Please help. I'm in the throws of a bipolar episode and I'm scared!
A picture's worth a 1000 words
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Oh GUYS!!!! I did REALLY, REALLY well at the SPJ contest!
I won:
The top award for my photojournalism portfolio!!!
A second place award for one of my photo stories.
A third place in magazine photography.
And a second place award for entertainment feature writing (about a cool photographer)
The only one that really mattered much to me was the photo portfolio. I'm so happy. And they said the judging was really tough this year.
Other than that, I had been manic all week and I hit the bottom Saturday night and am fighting for strength again. I get so grouchy when I hit bottom again. I just want to be normal, even though I know that's just the speed on a washing machine.
Live - I wish you good vacationing. Tell us all about it when you get back.
Peda - On the book front...Don't feel bad b/c 100 percent of the books I read are all non-fiction. I just don't have time to read anything that doesn't help me or have any purpose or value to it. I'm working on fixing me and John Grisham (sp?) just doesn't offer me any solutions. Heehee ;-P
Right now I'm reading:
- the Bible
- Live the life you were meant to live
- Move ahead with possiblitiy thinking by Robert H. Schuller (this was a 25 cent find at a thrift store and it's been one of the most positive books I've read thus far)
- ODAT (One Day at a Time In Al-Anon)
I take turns reading them b/c otherwise I get bored with myself. This way, I have time to digest and put to work the things I learn from one book b-4 I read any more of it. Does that make any sense.
Well, my mom is waiting for me to come switch out my car. I got pulled over tonight b/c my tag is out and I almost got it impounded. In the last month, I've gotten my driver's liscense renewed and finally have insurance, but the tag is the last thing. The cop gave me a warning, but told me to take it home and park it until I get a tag. It was my second miracle from God b/c this cop was accusing me of it not even being my car!
Adios All, I will try to write again soon.
Lov and Hugs
Jenna
I won:
The top award for my photojournalism portfolio!!!
A second place award for one of my photo stories.
A third place in magazine photography.
And a second place award for entertainment feature writing (about a cool photographer)
The only one that really mattered much to me was the photo portfolio. I'm so happy. And they said the judging was really tough this year.
Other than that, I had been manic all week and I hit the bottom Saturday night and am fighting for strength again. I get so grouchy when I hit bottom again. I just want to be normal, even though I know that's just the speed on a washing machine.
Live - I wish you good vacationing. Tell us all about it when you get back.
Peda - On the book front...Don't feel bad b/c 100 percent of the books I read are all non-fiction. I just don't have time to read anything that doesn't help me or have any purpose or value to it. I'm working on fixing me and John Grisham (sp?) just doesn't offer me any solutions. Heehee ;-P
Right now I'm reading:
- the Bible
- Live the life you were meant to live
- Move ahead with possiblitiy thinking by Robert H. Schuller (this was a 25 cent find at a thrift store and it's been one of the most positive books I've read thus far)
- ODAT (One Day at a Time In Al-Anon)
I take turns reading them b/c otherwise I get bored with myself. This way, I have time to digest and put to work the things I learn from one book b-4 I read any more of it. Does that make any sense.
Well, my mom is waiting for me to come switch out my car. I got pulled over tonight b/c my tag is out and I almost got it impounded. In the last month, I've gotten my driver's liscense renewed and finally have insurance, but the tag is the last thing. The cop gave me a warning, but told me to take it home and park it until I get a tag. It was my second miracle from God b/c this cop was accusing me of it not even being my car!
Adios All, I will try to write again soon.
Lov and Hugs
Jenna
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
thanks for the congrats. I guess I sounded a little boastful. Sorry about that. I was just a tiny bit excited b/c of being able to put it on my resume.
I'm very down this week. The last few days have been a nightmare. I feel physically horrid - like my body's been running a marathon and I want to stop, but I can't. I need about a week or two to sleep, but they keep making me work. Times like these make me re-think going onto social security. It's just so hard and the extreme sleepiness and tiredness make it hard to think straight.
I was working up photos today and instead of putting the date as 2.5.05, I typed it as 5.5.05...I guess I'm trying to skip ahead to May b/c I discovered I did the same thing last night. I called the picture "5.4.05 Smoking Sun".
Well, I just want to go to bed, but sleeping has been difficult - real sleep anyway.
My mom helped me get my tag and insurance on my car this week (after I had been pulled over twice and only by the grace of God was given warnings). It was my money, she just does the footwork for me. Luckily and her husband don't work (well, they do the rental property thing, but they usually just goof off), so she doesn't mind b/c it means she doesn't worry so much about me.
