Class of November Part 6
OMG everything's real
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 4,020
I tried that once or twice a week thing. It's actually in the AA Big Book.
"Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever, taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum."
The first time I read the Big Book, I was p*ssed as a lord, but I remembered that bit. Reading it again, I realise I am doing the exact same things with pills - they are just solid alcohol, as someone on this forum told me.
I'll just take them at work, I'll just take them at home, I'll take opiate tincture instead of pills, I'll only take them on weekends - blah blah blah.
"Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever, taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum."
The first time I read the Big Book, I was p*ssed as a lord, but I remembered that bit. Reading it again, I realise I am doing the exact same things with pills - they are just solid alcohol, as someone on this forum told me.
I'll just take them at work, I'll just take them at home, I'll take opiate tincture instead of pills, I'll only take them on weekends - blah blah blah.
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
I'm not an AA person either, the idea has never appealed to me. I agree with Fizzy, I'd rather do it quietly and just talk about it with you all, who get the disease. I've thought often about telling a really close friend of mine, she would be understanding and supportive about it but wouldn't understand it as she has just not been exposed to addiction like we all have. I think it would almost make it harder, because she would be really curious and would ask a lot of questions. She also could care less if I don't drink around her, she only drinks occasionally and only one or two. I don't know, maybe sometime I will tell her. I like it this way for now.
That being said, MAN do I want to get WASTED tonight! No particular reason, just want to pull out all the stops and get a bottle of Rumple Minze or something. I do have plans to work out with a friend so hopefully that will stave off the urge.
I do wish I could do the "sober most of the time" thing. The problem is, after I drink one day, I say fck it and keep doing it every day. It never works out like I plan it.
That being said, MAN do I want to get WASTED tonight! No particular reason, just want to pull out all the stops and get a bottle of Rumple Minze or something. I do have plans to work out with a friend so hopefully that will stave off the urge.
I do wish I could do the "sober most of the time" thing. The problem is, after I drink one day, I say fck it and keep doing it every day. It never works out like I plan it.
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Update: I did not get wasted, yay me. I feel really, really weird tonight though. Like I'm drinking but without the alcohol. Tons of unfocused energy, and I've had so much soda and water that I have that weird "too much liquid" feeling in my stomach. Worked out and I feel all wobbly and shaky. I hope I can get to sleep because I can tell I'll definitely feel wiped out in the morning if I don't.
OK, goodnight/morning everybody!
OK, goodnight/morning everybody!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: England
Posts: 1,981
Morning all :ghug
Good on you CG I hope you slept well. In answer to your question yes I struggle more around the 10 day mark. Then again around 21 days, thats the longest I have gone without it.
I'm so excited I have time off work, I don't have to think about it untill Monday now. (well the boss will confirm it later today but he doesn't see it as a problem)
I am going to get this house in some sort of order while the kids are at school. Thats if I can dragg myself away from here
Good on you CG I hope you slept well. In answer to your question yes I struggle more around the 10 day mark. Then again around 21 days, thats the longest I have gone without it.
I'm so excited I have time off work, I don't have to think about it untill Monday now. (well the boss will confirm it later today but he doesn't see it as a problem)
I am going to get this house in some sort of order while the kids are at school. Thats if I can dragg myself away from here
The Legend returns!
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 762
Morning!
Fizz I know what you are saying mate about the cutting back thing but its really not an option for me. Its almost the worst of all options for me. All I'd think about on the days I wasn't drinking would be drinking. I need to just stop full stop.
For some reason I'm allowing the usual doubts in my mind overwhelm my willpower.
I'm going to tell certain key friends that i've stopped drinking (no discussion about why just I have) and I've got my wife onside supporting me. She's been through hell with me being on and off the wagon and its contributed to us having a difficult time recently.
Hopefully thats sorted now, well it is as long as I stick to my word.
I also think its too easy to dwell on the negatives, whilst both me and pix have struggled recently we've actually done quite well. We just need to build on what we've done and reject what caused us to falter.
Fizz I know what you are saying mate about the cutting back thing but its really not an option for me. Its almost the worst of all options for me. All I'd think about on the days I wasn't drinking would be drinking. I need to just stop full stop.
For some reason I'm allowing the usual doubts in my mind overwhelm my willpower.
I'm going to tell certain key friends that i've stopped drinking (no discussion about why just I have) and I've got my wife onside supporting me. She's been through hell with me being on and off the wagon and its contributed to us having a difficult time recently.
Hopefully thats sorted now, well it is as long as I stick to my word.
I also think its too easy to dwell on the negatives, whilst both me and pix have struggled recently we've actually done quite well. We just need to build on what we've done and reject what caused us to falter.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Can't sleep to much stuff in my head...thought i'de stop by. I'll try for bed later.
moving dy..I will be at work and mom and son will deal with...Chris has turned into a trooper since our talk on Monday.
