Our Holiday Happy Thread About Hope Not Dope.
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Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Gifts- to myself. I will have to think on that one. My adult existence has mostly been a reflection of what others did- their lives, their feedback etc. I suppose having a lack of self esteem (a whole psychology conference there) meant I am conditioned not to even think of allowing myself 'gifts'. I do a lot to support others, consciously donate to charities (a lot)- again 'others'. Even Christmas invitation with my relies (except for my Aunt/Uncle, have not seen for decades or never met younger second cousins) is a recovery -' make myself do humans things'. I will think on this. Although not enthused.
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
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I like this message from Melody Beattie. It reminds me how many times "my" choices were based on what other people wanted me to do. It was easier to not rock the boat, lord knows I was dealing with enough chaos in my life without creating more my making choices that did not meet the approval of others.
Until...I made choices that were good for me, didn't waver when challenged...and the world got used to my new behaviour. The best part was that I had begun to look at "what was good for me" instead of what would please others.
I will ponder on this a bit today and come back to it.
I'd love to hear the input from others here on how making your own choices has affected your life.
Making Our Own Choices
This is an old lesson, but it bears repeating and remembering. We don’t have to let anyone control our lives, our choices, our joy.
No matter how well we thought we learned that lesson, it often reappears. Another person starts to pull our strings. We get involved, entangled, hooked in. We hear ourselves singing an old tune—If only she would, if only he wouldn’t, then I would be… We realize that once again we have given up too much control. We have deferred our lives to the wishes, whims, and choices of another.
Yes, if we are living fully, we will have reactions to those around us. Our relationships will help shape us, teach us things. And yes, there are times we are so connected to others, love them so much, that their path does affect ours.
But we don’t have to let another person control our choices, our behaviors, or our lives.
Maybe she will. Maybe he won’t.
But what about you? What do you want? What course of action feels right for you, for your life? Do you want to assign responsibility for whether you take that course to another? Do you really?
Sometimes, no matter how much you love others, it’s time to let go, time to let them walk their path. Time to realize that it is your responsibility to walk your own.
Go in love. Go in peace. Go in gentle power.
You are responsible for your life. You are responsible for your choices. It doesn’t matter what the other person does. You are still responsible for you.
Take care of yourself, then take it one step further. Love, nurture, honor, and respect yourself.
Only you can decide what you’re going to do.
From the desk of Melody Beattie
Until...I made choices that were good for me, didn't waver when challenged...and the world got used to my new behaviour. The best part was that I had begun to look at "what was good for me" instead of what would please others.
I will ponder on this a bit today and come back to it.
I'd love to hear the input from others here on how making your own choices has affected your life.
Making Our Own Choices
This is an old lesson, but it bears repeating and remembering. We don’t have to let anyone control our lives, our choices, our joy.
No matter how well we thought we learned that lesson, it often reappears. Another person starts to pull our strings. We get involved, entangled, hooked in. We hear ourselves singing an old tune—If only she would, if only he wouldn’t, then I would be… We realize that once again we have given up too much control. We have deferred our lives to the wishes, whims, and choices of another.
Yes, if we are living fully, we will have reactions to those around us. Our relationships will help shape us, teach us things. And yes, there are times we are so connected to others, love them so much, that their path does affect ours.
But we don’t have to let another person control our choices, our behaviors, or our lives.
Maybe she will. Maybe he won’t.
But what about you? What do you want? What course of action feels right for you, for your life? Do you want to assign responsibility for whether you take that course to another? Do you really?
Sometimes, no matter how much you love others, it’s time to let go, time to let them walk their path. Time to realize that it is your responsibility to walk your own.
Go in love. Go in peace. Go in gentle power.
You are responsible for your life. You are responsible for your choices. It doesn’t matter what the other person does. You are still responsible for you.
Take care of yourself, then take it one step further. Love, nurture, honor, and respect yourself.
Only you can decide what you’re going to do.
From the desk of Melody Beattie
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am going to post on two topics today since I missed the gifts post.
My gifts to myself have been small but meaningful this season. My family and I scheduled a cooking baking day this past Saturday with some friends we don't often see. It was wonderful and the gift of time spent together in such a meaningful way is invaluable. Relaxing and having fun.
