Bekindalways

Hmmmm . . . MB, I need to know a bit more about you to help me think up things. Do you have any interests? Athletic? Musical? Believer? Atheist? Anything else?

Here is the only mission I can think of tonight.

Sit sideways to a wall, hip pressed against the wall, now twist and lie down so that your legs stretch straight up the wall and your body is lying down with your butt against the wall, arms on the floor along your body with palms to the ceiling. Take 2 breaths; counting to six slowly on the inhale and exhale; Now breathe in and out 20 times focusing on the air as it enter and leaves your nose. Notice the air at the tip of your nose as it enter and leaves you body. Is it cold? Does it sting a bit? Focus on that. Take your time. 20 times.

Bekindalways

PS If you suck at concentrating on your breath then you are doing it right!!!!

MidnightBlue

Hi, Bekindalways)

Ha, that was a tricky one - I think I will repeat it a couple of times because I was preoccupied by settling by butt against the wall and missed the feelings)

And you gave me some food for thought when asked about my interests. Really - what are my interests besides keeping the head above the rough waters of depression?

I'd say I am very athletic - it is my primary hobby which is even more than hobby - it's integral part of my life. I do weightlifting (2-3 times a week) and boxing (3 times a week). I even was going to compete in local boxing tournament last year, but somehow got chickenpox and was "knocked out" by this - it's very tough for grown ups and it took quite a time of recovery to get back in my regular physical condition.

I am an atheist - by conscious and educated choice. I like works of Dawkings, Hawking, Harris, Hitchens and others. I love science and the way it develops now and makes sci-fi a reality just blows my mind.

I am fascinated by space and all the mysteries it holds. It has calming effect on me - to realize how vast it is. It is also amazing to me how things which has always been here - like other galaxies, black holes, quarks, etc. - are "developed" like images of a film - they existed but we just had no right tools to bring them to light.

Besides Superbetter I now read "Quantum Universe" and re-read "Going Pro".

"Going pro" is for writers. It is about how to treat writing as seriously as a day job. What makes a pro not a fact of publishing but attitude to the craft. I write short stories and even (though I completely forgot about it!) once won a writing competition with a short story, then another one with an essay, and another essay was shortlisted.

I love all kinds of music. Just for today my list consisted of:
- bach brandenburg concertos (when writing);
- Sia and Eminem (while working out in the gym);
- Tina Charles (to give a boost to my mood while prepping food and doing some daily chores);
- Elvis Presley - to shake me up a little bit)

I prefer watching boxing and UFC fights over TV series (though House of Cards will probably win this competition).

I am single and absolutely enjoy it.

I love bright yellow tulips - nothing speaks spring like them.

I like healthy food - no sugar and flour of any kind.

As you know from my thread at Womens' I have big hard time with taking care of myself and it is something I have to win over inch by inch knocking out nasty feeling of guilt out of my life.

So, in a snapshot - that's me)

Oh, and I am a coffeeeeeeee girl!

Thank you again for taking time to be my ally. I appreciate this a lot.

Have a good day)

silentrun

Dayum girl! You bad ass. I have an assignment for you, it's more of a dare. I dare you to randomly high five a stranger. If you say "high five" and hold up your hand most people just react and will high five you back.

Bekindalways

I will let Silent set the task for today/tomorrow. I think I have one for tomorrow.

Hmmmm . . . I haven't been doing these tasks myself but think I will start (I'm a fellow depressive)

MidnightBlue

Hi, all)

Silent - You knew! You darn knew that I am just terrified to approach strangers. That is a ballistic blast outside of my comfort zone!

Bekindalways - Sorry you are dealing with depression too. Just in case you decide to do some assignment , I have one for you. Pick any food that you eat every day. Close your eyes. And chew it very slowly for a minute focusing on as many shades of taste as you can detect. Enjoy)

Bekindalways

Thanks Midnight I'm going to try that. I'm a very fast eater so that is a challenge!

Bekindalways

ATTENTION: Midnight Depression Destroyer.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Sit down and get comfortable. Close you eyes. Search back in your memory for a really dysfunctional, toxic person with whom you had some interaction in the past. Remember how you met him/her. Remember a negative interaction with this person. Remember how you felt . . .

Open you eyes. Look around and realize this person is not present. Enjoy the absence of this person.

MidnightBlue

Hi, allies)

Quick check in from me.