CG glad you are ok.
moving dy..I will be at work and mom and son will deal with...Chris has turned into a trooper since our talk on Monday.
CG glad you are ok.
OMG everything's real
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 4,020
Will be thinking of you nands. Moving is hard, but it wasn't so long ago you were really struggling to sell your house. Progress!
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. That excerpt I wrote out of the BB, which was supposed to help others, actually helped me. I have just been doing all the same messing about with pills as what I did with drink. "Controlled" opiate abuse
So a new day 1 for me. Liquid alcohol, solid alcohol, it's all the same thing. A general avoidance of reality.
Good luck to all the solo flyers. One of our customers was alcoholic to the extent he was drinking wood spirits. He lives near here and I've never seen him at a meeting - so I guess he's done it on his own. Not had a drink 20+ years.
LB xx
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me. That excerpt I wrote out of the BB, which was supposed to help others, actually helped me. I have just been doing all the same messing about with pills as what I did with drink. "Controlled" opiate abuse
So a new day 1 for me. Liquid alcohol, solid alcohol, it's all the same thing. A general avoidance of reality.
Good luck to all the solo flyers. One of our customers was alcoholic to the extent he was drinking wood spirits. He lives near here and I've never seen him at a meeting - so I guess he's done it on his own. Not had a drink 20+ years.
LB xx
OMG everything's real
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 4,020
This song is about opiate (specifically heroin addiction) but we're all addicts here. Just the drug is different. My first day by Haystak. It always gives me hope. I'm not into rap, but this I like. I put the youtube link at the bottom, but the lyrics mean a lot to me.
Sometimes I write about something, that like something I went through
Or something my people went through
And I felt like they needed some motivational ****
And it usually ends up going something like this...
( Chorus )
My first day, without you in my life
Things felt strange, a bit deranged
Even so, I hope you're doin okay
Take it slow, you just never know... ( just never know, oh!)
Yo, you just never know... nooo (just never know, oh!)
You just never know... nooo (just never know, oh!)
( Verse 1 )
My systems caught in conniption, stomach in knots
Feedin for my medicine, overcoming addiction
The first step is quittin, nah the first steps admittin
I got a problem, I need help, this is something I can't beat myself
I almost felt like I can't be cured
Rehab won't take me cuz I ain't insured
Layin in the bath tub, shakin like a new born
Searchin for the courage it'll take for me to move on
I've been livin life like this way too long
Beggin God please, bring me home
I stopped before, three or four days
Always end up back in the same place
People call me a junkie, dope fiend
How they gonna judge me, they don't even know me
Lights off, wanna be left alone, I'm tryin to enjoy the methodone
Put a Jimi Hendrix record on, and excuse me while I kiss the sky
Dosed off, woke up, sick to my stomach, ran to the bathroom
Started to vomit, the methodone wore off and the withdrawal started
That first day was the hardest...
( Chorus )
( Verse 2 )
Stayed strong, endured the rough weather
I ain't fully recovered but I'm doin much better
I can keep my food down to shakes and calms
They lowerin the doses of methodone
I eat V's and blow lots of dro
It's like chewin gum when you're tryin not to smoke
Keep my mind occupied, calm my nerves
It's not the same high, deep inside I...
Just want one more but I can't turn back this week for it
But I done made it, almost a month
With just a couple of V's and I blew some blunts
But that weed and gonna make me OD
That other **** was gonna kill me
Six weeks, and everything seem so clear
Before I knew it, time flew and I was clean for a year
Can't believe something started off socially
Something I almost allowed to take over me
Days went by and it was sixteen months
And I swear to God I didn't fall off once
I, feel like a brand new guy and I'm definetly livin a brand new life
Some days I still resist the thirst but none's worst than the first (believe
that)
( Chorus )
( Verse 3 )
Two years and I ain't touched it
Got a lot done, I been so productive
Rebuilt, I was so constructive
Can't believe I was so self destructive
Got a good job and I make big bucks
Went to the lot and got a new pick up
Got a brand new crib and a brand new kid
I think anybody can quit if I did
If you wanna quit, get up and go get the ****
Walk straight to the toilet, drop it, flush it, **** it, fight it
Just resist it and if this helps then just keep listenin
When you start slippin I'll send you another one
Sonny, wasup?, we just saved another one
I know it's so hard like there's no God
But through him you're able to go so far
Hey, I don't wanna sound corny
I'm just like you either hungry or horny
Seems as though we get hooked so easily
Quitting becomes an impossibility
I ain't sayin treat your body like a church
Just don't let dope put your body in a hearse
The streets inside you, you just gotta search
And know that no day be harder than the first
( Chorus )
[ Outro ]
Yo, all my people, goin through they thing
Whatever they thing may be
Just know, God got his hands on you
And he'll grant you the serenity
To change the things you can't
And you can change that, aight
Hold me down and I'ma hold you down... one
Sometimes I write about something, that like something I went through
Or something my people went through
And I felt like they needed some motivational ****
And it usually ends up going something like this...
