Class of April 2011 pt2
Member - sober since 4-22-11
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Fairfax, VA
Posts: 45
anger management without booze
I feel like my brain is on fire and the old familiar way of dealing with that was to douse the fire with booze. And the fact that I can't do that makes me even more angry. I don't want to meditate. I'm not prone to acting out violence on others so fighting doesn't even sound attractive. I just want to change the stupid channel or reboot, pick your metaphor.
Before, I had periods of memory separated by relative black outs most evenings that separated the constant sequence of events. Now, I feel like I'm "ON" all the time, even though I'm sleeping pretty well. I have dreams that I remember and I remember what I did the night before. This is all kind of foreign mental space for me. I think I'm finally coming out of the "sober haze" and into a state of "constantly connected" that is starting to get under my skin and drive me crazy.
Oddly, the external triggers don't seem very real. There is a guy with a yummy beer sitting over there. Yep, there it is. But it pales by comparison with the imaginary bourbon neat that is in my head. Even if my eyes are closed. I can taste and smell the bourbon and see it clearly in my minds eye. It is irrational thought. Actually a-rational, beyond reason. I would like to punch it, but it is intangible.
Lately, I have been angry/frustrated/disappointed with existence. The novelty and subtlety and intricacies of worlds within worlds, multidimensional layers of existence ... blah blah blah....
This too shall pass....
Let it go.
SO, anybody have any good techniques for "anger" management (basically negative emotions you want to run from or that make you want to break something) that they'd like to share?
Congratulations everyone on winning your struggles. Even though I don't feel it right now, I know somehow it is worthwhile. I want to keep believing that.
Lee
Before, I had periods of memory separated by relative black outs most evenings that separated the constant sequence of events. Now, I feel like I'm "ON" all the time, even though I'm sleeping pretty well. I have dreams that I remember and I remember what I did the night before. This is all kind of foreign mental space for me. I think I'm finally coming out of the "sober haze" and into a state of "constantly connected" that is starting to get under my skin and drive me crazy.
Oddly, the external triggers don't seem very real. There is a guy with a yummy beer sitting over there. Yep, there it is. But it pales by comparison with the imaginary bourbon neat that is in my head. Even if my eyes are closed. I can taste and smell the bourbon and see it clearly in my minds eye. It is irrational thought. Actually a-rational, beyond reason. I would like to punch it, but it is intangible.
Lately, I have been angry/frustrated/disappointed with existence. The novelty and subtlety and intricacies of worlds within worlds, multidimensional layers of existence ... blah blah blah....
This too shall pass....
Let it go.
SO, anybody have any good techniques for "anger" management (basically negative emotions you want to run from or that make you want to break something) that they'd like to share?
Congratulations everyone on winning your struggles. Even though I don't feel it right now, I know somehow it is worthwhile. I want to keep believing that.
Lee
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 22
love to run-I totally agree with you about the mourning. I feel like I have lost a best friend. I guess part of the issue is figuring out who the "new me" will be. I think we are all in a limbo state inbetween the old us and the new us. I think the best thing we can do is just take it day by day and not get overwhelmed by the big picture. I also agree about the simple things. It's amazing what is going on out in the world when you open your sober eyes and take it all in, huh?! I also am a big runner. Training for my 3rd Half Marathon this year. It's definitely something that occupies a good chunk of my time. Best of luck getting back into it!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
is the problem anger or is it frustration and maybe even a little resentment at living life sober, sos?
I think most of us can identify with being a little irked...our all purpose crutch is not longer available to us....all the other options involve feeling uncomfortable for a while and/or a lot of hard work.
It does get easier tho - I really recommend trying to think more about the good things in your life now....then start to consider if your life is not what you want it to be, why not?
D
I think most of us can identify with being a little irked...our all purpose crutch is not longer available to us....all the other options involve feeling uncomfortable for a while and/or a lot of hard work.
It does get easier tho - I really recommend trying to think more about the good things in your life now....then start to consider if your life is not what you want it to be, why not?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 74
sos, I've been very quick to anger lately too, very easily frustrated, and I'm picking up resentments every which way I turn. I've actually been very disappointed in myself lately because these "negative" emotions flare up and they don't bring out my best. I've been lucky that I've been keeping it mostly to myself and not directing it at people who don't deserve it, but I keep fearing that it will never stop...that this is what being constantly "on" is going to be like. Forever. I wish I had some techniques I could share on how I deal negative emotions, but as of right now...I got nothing.
ttqttfg -- I too think alcoholism is a very selfish disease. And right now I feel like a drunk without a drink. I am so self-absorbed and feeling so much self-pity I can't stand being in my own company. Wow, I hope tomorrow is a better day!
