the child of an alcoholic) before I met him. I could very happily have 2 very small glasses of wine a few nights a week. Often would not drink at all. I did a few nights in my life where I had too much, maybe on a vacation, or at a party where others fill your glass all night. But I could count them on one hand.
I should not have married someone who drinks more than me. That was not a good choice. Even though it is my problem.
rochele
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 134
scottish1981- I'm actually in the states, I don't get to watch much or know too many specifics but I'm a Chelsea FC fan. I really really want to get over there, a very good friend lives in Glasgow. Also I really want to see the Linlithgow palace, that's so awesome to live where that is and so much else. Not drinking while watching, that's quite impressive, good for you!
Dmr42- Hello and welcome, always a tough day-glad you're here.
I drank myself to sleep as well, and after awhile I was barely even sleeping then. It did take some time, and I'm not sleeping like I'd dream of (then again had insomnia since i was a kid so yeah) but I am definitely sleeping better then I was the last year+ of drinking. It gets better, it really does.
TriGirl- Oh I understand that, but it's not real...that's what I tell myself. I'm lucky that I CAN isolate how I am, no significant other, kids, or obligations except to show up to work (which I barely am working er....) and class. It was next to impossible for me prior when I was going out/with people...b/c I felt the need to be "on". I try to remind myself (super depressed today) that it's just going to hit that much harder when it wears off, but it's super difficult for sure. (that's an understatement)
The other day I had some sips of wine, and I kept my count up- but i had asked the same sort of thing.
And good lord, I still haven't begun to wrap my head of the "never drinking again" but I do know that one glass won't stifle the urge now (love to have one no doubt) and the risk is too great...though i am really struggling to not have one.
HF- So stoked for you to hear such positivity. Maybe that's why I feel more depressed then usual, but I think a LOT of that is facing the reality of the mess of my life I've made (i mean the dieting increasing depression. then again I know well enough about nutrition to know it definitely can cause mood swings, I just feel I ought to be used to it, heh. I didn't however take it into account it would make the craving to drink intensified...not that I'm willing to eat anymore then I am, but that is good to know)
EternalQ- I myself am quite the expert in the fine (hahaHA) art of self-destruction. Shame that doesn't work on a resume
I really like the point you made, if we're doing this, that opens the floor to so many other things!!
Wildat16- What a great post to read, I am hopeful to see more from him soon myself as I know we all are.
kam00096- Heck yeah!
lilac0721- It's a constant up and down and we're all here to help each other.
BoozeFree- Congrats on the great week-end. I am the total opposite my father (though I live with them. life failure 201, heh) and I...it's stressful. I however am attempting to change my own oil, things like that make him feel he accomplished something w/car upkeep haha.
rochele- Having drinks that night before, no matter how much you know you want to not drink is definitely going to increase the desire the next night--I get that.
I can only imagine how difficult that is when the husband drinks. Both of the bet relationships I had, that was the nail in the coffin. One would/did support me by not drinking (well not around me, i told him--hey it's not you w/the problem go out and have some fun etc) but the other has a drinking issue himself. It got really complicated when it kinda came down to the ultimatum kinda-- ok you can't drink/but I can. That didn't pan out well.
But this is your husband and that's another ball game. I just, I can get the fact the other person can still drink, but it gets dicier when they're are plausible issues w/his relationship w/alcohol too. Dead on, if someone could stop for someone else...I would have done so in 2009 for sure.
Eh, I think I'm having some sort of identity crisis. I don't know how the heck I even AM anymore, I became the summation of my "issues". I never meant to play the damsel in distress role, and it's one I nearly made my identity. Men coming in to "save me from myself" while I based my self-worth entirely on them/being desired, god knows what else. Relationships fell apart, I was in an abusive one, I got really bad off w/drugs...and have been steadfastly running from reality and now I just feel lost.
Wow, what a depressing post, sorry you all.
(i'm ashamed I became so lost in that, that I let myself seem that weak, that I did what I've done and so so many things. I feel so lost and disgusted w/my behavior and it's overwhelming)
Dmr42- Hello and welcome, always a tough day-glad you're here.
I drank myself to sleep as well, and after awhile I was barely even sleeping then. It did take some time, and I'm not sleeping like I'd dream of (then again had insomnia since i was a kid so yeah) but I am definitely sleeping better then I was the last year+ of drinking. It gets better, it really does.
