Polkadot - they may stare, but they won't glare.
I'm just joking about the stare. I would liken walking into an AA meeting the same as walking into any group environment like a new classroom, or a SCUBA class or any other social situation where there is an expectation you might have to give your name and tell a little about yourself.
That's not how AA is exactly because there is no requirement to "share" until you are ready. Most folks would just say their name and tell the room they want to "pass" today.
Also understand this was not my first AA meeting. My first was when I was 15 in 1978/79 when my mother dropped me off at the local hospital. I can't even remember how my mom decided that's what I needed or if I asked her to send me there.
Over the years I tried AA many times. And that's reason now that I am on the doorstep of one year and back in an AA meeting. My therapy stopped and I still feel something is missing.
I'm hoping that a room full of drunks who have learned how to live a full life after alcohol can help teach me how to start living again.
I have ZERO desire, no close calls, no temptations to drink, for that I am truly blessed. What I do have is this sense of not belonging anywhere, but in my home.
I'm not locked in or anything. I get up and go out, but 90% of what I do is alone.
I pass on all sorts of social invites. I'm likable and people seem to want me around them, but in time they stop inviting because it's normal to stop when you keep getting told no or I don't show.
So yesterday, the meeting was just what I expected. When I walked in, there was a small concession area and tables outside the room. There were lots of people talking in small groups. I saw this table with a man in his 50s sitting alone so I asked to sit with him. We started talking and I gave a little background on this past year. He also started getting sober in 78, but it didn't stick until 1986 and he's been sober ever since.
When it came time to go into the meeting, I walked in and sat right down in the front row. In the end I didn't share. I just felt that time I wanted go in and get the vibe of the room, remember the rituals such as the Serenity Prayer, and the finishing with the Lord's Prayer.
As I remembered, there were heart-felt "shares" and some by AA pros. The Pros know all the little phrases and the lingo and sprinkle them about as they speak. I used to be so turned off by those people, but yesterday I seemed to appreciate them.
I think anyone who goes into an AA meeting, especially if there is a lot of sobriety in the room, needs to understand for some of the people in the room - AA saved their lives. They are very protective of the program and it has become a way of life for many. These guys have seen a lot of people come and go, their longevity is now all the proof they need to believe it works if you keep coming back.
So Polkadot, I would say to you that they will welcome you in with huge open arms. No one will ask any more of you than you want to give.
I'm not sad, I don't have depression or anything like that. But I just keep thinking I'm not getting the full benefits out of a sober life.
I may keep going back.