BakoGirl -- when I read your post I actually felt a moment (however fleeting) of inspiration! Many years ago (like two decades ago) I loved running half-marathons...I ran a few, then eventually ran a marathon. Now I am puttering along doing between 2 - 3 miles, but I hope someday to post that I'm training for a half-marathon too. Maybe I'll set my sights on a 5k for right now...thanks!
Dee -- as always, great advice. Thanks for all your help!
ttqttfg -- I too think alcoholism is a very selfish disease. And right now I feel like a drunk without a drink. I am so self-absorbed and feeling so much self-pity I can't stand being in my own company. Wow, I hope tomorrow is a better day!
BakoGirl -- when I read your post I actually felt a moment (however fleeting) of inspiration! Many years ago (like two decades ago) I loved running half-marathons...I ran a few, then eventually ran a marathon. Now I am puttering along doing between 2 - 3 miles, but I hope someday to post that I'm training for a half-marathon too. Maybe I'll set my sights on a 5k for right now...thanks!
Dee -- as always, great advice. Thanks for all your help!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 94
Hey everyone, hope you are all well. I'm feeling good at the moment.
@ ttqttfg - I also suffer greatly from anxiety. I usually can't go to a the hairdressers or appointments without people noticing that I tremble (hands shaking). When people ask I usually say it's genetics but I think it's mostly from how anxious I am at the time. What I do know is that the more you put yourself out there, in society, your anxiety will improve slightly over time. A few bad experiences will set you back but get yourself out there as much as you can, try and spark up conversations with the checkout lady or whomever. I also find that imagining yourself as a confident person at ease with everything helps to make it a reality. It's going to be a long slow process but I'm gaining confidence.
I imagine if life was easy it would get too dull!
@ ttqttfg - I also suffer greatly from anxiety. I usually can't go to a the hairdressers or appointments without people noticing that I tremble (hands shaking). When people ask I usually say it's genetics but I think it's mostly from how anxious I am at the time. What I do know is that the more you put yourself out there, in society, your anxiety will improve slightly over time. A few bad experiences will set you back but get yourself out there as much as you can, try and spark up conversations with the checkout lady or whomever. I also find that imagining yourself as a confident person at ease with everything helps to make it a reality. It's going to be a long slow process but I'm gaining confidence.
I imagine if life was easy it would get too dull!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Luton UK
Posts: 58
Hi Folks.
I've been reading various posts from "April" and "May" people for a week or two, and identifying with lots of the themes. I'm now on Day 56 (8 weeks to the day). I should be punching the air in celebration, but that's not how I feel.
The last couple of weeks have been really tough. Work has been very stressful; I'm working through a close family bereavement (funeral next Wednesday); and life sucks.
It doesn't help that I am coming off anti-depressants at the same time, but I took that decision ages ago, and the slow weaning takes months ... so I don't want to reverse that, now I'm on zero medication.
But depression is the biggest battle, and my poor wife is bearing the brunt of this.
I am very, very short tempered - especially with her. I must be absolutely horrible to live with, and she has the patience of a saint. An amazing woman.
I'd like to be able to echo others who are getting back into their running, playing board games, enjoying the small things and "re-discovering life". But my current mindset seems to be stuck in a very negative mode: i.e., "what's the bl**dy point?".
I am going to post this, but I do recognise that there's little anyone else can say that can help others step up and out of a depressed state. Reading about someone feeling sorry for themselves does not make for an engaging read, so I apologise for that.
On a more positive note, I will remain resolute in my desire to remain totally abstinent.
It's Father's Day here in the UK
I still haven't told any family members, friends or colleagues that I have awarded myself the 'A'-badge, so literally no-one else knows I am 'in recovery'. It's highly likely that one of my adult children will turn up with a bottle of vino. I will say all the right things, of course. Then the bottle will go on the wine rack - possibly used at some point to provide hospitality to guests, or as the entry ticket to a social event at someone else's home.
Having alcohol in the house has not been a problem so far. Overcoming the urge to wrap myself around a bottle or two of red has been a been challenge - sometimes a big challenge - but my biggest battle has been in overcoming the depression.
Anyway, the daytime beckons ... where did I put that mask?