My work also adopted a family this season. I am getting very involved in this project because I want it to be meaningful, not just gifts. So we are making some things to go with it from our hearts. And working together as a group of people who don't always get along has been nice. Coming together for the cause! I also hosted at an Advent ladies night at church recently to kick off the season for the right reason. It was wonderful and I felt so blessed.
Making my own choices has been a hard one as a codependent person. I am reformed now though! I have learned to say yes to what makes me happy, and no to other things. I have a choice to fear the future for my children in dealing with their father as he will always be toxic. However, my choice is to not engage or worry, which brings me peace. I let that worry ruin many of holidays, and I refuse to do that again.
I choose peace. I choose joy. I choose to look at the small things this holiday season and enjoy them all. From driving with my kids looking at lights to baking to relaxing in front of the tree. I choose not to be pressured into going places just to make someone else happy or follow what their idea is.
I plan to go through the rest of December at a slower pace and actually be mindful of the things I choose. I see all of these stressed out people rushing around I have decided I do not want that to be me.
My gifts to myself have been small but meaningful this season. My family and I scheduled a cooking baking day this past Saturday with some friends we don't often see. It was wonderful and the gift of time spent together in such a meaningful way is invaluable. Relaxing and having fun.
My work also adopted a family this season. I am getting very involved in this project because I want it to be meaningful, not just gifts. So we are making some things to go with it from our hearts. And working together as a group of people who don't always get along has been nice. Coming together for the cause! I also hosted at an Advent ladies night at church recently to kick off the season for the right reason. It was wonderful and I felt so blessed.
Making my own choices has been a hard one as a codependent person. I am reformed now though! I have learned to say yes to what makes me happy, and no to other things. I have a choice to fear the future for my children in dealing with their father as he will always be toxic. However, my choice is to not engage or worry, which brings me peace. I let that worry ruin many of holidays, and I refuse to do that again.
I choose peace. I choose joy. I choose to look at the small things this holiday season and enjoy them all. From driving with my kids looking at lights to baking to relaxing in front of the tree. I choose not to be pressured into going places just to make someone else happy or follow what their idea is.
I plan to go through the rest of December at a slower pace and actually be mindful of the things I choose. I see all of these stressed out people rushing around I have decided I do not want that to be me.
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
That was a beautiful post, Hopeful. Helping others at Christmas is a gift to both them and to yourself.
I too avoid stress at all costs today. I wore out my "cope" button years ago so just need to keep peace in my life today.
Thank you for your lovely share.
I too avoid stress at all costs today. I wore out my "cope" button years ago so just need to keep peace in my life today.
Thank you for your lovely share.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
Choice- preburns, always followed the lead of other, a chameleon personality. If I was expected to be the fool, or the wise man- I acted the part well. An emty vessel.
Burns- all my decisions were made for me, as I was not in any state to make them myself. That insitutionalised way of thinking was hard to beat. Now I make my own and do not reflect others, as those people are no longer in my life.
Making one's own choice is a process- I always attempt to make choices- with the question - 'if this goes awry, if this choice does not work out hw you want it to- will you be satisfied you made it?'. If the answer is no, then I have more work to do.
Burns- all my decisions were made for me, as I was not in any state to make them myself. That insitutionalised way of thinking was hard to beat. Now I make my own and do not reflect others, as those people are no longer in my life.
Making one's own choice is a process- I always attempt to make choices- with the question - 'if this goes awry, if this choice does not work out hw you want it to- will you be satisfied you made it?'. If the answer is no, then I have more work to do.
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Making one's own choice is a process- I always attempt to make choices- with the question - 'if this goes awry, if this choice does not work out how you want it to- will you be satisfied you made it?'. If the answer is no, then I have more work to do.
Perhaps it's not just the choices we make, but as importantly it's the frame of mind we are in when we make choices.
Nature Girl
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Ralph Marston has inspired me with his writing over the years. I used to read him daily, it gave me a lot to ponder but I felt that he shone his light in a good direction for me so I followed.
This is one of my favourites, about "doing" instead of dreaming, and making a plan to achieve your goals.
Clear destination
Don’t just dream about your dreams, don’t merely fantasize about what you want to achieve. Act on your goals, start right away, and bring them to life.
What is the path that will get you from here to there? What first step can you take today?