( Chorus )
My first day, without you in my life
Things felt strange, a bit deranged
Even so, I hope you're doin okay
Take it slow, you just never know... ( just never know, oh!)
Yo, you just never know... nooo (just never know, oh!)
You just never know... nooo (just never know, oh!)
( Verse 1 )
My systems caught in conniption, stomach in knots
Feedin for my medicine, overcoming addiction
The first step is quittin, nah the first steps admittin
I got a problem, I need help, this is something I can't beat myself
I almost felt like I can't be cured
Rehab won't take me cuz I ain't insured
Layin in the bath tub, shakin like a new born
Searchin for the courage it'll take for me to move on
I've been livin life like this way too long
Beggin God please, bring me home
I stopped before, three or four days
Always end up back in the same place
People call me a junkie, dope fiend
How they gonna judge me, they don't even know me
Lights off, wanna be left alone, I'm tryin to enjoy the methodone
Put a Jimi Hendrix record on, and excuse me while I kiss the sky
Dosed off, woke up, sick to my stomach, ran to the bathroom
Started to vomit, the methodone wore off and the withdrawal started
That first day was the hardest...
( Chorus )
( Verse 2 )
Stayed strong, endured the rough weather
I ain't fully recovered but I'm doin much better
I can keep my food down to shakes and calms
They lowerin the doses of methodone
I eat V's and blow lots of dro
It's like chewin gum when you're tryin not to smoke
Keep my mind occupied, calm my nerves
It's not the same high, deep inside I...
Just want one more but I can't turn back this week for it
But I done made it, almost a month
With just a couple of V's and I blew some blunts
But that weed and gonna make me OD
That other **** was gonna kill me
Six weeks, and everything seem so clear
Before I knew it, time flew and I was clean for a year
Can't believe something started off socially
Something I almost allowed to take over me
Days went by and it was sixteen months
And I swear to God I didn't fall off once
I, feel like a brand new guy and I'm definetly livin a brand new life
Some days I still resist the thirst but none's worst than the first (believe
that)
( Chorus )
( Verse 3 )
Two years and I ain't touched it
Got a lot done, I been so productive
Rebuilt, I was so constructive
Can't believe I was so self destructive
Got a good job and I make big bucks
Went to the lot and got a new pick up
Got a brand new crib and a brand new kid
I think anybody can quit if I did
If you wanna quit, get up and go get the ****
Walk straight to the toilet, drop it, flush it, **** it, fight it
Just resist it and if this helps then just keep listenin
When you start slippin I'll send you another one
Sonny, wasup?, we just saved another one
I know it's so hard like there's no God
But through him you're able to go so far
Hey, I don't wanna sound corny
I'm just like you either hungry or horny
Seems as though we get hooked so easily
Quitting becomes an impossibility
I ain't sayin treat your body like a church
Just don't let dope put your body in a hearse
The streets inside you, you just gotta search
And know that no day be harder than the first
( Chorus )
[ Outro ]
Yo, all my people, goin through they thing
Whatever they thing may be
Just know, God got his hands on you
And he'll grant you the serenity
To change the things you can't
And you can change that, aight
Hold me down and I'ma hold you down... one
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Morning/afternoon, everyone!
I have time to check in before work today because I'm working at an office close to home for a few days. Actually slept pretty well, considering how keyed up I was last night. Feeling better this morning (for now, anyway).
LB - what a fitting song!
Good luck to all the day 1 people! Wonkey, I agree that you and Pix have both made a lot of progress. I like to think of my own recovery like that too. I'm sure in 2008 I had a total of 3 or 4 months sober, just not necessarily consecutive. That's surely a lot better than the 3 or 4 days I might have had in 2007! And each time I learn more about what not to do the next time.
I have time to check in before work today because I'm working at an office close to home for a few days. Actually slept pretty well, considering how keyed up I was last night. Feeling better this morning (for now, anyway).
LB - what a fitting song!
Good luck to all the day 1 people! Wonkey, I agree that you and Pix have both made a lot of progress. I like to think of my own recovery like that too. I'm sure in 2008 I had a total of 3 or 4 months sober, just not necessarily consecutive. That's surely a lot better than the 3 or 4 days I might have had in 2007! And each time I learn more about what not to do the next time.
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