frances2011

I feel buoyed and supported by your kind words friends. Thank you! A missing piece that Rita filled in is that I can do my self-care without attachment to whether other people understand or acknowledge it.

I taped these words to my computer monitor: "All is well, events are unfolding as they should, and all will work out for good in my life--better than I can imagine."

Well done Kevin sharing with you Mom, Kevin, and glad we're in this journey together. HUGS for your dad, Rita. Chino, what's the kitty's name? Amy how is studying today?

And more HUGS to all!

Impurrfect

(((Frances))) - none of my family liked it, either, when I decided to take care of me first, and yes, there was guilt in the beginning. It's gotten a lot better. The guilt still comes, on occasion, but it only lasts for a minute or two.

(((Kevin))) - glad you had a good visit with your mom and hope all goes well when you also meet with your dad.

I finished this week's school work EARLY Have already printed out the stuff do next week, and will have to use my computer book to do a Power Point presentation. Lots of reading, research, etc. and an exam. I'm still not very concerned with the failed tests, as I have plenty of time to bring those up.

Got a call from Dotty this morning. She isn't working tonight, but did tell me a girl working 3rd shift has a small burn on her hand, to make sure they let HER do back DT if I'm going to do dishes, as it's not fair to expect me to do both. We also have a new mgr that works 3-11 on my work days. She's a friend of C's, but Dotty said she doesn't yell at everyone like C does. I think there are going to be all kinds of new faces when I get there.

I'll just do my 8 hours, possibly take one of my books to do some reading if I get a break.

Back in my room...I can smoke, but not in bed, which is fine with me. It's nice not having to run upstairs every time I need to go to the bathroom, especially when I'm drinking water and gatorades all day

It's a beautiful day here, Elvis and Patches are out soaking up the sun. I threw out something from the fridge that has gotten moldy, but left all the dirty dishes in the sink (I wash what I use), the stuff that needs refrigeration on the counter, and came back to my room. I'm done cleaning up after someone else's mess.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Anna

Thanks, Kevin, and yeah resentment can pop up unexpectedly, can't it. And, I'm glad the visit with your mother went well.

Rita, thanks for the reminder about Pink Self-Care!

Frances, I can get caught up in what other people are thinking about me, if I'm not careful. But, I think that I feel really peaceful when I do what I know is right and what I'm comfortable with, without worrying about how it's perceived. I'm definitely a work in progress.

Amy, good for you for getting ahead of the game on your school work.

Tomorrow, my little granddaughter is being christened, so it should be a wonderful, warm family day. I am so, so blessed.

Impurrfect

(((Chino))) - I forgot to ask, does your grand-kitty have a name?

(((Anna))) - Christenings are so very special...enjoy it.

Work was fine, the "new" mgr is actually someone who's been there, just has been working the day shift and she and I get along well.

Got a phone call from my aunt & uncle (Gary's parents) but can't answer my phone at work. Also had a msg from aunt Phyllis..she wants me to call tomorrow, "need to talk" so not sure what that's about.

Told stepmom, when I got home, that J&M had called and she said my g'ma is in the hospital She doesn't know what for, said "something about a blockage". G'ma is 93 years old. My aunt essentially takes g'ma everywhere, takes care of the finances (SSI) of my 2 other uncles and cousin, and this is just not good. I'm sure g'ma is in the same hospital Gary was, before he was transferred to LA.

I will call them all tomorrow, but did text my aunt that I was working and that's why I couldn't answer the phone.

It's like one thing after another, but for now, I'm just going to focus on being grateful that I got to see my g'ma and other relatives while I was out there.

The girl I washed the dishes for told me over and over how much she appreciated me, and I was "awesome" - they weren't going to let her work if she couldn't do her job, but we worked it out just fine. M came in, for a bit, was very concerned if I was really "okay", which I thought was nice. I assured him I was.

Going to go to sleep soon, one more day of work then back to the school work.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Saturday, September 10, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Self-approval

Most of us want to be liked. We want other people to think of us as nice, friendly, kind, and loving. Most of us want the approval of others.

Since childhood, some of us have been trying to get approval, trying to get people to like us and think highly of us. We may be afraid people will leave us if they disapprove of our actions. We may look for approval from people who have none to give. We may not know that we're lovable now and can learn to approve of ourselves.

In order to live happily, to live consistently with the way our Higher Power wants us to live, and to tap into a way of life that is in harmony with the universe, we need to let go of our extreme need for approval. These unmet needs for approval and love from our past give others control over us today. These needs can prevent us from acting in our best interest and being true to ourselves.

We can approve of ourselves. In the end, that's the only approval that counts.

