pravchaw

Thought I'd provide an update for my friends here who are following this thread.
My son went to the day program 4 days this week (called in sick Friday). He did have a cold but he could have still gone. He was quite restless on Friday (pacing about and a little irritable). He is still not ready to engage in any long term planning but he is staying away from his old crowd.

I asked him to start looking at housing. We think once he has stabilized he should live away from home and start developing some life skills. I don't want to be baby sitting him long term esp now since my career has stalled and I may have to take early retirement.

He has an opportunity to apply for subsidized housing through the day program and we can assist him for the first few months as he finds his bearnings (provided he is healthy).

needingabreak

How are you making out with your son?

MiSoberbio

Pravchaw, I haven't been able to read everything in this and your other thread about the hit your career took recently, but I wanted to share with you that I experienced a financial meltdown while I was in the deepest throes of my co-addiction and had no idea how I would be able to rebuild, but as I continued to focus on MY recovery things began to get better.

While my life was revolving around my addicted partner, I lost perspective and concentration, and for that my income took a major hit.... I even knew in my gut that my relationship with my companion was tearing apart so much that I had worked for, but I was so obsessed with helping HIM that I couldn't let go (sounds like addictive behavior, doesn't it?) Anyway, I was blessed in that I continued seeking recovery, and little by little my mind began to clear, and my work situation began to improve.

I'm sharing this because you've mentioned things like never getting another promotion, or retiring early, and although I know nothing about your situation, I believe that as you continue to recover, new opportunities will appear in your life. Keep focused on you and the fulfillment of your life and doors will open. And perhaps more money or authority might not be the best thing for you right now... keep working your recovery and let your life blossom.

pravchaw

I guess at this stage, not so good. He spends a lot of time in his room on the internet. We went out for dinner last night (my wife was out with a friend; he did not want to go, but I insisted). Conversation was strained - most of the effort came from my side and some things like any reference to his life (treatment, plans) seems to stress or annoy him. I am hoping this improves as his recovery progresses and he is able to get to a self supporting status. Currently he is very "ornery" - which may be due to early recovery.

needingabreak

We found this with my son as well. barely talked, lots of "I don't knows", ornery most of the time. With recovery he got a bit better and now even though he slipped, he seems to talk more and not be so moody. I hate when it feels like pulling teeth just to have a simple conversation. I hope it gets better as time goes and his body rids itself of the toxins.

pravchaw

Misoberbio, Thanks for your message. In hindsight I missed the window of advancement because I was too wrapped up in my son's addiction and my performance at work suffered. Its a pretty high stress, high impact job so unless you are giving 110% continuously, it gets noticed.

I am in a fortunate position that I can afford to retire if I choose to. My main concern is that I may not enjoy working at my current job, going forward, but I plan to give it some time and see how things develop. One of the things I am exploring is whether I can down-shift to a less demanding job.

pravchaw

I know what you mean. Let us keep in touch and learn from each other.

Don't let the slip throw you or your son, off. My conversations with addiction specialists that slips happen and the main thing is to get back on the recovery horse asap so that not too much damage is done.

Txhelp

My child have done the same thing....hey my daughter still does!

I feel like I have trouble connecting to my adult children....the past several years have been turmoil and drama. Now that its calmed down.....how do I act? I have detached a great deal from the beginning. They are in my household...temporary. I hate the idea of parenting my adult children. "Pick up your mess, etc." They are to old for that!!!

Anyway it sound like your son is probably having some trouble with regulating emotions. They don't know what to do with their emotions so they isolate. Over time, if he can handle it then it will get better.

pravchaw

Found out a couple of hours ago that my son has relapsed. He admitted he slipped thursday after he came back from the day program. He called in sick on Friday. He says he does want to quit. Let us see what happens on Monday when he goes back and whether he has to go back into in patient detox.

LoveMeNow

So sorry Pravchaw. Sadly, recovery is not a straight path for most. Sounds like he relit the pilot light of addiction and now his addiction is doing the talking again.

Stay hopeful, he is still learning although it may not seem that way.

HopefulmomtoD

if you think he is serious about recovery, how about inpatient? I never felt my son had the strength to stay sober without inpatient getting him a good start. He relapsed immediately after his first outpatient experience. I know many do it on their own, but if you are able to do inpatient it may give him some good amount of time sober to build on? But, I think I'm remembering he already did inpatient?

LoveMeNow

Pravchaw, I would really like to encourage you to go to some NA speaker meetings. It can really help put a different perspective on things.

pravchaw

I go to meetings run by our city's detox center. I find them immensely helpful and help me keep centered when s@#t like this happens. Unfortunately this is a chronic relapsing condition - but I am encouraged that he wants to quit and wants help. That's half the battle. The other half is hard work and resilience - which has to come from him. Most people like my son recover slowly - reducing the time of their "runs" increasing the time between "runs" - counselling etc. are all viable strategies.

Hopefulmom - yes he had done a 21 day rehab last year (relapsed in a week). Also he did a 5 day detox earlier last month. The detox centre may want him to spend time in-patient again before they let him continue in the out patient. We will find out on Monday, when he goes back.

Txhelp

I know it's exhausting....

A sober living home would be an excellent option...he would have support "in house" and perhaps gain some confidence. Just a thought.

pravchaw

Tx - I agree. I have made that suggestion to him. As long as he is willing and trying I will keep on supporting him.

soberhawk

I am sorry Pravchaw.

We do fail at times but we should learn from it and do something different so we avoid it next time.

pravchaw

I think he is making progress, a month ago he was smoking pot everyday. Now he has a few days between episodes. Hope he can increase his clean time.
This time we did not get too upset. I just want him functional and be able to hold a job.

needingabreak

Thinking of your son and you and your wife tomorrow. Hope all goes well for him.

pravchaw

Son went to day program today. He told them he was sick on Friday and though they let him in, they said he has to produce a note from the doctor tomorrow. (he had relapsed, but did not tell them). It will be interesting to see how he will manage the situation. He will probably lie to the doctor and get a note. More Lie's to cover up lie's. How do you recover this way?

LoveMeNow

Could he have told them he relapsed without being kicked out??