Just about any objective you can imagine and sincerely desire is achievable. Yet you must make a solid, immediate and continuing commitment to put in the time, to do the work.
You owe yourself more than just a string of unfulfilled wishes. You deserve the experience and satisfaction of making your dreams come to life.
Challenge yourself first to be sure you truly want it. Then push yourself to make it happen, day after day, step by step.
Give yourself a clear, brightly shining destination. And do what it takes, starting right now, to get yourself there.
— Ralph Marston
This is one of my favourites, about "doing" instead of dreaming, and making a plan to achieve your goals.
Clear destination
Don’t just dream about your dreams, don’t merely fantasize about what you want to achieve. Act on your goals, start right away, and bring them to life.
What is the path that will get you from here to there? What first step can you take today?
Just about any objective you can imagine and sincerely desire is achievable. Yet you must make a solid, immediate and continuing commitment to put in the time, to do the work.
You owe yourself more than just a string of unfulfilled wishes. You deserve the experience and satisfaction of making your dreams come to life.
Challenge yourself first to be sure you truly want it. Then push yourself to make it happen, day after day, step by step.
Give yourself a clear, brightly shining destination. And do what it takes, starting right now, to get yourself there.
— Ralph Marston
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Give yourself a clear, brightly shining destination. And do what it takes, starting right now, to get yourself there.
I need to ponder on this a while. How about you? Any ideas? Any plan for the year ahead?
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
Next year
art school
keep the stuff unfinished from this year in play (like a protracted divorce- I give my family a lot of space, but I have to remind myself to be the best person I can with this- everyone needs time to do what they need to do)
- fitness and health.
The surgery tomorrow SHOULD be the final chapter in my burns treatment.
Like recovery- it will then be in the completed business file and I can plan new goals when this is done.
I usually plan to have 5 goals I want to achieve.
To the end of this year it was safe housing, recovery, burns treatment, divorce and finishing the semester of art school. The housing is done, recovery ongoing, burns- see above, divorce (meh!). and I completed art school- only missing one session out of 60- due to my bro informing me he no longer wanted contact with me that day.
art school
keep the stuff unfinished from this year in play (like a protracted divorce- I give my family a lot of space, but I have to remind myself to be the best person I can with this- everyone needs time to do what they need to do)
- fitness and health.
The surgery tomorrow SHOULD be the final chapter in my burns treatment.
Like recovery- it will then be in the completed business file and I can plan new goals when this is done.
I usually plan to have 5 goals I want to achieve.
To the end of this year it was safe housing, recovery, burns treatment, divorce and finishing the semester of art school. The housing is done, recovery ongoing, burns- see above, divorce (meh!). and I completed art school- only missing one session out of 60- due to my bro informing me he no longer wanted contact with me that day.
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
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PJ, best thoughts and my very best prayers go with you today as you face surgery. You have had a remarkable year and it seems right that this surgery will hopefully be the last. 
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Decorated the house for Christmas. I made a lot of the decorations from colored paper and ribbon. It was fun. I am grateful that I can do little things like this that make me happy. I am having a drama-free Christmas so far.
Nature Girl
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Ophelia, that sounds lovely, I know that Christmas decorations lift my spirits. I admire your talent, I think personal decorations are the best kind.
And yes, a drama-free Christmas is a gift all of its own. "Peace on earth, good will towards men" is more than a catch phrase, it's what we strive for every day but especially this time of year.
Hope you will continue to share your journey, through the holidays as we decorate this thread with our thoughts.
And yes, a drama-free Christmas is a gift all of its own. "Peace on earth, good will towards men" is more than a catch phrase, it's what we strive for every day but especially this time of year.
Hope you will continue to share your journey, through the holidays as we decorate this thread with our thoughts.
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
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Posts: 60,328
There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist,
or accept the responsibility for changing them. Denis Waitley
or accept the responsibility for changing them. Denis Waitley
New Years is all about changes and trying new things. More than any other time of year, it's like we get a clean notebook and can write our next chapter on what we will strive for next year.
For me, I will need to look at my life and decide what needs changing, or what I can add, or what I should leave behind as the clock strikes midnight on January 1, 2019.
Time to ponder, I will be back later with some thoughts. Meanwhile, I'd love to hear yours.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
I recommend everyone try it! Paper Christmas Ornaments here.