Today, I will let go of my need for approval and my need to be liked. I will replace them with a need to like and approve of myself. I will enjoy the surprise I find when I do this. The people who count, including myself, will respect me when I am true to myself

Chino

Daughter hasn't picked a name for her kitty yet. I suggested Dora because all we can say about her is how aDORAble she is, and Dora means "gift". Then I said I was sure she'd pick out the perfect name

Amy, I'm glad you got to see your grandma. Your cousin Gary gave you a precious parting gift.

Frances, Kevin, Rita, Lisa.... it feels like I'm constantly turning another corner as I continue this journey. It's a great feeling and I'm always inspired by your shares, they nudge me along! Hey, I think I feel PINK today

LeadHatter

Amy regarding father i am brick ...ing it [rymes with sitting].

You know i find your commitment to your school work admirable Amy sounds like you love family too alot i would guess i dont too lol resentment indeed Anna. Chino thanks

Impurrfect

Okay, I am really having a hard time right now. Just talked to aunt M and g'ma has a blockage in her colon. They are doing a colonoscopy on Monday, but she's 93 years old so don't know how aggressive they will be. My OTHER g'ma had a colon tumor removed at 92, so I am praying that things will be okay.

Uncle Bob's blood pressure has dropped. They've had him on medicines since he had his stroke, VA hospital told him to cut it in half, but it hasn't helped and he's lethargic and stumbling around (he's 94). Aunt Phyllis has the broken arm, and is back on steroids as she got colitis again from her arthritis medicine, so though her gut is working better, she's in pain.

I KNOW they are old and they are not going to live forever, but I'm not ready to let go of either of them, much less both of them. I haven't seen uncle Bob since Nov 4 years ago (I celebrated 8 months clean while I was at my other uncle's funeral, which is how I remember). I've been wanting to go see him and Aunt Phyllis forever, and am back to beating myself up over the fact that I put myself in this position of being broke.

I will try to focus on gratitude, and I AM grateful I got to see g'ma, but it just really hurts that if she does die, we can't get back out there for the funeral, and aunt Margie has enough to deal with and if things don't go well for g'ma, she will have even MORE to deal with...two mentally ill BIL's and nephew.

I've got to get myself together to go to work. They say things always "come in threes" and I just don't want it to be 3 deaths

(((Chino))) - I love the name "Dora" but I do think of "Dora the explorer" That would be a kitten, no doubt!

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

Anna

Chino, I love the name Dora for the kitten!

Amy, prayers for good health results for your family members.

LeadHatter

Amy congrats then on 4 years and 8 months+ drug free wtg !!! Sure i can imagine as folk get older well yes wishing you find the right spirit soul and thoughts/mentality to deal with these new events.

Impurrfect

(((Kevin))) - ti's actually 4-1/2 years as of yesterday, but thanks.

C worked tonight and was totally hateful. One of my buddies said "she acts like she hates your guts". Third shift people were late again, we got busy and I kept asking for a Big Mac, but no one would tell me why I was waiting. C said "you'll get it when I get the sauce, YOU need to shut up!" I told her "you don't need to be telling me to shut up".

I would have left, as I'd already told M I would if she kept snapping at me, over a month ago, but that would have left J and the others in a mess. My false teeth are firmly in place, as I've been clenching my teeth all night.

Will talk to M again, but cannot wait until that job is history.

I'm exhausted, and will be going to sleep soon. No more McD's until next weekend.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

LeadHatter

Sorry you had some grief at work Amy.

Me yesterday was CABAR cabbaged up beyond all recognition. I had some computer problems so in addition to costing me money i couldn't afford it cost me time spent re-implementing a new backup strategy. As it is I didn't lose much data though and managed to restore my computer to working order in about half a day

In taking the case off and on to fit a new pc component ti had managed to shear off the protective casing on a hard disk power cable and one of my computer disks I guess then touched the casing or something and shorted out and failed. Anyhow took me half a day to restore all my data from backups and figure out where i was going to buy new components from and get them on order etc.

At the moment I have all my data backed up and coutd boot onto the internet easy enough if my drives failed but although windows is backed up i wont have a restore disk to restore it to until my new restore disk arrives in a week or so since I am now using the old restore disk as a replacement for the one that failed in live.

Its a pain in the butt but well its all done

Realised just how reliant i had become on a friend too yesterday when something came between me and my friend and then suddenly i was left feeling like a bit of a biilly no mates again. Ok i know i have sr and forums and friends here in Rita and people here but this was a friend in interact with realtime

Oh and i have this song [pretty big in uk and ireland right now] called stay awake running round my head for like the last 3 days Heeeelp

here is the youtube link v haunting and quite the spirit of the times
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5CcOq8UzkI

I really want to buy this guys record [album] but its like £9 UK even second hand which is more than i usually pay [I like to spend no more than £2.50 uk].

I find it really haunting this record. Opens with 'If we dont kill ourselves well be the leaders of this messup generation' nice oh and something about following the rabbit into wonderland - tasty!