The chocolate cravings are subsiding - yee haw.
But....I've been a bad girl about taking my meds. I am suppose to take 100 mg of Lamictal in the morning and 100 at night......Well....I've missed my morning dose for about 2 weeks now (which may explain me being more manic than usual last week and more depressed than usual this week). I've got to take my meds. Feeling this way just hurts too bad.
IT REALLY JUST FEELS LIKE I HAVE A SMALL VEHICLE SITTING ON TOP OF ME!! EVERYTHING HURTS.
So to home I go....to eat, smoke (even though I'm still working on quitting, it's been impossible with such little energy and wakefulness), a little television and then I'm snoozing for the next 2 days if my mom and sister will let me (by not ringing the phone off the hook that is.
Tena, hope your vacations is going wonderful.
Peda, hope your barbeque plans are coming together.
Lov and Hugs,
Jenna
(This is a good representation of me.
I just want to block out the whole world right now. You know stick my head in the sand sort of thing. That does sound nice)
I'm very down this week. The last few days have been a nightmare. I feel physically horrid - like my body's been running a marathon and I want to stop, but I can't. I need about a week or two to sleep, but they keep making me work. Times like these make me re-think going onto social security. It's just so hard and the extreme sleepiness and tiredness make it hard to think straight.
I was working up photos today and instead of putting the date as 2.5.05, I typed it as 5.5.05...I guess I'm trying to skip ahead to May b/c I discovered I did the same thing last night. I called the picture "5.4.05 Smoking Sun".
Well, I just want to go to bed, but sleeping has been difficult - real sleep anyway.
My mom helped me get my tag and insurance on my car this week (after I had been pulled over twice and only by the grace of God was given warnings). It was my money, she just does the footwork for me. Luckily and her husband don't work (well, they do the rental property thing, but they usually just goof off), so she doesn't mind b/c it means she doesn't worry so much about me.
The chocolate cravings are subsiding - yee haw.
But....I've been a bad girl about taking my meds. I am suppose to take 100 mg of Lamictal in the morning and 100 at night......Well....I've missed my morning dose for about 2 weeks now (which may explain me being more manic than usual last week and more depressed than usual this week). I've got to take my meds. Feeling this way just hurts too bad.
IT REALLY JUST FEELS LIKE I HAVE A SMALL VEHICLE SITTING ON TOP OF ME!! EVERYTHING HURTS.
So to home I go....to eat, smoke (even though I'm still working on quitting, it's been impossible with such little energy and wakefulness), a little television and then I'm snoozing for the next 2 days if my mom and sister will let me (by not ringing the phone off the hook that is.
Tena, hope your vacations is going wonderful.
Peda, hope your barbeque plans are coming together.
Lov and Hugs,
Jenna
(This is a good representation of me.
I just want to block out the whole world right now. You know stick my head in the sand sort of thing. That does sound nice)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
Originally Posted by shutterbug
I feel physically horrid - like my body's been running a marathon and I want to stop, but I can't.
Well, I just want to go to bed, but sleeping has been difficult - real sleep anyway.
But....I've been a bad girl about taking my meds. I am suppose to take 100 mg of Lamictal in the morning and 100 at night......Well....I've missed my morning dose for about 2 weeks now (which may explain me being more manic than usual last week and more depressed than usual this week). I've got to take my meds. Feeling this way just hurts too bad.
Well, I just want to go to bed, but sleeping has been difficult - real sleep anyway.
But....I've been a bad girl about taking my meds. I am suppose to take 100 mg of Lamictal in the morning and 100 at night......Well....I've missed my morning dose for about 2 weeks now (which may explain me being more manic than usual last week and more depressed than usual this week). I've got to take my meds. Feeling this way just hurts too bad.
Please let your supervising physician/psychiatrist that you have been skipping your meds, but you ARE going to make a REAL effort to not miss another day.
