506 days sober and feeing suicidal
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue 
Hi, depression fighters.
Facing the start of another week I would suggest a new game for us.
"Morning Imagination".
Either you are a coffee, tea, or,probably, juice or smoothie person - whatever your morning "cup of tea" is. Before making the first sip, pause for a moment, close your eyes and smell it.
Now imagine where it comes from. Coffee? Brazil? Columbia?
Tea? Ceylon? China?
What does it look like? Endless green plantations surrounded by mountains?
Can you imagine a person who picks up tea leaves or coffee beans? What is he/she thinking about? What is her/his worries?
How does it travel to your destination?
By plane? What is the route it flies above?
And now it is here - on your table.
Mosaic of different cultures, energy and experiences.
Piece of world. Piece of life. Piece of colorful journey. Enjoy.
See you all)
Facing the start of another week I would suggest a new game for us.
"Morning Imagination".
Either you are a coffee, tea, or,probably, juice or smoothie person - whatever your morning "cup of tea" is. Before making the first sip, pause for a moment, close your eyes and smell it.
Now imagine where it comes from. Coffee? Brazil? Columbia?
Tea? Ceylon? China?
What does it look like? Endless green plantations surrounded by mountains?
Can you imagine a person who picks up tea leaves or coffee beans? What is he/she thinking about? What is her/his worries?
How does it travel to your destination?
By plane? What is the route it flies above?
And now it is here - on your table.
Mosaic of different cultures, energy and experiences.
Piece of world. Piece of life. Piece of colorful journey. Enjoy.
See you all)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
The time change has thrown me off a bit so I overslept and didn't remember the assignment until my second cup of coffee. Then I did take a moment to smell it and think about where it came from. Somehow it made me think about airplanes and travel which I like.
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, depression Warriors!
Bekindalways - I like travelling and airplanes a lot too! And my "coffee imagination" brought me a guy from Brazil who is thinking about his daughter who goes to school and likes mathematics, and he would like to help her with homework but doesn't know how. Weird,ha?
I had a couple of very depressed days, and I noticed that my depression intensifies drastically when I slip into old patterns of being too attached to outcomes. I was "moulded" that way to freak out even about the smallest outcome which drives me crazy and absolutely unnecessary and harmful.
For example, I needed to put that plant they gave me in the gym as a gift for the international women's day in a bigger pot. I am not a flower person, and know little how to handle them. But , come one.
I started procrastinating about it - what if I ruin it.
Finally I did it. When I calculated what the loss would be should I have ruined the plant i was gobsmacked:
- the plant itself - free;
-soil - $0.5
-bigger pot - I found plastic container at home which I figured out I can adjust for this purpose quite ok for now. Its initial price was - about $0.2, probably, or so.
Wow. Less a buck, and I kept giving myself hard time?! Hilarious.
Here's the outcome on the pic. The plant is still alive and even blooming. BTW, anyone has an idea what kind of a flower it is?
I definitely need to keep a "game routine" in life. It doesn't mean careless and reckless attitude to what requires focus and attention, it is just focus and attention should go to concentrating on the process, not freaking out and kidding myself that frowning and "taking it seriously" will make it all better.
Speaking of flowers - I have an assignment. Pick up some - at home, at work, wherever, look carefully for a minute, then close your eyes and make the most detailed description of it , paying attention to feelings it invokes - feel free to use metaphors, etc.
See you )
Bekindalways - I like travelling and airplanes a lot too! And my "coffee imagination" brought me a guy from Brazil who is thinking about his daughter who goes to school and likes mathematics, and he would like to help her with homework but doesn't know how. Weird,ha?
I had a couple of very depressed days, and I noticed that my depression intensifies drastically when I slip into old patterns of being too attached to outcomes. I was "moulded" that way to freak out even about the smallest outcome which drives me crazy and absolutely unnecessary and harmful.
For example, I needed to put that plant they gave me in the gym as a gift for the international women's day in a bigger pot. I am not a flower person, and know little how to handle them. But , come one.
I started procrastinating about it - what if I ruin it.
Finally I did it. When I calculated what the loss would be should I have ruined the plant i was gobsmacked:
- the plant itself - free;
-soil - $0.5
-bigger pot - I found plastic container at home which I figured out I can adjust for this purpose quite ok for now. Its initial price was - about $0.2, probably, or so.
Wow. Less a buck, and I kept giving myself hard time?! Hilarious.
Here's the outcome on the pic. The plant is still alive and even blooming. BTW, anyone has an idea what kind of a flower it is?
I definitely need to keep a "game routine" in life. It doesn't mean careless and reckless attitude to what requires focus and attention, it is just focus and attention should go to concentrating on the process, not freaking out and kidding myself that frowning and "taking it seriously" will make it all better.
Speaking of flowers - I have an assignment. Pick up some - at home, at work, wherever, look carefully for a minute, then close your eyes and make the most detailed description of it , paying attention to feelings it invokes - feel free to use metaphors, etc.