LeadHatter

Have now woken up the 2nd day thinking of this record. OMG

frances2011

Thinking of your family members and wishing them well, Amy. Mean people stink.
Kevin, well done on fixing the computer, sorry for the huge hassle. I want to check out the link but I'm afraid it will be stuck in my head too, lol!

******{Hugs to All}}}}

LeadHatter

Had a good telephone call with mother.

Ok this next bit is quite off topic but this guys catchphrase is "mutch love" which i feel myself imitating so here is a sample of a character called tony tibbs. A guy will call people up on the telephone [who supposodly dont know hes calling] and play pranks on them. Anyhow this program is called fonejacker in england and the character is tony tibbs.

so mutch love

kevin

Fonejacker - Terry Tibbs | Fireworks - YouTube

Freedom1990

Amy, so sorry you are dealing with such a hateful person at work. That kind of behavior would get any of the rest of us fired, and it never ceases to amaze me the jobs people actually get and keep despite their ugly attitudes.

Glad you are done with work till next weekend, hon!

LeadHatter

Hello Devon

I just came off the telephone it was kinda helpful [dad]. He DID make some quite hurtful remarks [for example that i live in a parellel universe] which i know has stuck in my craw so to speak and is sort of saved up in the reasons for falling out bank for future use but on the whole it was the type of chat i can take something [good] from if i want.

According to himself [dad] he may have horns [devil metaphor?] 15% of the time which he described as his alter ego which i told him is not good and could be real frightening at times at least perhaps. I also told him and he seemed to accept and understand my sincerity though that i dont feel safe around him. He said that he would pay care to that and that he accepted some role and responsibility in my feeling that way and that he will try to ensure i feel more safe in future when im in his company. He was genuine i feel on that

Not a bad day codependents

I see him on thursday. I have explained to mother than while i respect she has roles and maybe joys also in being the chef de partie and i do like to have a good meal and do appreciate her cooking i did encourage her to spend time with my father and me since she could have a smoothing affect/effect. Last visit mother was in the kitchen when it was tense between father and i and so i hope she will be able to play a social part more since i believe her social capabilities and talents went unused last time

Rock on you lot

I guess resentments are in this since i jeffing resent the amount of time skill and that he puts into his football team

Gypsy Feet

Sunday, September 11, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Conflict and Detachment

In a relationship, there are those wonderful times when things go smoothly for both people, and neither person needs to focus too heavily on the concept of detachment. But there are those challenging times when one person is in crisis or changing - and we need to detach.

Then there are stressful cycles when both people in a relationship are in the midst of dealing with intense issues. Both are needy and neither has anything to give.

These are times when detachment and taking care of ourselves are difficult.

It is helpful, in these moments, to identify the problem. Both people are in the midst of dealing and healing. Neither has much to give, at least at the moment. And both are feeling particularly needy.

That is the problem.

What's the solution?

There may not be a perfect solution. Detachment is still the key, but that can be difficult when we need support ourselves. In fact, the other person may be asking for support rather than offering it.

We can still work toward detachment. We can still work through our feelings. We can accept this as a temporary cycle in the relationship, and stop looking to the other person for something he or she cannot give at the moment.

We can stop expecting ourselves to give at the moment as well.

Communication helps. Identifying the problem and talking about it without blame or shame is a start. Figuring out alternative support systems, or ways to get our needs met, helps.

We are still responsible for taking care of ourselves - even when we are in the best of relationships. We can reasonably expect conflicts of need and the clashing of issues to occur in the most loving, healthy relationships.

It is one of the cycles of love, friendship, and family.

If it is a healthy relationship, the crisis will not go on endlessly. We will regain our balance. The other person will too. We can stop making ourselves so crazy by looking for the other person to be balanced when he or she isn't.

Talk things out. Work things out. Keep our expectations of other people, our relationships, and ourselves healthy and reasonable.

A good relationship will be able to sustain and survive low points. Sometimes we need them, so we can both grow and learn separately.

Sometimes, people who are usually there for us cannot be there for us. We can find another way to take care of ourselves.

Today, I will remember that my best relationships have low points. If the low point is the norm, I may want to consider the desirability of the relationship. If the low point is a temporary cycle, I will practice understanding for myself and the other person. God, help me remember that the help and support I want and need does not come in the form of only one person. Help me be open to healthy options for taking care of myself, if any normal support system is not available.

Gypsy Feet

punch her Amy!

Freedom1990

Kevin, I hope things go better next visit with your folks.

The times I see my folks, we meet on neutral grounds, in a city about halfway for all of us to travel.

We grab a bite to eat, see a movie and sometimes go to see the IMAX feature at the Cosmosphere.

I find in my situation it really works well for me meeting on neutral grounds.