Go out and get a small calendar at the Dollar Store. (Maybe you can take a trip out with your mother, or do a solo run) You now have your handy-dandy MEDS Calendar. The SOLE purpose of this calendar is to track your med usage. If you take your meds twice a day...then you get to mark the calendar twice a day. (You can use two different colored pens/markers...pick your favorites.) You have to treat it, and the taking of your meds....like someone in AA stays sober...one day at a time. Take pride in your 'streak' and see what kind of progress you can make, your health will thank you for it. If you need further short-term encouragement, you should attach a 'carrot' to some milestones. For instance....'1 week' of 100% usage, you give yourself your favorite assortment of chocolate (personally, i'd take anything with dark chocolate. : ) '1 month' should be something like a Pedicure. Something that you don't NEED, but would be a nice thing to have. Maybe you can do it with your mother. Speaking of your mother....you should mention to her about your Meds Calendar because she can help support your effort, but it also shows her (if you stick to it) that you are really working hard to do it right, and that HER efforts are not going to waste.
Next time you post, I expect to hear what kind of calendar you got (they are themed!) and what two colored pens/markers you will use for your calendar.
Have a great Sunday!
-pedagogue
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
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What is of "Psychology Today"?
Hi Live ---- tell us about your vacations when ya get a chance girlfriend!
Peda --Woowzi again! Great idea! Do you have any suggestions for someone despiritely trying to stop smoking (but who can't afford nicotine patches and her insurance won't cover them --- even though she's an asthmatic!)?
Wow, thank you so much for the boost. I just read it and that really is a great idea. I have an extra calader I've been lugging around and wondering exactly what I was going to do with it ---Well, I can stop wondering. And I can put my sleep cycles in it and my manic/dep cycles in it to.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Did I say thank you yet? ;-)
Anyway, I still feel like hammered dog sh*t (even though, I don't actually have any experience 'being' hammered doggy do... so I can't properly say what that feels like, but I'd bet it's pretty close to this)
I went to the E.R. Sunday night and left b-4 going in to see a doc. They were taking too long and I figured that my breathing problems had to be anxiety related and not asthma.
Today, I called in sick, but my boss only let me off half the day b/c I had to cover a 2 hour council meeting. I'm about to go home, but I thought I'd check in with you guys. I went to my Pdoc today and told him about not taking my meds and he said I have bronchitis ( I thought that's what I had last time, but nope...this is bronchitis and it sucks giant lolli-pops). I hurt.
BUT AT LEAST I'M HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY AGAIN!!!!!!! ( I just don't have the energy to so my happiness right now, except in moving my fingers to type, but that's about it. A smile is even asking too much of myself right now).
But a bunch of great, wonderful, almighty meds and I should be back to good as new.
And Peda, I took my morning dose of meds today for the first time in more than 2 weeks. You would be proud. I'm going to see my therapist Wednesday and I'll tell her so she can yell at me too. Getting in trouble can be good for us some times ya know.
I'm just so bad about taking meds. I hate em. I loath them. Yucki-po!
I know I have to take them ---> which is why I've done this good for this long (one year on Effexor and all my other meds since Sept. 1, 2004. Pretty darn better than good for me since I'da never thunk'd it)
Yeppers, can ya here da bit o hill billy n ma' voice?
bye my friends
Hi Live ---- tell us about your vacations when ya get a chance girlfriend!
Peda --Woowzi again! Great idea! Do you have any suggestions for someone despiritely trying to stop smoking (but who can't afford nicotine patches and her insurance won't cover them --- even though she's an asthmatic!)?
Wow, thank you so much for the boost. I just read it and that really is a great idea. I have an extra calader I've been lugging around and wondering exactly what I was going to do with it ---Well, I can stop wondering. And I can put my sleep cycles in it and my manic/dep cycles in it to.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Did I say thank you yet? ;-)
Anyway, I still feel like hammered dog sh*t (even though, I don't actually have any experience 'being' hammered doggy do... so I can't properly say what that feels like, but I'd bet it's pretty close to this)
I went to the E.R. Sunday night and left b-4 going in to see a doc. They were taking too long and I figured that my breathing problems had to be anxiety related and not asthma.
Today, I called in sick, but my boss only let me off half the day b/c I had to cover a 2 hour council meeting. I'm about to go home, but I thought I'd check in with you guys. I went to my Pdoc today and told him about not taking my meds and he said I have bronchitis ( I thought that's what I had last time, but nope...this is bronchitis and it sucks giant lolli-pops). I hurt.
BUT AT LEAST I'M HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY AGAIN!!!!!!! ( I just don't have the energy to so my happiness right now, except in moving my fingers to type, but that's about it. A smile is even asking too much of myself right now).
But a bunch of great, wonderful, almighty meds and I should be back to good as new.
And Peda, I took my morning dose of meds today for the first time in more than 2 weeks. You would be proud. I'm going to see my therapist Wednesday and I'll tell her so she can yell at me too. Getting in trouble can be good for us some times ya know.