If anything, the concentration required will take your mind off other things. You also get a fun result... and if you don't get the result you want, at least you had fun. Ever better if you have kids to do this with. You may not be able to prevent the people in your life from doing crazy things, but you can control the outcome of a paper snowflake (sort of!).
The paper ice cream cones are so cute. Go on. Make something cute.
If anything, the concentration required will take your mind off other things. You also get a fun result... and if you don't get the result you want, at least you had fun. Ever better if you have kids to do this with. You may not be able to prevent the people in your life from doing crazy things, but you can control the outcome of a paper snowflake (sort of!).
The paper ice cream cones are so cute. Go on. Make something cute.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Ahh...changes. I have made many this year. So noted in my much more positive frame of mind of late.
Weight loss is something I plan to continue. I am 23 lbs down and plan to keep working on it. Then....toning and better fitness.
I plan to organize better at work and at home. To get my finances in better order. And possibly....be open to dating. And that's a big maybe. Who knows.
I know that I plan to not stress over small things. To stay calm and grounded. Those are big ones for me and my own wellbeing.
I too love to decorate for Christmas. My family and I usually do some Christmas craft. Last year we made adorable snowmen out of glass blocks. This year we are making these boards with JOY on them. Hard to describe, but cute...and fun.
Phoenix...I am saying prayers for your recovery!!
Weight loss is something I plan to continue. I am 23 lbs down and plan to keep working on it. Then....toning and better fitness.
I plan to organize better at work and at home. To get my finances in better order. And possibly....be open to dating. And that's a big maybe. Who knows.
I know that I plan to not stress over small things. To stay calm and grounded. Those are big ones for me and my own wellbeing.
I too love to decorate for Christmas. My family and I usually do some Christmas craft. Last year we made adorable snowmen out of glass blocks. This year we are making these boards with JOY on them. Hard to describe, but cute...and fun.
Phoenix...I am saying prayers for your recovery!!
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Ophelia, I love the idea of making Christmas ornaments. Years ago I made some from sand dollar shells that I had picked up on the beaches in Florida. They aren't terribly artistic but they bring fond memories back each year I see them and they are precious and special to me.
Yes, it's good to take our minds off our troubles and just jump in to some Christmas Joy.
Hopeful, that is big for me too. Somewhere along the way my coping skills have been weakened and I need to be mindful of when I am getting "wound" emotionally and do something about it. That's the difference between before recovery and after, I still have anxieties, life is filled with them...but today I recognize them for what they are and can do something about neutralizing them down to simply "concern".
I have been on the run today, getting stuff ready for one of our family Christmas dinners tomorrow (for those who will be out of town at Christmas, Christmas Day will be another dinner for those still around). I am blessed to have good family, brothers and nieces and nephews and now their kids the great nieces and nephews. It's nice to have children at Christmas.
I don't have a topic today, perhaps Ophelia inspired one..."taking our mind out off our troubles and doing something fun".
Yes, I like the thoughts of that.
Let's list some fun things we can do at Christmas to bring joy into our troubled lives.
Back later, hope to see some suggesitons.
Yes, it's good to take our minds off our troubles and just jump in to some Christmas Joy.
I know that I plan to not stress over small things. To stay calm and grounded. Those are big ones for me and my own wellbeing.
I have been on the run today, getting stuff ready for one of our family Christmas dinners tomorrow (for those who will be out of town at Christmas, Christmas Day will be another dinner for those still around). I am blessed to have good family, brothers and nieces and nephews and now their kids the great nieces and nephews. It's nice to have children at Christmas.
I don't have a topic today, perhaps Ophelia inspired one..."taking our mind out off our troubles and doing something fun".
Yes, I like the thoughts of that.
Let's list some fun things we can do at Christmas to bring joy into our troubled lives.
Back later, hope to see some suggesitons.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
Rang my Aunt and Uncle- my replacement NOK's to let them know surgery stuff. They double checked I was going to join their extended family for Xmas lunch at my cousin's home. I am going, although the last 3y have left me very nervy about meeting new people. Have not seen said cousin for 20y. All the more reason to go- isolation no, positive risks outside of comfort zone- yes. It is all about the spirit of recovery.
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