dane5679

If push comes to shove.. he will have to leave the house. I have the support of his family and mine. Luckily my house is paid off. It is in his fathers name- and he is totally backing me. The kids stay in their home and they stay with me. He knows all about his son and his issues. I actually made it through the day and didn't say anything. I did talk to a friend of ours who is also in recovery.. it was helpful. I am going to ask my mother to watch the kids this weekend. The snow storms will help me with that... He actually seemed fine tonight.. SOOOOOOooo weird. one day BAD, next day good, next day I have no idea, next day BAD, next day good.. CRAZY.

dane5679

OH we do not fight around the kids. If I know it is coming I send them to my parents to play with gram and pap. I avoid it... and he does also. I don't want them dealing with that stress.

allforcnm

Im just catching up on your thread. I read the part about his working a recovery program, but I don't see how far along he is? Its very difficult on us, but if a person does relapse while working a program they can use it a lesson to strengthen their recovery. Its pretty common to have slips, or even relapses in early recovery so we were told. I was thinking that finding the rubber band if indeed it is linked to using.. with his behavior still being good.., giving it time will most likely show more of whats going on. It sounds like you have support of family and that's great news, someone to watch the kids if need be.. so I agree with KeepinItReal... take this time of early recovery to focus on your options, feelings, and details if it does get to the point you need to split. My husband was required to drug testing for work so I knew he wasn't using, but there were times I believe I could have let my fears, and imagination run wild if I didn't work hard to keep them in check, and again fall back on knowing he was being tested at work. Its not easy what your family is going through. I hope tomorrow is a good day for you.

LoveMeNow

Learning to trust my instincts again was huge for me. They were never wrong.

This is a great post by a very well educated poster.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-10-times.html

Sadly, relapses are all too common! It's not as simple as something like cheating on a diet. Once the pilot light is lit up again, it's very difficult for most to put out the fire. I am very sorry. I, too, know how much loving an addict can hurt.

Vale

LMN is right. Trust your instincts.

Addiction IS Pandora's box. Once opened, you either ARE someone genetically/
environmentally susceptible to it taking over/destroying your life....or you are NOT.

The only way to find out? Open the box!

That is a big reason I had no interest in 'taking a look'. I had too much to do in life
...and too much to lose.

It has a lot in common with Russian roulette. Except in Russian roulette, the bullet
( mercifully ) doesn't take 3 decades to go through your head----like addiction can.

KeepinItReal

Instincts are important. Trusting your gut should come first. Sometimes, I had ignored it, out of self-preservation. Not driving myself crazy, knowing what was happening, but literally not being able to change the situation myself at that very moment. However, with time, in my situation, it snow-balled quickly.

I thank my HP everyday for the program that my husband is currently in. It's 14 months, but the change is great, not only for him, but for us as a family. It is an answer to prayer, but it's not the end all-save all that I wish it could be.

Relapse is still there, always lurking to try to steal souls.

Loving an addicts, having kids with an addict, being a parent of an addict... well, it's not easy. Thankfully there is support and many people who have been where we are. It's good to know, that we are not alone.

starfish401

Dane -

I think the rubber band may be affecting you on a deeper level than "just finding an elastic lying around." Have you had any recent suspicions that AH is using? Has he been acting weird, missing meetings, lying, evasive... you know, doing the things addicts do? You don't know if you should confront him or not, and while confrontation is never good just for confrontations sake... well, it's up to you. In your heart of hearts, if you can say "No, he hasn't been acting weird lately," then I would just lie low and see how things play out. Otherwise, if you have had suspicions before finding the rubber band, I would mention it casually and see what type of response you get.

Best of luck & hugs!

LoveMeNow

I had to learn the hard way. I would confront my husband and as always just be lied to (gaslighting). It caused me to have self doubt, anxiety, anger, etc. I made myself crazy trying to prove something I already knew but refused to believe.

If you have any doubts, then let it unfold. I watched and learned from his behavior. The lessons I learned helped me to trust my own instincts again. Today, I can just hear his voice and know.

I had to learn and remember.....my husband wanted his addiction and his family. Having his family allowed him to perpetuate the lies addicts tell themselves. "I have under control, I am not that bad" etc, etc.

IMHO, every time I asked my husband to lie to me, I was simply feeding and empowering his addiction.