bdiddy5522

Welcome back Kate! I had wondered what happened to you, so it is good to see you back here.

TJ- I forgot about you getting a new computer just like mine! (Minus the purple, or coarse, haha). How do you like it? I love mine! I have yet to play around with it too much and use all of its capabilities, but it works great for what I have used it for thus far. Windows 7 is a little tricky, but I am getting there. I am glad you are focusing on the positives in your life. That is very important.

Gofish

Kate!!!!

ANEWAUGUST

Hi all....

Kate....good to have you back with the ole gang...

Laura...you have alot of positive, wonderful things in your life...isn't it great to be sober so you can fully enjoy and appreciate them all!

anono

yep... good to be back

tj, live your new avi, and yours jason lol


day 29 and counting

you do have a lot of good things in your life TJ, the new car sounds awesome.. what computer did you end up getting ?

hi anew and brent

and those that havent been on since my last post... an early hello to you

traderjane

Yeah, I ended up getting a Dell desktop, just like Brent. We bought them right around the same time! In fact, he sent me the link.

I am VERY happy with it. My old one was really a dinosaur. I'm okay with the Windows 7 although it did take a little getting used to. I like a lot of the new features of it. It's nice because now I use the desk top a lot more often than I used to. It's the one with the printer attached, so it's quite nice to use now. And I am glad I paid $20 extra for that purple color, Brent, LOL!!! It's nice to upgrade now and then.

I picked up my new car today and am excited. Just spent over an hour on the phone getting the XM radio activated and now it works. I finally feel like I'm caught up to technology and have all the things I want. Now it's just time to enjoy....

I am off to my hip hop dance class for beginners (i.e. clumsy people). Please don't laugh

Zebra1275

Hi guys, I spent about an hour last night composing a detailed message, and then just when I finished my internet went out and I lost it. I gave up and went to bed.

I'm doing well, had a great day. I have a meeting with an outpatient counselor next week, I know many components of the plan because I had a role in developing it. AA will be part of the plan, but SMART recovery probably will be part of it also. I had an interesting AA experience last night, but don't have the time to share it right now. I know God has a sense of humor.

Got an email today from the coach of the men's travel tennis team today, he asked me to play on a doubles team. I'm surprised, the other guys on the team are GOOD! Later.

KC1

KC checking in. This sobriety is getting harder and harder for me. I have been working 14 hour days lately and I'm not complaining. I love my job. Just when I get home I really really really want that wine. Really bad. I do go do something else for awhile till the craving passes, but lately it is almost like I can't stop thinking about it. There is plenty of pellegrino, club soda, lime, ice tea, but the mental image of that wine is almost overpowering. I have never experienced this before. Has anyone else?

KC

traderjane

I have, KC. I hope some others can try to give us some suggestions. Some people have said that the cravings diminish over time while others have said that they strengthen.

I was just about to post something to the opposite effect. I am only on Day 4 and it's very easy for me early on to give up alcohol. It's the effect of time that wears away my will and desire to keep sober.

But this time it has been super easy so far and I actually haven't even felt like I'm giving up something as much as it's felt like I'm living normally and the way I used to live before I got into the habit of regular drinking. I'm hoping that's a good sign. I've actually thought about drinking but have not had any desires yet. I hope it continues!

I will have a big test tonight. I am planning to go to a Fundraiser Happy Hour for a friend who had a brain tumor. It's a fundraiser for the Brain Tumor Society. I am bringing my daughter as many of her friends and teachers will be there. There is no reason I have to drink, but it's called a "Happy Hour" and folks will be drinking. I want to continue feeling good and that means not picking up that first glass of wine. So my strategy is to go during dinner time and get a meal, not just a drink. That way it might be a little easier for me as my danger zone for drinking is a very specific time frame -- that early evening time is my danger time. If I go and plan to have dinner with my daughter, I can just get a diet coke with lemon and still enjoy the evening, right?

I know in my heart that events can be fun without alcohol. Wish me luck

p.s. I am sleeping so well now that the alcohol is out of my system. Last night I slept like an absolute rock and had crazy dreams. I love it!!!

