grateful2b

Thank you Anna, and Renae, ...I don't know whether someone did something at this end to sort things out or it was my spybot scan that did the trick but here I am....
not fun, and a little trippy not being able to get in ....

((Annie))..I am so glad you were able to have some time with your son...

SerenityGirl

(((Grateful)) glad you were able to get back here on SR..

My youngest daughter is the main one in the family that has always made me feel guilty and controlled. I am partly responsible for the way our relationship has been. Out of guilt I would give in to her and also let her treat me disrespectful. Of course as she got older things got worse..So it has been the hardest thing in the world to learn to say no to her and to be able to detach emotionally. I'm learning now how to take care of my wants and needs with her and set boundaries. When I look back I realize now how I felt like I was stuck and she had total control over me...now I have the freedom to choose what to do.. I will always be so thankyou for Grateful for helping to see what was happening by sharing her experience with her daughter..and giving me my new freedom..Thanks Grateful
I will be going to visit my daughter by myself for a week, so I could use a little prayer to help me with my codie skills while I'm there...

grateful2b

Thank you, Renae.. your words capture my past experience with my daughter so well...who knew that we could get free and still have the opportunity to have something better with our daughters.

Renae, I hope you have a lovely week with your daughter, you are both in my prayers...)

Impurrfect

((SG)) - I will pray for you and your daughter that you have a good visit, but don't forget your codie recovery toolbelt

((Annie)) - SO glad you got to spend time with your son!

I did stores again today, in the thunderstorms. Stepmom said Elvis has been "horrible"...chasing after the other 2 cats. I told her I'm doing the best I can to help him adjust to being a mostly indoor cat, and how would SHE feel if I told her she couldn't watch TV any more...HER most favorite thing to do!

I then saw that she was eating some chips....she'd gotten them out of my room, I'm almost certain. I didn't say anything, but it's like she doesn't much respect anyone's stuff any more. I hear her in Brit's room, all the time and when she comes in my room, I notice she's looking around. Could be for the meds but she won't find them...I've disguised what she tried to steal and they are in my purse, which I don't leave unattended.

My car won't be ready until Fri. (maybe) so I'm going to pay to keep the rental another day. Dad has the only vehicle we have, right now, on a trip tonight and I don't want to depend on that vehicle tomorrow. I just don't want to have to depend on my stepmom's car to go anywhere.

I'm supposed to go to SC and get my stepbrother and his ex-gf but still friend on Fri. and bring them down for the weekend, so we'll have a full house, but it should be fun and he's going to fix the leaky roof over my bedroom

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

SerenityGirl

Thanks for the prayers Grateful and Amy..I will remember to bring my codie toolbelt!!
Seems that Elvis must be doing pretty good chasing after the other kitties, glad he is feeling better, hope and pray he will be feeling better for a long time...

Seren

Hi everyone! I'm very grateful for this place and for the ability to read along even when I can't get here to post very often!!!!

It's been a bit crazy in my world lately. OK....really stressful, actually. Work and research have been depressing and frustrating to the point that I have decided to quit on four separate occasions over the past year and a half. Never did though...I had three talks to give in the month of February and have been traveling to meetings. All the while, none of my efforts have been good enough for my advisor and I don't know how to allow my best efforts to be good enough for myself so that I quit beating myself up all the time!

My A stepson has started to drink again. We can't do anything, I know. It's his life to run, and it is very sad and such a waste of a young life. We realize he is probably really depressed and feels as though there is no point in putting in any effort because of all the charges he faces and all the money he has to repay. We don't know if we should encourage him or keep up the current practice of only talking when he contacts us (rarely right now). We have no plan to offer money and shelter because he has to learn to take care of himself, and we want him to feel the pride of that accomplishment.

Mr. HG's mother is now living in New Englad near one of my SIL's. We flew her there last weekend. Her new full-time caregiver (hired by this SIL) was flown down to meet/get to know her a few days before the move. This did not go all that well, but I have hopes for improvement. I'm also very worried about caregiver burnout because the doctor and my SIL do not seem to have any plans in place to allow the caregiver any time off or to even go to church! It just does not seem like a very safe plan to me, but I have to turn it over to my HP.

And........last night my codieness reared it's ugly head! I got upset because Mr. HG told me that his daughter thinks she might be pregnant again. Step D and her husband had their first child in October. She put her education on hold to have this child, but has since begun coursework again. She quit her job to take care of this first child, and now she will have to stop her education again if she is, indeed, pregnant. Me.....well, my codieness starts saying things like "They should have..." and "They could have....". It was pretty bad, but I did not say any of this directly to them. What they do is not my business (as Mr. HG correctly pointed out!). And if I dig deep down to my motivation, perhaps I am just a bit envious because I have no children of my own.