See you )
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
oh midnight I could smell them.. thank you thank you thank you.. they are lovely... you know what some how you have missed a calling.. plants flowers herbs and such.. a ton of people can't grow them they just dream... maybe you need to see if you can help in the park or garden areas or a shop that could use a green thumb like you.. Happy St Pats. and love and gold coins and hugs ardy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
I googled hyacinth and it's definitely it!
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: hb, ca
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
Hi, depression Warriors!
I had a couple of very depressed days, and I noticed that my depression intensifies drastically when I slip into old patterns of being too attached to outcomes. I was "moulded" that way to freak out even about the smallest outcome which drives me crazy and absolutely unnecessary and harmful.
For example, I needed to put that plant they gave me in the gym as a gift for the international women's day in a bigger pot. I am not a flower person, and know little how to handle them. But , come one.
I started procrastinating about it - what if I ruin it.
I had a couple of very depressed days, and I noticed that my depression intensifies drastically when I slip into old patterns of being too attached to outcomes. I was "moulded" that way to freak out even about the smallest outcome which drives me crazy and absolutely unnecessary and harmful.
For example, I needed to put that plant they gave me in the gym as a gift for the international women's day in a bigger pot. I am not a flower person, and know little how to handle them. But , come one.
I started procrastinating about it - what if I ruin it.
I definitely need to keep a "game routine" in life. It doesn't mean careless and reckless attitude to what requires focus and attention, it is just focus and attention should go to concentrating on the process, not freaking out and kidding myself that frowning and "taking it seriously" will make it all better.
Speaking of flowers - I have an assignment. Pick up some - at home, at work, wherever, look carefully for a minute, then close your eyes and make the most detailed description of it , paying attention to feelings it invokes - feel free to use metaphors, etc.
Speaking of flowers - I have an assignment. Pick up some - at home, at work, wherever, look carefully for a minute, then close your eyes and make the most detailed description of it , paying attention to feelings it invokes - feel free to use metaphors, etc.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Originally Posted by MidnightBlue
Hi, depression Warriors!
Bekindalways - I like travelling and airplanes a lot too! And my "coffee imagination" brought me a guy from Brazil who is thinking about his daughter who goes to school and likes mathematics, and he would like to help her with homework but doesn't know how. Weird,ha?
I had a couple of very depressed days, and I noticed that my depression intensifies drastically when I slip into old patterns of being too attached to outcomes. I was "moulded" that way to freak out even about the smallest outcome which drives me crazy and absolutely unnecessary and harmful.
For example, I needed to put that plant they gave me in the gym as a gift for the international women's day in a bigger pot. I am not a flower person, and know little how to handle them. But , come one.
I started procrastinating about it - what if I ruin it.
Finally I did it. When I calculated what the loss would be should I have ruined the plant i was gobsmacked:
- the plant itself - free;
-soil - $0.5
-bigger pot - I found plastic container at home which I figured out I can adjust for this purpose quite ok for now. Its initial price was - about $0.2, probably, or so.
Wow. Less a buck, and I kept giving myself hard time?! Hilarious.
Here's the outcome on the pic. The plant is still alive and even blooming. BTW, anyone has an idea what kind of a flower it is?
I definitely need to keep a "game routine" in life. It doesn't mean careless and reckless attitude to what requires focus and attention, it is just focus and attention should go to concentrating on the process, not freaking out and kidding myself that frowning and "taking it seriously" will make it all better.
Speaking of flowers - I have an assignment. Pick up some - at home, at work, wherever, look carefully for a minute, then close your eyes and make the most detailed description of it , paying attention to feelings it invokes - feel free to use metaphors, etc.
See you )
Bekindalways - I like travelling and airplanes a lot too! And my "coffee imagination" brought me a guy from Brazil who is thinking about his daughter who goes to school and likes mathematics, and he would like to help her with homework but doesn't know how. Weird,ha?
I had a couple of very depressed days, and I noticed that my depression intensifies drastically when I slip into old patterns of being too attached to outcomes. I was "moulded" that way to freak out even about the smallest outcome which drives me crazy and absolutely unnecessary and harmful.
For example, I needed to put that plant they gave me in the gym as a gift for the international women's day in a bigger pot. I am not a flower person, and know little how to handle them. But , come one.
I started procrastinating about it - what if I ruin it.
Finally I did it. When I calculated what the loss would be should I have ruined the plant i was gobsmacked:
- the plant itself - free;
-soil - $0.5
-bigger pot - I found plastic container at home which I figured out I can adjust for this purpose quite ok for now. Its initial price was - about $0.2, probably, or so.
Wow. Less a buck, and I kept giving myself hard time?! Hilarious.
Here's the outcome on the pic. The plant is still alive and even blooming. BTW, anyone has an idea what kind of a flower it is?
I definitely need to keep a "game routine" in life. It doesn't mean careless and reckless attitude to what requires focus and attention, it is just focus and attention should go to concentrating on the process, not freaking out and kidding myself that frowning and "taking it seriously" will make it all better.
Speaking of flowers - I have an assignment. Pick up some - at home, at work, wherever, look carefully for a minute, then close your eyes and make the most detailed description of it , paying attention to feelings it invokes - feel free to use metaphors, etc.