Silent - I failed to do your assignment because every time I thought about giving high five to a stranger I felt paralyzed by fear. But I will keep trying!

Bekinalways - I am a fast eater too) And this today's assignment is so profound. There are toxic people from my past that I sure enjoy they are not present any more.

See you all)

Soberwolf

Hi Midnight x

Bekindalways

Okay, after Midnight's assignment, I had my favorite Tomato and Eggplant with parmesan for lunch. Yum!

silentrun

That was an awesome assignment MDD! I tried it with some mushrooms baked with olive oil. I am going to do that every time I eat now.

Bekindalways

Calling all Depressives:

In the next 24 (or so) hours find three things in which you participate that give you pleasure. Post results here.

MidnightBlue

Hi, all)

Sorry for not posting yesterday - got home late and just almost collapsed)

Glad that you are re-discovering taste of your food, ladies!
Those treats sound both healthy and mouth-watering.

And yesterday and I regularly paused for a minute or so to ask myself what gives me pleasure.

Pleasure is among many controversial things, at least for me. When I hear the word "pleasure" the first thing that comes to mind is its skin-deep and obvious facet - pleasure is when I can relax and do nothing, and better yet - consume, consume, consume (good food, movies, whatever).

There are some things though which give me pleasure but I am afraid to accept it, and so keep kicking and screaming about declaring it to myself and keep denying it. It is like if I accept it - I will never get a chance to take my words back. Does it make sense?

What I am talking about that I enjoy challenges and uncertainty. I am just hell scared to accept it. Me? No way! Who I am to enjoy this? It is for lucky people who are gifted by might protection by birthright or any other chance (wealthy parents, rich and powerful husbands, some lucky stars, something else - I don't know).

But I am someone whose best strategy to survive is to lay low and please as many people as I can, and be content with every "mercy" someone else will be so kind to throw at me.

Challenges? Not in this life.

At work a string of challenging projects have started. Day in and day out. At some moment I caught this thrill "I love it". But then "conventional thinking" chimed in immediately being afraid it is losing its grip over me "Trouble! There is no guarantee of the outcome!".

I took the challenge though. I chose no to do some nonsense just of the sake of "for the boss to see I have done something". Instead I honestly told him "I am still thinking it over because I don't understand what is the end result we are aiming at". I've explained all my concerns and result of the research I made which just didn't add up.
The boss, who, in its turn, got this assignment from CEO, answered "Honestly, I don't understand either. Let's take some more time and after weekend work it out". Phew, what a relief. One more step to grow. Our of comfort zone. One more kick to depression. I didn't depress my point of view - I let it out.

It's getting warm, real spring. So I enjoyed walking all the way to work (50 minutes). I enjoyed the Sun .

Still hard for me to enjoy things without feeling that "I have no right to enjoy since X,Y,Z and put here other 10 thousand letters of all the possible alphabets , are not fixed yet. But I am learning.

Waiting to hear from you, allies)

And thank you for being with me.

Soberwolf

Hi MB x

MidnightBlue

Hi, Wolfie)

silentrun

Checking in MDD. I can relate to not thinking you deserve anything. It was drilled into my head over and over again growing up that I was nothing but a worthless slave. The men were worthless slaves too but being a female I was to be the compliment of a worthless slave. My virtue, as a female, lay in my ability to submit to male headship. Yet somehow I was expected to act joyous or I was not humble. It's a cult thing. At least I know where my voice came from and can confront it. It's been trying to speak up while I get healthy with my eating. I have flipped it off...twice. Do remember who told you who you are supposed to be?

Bekindalways

Hey all, I'm still here just going through a bit of a rough depression bit.

Soberwolf

MidnightBlue

Hi, depression fighters.

Facing the start of another week I would suggest a new game for us.

"Morning Imagination".

Either you are a coffee, tea, or,probably, juice or smoothie person - whatever your morning "cup of tea" is. Before making the first sip, pause for a moment, close your eyes and smell it.
Now imagine where it comes from. Coffee? Brazil? Columbia?
Tea? Ceylon? China?
What does it look like? Endless green plantations surrounded by mountains?
Can you imagine a person who picks up tea leaves or coffee beans? What is he/she thinking about? What is her/his worries?
How does it travel to your destination?
By plane? What is the route it flies above?
And now it is here - on your table.
Mosaic of different cultures, energy and experiences.
Piece of world. Piece of life. Piece of colorful journey. Enjoy.

See you all)