Well, enough of my ramblings. Thank you to one and all for "listening". I'm off to see what I can make of this day! Breathe....exhale....breathe.....exhale......

grateful2b

You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation


Letting Go Of Confusion


March 11


Sometimes, the way is not clear.

Our minds get clouded, confused. We aren't certain what our next step should be, what it will look like, what direction we are headed.

That is the time to stop, ask for guidance, and rest. That is the time to let go of fear. Wait. Feel the confusion and chaos, then let it go. The path will show itself. The next step shall be revealed. We don't have to know now. We will know in time. Trust that. Let go and trust.


Today, I will wait if the way is not clear. I will trust that out of the chaos will come clarity.

grateful2b

I used to feel that I had to know everything, what was next, I should know..
As I learned more about myself and how to be me, in time, I figured out that if I got off track or a little lost, I only needed to go back to where I was clear, and just wait a little for the next cue which would surely come..


((Hydrogirl)), good to see you.. yes, lots going on in your world!
I am sorry to hear bout your stepson, but you re right, not in your hula hoop...I know you know what you need to do for you...Sending hugs and prayers for you and you family, and I hope you are able to carve out some "me time" for you.

BigDreams1

(((SG))) I will indeed be sending prayers for your visit with daughter. I know how hard it is to not control when in close contact. My codie monster came out a bit last night when son showed up again. I so rarely get to talk to him that my convo came out as a string of questions about his life...which I could tell he was getting annoyed at. He told me he's not doing pot anymore, but that he still drinks...but that he has NEVER gotten behind the wheel after drinking. Don't know if any of that is true..but he didn't come home last night...so I think I sufficiently offended him.
Then I couldn't sleep cuz he never came home...so I feel like crap on about 2 hours and trying to be on point with my students.

(((Grateful)))Still such an inspiration how you were able to conquer your codieness with daughter. I was doing so much better until he was under the same roof again. Out of sight, out of mind I guess.

(((Hydro)))Sorry there is so much swirling around you right now. Wish I had a magic pill for you to make it all better...but as we all know...we just have to keep working the program and taking care of ourselves...and trusting in HP.



Love and Hugs to you all.
Annie

grateful2b

oh, Annie I had to smile reading your post...it touched my heart as I remembered all the moments just like that, and I always thought too that, in my mind, a slip like that undid any progress I made with her, and of course it didn't...

she was so in her stuff, that it wasn't as big to her as it was to me and she did notice the progress I was making, but I did not know that at the time....but my biggest pain in that moment was that I had pushed her away again, and I didn't really...she needed me more than I knew.

we were both struggling to move forward in our own recovery and we both had our own fears and anxieties and I had to remember, for both of us ,it was one step forward and two steps back, sometimes...

He is not going anywhere and he will be back for more moments with his mom because he loves you...I always felt she didn't love me anymore during those times so when I thought I messed up, it felt awful

Because we get so few with our kids at this stage, it is really hard sometimes to contain all the anxiety and fear we carry in those moments...

I got good at forgiving myself and letting it go, a lot

you are doing fine

Prayers for you and your son

Impurrfect

((HG)) - Good to see you!! Yes, you DO have a lot going on, but it sounds like you are doing well at dealing with it. I'm sorry you got validation that your A stepson IS drinking but good for you and Mr. HG on the boundaries. As far as the caregiver issue...I have a feeling that will work out, one way or another - I'm the outsider, looking in but it sounds like your SIL may be having a few codie issues of her own, trying to control the situation. You are all in my prayers.

((Annie)) - I thought it was the mom's JOB to be annoying with "20 questions" at times? Seriously, my dad still asks too many questions, every now and then and I get annoyed. How many times have I detached from him, and I live in the same house? Give yourself a break, sweetie.

((Grateful)) - thanks for the reading. I still have the tendency to think I'm supposed to know everything and get really frustrated when I don't.

I called to extend the rental vehicle today and found out my insurance company had given me another day of coverage, so I don't have to pay

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

grateful2b

sorry, meant to type, two steps forward, one step back...

Ceres

"That is the time to stop, ask for guidance, and rest. That is the time to let go of fear. Wait. Feel the confusion and chaos, then let it go. The path will show itself. The next step shall be revealed. We don't have to know now. We will know in time. Trust that. Let go and trust."

Sounds good to me!