Zebra1275

I don't have cravings at all, but our stories sound somewhat similar. I work about 70 hours a week, then when you add in family and household responsibilities it gets crazy. Plus due to economic conditions my salary (and everyone else's) was frozen recently which killed my morale. It's like, "after all I do for you, you are going to freeze my salary"? I'm also the one that does the budget in my department, money is not the problem, in fact we are better off than we ever have been. In my organization's situation it's political. So I had several day's off last week, and I choose the wrong method to unwind, hence my relapse.

As someone else mentioned, "why the detox, so quickly?" and that's somewhat true, it's not like I was on a 10 day bender drinking shots for breakfast. However, I got drunk and saw the old pattern coming back like a freight train, and I knew I needed to do something about it. I talked (or rather slurred) it over with my wife, and she was pushing it too, so I went in to a specialist place for a short stay. I'm better today, and hopefully with the tools I gained (and will continue to gain) I will continue down that path.

bdiddy5522

Good morning friends,

So fantastic things happening here lately. I am so happy that you have a plan for your sobriety Zebra. I really think the programs you are going to start will help. TJ, glad you are digging your new PURPLE computer. $20 is a small price to pay for such a righteous color upgrade huh? haha.

I had a thought cross my mind as I was reading a couple of your posts, particularly KC's and TJ's. I know you both have some events coming up where alcohol will be present, and KC you talk about how bad your cravings are when you get home from work and are stressed out. From my experience, it appears you guys are trying to "white knuckle" your sobriety. I know from past experience, that just sucks! I have no idea what your spiritual values are, but have you tried praying for inner peace and calmness in regards to alcohol? Ask your higher power to remove your cravings? Once I started doing this, things really turned around for me. I mean, might as well give it a shot and see what happens, right?

Anyways, just thought maybe you could try that and see if it works for you. Tonight I am going golfing with a bunch of guys, then our for burgers. Tomorrow night I am going to a bachelor party and we are getting a party bus. I am a little nervous about this. Not because I am afraid I will drink, I know I won't. But just apprehensive about even having fun in an environment like this. So I have my plan in place that if I am uncomfortable and not having fun, I will be leaving very soon. We will see how it goes.

Happy Thursday friends.

ANEWAUGUST

You know..we all have so many similarities in our stories, in our lives. We have used alcohol to provide "ease" our stress...to celebrate, to unwind, to lift our spirits, etc.

The physical aspect after detox passes quickly...it is the mental obsession that remains with us.

Personally, it depends upon what is going on that is triggering my desire for a drink that determines my actions. For stress, I walk, excercise..even have gotten a yoga/pilates dvd that I do..the breathing helps me to unwind., I turn the lights down low and just decompress. Other times, it is a run or walk..if I am more agitated..

Laughter is also one of the best things to turn my mood around...I read something humourous, or watch something funny.

It is a matter of breaking old habits and ways...there is comfort in the old ways of doing things...

So...changing and embracing the new is a way to move forward.

I have even gone and brushed my teeth, when I have felt like having a drink...something about doing that helps.

I have to stay in the positive aspect of my life...being grateful for all the things I have, even the annoying ones..reminding myself that they can all be gone in a moment, if I take a drink.

thirtybubba

Happy birthday to me.

I was gonna post that when I was born, but I didn't have internet. I spent all last night being lonely and analyzing to death what my roommate's up to. I know she's mad at someone, don't know if it's me--she never did like me much, just was civil (if civil includes making a point to close her bedroom door if she hears me stirring). So now I figure I did something wrong, but she won't tell me anyways, so it's kinda pointless to know.

Funny how I can beat myself up in a few hours and come out guilty as sin.

Well, that's it. Last night I could have cared less, just wanted to be drunk forever again, because seeing clearly has allowed me the benefit of such things as seeing clearly how lonely I am, and I'm mighty homesick. A couple people told me happy birthday after I told my teacher (hmmm, wonder how they found out) and the only person to do it unsolicited was the lady who stamped my court documents. So... I guess I'm to be grateful for people at least going out of their way to say hi to me. Someone offered to buy me a funnel cake for my birthday, but he got distracted and went off to discuss business with someone we met along the way. I shouldn't complain, I've never been important enough to be a priority anyways.