I'm just so bad about taking meds. I hate em. I loath them. Yucki-po!
I know I have to take them ---> which is why I've done this good for this long (one year on Effexor and all my other meds since Sept. 1, 2004. Pretty darn better than good for me since I'da never thunk'd it)
Yeppers, can ya here da bit o hill billy n ma' voice?
bye my friends
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
Mark off Day 1 (Morning) and hopefully your night dosage also.
Good job!
As for smoking cessation (quitting smoking)....don't have a great answer for you. I think the most effective (free) method is the combination of weaning and buddying. Find yourself a buddy (maybe another smoker?) and try and work together at it. Depending on how much you smoke, you can split up your weaning period over a month or so. This is a very crude estimate, but it will at least give you a place to start: If you smoke 1 pack every day (easy for math):
1st Week: 17 with a goal of 14 cigs/day.
2nd Week: 14 with a goal of 10 cigs/day.
3rd Week: 10 with a goal of 6 cigs/day.
4th Week: 6 with a goal of 3 cigs/day.
5th Week: 3 with a goal of 0.
Partnered with exercise...you can make it work.
(I have never done smoking cessation....the above is purely a suggestion.) I think you need to have other things to be successful. *GUM*, activities to do INSTEAD of smoking, etc. You'd be suprised how effective a nasty picture of mouth cancer can be.
-pedagogue
Good job!
As for smoking cessation (quitting smoking)....don't have a great answer for you. I think the most effective (free) method is the combination of weaning and buddying. Find yourself a buddy (maybe another smoker?) and try and work together at it. Depending on how much you smoke, you can split up your weaning period over a month or so. This is a very crude estimate, but it will at least give you a place to start: If you smoke 1 pack every day (easy for math):
1st Week: 17 with a goal of 14 cigs/day.
2nd Week: 14 with a goal of 10 cigs/day.
3rd Week: 10 with a goal of 6 cigs/day.
4th Week: 6 with a goal of 3 cigs/day.
5th Week: 3 with a goal of 0.
Partnered with exercise...you can make it work.
(I have never done smoking cessation....the above is purely a suggestion.) I think you need to have other things to be successful. *GUM*, activities to do INSTEAD of smoking, etc. You'd be suprised how effective a nasty picture of mouth cancer can be.
-pedagogue
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
Just thought I'd add a bit more information from a social learning perspective, that can be useful in smoking cessation .
Social Learning Perspective: 4 Important Factors
1. Differential Association- How you interact with others
2. Differential Reinforcement- Reward and punishment (rewards of smoking can be nonsocial/physiological. Similar to the chocolate / pedicure example above)
3. Imitation- Observational learning. Works best when you can go through the process with others and observe other people's actions and learn their coping methods, etc.
4. Cognitive Definitions- Attitudes toward smoking. Ties in with my "picture of mouth cancer". Learning about the horrible effects it can have on you long term, also the GOOD things that can happen when you stop. (More energy, feel better, less jittery, etc)
-pedagogue
Social Learning Perspective: 4 Important Factors
1. Differential Association- How you interact with others
2. Differential Reinforcement- Reward and punishment (rewards of smoking can be nonsocial/physiological. Similar to the chocolate / pedicure example above)
3. Imitation- Observational learning. Works best when you can go through the process with others and observe other people's actions and learn their coping methods, etc.
4. Cognitive Definitions- Attitudes toward smoking. Ties in with my "picture of mouth cancer". Learning about the horrible effects it can have on you long term, also the GOOD things that can happen when you stop. (More energy, feel better, less jittery, etc)
-pedagogue
Last edited by pedagogue; 02-08-2005 at 10:27 AM.
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Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Shutterbug, my vacation. Well, the first night there Danny slipped in the bathroom fell against the side of the bathtub and we had to take him to the hospital the next morning. We spent alot of time talking, reading together but not able to do much. One of the last days I arranged for a gentle slow horse for him to be able to ride to the top of the Sierras with me. This was against Dr's orders but I don't think either of us will ever regret it.
With all this time to talk, I wound up talking about my son's suicide to him for the first time, in bits and pieces, and other traumas. So, I feel pulled back inside myself and a bit depressed.
I wish I could be more helpful and responsive.
But I do want to say it is NOT BOASTFUL to tell us of your awards!!! Thank you for sharing them. We knew you were a shining star and glad to see it recognized!
