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Codependency and beyond - Part 17

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Old 01-31-2011, 01:51 PM
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(((Chino))) - that makes the miracle even MORE special! One of my first thoughts was excitement at "now, I get to pay it forward" That, I think is one of my greatest loves of recovery...that one of my first thoughts is "oh, goody...at some point, when I can and the opportunity comes up, I get to help someone ELSE out!" I'm actually going to get a frame (dollar store even has nice ones) and frame the card AND the envelope.

(((HG))) - SO good to see you back here!! I've missed you!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 01-31-2011, 01:53 PM
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Oh gosh, Amy, you have me in tears too. That is so amazing! Chino, you are such a kind and generous person. I KNOW that SR is a magical place and I am so happy to be witnessing this miracle.

Welcome back, Hydrogirl!
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Old 01-31-2011, 02:09 PM
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(((Anna))) - well, at least there's a lot of HAPPY tears going around today BTW, I LOVE your new avatar. Since Elvis acts like a terrorist, I can't even get the other 2 to want to be NEAR him, much less try to get a picture of all 3. To be the littlest cat, he sure is an intimidator.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy
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Old 01-31-2011, 04:08 PM
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((((Chino and Amy))) You both made my day! There is still kindness left in the world and it exists in both of you! I am blessed to be a part of this group.

Well...my search for an attorney has gotten to crazy all I can do is laugh. Either HP doesn't want me to file...or he wants to get me so riled up that I work even harder to get it done.

Just look at these hoops:
1st lawyer doesn't practice any more
2nd one doesn't practice family law anymore
3rd one doesn't take credit cards...I have to pay that way...no cash...too many loans already.
4th one lives too far away
5th one is my husband's attorney
6th one never returned my calls
7th one can't take clients until April
8th one have left a message and am waiting for a call be.
Whew...who knew it was so hard to get divorced!

One day at a time......stay in my hula hoop...learn the lesson!

Love you all
Annie
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Old 01-31-2011, 04:24 PM
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(((Annie))) - sheez, I'd probably be wanting to throw the phone, by the 6th or 7th. I have found, though, when I'm trying to do something and it seems like stumbling blocks keep appearing, that the best thing I can do is take a deep breath, pray about it, and keep trying, but usually take a break and regroup.

I'll keep praying that things work out for you. It's hard when we ask "is HP trying to tell me something?" I never GET that answer until well after whatever happens happens, if that makes sense. I can look back and say "OH!! THAT'S why ----- did/didn't happen".

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy
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Old 01-31-2011, 04:25 PM
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Monday, January 31, 2011 You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Asking for What We Need

One evening, I was alone, weary, and exhausted. I was in the midst of extensive traveling, disconnected from friends and family. I had flown home for the evening, but it seemed like nobody noticed. People were used to me being gone.

It was late at night, and I began arguing with God.

"I'm out there working hard. I'm lonely. I need to know someone cares. You've told me to tell you what I need and tonight, God, I particularly need the presence of male energy. I need a friend, someone I can trust to care about me in a nonsexual, nonexploitive way. I need to be held. Now, where are you?"

I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I was too tired to do anything but let go.

The telephone rang minutes later. It was a former colleague who had since become my friend. "Hey, kid," he said. "You sound really tired and needy. Stay right where you are. I'm going to drive out and give you a foot rub. It sounds exactly like what you need."

Half an hour later, he knocked on my door. He brought a small bottle of oil with him, and gently massaged my feet, gave me a hug, told me how much he cared about me, then left.

I smiled. I had received exactly what I asked for.

It is safe to trust God.

Today, I will remember God cares about what I need, especially if I do.
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Old 01-31-2011, 04:43 PM
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ack, now you ladies have me crying too. I had an exhausting day, loads of weird conflict popping out of nowhere. I love the reading today, and I remember when I first read it. I still dont know how to pray for specifics, so for now it is just "your will not mine"

I sent the tat artist an email letting him now that I needed someone who was available for me, but that I was glad we had become friends. I am not expecting anything back.
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Old 01-31-2011, 05:52 PM
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Hi Anna!!!!!!! Love the new kitty picture, too!

Thanks for the reading, Live! How's life in TN???

Hang in there, Annie. Sorry it's been so tough. With my divorce, I didn't even have a lawyer. Course we didn't have a potted plant between us, anyway, and no children! Huge hugs!

Hey Lisa, sorry to hear about the tat artist.....now on to someone who can really treat you the way you need and deserve!!!

Hugs all around, HG
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Old 02-01-2011, 07:08 AM
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((Annie)) oh my precious friend I can relate so much about the divorce lawyer - i felt like I went thru a billion til I found the God directed one. My prayer for you "Please guide Annie in the direction she needs to follow ~ open her eyes, heart & mind to the proper authority, person and attorney that will have her best interest at heart. Give her peace, comfort and grace during this time of waiting - let her know she is not alone on this path - that YOU are with her! Amen"

Live - love what the group leader said not liking you - amazing how so many times we don't like ourselves - I know I didn't & still don't sometimes - but I'm a work in progress!! Keep taking good care of you!