Last night I went to a meeting with a lady who admits the only reason she takes me is 'cause I give her a reason to go. Pound for pound, I have hung out with her more than anybody in 5 years of living in Cali... we've gone to a handful of meetings over two weeks. I even know where she works.

Take care y'all, hi Kate, everybody. I'll be in a better mood tomorrow I suppose.
TB

Gofish

Happy birthday, Bubba!

PurpleCat

Are you hungry when you get home? I find that when I work long hours like that, I don't eat well enough. Hunger can be a trigger.

As for the craving, this is going to sound trite but it worked oh so well when I had anxiety problems. Your craving is not physical, it's just a thought. It will go away. So when you get those mental images, tell yourself that they are just thoughts and will go away. I would sometimes even verbally say "oh, go away!" (when I was alone, of course ). Another trick I would use is to sing my favorite song to myself in my head to force the anxious thought to go away. Maybe engaging your brain in something else besides the craving/thought would help. In other words, don't let yourself dwell on that thought.

(((KC)))

PurpleCat

Happy birthday Bubba!!!!

:day1

BTW, personally I don't think you should worry too much about what your roommate thinks about you. You can't change her behavior anyway.

bdiddy5522

Happy birthday Bubba! Just think, in a few short weeks you are out of there and can start a new life. It would be good to start that new life sober, don't ya think? Don't let the actions of others (or lack there of) force you to do anything unhealthy. The only world you can change is your own.

Gofish

I don't have any wise answers to the above conversation on cravings, but I do think it's ovbious that everyone's experience is different. Both KC and TJ have strong cravings while Zebra has none at all. My experience varies with the situation. KC talks of wanting to drink when she is stressed to the max. I've had no problem in this regard. My problem occurs when it's just the opposite -- when things are going well, and I'm happy about something. Strange huh?

I've learned with time that the more I struggle with cravings, the more likely it is for me to give in and drink. For example: If I get a craving and then spend an hour going back and forth in internal debate over whether or not I should drink, I'm doomed to fail. I'll lose that argument every time. Instead, I acknowledge that the craving is there, and move on. In other words, the more I resist, the more it persists. There's nothing to argue. The question of whether or not I should drink has an obvious answer. The cravings usually subside when I acknowledge and accept that it's there. And if it doesn't subside? So what! It won't kill me. It might be annoying, but I know that it can't hurt me. It can only hurt me if I try to argue with it. There's no way to win a case by arguing both sides.

I'm not sure if the above prattle makes any sense. If not, disregard.

ANEWAUGUST

GoFish...your post makes perfect sense! Cravings won't kill us..drinking, however, can.

TB- Happy Birthday...I hope the next year of your life is a wonderful one. You know...
thinking about the roomate, etc.is the hamster that used to run around on the wheel inside my head.

What others think of me, is none of my business.

Also..the lady that is taking you to meetings...I think her message was...by being of service to you..that has her going to a meeting. Sometimes we all need that obligation or committment to motivate ourselves and do what we need to do.

PC-good question to KC...which brings to mind HALT..hungry, angry, lonely and tired are all triggers for me...I guess that means I just need to eat more, and sleep more, haha.

thirtybubba

Thank y'all.

I have the same problem, Gofish. I only get the "cravings", the automatic, okay drinking time, when things are going good.

Then again, that's just me and according to all the people in AA I don't even know me and I should not say a thing.




Oh man. I just called my sponsor, and she laughed at how I said the name of a nearby town (I was telling her I was going to a meeting there) and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. How does this help? I call her, tell her I did what I was supposed to do (morning rituals) and am going to a meeting, then it's okay til tomorrow? It's not. I'm homesick. I hate my roommates and I think everybody. I know I don't, I'm just feeling that way right now. She doesn't have time to talk. I was gonna get a new one, but everybody I've asked said they don't have the time. One person said if I can get a year clean.

Oh well. Wasn't worth a thing when I started this journey, and I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I'm not worth much now. I have no appreciation value. I'm just getting older and lonelier, bitter-er and I reckon this is what I've become, I should just get on my knees and kiss the shoes of everybody who deigns to talk to me at an AA meeting (they didn't last night, although a girl stared at me for a while. I smiled at her and she looked away and back to the group of people she was talking with).

Bad day bad day bad day.
TB

PurpleCat

(((TB))) We like you.