There was another suicide in the boards, I couldn't even look at it for two days, but today, I knew I had to. I find it both important that I do and very draining. I am taking a nap.
Should you wish to offer condolences, the lady's name is Deedee and she is in nar-anon. I know it is some small comfort to be able to see how many people care.
love,
live
With all this time to talk, I wound up talking about my son's suicide to him for the first time, in bits and pieces, and other traumas. So, I feel pulled back inside myself and a bit depressed.
I wish I could be more helpful and responsive.
But I do want to say it is NOT BOASTFUL to tell us of your awards!!! Thank you for sharing them. We knew you were a shining star and glad to see it recognized!
There was another suicide in the boards, I couldn't even look at it for two days, but today, I knew I had to. I find it both important that I do and very draining. I am taking a nap.
Should you wish to offer condolences, the lady's name is Deedee and she is in nar-anon. I know it is some small comfort to be able to see how many people care.
love,
live
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
For those of you who want to share your condolensces with deedee: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2&page=1&pp=20
-pedagogue
-pedagogue
A picture's worth a 1000 words
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Peda and Live, I've printed out your responses so I can take them home and read them (where I can smoke...ha ha).
I'm still trying to stop/cut down. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I was at around 2 1/2 packs a day and I'm back down to one ( a little more when I'm tired). I'm trying. Still trying. And I WILL make it. I WILL stop smoking. I HAVE to!
I never went to sleep Friday night. I worked all day Friday, then stayed and worked for 9 1/2 hours on my entries for a national photo contest (NPPA: National Press Photographers Association). They I had to be back at work Saturday so instead of sleeping for 2 hours, and being worse when I woke up, I just stayed up and got a few things done.
I guess I was manicy (my new word *manicy*, you know like manic+e) toward the last part of the week. I went to bed at midnight Saturday and didn't wake up until 5 p.m. this evening....so, that's...17 house spent sleeping, instead of getting stuff done. I hate it when I sleep all day on Sundays b/c then I have to be back at work Mondays and I don't feel like I had a day off!
Anyway, I'm feeling better. I don't know if it's from the mega meds my doc gave me to ward of the bronchitus or if it's b/c I've been taking my meds or b/c I'm a little manicy still OR ALL OF THE ABOVE.
For the last 3 weeks or so, I've been having some problems with anxiety - probably b/c of smoking less. I've developed the shaking leg syndrom (I guess that's what it's called) again. I had the shaking leg thing going on when I was in day treatment, but then it went away for the most part. Well, it's back and people at work are noticing. One reporter asked if I was cold the other day b/c I was shaking so bad.
Well, I miss you guys, but I don't feel like writing or reading anything really right now so...
Talk to ya laters,
P.S. Peda, thanks for the stuff you have posted. I hope I will feel like reading it when I get home.
Jenna
I'm still trying to stop/cut down. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I was at around 2 1/2 packs a day and I'm back down to one ( a little more when I'm tired). I'm trying. Still trying. And I WILL make it. I WILL stop smoking. I HAVE to!
I never went to sleep Friday night. I worked all day Friday, then stayed and worked for 9 1/2 hours on my entries for a national photo contest (NPPA: National Press Photographers Association). They I had to be back at work Saturday so instead of sleeping for 2 hours, and being worse when I woke up, I just stayed up and got a few things done.
I guess I was manicy (my new word *manicy*, you know like manic+e) toward the last part of the week. I went to bed at midnight Saturday and didn't wake up until 5 p.m. this evening....so, that's...17 house spent sleeping, instead of getting stuff done. I hate it when I sleep all day on Sundays b/c then I have to be back at work Mondays and I don't feel like I had a day off!
Anyway, I'm feeling better. I don't know if it's from the mega meds my doc gave me to ward of the bronchitus or if it's b/c I've been taking my meds or b/c I'm a little manicy still OR ALL OF THE ABOVE.
For the last 3 weeks or so, I've been having some problems with anxiety - probably b/c of smoking less. I've developed the shaking leg syndrom (I guess that's what it's called) again. I had the shaking leg thing going on when I was in day treatment, but then it went away for the most part. Well, it's back and people at work are noticing. One reporter asked if I was cold the other day b/c I was shaking so bad.
Well, I miss you guys, but I don't feel like writing or reading anything really right now so...
Talk to ya laters,
P.S. Peda, thanks for the stuff you have posted. I hope I will feel like reading it when I get home.
Jenna
A picture's worth a 1000 words
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Live, sorry to hear about the vacation complications, but it sounds like you still had fun...I hope so anyway.
