Dee74

continues from here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-20-a-21.html

D

sojourner

Hello to all. I'm stressed. It's crunch time on the moving. I'm going through another period where I have to stay away from the F&F forum because I have no patience with them. Friends keep asking if I'm excited about moving, and I'm not. I mean, I'm moving ahead with it - it's just that it's not exciting because it is just so dang much work, so many details with closing down the house (utilities, etc) and getting things started at the new place. Plus it is an hour away, so I can't just pop in and do some prep work on the new place. I am grateful that the new place is empty. Plus I work from home, so it's like I'm moving my home environment and my work environment all at the same time.

Enough whining. God is good. What I walked away with from the sale of the house was only $200 less than the full price of the new place. All my friends/family are pitching in to help. This will all work out.

Hope everybody else reading this sees all their blessings today!

MsPINKAcres

((sojourner))

Morning! how emotional to be moving both WORK & HOME! That can be emotionally exhausting not to mention the physical aspect of it! Like physical surgery - our bodies need time to recoup and mend ~ your mental & emotional body needs time to HEAL and ADJUST to all this change - even if it is change for the positive - Hope you can take time to pamper yourself a little - you probably need the little TLC!

Going to go to the other Thread to catch up on everyone else - praying all is well with everyone.

It's been a busy weekend for us - it was a family reunion on Mr. PINKAcres' side of the family - we had a really great time. They have welcomed me into the family as sweet as possible.

Saturday was a great day - it was my 8 yr sanity bday - (8 yrs in Al-Anon) AND it was our 1st wedding anniversary too!

Kaileigh's dad came in for the reunion - he stayed at our house. It was ok - but not the best ~ I have so much resentment to work on!! He spent about a day and a half with her and then you could tell - he was done with her - no more patience, no more time, no more anything with her - he pushed her off to us - it broke her heart!! His battery was dead in his vehicle, we bought him a new one, let him use Mr. Pink's truck, gave him $$ for gas and but he didn't use it to put gas in the truck (of course)

I of course know all these things will happen - but Mr. Pink is not at a place where he is ready to say NO to him.

I feel like we are raising Kaileigh - he contributes NOTHING financially to help with her, therefore, I don't feel like we should help him any financially - yes we do help our other adult children a little some - but I have resentment about helping him when he does nothing to help himself or his daughter. The others I feel like we are giving a help up instead of a hand OUT!

Ok - officially off my little rant - breathing in and breathing out - returning my self to it's normally scheduled PINKNESS!! - bwah ha ha ha ha -

probably gonna do a little more reading on resentment and Steps 1, 2, & 3 today - I think I need it!

I pray that the beauty of the love of your HP fills each of moment of your day with Hope, Joy, Peace and Laughter!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

LeadHatter

Rita nice to see you. I can see how feeding Kays dad $$'s can help you feel cross. I guess that's the price for not having rows and even more unpleasantness as Mr Pink sees it. Could he be right? I don't see how he can be much of a dope [mr pink] after all he married you so he's doing something right eh

If you feel Kays dad is taking liberties now and have discussed it with Mr Pink seems to me like Kays dad is on borrowed time before you and Mr Pink decide you wont put up with it anymore so perhaps you can trust it will get fixed soon enough one way or another. You and Mr Pink have a good relationship i feel dont you and you communicate well so seems likely you wont stand for those feelings indefinitely. Such situations can be difficult and dealing with inappropriate requests can take some getting used to. But i mean you got through it by the sound of it without quarreling with Kays dad or Mr Pink didnt ya so you did ok. Just have to figure out a strategy for the future now [i know its annoying but boundaries and limits eh to be set by you and mr pink when your both ready to call it quits on the helping out kays dad financially] It is a major pia pain in ... dealing with someone that DOESNT respect boundaries isnt it but well i think you know what to do.

A strategy for introducing new boundaries without feeling too bad about being mr meany etc has been in the past the 'last time clause' so when i decide im tired of doing whatever it is for someone i decide that should they ask again i will do it one last time so that they know about new rules and get fair warning before i roll out the new rules in full effect. If you already did something one last time and then someone asks again they dont have a leg to stand on if you have already helped them out before AND explained why you cant do it any longer AND told them it will be the last time. They have had fair warning so any drama they are in belongs to them. Has helped me anyroad in the past Rita

Good luck with the situation and happy 8th sanity and 1st Mr Pink and you aniv

Gypsy Feet

Tuesday, September 6, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
The Good in Step Ten

Step Ten says: "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." It does not suggest that we ignore what is right in our life. It says we continue to take a personal inventory and keep a focus on ourselves.

When we take an inventory, we will want to look for many things. We can search out feelings that need our attention. We can look for low self-esteem creeping back in. We can look for old ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. We can look for mistakes that need correcting.

But a critical part of our inventory can focus on what we're doing right and on all that is good around us.

Part of our codependency is an obsessive focus on what's wrong and what we might be doing wrong - real or imagined. In recovery we're learning to focus on what's right.