Hydrogirl - good to see you check in!!! miss ya!

Lisa - hate that you & Mr. Tats don't seem to be working things out - but if he's not fully there for ya - then you deserve MORE!

Amy - aww sweet AMY!!! ahh - the attack of the quacking PINE trees !! eeekkk - remember just because someone says it doesn't make it true!! Because your dad thinks you and Brit are the same doesn't make it a truth!! YOU know it's not!! If you ever doubt it make a list of all the positive things you are doing to better yourself and that should answer any questions!!

Anna - I agree SR is magical - like our own world of wonders!!!

Chino - you are PINKFANTABULIOUS!!!

so this post isn't too long - gonna post another in a few mins to catch yall up on my weekend!
loves ya & PINK HUGS!
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Old 02-01-2011, 08:29 AM
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Good morning, Miss Rita!!!! Hope you had a great weekend!

How's the day going everyone?

Hugs and prayers, HG
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Old 02-01-2011, 10:38 AM
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I've been checking out the "monster storm". WE are going to get the ice/snow, but are supposed to have severe thunderstorms, tonight with "gusting winds". All my relatives, though, are going to get dumped on. Aunt Phyllis's area may get up to 6-9 feet of snow. She said they'll be fine as long as the power stays on. They live on country roads, like we do, so they'll be stuck.

I studied until 2 a.m., woke back up at 8, went through my notes again then said "you know it or you don't" and went back to sleep. Going through them one more time, then heading to school or work (to get my schedule). I'm ready to get it over with.

(((Rita))) - thanks...I just keep telling myself that because someone says something, that doesn't make it a fact. I know who I am, and that's enough.

Love to all!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-01-2011, 12:34 PM
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I spent the morning deep in thought and prayer. Daughter is spinning her wheels right now and seems lost. She said she feels like she's 18 again and it makes sense to her, because that's when she started addiction. She isn't happy about it. I had to stop and really think about how to respond.

I finally asked her if she'd allow me a minute to tell her what I wished. I said I wished that she'd find a different group/sponsor if the one she's in isn't helping her. I wished she'd reach out and ask "how" of people that can help her establish goals and the means to achieve them. I wished she would chase that as hard as she has her sobriety and recovery.

I reminded her that rehab taught them to ask for help, and they taught us to wait for the question. That there are people out there with answers, know how, waiting for her to ask for help, ask the questions.

I saw the light bulb go on, and I stepped away. That was all that was needed from me, a reminder of what she's capable of
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Old 02-01-2011, 12:56 PM
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((chino)) that's a beautiful gift you gave her!!!!

Amy - part of that rain/thunderstorm came thru our area this morning - it was rough - now the temp has dropped like 20 degrees - we are expected to hit the low 20's tonite - which for our area is really really cold - I know it doesn't seem bad for those battling those single digit #'s!!

Our little Kaileigh had another rough weekend - she broke her collar bone at daycare friday - it happened around lunch & the daycare NEVER called anyone!!!!!!! Their defense was that she said she was ok & didn't want to go to the dr! HELLO???? what 6 yr old ever wants to go to the dr and since when do you ask a 6 yr if they want to go ??? That bad of an accident - don't you do have a procedure in place to take care of a child - this is a BUSINESS not just a mom/pop watching a child in a home!!
OOHHH I was furious that our babygirl had to suffer all afternoon.

she will see a specialist on Thurs - I actually think that it is NOT healing correctly - still has a huge knot on her shoulder & the sling isn't holding the arm up - she can move it downward - I'm not a nurse but I don't think you are suppose to be able to do that!

So please if you have a spare prayer - send one up for our Kaileigh - that her little collar bone will heal properly!

Thanks a bunch!!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
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Old 02-01-2011, 01:22 PM
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Bunches of prayers for Kaileigh and family!

Oh Rita, I swear... I'd be on the warpath right now, it would be ugly, and completely appropriate in my eyes but not others... grrrrr!!!!
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Old 02-01-2011, 03:51 PM
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(((Rita))) - I would be livid, too. I'm glad she's seeing a specialist. I will say that I JUST took a test on bones, and a "knot" is part of the healing process, but I most definitely won't say that it's "okay"...because THAT needs to be determined by a dr. with an xray. She's one tough little cookie..those things HURT. I think mine was broken by someone when I was using..hurt like heck, but I "numbed" it out...sigh.

(((Chino))) - you amaze me

(((HG))) - it really is good to see you back on here!

Okay, so I was brain dead, earlier. Aunt Phyllis is getting 6-9 INCHES of snow..already had the icy stuff, and are now getting snow, but they are okay. Her DIL is a nutcase...she and my cousin, D, have been married, for years (he's my age) but lived apart. They have a son, she had a daughter by another man, but D has raised both kids. She also always said she was an RA and it put a BAD taste in Phyllis's mouth to hear "recovery" until I got into it.