Peda, thanks for the info
I'm doing a better about taking my meds, for the most part, except that I keep forgetting to write in my calander.
I'm still feel like I am really missing my best friends.
L & K:
K - well, I work with her and we talk, but I dont' have the energy to talk to her like I use to or to visit her like I use to.
L - well, he stopped talking to me again. At least he didn't try to degrade me this time...he's just ignoring me. That's fine except that I did absolutely, positively nothing wrong. I don't understand. I know I shouldn't care, but here's the problem. See he was a male friend and only a friend. I've had very few real friends that were men and I find it very comforting - especially when I'm single. So I'm longing for a guy friend who I can talk to on the phone and e-mail and watch a movie together once in a while WITHOUT all the boy/girl crap - just comfortable friends. With L, it was like we were brother and sister, until he started flipping out on me.
Oh well, time to go home..I'm still peddling through life right now...energy wise that is.
Lov and hugs,
Jenna
Peda, thanks for the info
I'm doing a better about taking my meds, for the most part, except that I keep forgetting to write in my calander.
I'm still feel like I am really missing my best friends.
L & K:
K - well, I work with her and we talk, but I dont' have the energy to talk to her like I use to or to visit her like I use to.
L - well, he stopped talking to me again. At least he didn't try to degrade me this time...he's just ignoring me. That's fine except that I did absolutely, positively nothing wrong. I don't understand. I know I shouldn't care, but here's the problem. See he was a male friend and only a friend. I've had very few real friends that were men and I find it very comforting - especially when I'm single. So I'm longing for a guy friend who I can talk to on the phone and e-mail and watch a movie together once in a while WITHOUT all the boy/girl crap - just comfortable friends. With L, it was like we were brother and sister, until he started flipping out on me.
Oh well, time to go home..I'm still peddling through life right now...energy wise that is.
Lov and hugs,
Jenna
I like smilies
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
Sorry that I haven't really posted in such a long time. Too many things going on at once....I'm trying to take care of me right now and things are really, really hard.
But I love you guys.
But I love you guys.
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Shutterbug,
I just wrote you a long letter and it got dumped because of that log in problem the site is having.
So, I am just going to say ditto to the above.
And that when hardships scare me, my favorite thing to say to myself is to quote Ben Franklin "Living well is the best revenge" and I go to war with it, it gives me alot of determination.
love and hugs,
live
mostly I can be found now in grief and loss in a thread about suicide. Since you hurt yourself (mutilate) maybe you might visit us. I miss you.
I just wrote you a long letter and it got dumped because of that log in problem the site is having.
So, I am just going to say ditto to the above.
And that when hardships scare me, my favorite thing to say to myself is to quote Ben Franklin "Living well is the best revenge" and I go to war with it, it gives me alot of determination.
love and hugs,
live
mostly I can be found now in grief and loss in a thread about suicide. Since you hurt yourself (mutilate) maybe you might visit us. I miss you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
I took the advice of someone on this board, and copy and paste my notes over to a word/notepad document if I"m writing something lengthy. I tend to be long-winded AND a bit retentive about my responses...so they take more time than you'd think. 
-pedagogue
-pedagogue
A picture's worth a 1000 words
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: With any luck, I'm lost in a view finder
Posts: 2,954
It's been hard to make myself want to write in here much anymore. Don't know why really. Just don't feel like I have time or the energy, but things have been going better.
I found out yesterday that I have emphazima (sp?). My doc says my lungs are about 20 years older than his (and he's about 50). So needless to say...I've got to quit smoking, but it's so hard! Damn those stupid things!
I can't afford those stupid patches or else this would be alot easier. you would think my insurance company would gladly dish out the patches to me so that it will save them money on doctor appointments. I mean, I'm an asthmatic and I've already been in the E.R. twice this season with severe asthma attack.
I'm grumpy for no reason so I'm going to stop writing now.
Thanks for listening to my whatever you call this.
I found out yesterday that I have emphazima (sp?). My doc says my lungs are about 20 years older than his (and he's about 50). So needless to say...I've got to quit smoking, but it's so hard! Damn those stupid things!
I can't afford those stupid patches or else this would be alot easier. you would think my insurance company would gladly dish out the patches to me so that it will save them money on doctor appointments. I mean, I'm an asthmatic and I've already been in the E.R. twice this season with severe asthma attack.
I'm grumpy for no reason so I'm going to stop writing now.
Thanks for listening to my whatever you call this.
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