TriGirl- Oh I understand that, but it's not real...that's what I tell myself. I'm lucky that I CAN isolate how I am, no significant other, kids, or obligations except to show up to work (which I barely am working er....) and class. It was next to impossible for me prior when I was going out/with people...b/c I felt the need to be "on". I try to remind myself (super depressed today) that it's just going to hit that much harder when it wears off, but it's super difficult for sure. (that's an understatement)
The other day I had some sips of wine, and I kept my count up- but i had asked the same sort of thing.
And good lord, I still haven't begun to wrap my head of the "never drinking again" but I do know that one glass won't stifle the urge now (love to have one no doubt) and the risk is too great...though i am really struggling to not have one.
HF- So stoked for you to hear such positivity. Maybe that's why I feel more depressed then usual, but I think a LOT of that is facing the reality of the mess of my life I've made (i mean the dieting increasing depression. then again I know well enough about nutrition to know it definitely can cause mood swings, I just feel I ought to be used to it, heh. I didn't however take it into account it would make the craving to drink intensified...not that I'm willing to eat anymore then I am, but that is good to know)
EternalQ- I myself am quite the expert in the fine (hahaHA) art of self-destruction. Shame that doesn't work on a resume
I really like the point you made, if we're doing this, that opens the floor to so many other things!!
Wildat16- What a great post to read, I am hopeful to see more from him soon myself as I know we all are.
kam00096- Heck yeah!
lilac0721- It's a constant up and down and we're all here to help each other.
BoozeFree- Congrats on the great week-end. I am the total opposite my father (though I live with them. life failure 201, heh) and I...it's stressful. I however am attempting to change my own oil, things like that make him feel he accomplished something w/car upkeep haha.
rochele- Having drinks that night before, no matter how much you know you want to not drink is definitely going to increase the desire the next night--I get that.
I can only imagine how difficult that is when the husband drinks. Both of the bet relationships I had, that was the nail in the coffin. One would/did support me by not drinking (well not around me, i told him--hey it's not you w/the problem go out and have some fun etc) but the other has a drinking issue himself. It got really complicated when it kinda came down to the ultimatum kinda-- ok you can't drink/but I can. That didn't pan out well.
But this is your husband and that's another ball game. I just, I can get the fact the other person can still drink, but it gets dicier when they're are plausible issues w/his relationship w/alcohol too. Dead on, if someone could stop for someone else...I would have done so in 2009 for sure.
Eh, I think I'm having some sort of identity crisis. I don't know how the heck I even AM anymore, I became the summation of my "issues". I never meant to play the damsel in distress role, and it's one I nearly made my identity. Men coming in to "save me from myself" while I based my self-worth entirely on them/being desired, god knows what else. Relationships fell apart, I was in an abusive one, I got really bad off w/drugs...and have been steadfastly running from reality and now I just feel lost.
Wow, what a depressing post, sorry you all.
(i'm ashamed I became so lost in that, that I let myself seem that weak, that I did what I've done and so so many things. I feel so lost and disgusted w/my behavior and it's overwhelming)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Well, logical, think of how far you can go now, clean and sober on new wings! Turn that thinking around to see how you are freeing yourself from those chains.
I would not be surprised to see a pattern of alcoholics, especially women, who have some history of being in controlling relationships. It is another way to step back and have someone(or something else) in charge. alcohol is a very controlling substance. It is sneaky too.
So, stayed sober last night and slept pretty well. I am glad for that today, as tempted as I was,watching dh have 6 beers!
Did you all know how annoying we all can become after 4 or 5 drinks too? That can be so sobering in and of itself. Seeing it in someone else.
I would not be surprised to see a pattern of alcoholics, especially women, who have some history of being in controlling relationships. It is another way to step back and have someone(or something else) in charge. alcohol is a very controlling substance. It is sneaky too.
So, stayed sober last night and slept pretty well. I am glad for that today, as tempted as I was,watching dh have 6 beers!
Did you all know how annoying we all can become after 4 or 5 drinks too? That can be so sobering in and of itself. Seeing it in someone else.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Originally Posted by Orbea 
Ugh. So toddler is on day 6 of fever and hubby is dry heaving in bathroom.
My older child has life threatening food allergies, and when she was young, it was extremely stressful. One little crumb off the floor(and you know how toddlers can be) could put her into anayphylactic shock. We had to be so vigilant.
It really contributed to my stress and bad way of dealing with it(drinking at night).
I hope your little guy outgrows his problem soon, and that you get some relief for him at the doc.
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