See you )
Also, sometimes I set myself an assignment to get out there and make a mistake. It takes the pressure of perfectionism off of myself.
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, all.
I've had very emotionally tough week + very intense work week. It took toll on me. I just collapsed today.
Thank you all for being here.
Greenteababe - welcome to our depression fight club.
Bekindalaways -what a genius assignment - just to go out and make a mistake - whatever definition of a mistake is. Maybe, just a road less traveled?
I am absolutely doing it!
I've had very emotionally tough week + very intense work week. It took toll on me. I just collapsed today.
Thank you all for being here.
Greenteababe - welcome to our depression fight club.
Bekindalaways -what a genius assignment - just to go out and make a mistake - whatever definition of a mistake is. Maybe, just a road less traveled?
I am absolutely doing it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Originally Posted by Bekindalways
I like the assignment Midnight.
Also, sometimes I set myself an assignment to get out there and make a mistake. It takes the pressure of perfectionism off of myself.
Also, sometimes I set myself an assignment to get out there and make a mistake. It takes the pressure of perfectionism off of myself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 561
Hugs to you MNB and everyone else.
I want to add what has been THE turning point in my life: healing from my dysfunctional relationship with my parents.
It has taken 3 years of therapy and a lot of not looking away from the reality when I really wanted to hide my eyes.
MNB, I remember you commenting on my thread about dysfunctional families.....I want to strongly encourage you to work with a therapist to relieve yourself of this burden....it is what kept me returning to depression.
Love and hugs!
SF
I want to add what has been THE turning point in my life: healing from my dysfunctional relationship with my parents.
It has taken 3 years of therapy and a lot of not looking away from the reality when I really wanted to hide my eyes.
MNB, I remember you commenting on my thread about dysfunctional families.....I want to strongly encourage you to work with a therapist to relieve yourself of this burden....it is what kept me returning to depression.
Love and hugs!
SF
Sober since October
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, all)
Dee - Thank you for stopping by and for the kind words!
Bekindalways - No cop will be hurt in my game experiment) Maybe, couple of broken noses while boxing. Kidding.
But I did made "mistake" - I took apart the clock which hadn't been working for a long time. I will update you on its destiny)
Sportsfan - You are right. The very origin of my depression goes back to my childhood. It's a long process for me - still a quite a while to do. In terms of finances and other things it's far from good time to start another round of painful therapy at the moment, so I do my best to address it at every possible angle.
Tomorrow I am facing the real challenge - at work.
The boss is on business trip and left me in charge of one of top priority projects. And he also instructed me to contact specialists who are like "wow" in this filed.
I feel like a scared kid who accidentally found herself at the table of the board of directors.
Above all I have life-long and deep rooted anxiety when communicating with older-than-myself men. My father died when I was 4. My upbringing was quite isolated with the "message" that the world is hostile and evil place overall. I've always felt both inadequate because I had no father, and extremely uncomfortable around men - I just didn't know what to do.
I think I still partially see father is them. It messes up a lot with my life because it tears me apart . I can't see myself as a professional, but as a kid whom they do not take seriously. It paralyzes me and I behave awkwardly, and just not myself.
Above all, because I work on this project directly with boss, the deputy head of our department made a joke like "oh, it seems we are going to have the new head of our department". I almost chocked with my coffee.
Least of all I want any tension - I have great head of the department, btw.
I've been thinking how to turn it all in game - to ease this tension of seriousness. Maybe, to imagine I am in a fairy tale, and they are characters, and together we are building some ...something... I don't know.
Any thoughts?
See you all)
Dee - Thank you for stopping by and for the kind words!
Bekindalways - No cop will be hurt in my game experiment) Maybe, couple of broken noses while boxing. Kidding.
But I did made "mistake" - I took apart the clock which hadn't been working for a long time. I will update you on its destiny)
Sportsfan - You are right. The very origin of my depression goes back to my childhood. It's a long process for me - still a quite a while to do. In terms of finances and other things it's far from good time to start another round of painful therapy at the moment, so I do my best to address it at every possible angle.
Tomorrow I am facing the real challenge - at work.
The boss is on business trip and left me in charge of one of top priority projects. And he also instructed me to contact specialists who are like "wow" in this filed.
I feel like a scared kid who accidentally found herself at the table of the board of directors.
Above all I have life-long and deep rooted anxiety when communicating with older-than-myself men. My father died when I was 4. My upbringing was quite isolated with the "message" that the world is hostile and evil place overall. I've always felt both inadequate because I had no father, and extremely uncomfortable around men - I just didn't know what to do.
I think I still partially see father is them. It messes up a lot with my life because it tears me apart . I can't see myself as a professional, but as a kid whom they do not take seriously. It paralyzes me and I behave awkwardly, and just not myself.
Above all, because I work on this project directly with boss, the deputy head of our department made a joke like "oh, it seems we are going to have the new head of our department". I almost chocked with my coffee.
Least of all I want any tension - I have great head of the department, btw.
I've been thinking how to turn it all in game - to ease this tension of seriousness. Maybe, to imagine I am in a fairy tale, and they are characters, and together we are building some ...something... I don't know.
Any thoughts?
See you all)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