SerenityGirl

(((HG)) So sorry your going through a stressful time right now it must hurt and make you feel left out when your H tells you its not your business what your step-kids do. I know with my situation where my H is the step father to my kids, I can get very defensive when he says anything negative about them..even though alot of times he is right, I resent it anyway. So my H probably feels like you, so I can see the other side of it. Sending hugs and prayers..

(((Annie)) thankyou for your prayers...don't feel so bad about your last visit with your son, maybe he just wasn't able to come over and it has nothing to do with anything you said..and if it was, I can't count the times I have regretted what I have said to one of my kids and they have been annoyed with me..but they don't stay mad..so everything will be ok..hugs

((

Gypsy Feet

I dont know J, sometimes it does feel like one forward two back


Good to hear from you HG, and I agree, I love that I can come here and read even when I am to busy too participate much. You all mean the world to me.

The new guy is definitely leaving next week for mexico, and I will have time for regrouping, and boy do I need it. "The baby" will be up tmorrow night for a whirlwind tour to meet all of my friends here, old and new, and I am excited to show her off. She is back in school taking two classes, and starts the census job at the end of the month.


"We don't have to know now. We will know in time. Trust that. Let go and trust"

I believe more than anything my faith keeps me sane some days. It is amazing, because it is a brand new fledgling relationship I have with Power greater than me, and yet it is so solid and strong. Today I feel neither in control nor out of control, its an odd feeling, somewhat uncomfortable here and there, but not terrifying and I have to say I even find it somewhat amusing

grateful2b

You are reading from The Language Of Letting Go by Melody Beattie Copyright - 1990 The Hazelden Foundation


Clarity and Direction


March 12


In spite of our best efforts to work our programs and lean on Gods guidance, we sometimes don't understand what's going on in our life. We trust, wait, pray, listen to people, listen to ourselves, and the answer still does not come.

During those times, we need to understand that we are right where we need to be, even though that place may feel awkwrd and uncomfortable. Our life does have a purpose and direction.

We are being changed, healed, and transformed at levels deeper than we can imagine. Good things beyond our capacity to imagine, are being prepared and brought to us. We are being led and guided.

We can become peaceful. We do not have to act in haste or urgency just to relieve our discomfort, just to get an answer. We can wait until our mind is peaceful. We can wait for clear direction. Clarity will come.

The answer will come, and it will be good for us and those around us.


Today, God, help me know I am being guided into what's good about life, especially when I feel confused and without direction. Help me trust enough to wait until my mind and vision are clear and consistent..

grateful2b

I am grateful in my life....
I suffered for such a long time, and sometimes I look back and it seems like a life time ago and someone else's life, and even more amazing, the healing, that has taken place in my life, that at times I wasn't even aware of...

I am grateful that I can live in peace, knowing that what I cannot do, my HP can...I can trust that, even though it is not on my timetable, my needs will be met...

I am grateful to be..

BigDreams1

((((Grateful))) I am so encouraged to see the place of peace you have found. Somedays I think I will never find it, even though I am working the program the best I know how.
I hired a cleaning company, and I smiled so big the first day I came home to find out I didn't have to start job #2. I had told H I was doing this....but when he came back off the road...he blew a gasket...like I thought he might...because of the cost. I calmly said this was a small price to pay for my sanity and much cheaper than private counseling...since I was getting my help through my coda group and online for free...He replied,"Well...you're sure getting your money's worth out of your FREE program. I tried to ignore the diss and be pleasant...he repeated it to make sure I was sufficiently hurt by the comment. I just smiled and said he could think what he wanted, that I couldn't control his actions or thoughts....but that I wished him a good day. He said as I was leaving that he wanted a divorce.

I managed to keep my cool and most of my peace...but Im stinging. He hates me so much and I don't quite understand why. He is taking my youngest with him out of town this weekend to visit family....and since older son went back home after the other night...not intending to come back until Easter....and oldest daughter is in DC at a conference...I will be all alone. Not looking forward to that. I'm trying to figure out what I should do so I don't fall into isolation and depression in the next few days.

Please pray for me.
Love you all
Annie

SerenityGirl

(((Grateful))

SerenityGirl

(((Annie)) I'm so sorry for his reaction to you getting help with the cleaning, that's unbelievable..You are working, and you can do with your money as you please..Don't let his hurtful words change your mind about getting extra help..You need to do this for yourself Annie..I know what its like to be manipulated by hurtful words, my fear of others anger has always stopped me from taking care of myself..But we have to be strong. Sorry that you might be alone for awhile, but you can take advantage of the time alone. It can be like a retreat...I would love to have the opportunity to have time totally to myself where I didn't have to worry about anyone else..We will be here for you. :ghug3