Look fearlessly, with a loving, positive eye. What did you do right today? Did you behave differently today than you would have a year ago? Did you reach out to someone and allow yourself to be vulnerable? You can compliment yourself for that.

Did you have a bad day but dealt effectively with it? Did you practice gratitude or acceptance? Did you take a risk, own your power, or set a boundary? Did you take responsibility for yourself in a way that you might not have before?

Did you take time for prayer or meditation? Did you trust God? Did you let someone do something for you?

Even on our worst days, we can find one thing we did right. We can find something to feel hopeful about. We can find something to look forward to. We can focus realistically on visions of what can be.

God, help me let go of my need to stay immersed in negativity. I can change the energy in my environment and myself from negative to positive. I will affirm the good until it sinks in and feels real. I will also strive to find one quality that I like about someone else who's important to me, and I will take the risk of telling him or her that.

Anna

Sojourner,

I wish you a peaceful and safe move of house, home and workplace. I know how exhausting it can be to get everything going.

Rita,

I think it's amazing that you can spend time with Kaileigh's Dad and be civil towards him. It must be heart-breaking for you to watch him walk away and leave her. But, thank heavens she has you and MrPink.

Impurrfect

(((Kevin))) - I've used the "last time" thing to make boundaries, too. After I drove the 50 mile round trip to take Brit cigs and $$ because dad said he'd pay me back, I told both of them "I will not do that again". She called in her poor-pitiful-me voice, crying the other night and I told her I was busy, which I was. Had a little bit of guilt but only for a minute.

(((Sojourner)))- I can understand that this move is really stressful and MY patience would be short. Even when I'm doing something good for myself (like going to school now), it's stressful and I put a sign with the KISS saying on it on my wall behind my laptop (thank you (((DeVon))).

(((Rita))) - I'm glad you had the family reunion, but sorry that (((Kaleigh's))) dad showed up. That was how Brit's dad did her whole life, except when he was locked up. Once she got older she refused to see him a lot of the time, and now wants nothing to do with him except that he supposedly has money in an account for her..she just HAS to go to prison to see him in person.

He's still the manipulator and hasn't learned a darned thing. His dad enabled the heck out of him, would get him a house and car every time he got out of jail, but even HE finally has had enough. (((Mr. Pink))) will get there when he gets there. Oh, and happy belated anniversary and congrats on your "Sanity anniversary". I did remember they were on the same day.

I've got to get busy with studying. We never got the heavy rains (though everywhere around us did), but we did get rain and it's a cool 62 degrees. Elvis decided it was too cool for him and his achy bones, so he's on my lap, where he's been since I got home from CA. "We" have to do a few papers

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

LeadHatter

Amy good news about you feeling guilt only momentarily. Last time i felt some emotions could have been guilt and maybe even for a moment or 2 lol but for sure knocking on my door literally or figuratively after being told last time er no i have already warned u sry:p

Last time i did it it worked yay. I told them straight no i told you last time last time and i meant it explained again why then removed myself from that person

Its good for you that your doing that. I think some sorts of people tend to trample over others without firm fair boundaries provided that you are fair and explain your reasons i dont see as anyone can find fault in you for setting them up [boundaries] i dont think an explanation is mandatory although probably desirable if you want to maintain good relations with the person your saying no 2 in some circumstances idk the explanation is probably a judgement to be made and is not neccessary. no is a complete sentence goes the school of thought in one of my sisters parenting books [although im not sure if thats when mummy says no or thats what the book suggests you teach your toddler, the latter perhaps]

Chino

I've become really good at the "last time" thing but wow, did it take a lot to get here. It's taken my husband a lot to get here as well, and he's mostly been following my lead. I have to be very careful knowing that.

Sojourner, I'm saying a prayer for you that the move goes smoothly and all the help you need is provided.

Amy, I think all the craziness, disappointment and sorrow you've been through lately has had a huge impact on your ability to let go of perfection. You've been honoring yourself and that's perfect all by itself

Daughter almost had to temporarily come home. The apt above her is empty and has a window a/c unit that wasn't properly weatherproofed. Rain from this tropical storm was streaming down her walls and soaked her bedroom carpet. She called management and the maintenance man came over, temporarily took care of stopping it. She insisted they clean her carpet today, they agreed, and she decided to sleep on the floor in her living room rather than come home. Her floors are concrete underneath the carpet so no worries about mold.

I cannot tell you how RELIEVED husband and I were that she chose to ride it out. We were proud of her, but more relieved for ourselves. We're enjoying our empty nest! I pray that our new normal and positive growth continues, for all of us

LeadHatter

Chino i can imagine how you could feel pressurised if hubby is following your lead.



My mum just rang and I am going for visit x 2 without dad tomorrow. Not sure what to expect. Ok so I believe that the love addiction thing underpins some of my depressive illness but will she. Aughtnt i to tell her or otherwise all that sort of thinking will need to be figured out since the telephone just rang now whilst i was typing this

Oh well in my HPs hands let it be

Hey Rita I actually said good gravy today your rubbing off

Anna

Chino,

I love that!