I've been reading various posts from "April" and "May" people for a week or two, and identifying with lots of the themes. I'm now on Day 56 (8 weeks to the day). I should be punching the air in celebration, but that's not how I feel.
The last couple of weeks have been really tough. Work has been very stressful; I'm working through a close family bereavement (funeral next Wednesday); and life sucks.
It doesn't help that I am coming off anti-depressants at the same time, but I took that decision ages ago, and the slow weaning takes months ... so I don't want to reverse that, now I'm on zero medication.
But depression is the biggest battle, and my poor wife is bearing the brunt of this.
I am very, very short tempered - especially with her. I must be absolutely horrible to live with, and she has the patience of a saint. An amazing woman.
I'd like to be able to echo others who are getting back into their running, playing board games, enjoying the small things and "re-discovering life". But my current mindset seems to be stuck in a very negative mode: i.e., "what's the bl**dy point?".
I am going to post this, but I do recognise that there's little anyone else can say that can help others step up and out of a depressed state. Reading about someone feeling sorry for themselves does not make for an engaging read, so I apologise for that.
On a more positive note, I will remain resolute in my desire to remain totally abstinent.
It's Father's Day here in the UK
I still haven't told any family members, friends or colleagues that I have awarded myself the 'A'-badge, so literally no-one else knows I am 'in recovery'. It's highly likely that one of my adult children will turn up with a bottle of vino. I will say all the right things, of course. Then the bottle will go on the wine rack - possibly used at some point to provide hospitality to guests, or as the entry ticket to a social event at someone else's home.
Having alcohol in the house has not been a problem so far. Overcoming the urge to wrap myself around a bottle or two of red has been a been challenge - sometimes a big challenge - but my biggest battle has been in overcoming the depression.
Anyway, the daytime beckons ... where did I put that mask?
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Sorry to hear you're not doing so well ALAJ.
I know from past discussion you have your reasons for not wanting to go back on the anti-depression meds, so I'll leave that go, except to say I hope you'll reconsider that decision if things get worse or you find yourself being pulled back to drinking.
As for me, I felt quite 'grey' for a long time - months - but I just kept trusting those here who said I'd feel better if I just kept at staying sober and facing my demons - and sure enough eventually I did.
I hope it will be the same for you too
D
I know from past discussion you have your reasons for not wanting to go back on the anti-depression meds, so I'll leave that go, except to say I hope you'll reconsider that decision if things get worse or you find yourself being pulled back to drinking.
As for me, I felt quite 'grey' for a long time - months - but I just kept trusting those here who said I'd feel better if I just kept at staying sober and facing my demons - and sure enough eventually I did.
I hope it will be the same for you too
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
The grey thing might be what is keeping me riding the roller coaster. I love waking up clean and sober. The weather is warm now and the windows are open and the world is beautiful. But I have a long family history of depression and alcoholism both, which is probably what has kept me in trouble for so long.
So I have found that if I am sober a few days I start having this sense of depression the likes of which I haven't had in literally YEARS. Fifteen years? Twenty? There's this pit of the stomach thing and a malaise...I remember it first in my life at perhaps 10. I've always had this sense of doom and I have made plenty of what I was given in life, but somehow this problem continues.
The longer I don't drink, the more conscious I am of this sensation. And I can kill it with two drinks. It's weird. I'm guessing that I've been self-medicating under the guise of having fun. Sound reasonable?
I also want to find out what has happened to my fellow Aprillers. My sister 25 years AA but lives 1,000 miles away tells me there is a ten percent success rate. Each day the day one posts seem to hold that true. But I do wish my Aprillers would keep hanging out and talking it through. Ain't none of us doesn't need to be here.
I hope you're out in the world doing great guys.
So I have found that if I am sober a few days I start having this sense of depression the likes of which I haven't had in literally YEARS. Fifteen years? Twenty? There's this pit of the stomach thing and a malaise...I remember it first in my life at perhaps 10. I've always had this sense of doom and I have made plenty of what I was given in life, but somehow this problem continues.
The longer I don't drink, the more conscious I am of this sensation. And I can kill it with two drinks. It's weird. I'm guessing that I've been self-medicating under the guise of having fun. Sound reasonable?
I also want to find out what has happened to my fellow Aprillers. My sister 25 years AA but lives 1,000 miles away tells me there is a ten percent success rate. Each day the day one posts seem to hold that true. But I do wish my Aprillers would keep hanging out and talking it through. Ain't none of us doesn't need to be here.