Anyway, the DIL is dying of thyroid cancer...maybe 2 months. D detached a long time ago, and I don't think the kids barely even know her, which is a good thing for them. It just seems sad...going through life, so totally selfish and self-centered, and it went way beyond drugs. Makes me grateful for MY life..even when it seems tough.

I took the test..didn't ace it, but didn't blow it either. 20 questions and I know I missed 2. There was another lady taking it (we could drop in between 2-6) and she said "you think you've studied..." and I said "and you realize you studied the wrong stuff" and my instructor just laughed and said "nah".

While we were taking the test, he was talking to someone he apparently is going to work for. He was rattling off a very impressive history...1st ortho tech at Emery, a MAJOR teaching hospital, worked for the US Ski team, worked for the Atlanta Falcons, etc. He got off the phone and said "and THAT is how you kiss a$$"..he's a nut.

Anyway, as I was listening to this I thought about my nursing career and it FINALLY sunk in. I was a nurse, I still have a lot of knowledge in that area. I was damned good at it, even though my work history isn't so great...I made a difference. I'll be damned good at my new career, because that is who/how I am. Even in my current job, making my little $7.50/hr, I'm known as the one who "does stuff the way it's supposed to be done".

It's like I finally HEARD what ((Chino)), ((Tess)) and everyone else has been telling me. It's like I told Tess...that was a chapter of my life, my addiction was a chapter, and I survived it. I'm actually looking forward to the next chapter, instead of being weighed down with "I really messed up". Don't know how long the feeling will last, but I'm holding onto it for dear life

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-02-2011, 06:51 AM
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Wednesday, February 2, 2011 You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Trusting Our Higher Power

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.
—Step Three of Al-Anon

So much talk about a Higher Power, God, as we understand God. So much joy as we come to understand Him. Spirituality and spiritual growth are the foundations of change. Recovery from codependency is not a do-it-yourself task.

Is God a relentless taskmaster? A hardhearted, shaming wizard with tricks up the sleeve? Is God deaf? Uncaring? Haphazard? Unforgiving?

No.

A loving God, a caring God. That is the God of our recovery No more pain than is necessary for usefulness, healing, and cleansing. As much goodness and joy as our heart can hold, as soon as our heart is healed, open, and ready to receive God: approving, accepting, instantly forgiving.

God has planned little gifts along the way to brighten our day and sometimes big, delightful surprises perfectly timed, perfect for us.

A Master Artist, God will weave together all our joy, sadness and experience to create a portrait of our life with depth, beauty, sensitivity, color, humor, and feeling.

God as we understand Him: A loving God. The God of our recovery.

Today, I will open myself to the care of a loving God. Then, I will let God show me love.
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Old 02-02-2011, 06:54 AM
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OH AMY!!!!! - thanks for the comfort about the knot - it has had me so concerned - i didn't even KNOW that a knot could be part of the process?????? I had visions of it being part of the BONE sticking out!!!! especially since it is so tender to the touch! I know we will all feel better after the visit with the specialist tomorrow - but thanks!

busy at work today - but will try to visit later

LOVE & PINK HUGS!
Rita
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Old 02-02-2011, 08:58 AM
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(((Rita))) What a tough little trooper is Kaileigh!!! I'm glad a specialist will see her soon and prayers for a speedy recovery.

Chino, your fantastic display of control over codie impulses is remarkable and admirable, and something I strive for myself! It gets easier with practice, right?

Amy, dear girl, you are far far more capable and competent than you realize. Be comfortable in your own worth......it is greater than you seem to know.

Thank you, Live, for your daily readings!

The pressure I'm feeling with my work and research continue to mount and I hope to get a bit ahead today....that would be a relief!

Have a great afternoon, everyone!!!!!

Hugs, HG
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Old 02-02-2011, 10:27 AM
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Thanks for the readling ((Live)) - how you doing?

((Rita)) - any time I'll still feel better once she goes to the dr!

((HG)) - thanks, sweetie. Sorry work/research pressure is mounting and hope you get a break.

We didn't get all the bad weather that was predicted. It thundered a few times, the fearless (ha!) Tinker barked at it and it stopped....she was SO proud of herself for chasing it away.

Just looking through pics of all the states that have been affected, and read that cyclone Yasi hit Australia, right where they just had the floods, so am praying for everyone affected.

I'm about to get ready for work. We actually have clear skies, though it will be chilly tonight.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-02-2011, 10:43 AM
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Oh, Rita, poor little Kaileigh, and of course the daycare centre should have known how to deal with the situation. That's upsetting. (((Kaileigh)))

Amy, good for you for your continued hard work at school and for recognizing that you're doing a good job wherever you are.



Some of you might remember my whining about my old boss Mary (the witch - and I mean that literally). She would put evil spells on people. Anyways she got fired last summer and Huggable Bob rode in on his white stallion and saved us. He is perfect, really perfect. And, because he is perfect he is being promoted and moving on after only about 8 months with us. Now what! Did I mention I don't like change!
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