Son coming home.
I think some kind of physical exercise would be very good for his recovery. Whether it is fitness, mountain bike, swimming, walking but it has to bee something that appeals to him.
You could even consider whether you could do something together?
You could even consider whether you could do something together?
Thanks very much my friends. If you have some tips on dealing with young adults in early sobriety - I would appreciate it. Its been 2 weeks now since he moved back (5 days in in patient detox) and now has a week of outpatient, 2 more weeks to go. He has settled back into his previous habit of hours of video gaming and internet and not helping around the house and general laziness. This really irritates me as there are so many things which needs to be done around the house but I guess I need to give him a few weeks to get his act together. He has been home bound (except for his day program). Yesterday he was talking about going back to university. He is looking a lot better his eyes are clear and seems to have regained a spring in his steps.
I'd make playing video games/internet time dependent on him accomplishing something productive during the day.
Good luck!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
Bad news here my friends. It seems obvious that my son has relapsed. He went out yesterday and came back very late. He went out again this afternoon and he appears to be intoxicated. Coincident or not my wife's iPad is missing. Looks like the beast has returned.
I am so sorry that your son has relapsed. Perhaps, it's only a "lapse."
What does Craft or the book you recommend How to Get Your loved one sober suggest you do now? Does it recommend you persuade him to go back to detox??
What does Craft or the book you recommend How to Get Your loved one sober suggest you do now? Does it recommend you persuade him to go back to detox??
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
Addiction is a chronic relapsing disease - so this happens. The road to sobriety is never a straight one. So yes, he is out of house. Whether he goes to a detox or elsewhere is his choice. Hope he does seek treatment but I cannot make him do anything he does not want to. Best we can do is pick ourselves from the ground, take a moment to get our bearing and move on.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Pravchaw, good for you for keeping those boundaries strong! I know this must be awfully difficult, but I think it's great that you have the strength to remember what you are and aren't willing to tolerate in your own life. Your son is very lucky to have a parent who is capable of loving him without enabling him.
Addiction is a chronic relapsing disease - so this happens. The road to sobriety is never a straight one. So yes, he is out of house. Whether he goes to a detox or elsewhere is his choice. Hope he does seek treatment but I cannot make him do anything he does not want to. Best we can do is pick ourselves from the ground, take a moment to get our bearing and move on.
You, your wife and your son are in my prayers. I know how heartbreaking this all can be.
Oh no. So sorry to hear this but I see you are sticking to your boundaries and putting it on him. You are so right, we cannot make them do anything. They have to want it. Praying for you that he decides to seek more treatment. Maybe it just wasn't long enough.
Addiction is a chronic relapsing disease - so this happens. The road to sobriety is never a straight one. So yes, he is out of house. Whether he goes to a detox or elsewhere is his choice. Hope he does seek treatment but I cannot make him do anything he does not want to. Best we can do is pick ourselves from the ground, take a moment to get our bearing and move on.
Also, Im sure your not up for giving tutorials, so hope its ok I add this info for other members... the CRAFT (community reinforcement and family training) method also encourages the use of boundaries, and it does not support unhealthy enabling behaviors.
I'm sorry to hear this, Pravchaw. Even though its "expected", its still so very painful. Keep at it, we had a lot of dark days with our DS. He is now 9 months sober and appears to be doing very well.
haven't been posting much but I do follow along here ****{Pravchaw}}}
so sorry to hear, I know all too well the disappointment but please take heart, all is not lost. He has made efforts and there is much going on that we don't see. He is in a fight for his life, he has parents who love him deeply, love him enough to do hard things and not enable. That is much more than so many addicts have and even those addicts get clean and stay clean. Be strong and know many prayers are going up for you now. God has brought you to a wonderful place of love and support!
so sorry to hear, I know all too well the disappointment but please take heart, all is not lost. He has made efforts and there is much going on that we don't see. He is in a fight for his life, he has parents who love him deeply, love him enough to do hard things and not enable. That is much more than so many addicts have and even those addicts get clean and stay clean. Be strong and know many prayers are going up for you now. God has brought you to a wonderful place of love and support!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
I think we got our hopes up over the last 2 weeks - and this feels like a kick into the stomach. Unfortunately (and I should have known better) I let myself get angry last evening and lost the battle. He of course denied everything even though we could clearly see he was high. I don't know whether he will continue the day program or if it even makes sense. We offered to let him stay if he wants to continue and then move out after he has finished. But he is in a very angry place right now and not in a listening mode.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Its so difficult when you want it so bad for your child....but they don't!
Somewhere, deep inside, we maintain hope no matter what happens in the past.
One day, he will get it.....it may be a slow process.
One of the old timers at Alanon said "I have learned that miracles happen when I let go. True miracles. Some times the miracles happen very slooooowwwwly."
Somewhere, deep inside, we maintain hope no matter what happens in the past.
One day, he will get it.....it may be a slow process.
One of the old timers at Alanon said "I have learned that miracles happen when I let go. True miracles. Some times the miracles happen very slooooowwwwly."
Ugh. That's all. And a Hug, which is the same three letters, just in their proper order.
I am sorry, Pravchaw. It is such a rollercoaster, even when we try so hard to NOT get on, not be in the vicinity, not even look up...still, we get stuck on it sometimes.
You and your wife are in my prayers tonight. Be there for each other.
Take care.
I am sorry, Pravchaw. It is such a rollercoaster, even when we try so hard to NOT get on, not be in the vicinity, not even look up...still, we get stuck on it sometimes.
You and your wife are in my prayers tonight. Be there for each other.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 102
Pravchaw, I am so sorry for all that has happened. We, as parents, easily get our hopes up with any little crumb, and that's fine. The problem is we automatically set those expectations and then when they aren't met, we are the ones with problem. So hard. I think boundaries can be set, whatever is comfortable for you to handle at the time, and still have hope. My son finished his entire IOP and even got a certificate, had 87 days of sobriety under his belt and relapsed. I was crushed. He did pick himself up and is trying but it's difficult for him. Right now he isn't speaking to me but he does speak with my oldest son, his brother and that comforts me. I saw him this weekend and he actually looked fine but I always worry. It is hard to keep myself from calling him wanting to know every minute of the day what he is doing, but I don't call. I just send him a text every night telling him I love him and that I hope he is safe. For now, this is how I survive. Just keep letting him know that you love him.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 628
Ugh is right and I could use a hug. Breaking news: we just learnt that he never checked into detox. He went to my younger son's place (he is in another town - going to university there) and spent the night there. Looks like he is back into active addiction and making very poor on the spur decisions. I am afraid that he is going to disrupt my younger son's studies, who is in his mid-term exams. Now pretty sure he stole the ipad. Lying and stealing go with addiction. Addiction = insanity, we cannot get sucked into this.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)