I hope you're out in the world doing great guys.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 217
Sorry I missed saying Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers. Hope it was a good sober weekend. I had a pretty good one.
Got a very busy week this week and it looks like it's not going to slow down for a while. Guess it's good to keep my mind off drinking. Just got to make sure I don't get too tired or stressed.
Sorry to hear Missy and ALAJ that you're having such a hard time. How's everyone else doing?
Got a very busy week this week and it looks like it's not going to slow down for a while. Guess it's good to keep my mind off drinking. Just got to make sure I don't get too tired or stressed.
Sorry to hear Missy and ALAJ that you're having such a hard time. How's everyone else doing?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
Oh, I'm not having too hard a time. Nothing I can't handle, right? I'm waiting for hubby to come home and I'm pouring even the decorative alcohol out. He's gonna watch. Then I'm going to use my summer freedom to try to get some help. Starting with calling my therapist right now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 94
I'm doing alright thanks ttqttfg, I hope you're well. I picked up the cigarettes again >< but I haven't had any today so it's prime time to quit them (again). Father's Day isn't until September here so don't feel bad. 
It's Father's Day every day of the year really. I hope to have some kids of my own some day.
ALAJ and Missy, I wish I could help. Depression is one of the worst diseases out there. I guess all we can do is hold it at bay until it passes. I know there are times where you want to appreciate the small things but you can't find any way to see it like that. When I'm feeling completely hopeless sometimes I find that listening to "happy" audio tapes helps. It reminds me of the things I should be grateful for. If anything at least it stops me from dwelling on negative thoughts. Everyone's depression is different though and what may work for me might not work for you.
Also, Missy, Summer is sounding pretty good right about now. It's been pretty icy here. We have the fire going though so it's fine as long as I'm indoors.
It's Father's Day every day of the year really. I hope to have some kids of my own some day.ALAJ and Missy, I wish I could help. Depression is one of the worst diseases out there. I guess all we can do is hold it at bay until it passes. I know there are times where you want to appreciate the small things but you can't find any way to see it like that. When I'm feeling completely hopeless sometimes I find that listening to "happy" audio tapes helps. It reminds me of the things I should be grateful for. If anything at least it stops me from dwelling on negative thoughts. Everyone's depression is different though and what may work for me might not work for you.
Also, Missy, Summer is sounding pretty good right about now.
It's been pretty icy here. We have the fire going though so it's fine as long as I'm indoors.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by Missy7 
I'm guessing that I've been self-medicating under the guise of having fun. Sound reasonable?
I am fortunate that I have not struggled with chronic depression, I only have moments, a couple of days here or there -- but my struggle and life-long nemesis has been anxiety. Overwhelming, incapacitating anxiety. I've been treated for this for years, and I am still in treatment for it now. I think it is improving, but I see I have a way to go still. However, stopping the booze was the best thing I could have done for myself in the long run...I couldn't make any progress in dealing with and understanding my anxiety. At least now I see there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And it is not an oncoming train
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 22
Hi Everyone! So sorry a lot of us are having a hard time. Including myself. Some days are wonderful...like today as I celebrate Day 60. And some days are really tough. We just have to keep our eye on the prize. Any time I think I want a drink I just fast forward to what the next day would look like and I immediately remember the feeling of hating myself for having those 2-3 drinks too many. Yuck!
Best of luck to all my fellow Aprilers. It does seem our class has dwindled down. Let's not lose any more!!
Best of luck to all my fellow Aprilers. It does seem our class has dwindled down. Let's not lose any more!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 217
I'm starting to wonder how much of what I'm going through is really a result of my trying to get sober. I mean people that are not alcoholics deal with stress, depression, lack of sleep, bad luck, etc.
So I just wonder how much of it I can real blame on sobering up and how much is really just normal life. I guess really it's just learning how to deal with all those things and actually face them and not drink them away.
Does any if that make sense? Guess I just like to type it out so I can see it and try to work through it.
So I just wonder how much of it I can real blame on sobering up and how much is really just normal life. I guess really it's just learning how to deal with all those things and actually face them and not drink them away.
Does any if that make sense? Guess I just like to type it out so I can see it and try to work through it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I think a lot of learning to live sober is about...learning to live sober... learning to face the ups and downs of life without a drink in hand.
I guess most people do it at a younger age - they face this stuff and never learn to (ab)use booze like we did....we catch up pretty quick tho, I think
D
I guess most people do it at a younger age - they face this stuff and never learn to (ab)use booze like we did....we catch up pretty quick tho, I think
D
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