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Old 10-07-2019, 08:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Would love to talk to other loners. :)


Hello All,

I don't really know who else to talk to. I have been (mostly) sober for the last 4 years. However, I relapsed last month and have been thinking about drinking more since. I just am not happy. I hate feeling like this.

I don't feel like I can relate to (or trust) other people. Since I can remember, I have always felt like an outsider and have not felt comfortable around other people. I dream about living life alone, with nobody else to worry about. I have obsessively watched Dick Proenneke videos over the last 2 months, wishing I could have the freedom to live alone for 3 decades, too.

I have PTSD from severe childhood/cult abuse and I already do not feel as though there are a lot of people whom I can relate to.

I am writing to reach out to others who are going through loneliness and/or trauma rehabilitation. I would love to hear from you.
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Old 10-07-2019, 11:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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The good thing about SR, Pouncer, is you are not alone here. I suggest you look in the newcomer's forum and join some common threads- an example could be joining the Class of O
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Old 10-07-2019, 11:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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apologies- my laptop is weird

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Old 10-07-2019, 11:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Try again

The Class of October 2019 group. I joined the Class of March 2016 group and share there most days and the people on this site have been a great support and a way to learn for me. I
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Old 10-08-2019, 06:17 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Recovery, fellowshipping, service work, and so many other pieces of my 12 Step program took away any loneliness I ever felt, I knew I never had to be alone again unless it was by choice. Some days that's exactly what I choose, the peace and comfort of having some time alone. This site has been a great resource for 13 years to check in every day and get some support as well as supporting others.
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Old 10-08-2019, 06:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Fellow loner here :-) I also have a hard time fitting in, and my job requires me to be pretty public. While there are times when I wish I could check out for a while to have a break from what's going on in my head, drinking never made anything easier. It only caused more problems.

I hope you decide to stay sober. SR can be a great place to get out of my own head and see what's going on with other people, but I needed more in order to stay sober. Many sober people I know (here and irl) have created a program for a sober life that involves many things: maybe meetings of some sort, a plan for times when they want to drink, therapy, exercise, journaling, reading, healthy eating, etc.

This board doesn't get as much traffic, so I would definitely echo the suggestion to try the Newcomers or Alcoholism board.
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Old 10-08-2019, 09:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

It does seem as though there is a point in early recovery in which people who are serious about getting/staying sober decide to open up to others, despite their personal reservations. I have read posts on SR over the years and it seems the most successful people are the ones who decide to relinquish control and put their mental and physical health at a higher priority than their comfort or privacy.

Opening up has been difficult for me to do and I have not yet made that leap after years of sobriety. I still have not visited an in-person meeting and I am definitely not interested in going to a(ny) church in order to stay sober. There are a lot of difficult circumstances right now, with kids and husband, that I prioritize myself last and the depression sneaks up on me.

Thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 10-09-2019, 03:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pouncer View Post
Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

It does seem as though there is a point in early recovery in which people who are serious about getting/staying sober decide to open up to others, despite their personal reservations.
This was definitely me. I am very much an introvert, and even after several years still get anxious in meetings sometimes. But I do not believe I could have gotten sober without them. As an alcoholic, I can rationalize, justify, and make things way more complicated than they are. As someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, I can get bogged down in my own head. I needed a consistent, external perspective. Staying sober is really very simple, but it is not easy. Going to meetings made me accountable to others, gave me access to many points of view and insights into living sober, and allowed me to get out of my own head. The great part about meetings is that I am free to share as much or as little as I want, and I can take or leave any suggestions.

Basically, I had to make my sobriety priority and become honest with myself. If you ever do decide to go to a meeting, just know you don't have to share. If asked, you can just introduce yourself and say you are just listening. You don't even have to identify as an addict or alcoholic in an open meeting.
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Old 10-09-2019, 04:09 PM   #9 (permalink)
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The great thing about online support is I get to really think about what I am going to say usually. Sometimes I am busy or falling asleep when i post and it ends up messy.

I am a loner as well.

I never really wanted to be one, but since I am Hispanic, but look Pakistanis, but don't speak Spanish, but love rock and rap music etc etc etc..I find myself alone.

Drinking was a way to overcome my loneliness because i was busy getting booze, drinking it, being drunk, and then sleeping off...I stayed busy.

Quitting left me with a ton of free time and feeling lonely and bored. I was doomed to relapse. This place saved me.

Now sober a long time I accept my loneliness and do things to feel special. Working out is the main thing. I am in better cardio shape than most weight lifters and stronger than most runners.

I also trained grappling and believe I can handle myself against an attacker if so challenged. Whether or not this is true doesn't matter too much since I have never been attacked or been in a fight for over 40 years.

I am also extremely helpful usually and that is special.

I trust that I am in a special place. I have angels watching over me.

I need to find specialness in myself, even if it is only in my mind.

I don't know if this is the correct thing to do, but I saw it on social media and it seems to work.

I am special in my own way. I don't care what other people think. I am kind and I am special.

Hope this helps you in some way.

Thanks for the therapy.
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When I crave I think of the next day after effects:

high blood pressure, sleep issues, strength loss, immune system compromise (sick).

BpSSS. My mantra.

Studied "alcohol kindling" and "alcohol PAWS."

Last intoxication: 8 May 15.
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Old 10-10-2019, 06:11 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I trust that I am in a special place. I have angels watching over me.
Loved reading this, I hope we all come to believe in the truth of it.
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