It's so hard when we see our kids going over a bump in the road, wondering if they can handle it. It sounds like your daughter did so well in getting things taken care of and making sure things got cleaned up. Good for her!

Impurrfect

(((Kevin))) that is too funny...don't imagine they say "good gravy" over there

(((Chino))) - YAY for your daughter getting through the bump!

Just finished the latest chapter, now to write out the answers.

Elvis insists on wanting to be outside, but it's still cool, so put a soft blankie out there for him to snuggle into and he's pretty content. He REALLY wants me to stay out there with him, but explained me, the laptop, the book, and him won't fit on the chair..he still guilted me with "that look" and his little trill....sigh. I held strong, though, and I'm inside, he's out.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

MsPINKAcres

Kevin - thank you for that - I laughed out loud - I can only imagine the looks you would have gotten if any one heard you say "good gravy" I imagine you with a british accent saying good gravy and I get tickled all over!

Yes you are right Mr. Pink and I communicate well together - the subject with Kaileigh's dad is tough - it's very painful for him - sometimes I think I forget to keep my compassion to Mr. Pink - as it is HIS SON we are talking about - I just see the view of how Kaileigh is hurt - I must remember the pain I have felt with Ash and let him grow in his own time.

Speaking of Ash - I'm really sad to say I don't think she is doing well either - This disease is just UGLY!

Ok - off early today - going to pick up our little cheerleader !

Visit more tomorrow!

PINK HUGS!

Anna

Amy, I'm glad that you're getting into the school routine and that the job is pretty much finished now?, so you can focus on your school work.

Rita, you are so right and generous. Of course you are feeling Kaileigh's pain and missing her Dad, and MrPink is feeling the same, but it's his son who is causing Kaileigh's pain. I continue to send prayers of gratitude to the two of you for being there for that little girl.

Kevin, I'm glad you're doing well.

Impurrfect

(((Anna))) - not sure about McD's. Haven't called them, may go by tomorrow to see if I'm on the schedule, but it really boils down to whether dad can pay the majority of my bills until I get the financial aid. He's on his way home from NJ, has to go back up to NY sometime this week.

I've done really good in getting assignments done, but the one main book we have (2 inches thick) it's like my brain just says "I don't GET this!!!" It's so darned detailed, stuff I know absolutely nothing about and I can't get my mind out of "I can't" to "I can". Heck, 99% of what I learned in nursing school, I had no knowledge of, and I got through that?

Any suggestions? Telling myself I can absorb this info and figure out the answers to the questions isn't working yet. Maybe I need to put another sign on my wall, saying "yes you can"?

I know this isn't totally codie related but it is, in a way...that negative self talk is way louder than the affirmations.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Chino

Do it backwards. Take the questions to the book where you'll find the answers

Impurrfect

(((Chino))) - I'll try that, but some of the questions seem to be like "the best resource to use identifying the structure of the electronic health record is the ____" and stuff like that is either stuffed into the chapter somewhere, or is not there at all, and depends on me understanding.

I'm about to see how many questions I can find scanning through the chapter. Thanks for the suggestion. Maybe being "backwards" can be a good thing

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Chino

Backwards and sideways is about the only way I can read instructions and information. My brain doesn't seem to sort them in order. I may read the last thing then the middle, beginning, then end again. I'm so whacked LOL

Hope you're finding a solution

Gypsy Feet

2 weeks we have been in the woods now, I reckon this is as good a test as any hahaha. Yesterday he had a little meltdown, and indicated in a less than straight forward way that he needed some alone time. Today he was back to normal, but thats not the news.
The news is, I was fine. I didnt pout for long, or let my anger get a hold of my tongue. I felt the feelings and let them go

so as I did the reading and did my tenth today, I gave myself a big hug for the progress

Impurrfect

(((Lisa))) good for you!!

(((Chino))) found what I think are the answers to a couple questions going backwards. Then dropped the question list behind my desk in the corner where I couldn't reach it. The desk is particle board, was trying to fall apart as I tried to move it (scrunched into a corner) and Elvis hauled butt (smart kitty).

Finally decided to put that one on hold, as the instructor gives a lecture on the chapter Thu. night and may be of some help.

About to head to bed to read ANOTHER chapter in the same book, 60 pages long (will be asleep before I finish). Her questions are more research on different clinical systems and health information systems, tried to do that but even that isn't easy, so printed off some decent info.

I'll be fine in the morning...always am. It's just that 12-14 hours of study, even taking short breaks, leaves me totally frustrated. I've e-mailed Tess and DeVon for questions and advice, as one thing is about Excel and that's Tess's expertise, with DeVon, it's more like HOW DID YOU GET THROUGH THIS BOOK!?!?!

They've gone to bed, like normal people, so I am heading that way, too. The rest of my grades are coming up nicely, so must be doing something right

Apparently, the dog is sleeping with me again tonight. Stepmom has yet to realize she has no control over that. Dad will be home in the wee hours of the morning and I will talk to him about the McD's situation.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy