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Cocaine AH has weekend pass from rehab tomorrow

Old 03-15-2012, 06:37 AM
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Cocaine AH has weekend pass from rehab tomorrow

So, my husband has been in rehab for 2 months for cocaine addiction and is doing seemingly well. His facility encourges a weekend home with your family a few weeks prior to your "graduation" to ease the transition home i guess. Tomorrow begins that weekend. I go pick him up in the morning and I have to confess I am a nervous wreck! Our 3 yr-old hasn't seen him in 2 months and has asked about him on a daily basis, so I am excited that he gets to see his Daddy. I am excited to see him too, but I have this overwhelming "butterflies in the stomach" feeling. Can any of you relate? Do any of you have a similar scenario you can share to help me prepare? I guess I just don't know what to expect. It's been so peaceful just me and the kids, you know? Just asking for a little advice. Thanks!
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Old 03-15-2012, 07:40 AM
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I understand you excitment, concern and every other thought. I have a son that when he came home first few times after time in the 1/2wh, boy was I nervous, scared of the what Ifs??? I made myself remember this was his journey, he could choose to make it a successful non event or choose another path. Being committed to himself, he was fine,,, it was me that had to keep reminding myself to let go and let be.
I hope your time is wonderful together.
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Old 03-15-2012, 08:13 AM
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Gurlie, I know exactly how you are feeling. I was so nervous and excited when my fiance came home from rehab after doing 50 days. We have a 19 month old together and he also asked for his daddy on a daily basis. I too was so happy that he was going to get to see him. I think it's great that you get a little taste of him being home before he actually comes home for good. And I can soooo relate to how peaceful everything has been since it's just been you and your kids. My son and I had a good routine going every day and it was well, like you said, peaceful. For me when my fiance came home it was so nice to see his face and see how healthy he looked. He put on a good amount of weight and he just looked happy. He's been home for almost a month now and the range of emotions I have experienced have been pretty overwhelming. Mostly what I've learned is it's going to take a while before I can trust him again. Those fears are going to take a long time to subside. I have to see for an extended amount time that he's committed to staying sober. I'm the type of person that expects everything to be all better instantly (I know, very unrealistic) and it's been tough learning to trust again but we are working on it. We make sure to keep communicating with each other and talk whenever something is bothering him or me and the talks we have had have helped so much cause it has shown me his commitment. I really thought he was going to be this completely different person and I wasn't going to know how to act around him but he's still the man I fell in love with, just no drugs anymore. He's happier and has a much more positive outlook on life.

My suggestion to you is to take things one day at a time. They say that all the time and I cannot stress enough how true that is and how much it helps to stick by that. Everything takes time and that's the thing I've had the hardest time accepting but I'm working on it. We are working on learning how to be a family again. Also, what couldn't be stressed to me enough from friends on here and from his counselors is his recovery is his own and it's all in his hands. How he works his program and maintains his sobriety is on him. If your husband wants to talk and share his experiences with you (things that he experienced in rehab) then that's great, that's how my fiance is but at the same time it's good to remember not to push them to talk either. It's going to take some adjusting but you guys will get there. My family is still right in the middle of it ourselves and it helps to know that there are people out there who can relate. Anytime you need to talk or just vent please don't hesitate to get in touch with me. Seems like we can really relate to each other

I know you're nervous but enjoy being reunited. I hope all goes well this weekend for you, you will be in my thoughts

Take care
Krystal
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Old 03-15-2012, 10:41 AM
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Krystal,
Thank you thank you thank you. Your words are so comforting. First and foremost because it makes me not feel guilty for being nervous (when he's beside himself excited about coming home)! Communication was always such an effort in our marriage in the past. I know now that it is because he was hiding a dark secret the entire relationship (8 years). He used the whole time and I didn't know. I know! Ridiculous! But he has written novels pouring his heart out to me since checking in to this program. As beautiful as they are, I am still skeptical as he is away from home and probably very afraid and has no control. I love to receive and read them, don't get me wrong, just having a hard time believing. Trust is completely out the door and I don't know how or if or when it will ever return. Like you said, only time will tell. He is patient (sounding) and willing to do whatever it takes to prove himself to me and to work his own program diligently and consistently. I just don't know what to expect tomorrow. I am happy they allow this little "practice weekend" because it will be helpful when he is home for good, I would think? Heck, I don't even know what I think. The truth is I am on an emotional roller coaster and I don't know when I'm going to get off. You are right....one day at a time. But for right now, for me, it's more like one hour at a time. Ugh!!!! Thanks for your response. It means alot!
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Old 03-15-2012, 11:16 AM
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I agree with you that this "practice weekend" is a good thing. It will give you both a chance to absorb how it was being together again. I know exactly what you mean about not even knowing if that trust will ever return. I couldn't imagine not knowing what was going on and it went on for 8 years, I give you do much credit for staying as strong as you have and for staying with him. I've been with my fiance for 3 years and I knew he had a problem, I just didn't know the severity of it till about a year and half into our relationship.
Like you, I could hear a big change in my fiances voice. He sounded very committed and serious about his recovery and so far that has held up. He still has that mentality and motivation. Things have been good cause he's staying sober but believe me, I have had my moments and so has he but we talk through it and it's working. Don't feel like you're crazy for feeling the extremes of emotions that you are feeling, it's completely understandable. Once he's home for good, it's going to be so overwhelming but it will get easier as long as he stays on the right path and you stay on the right path by remembering to take care of yourself and your children.
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Old 03-17-2012, 10:19 PM
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Hi Gurlie - keep us posted on how you are doing. Cynical one makes a worthy post -

Also, just sharing my personal experience - when my ex entered rehab for cocaine, I didn't go to family weekend or let him back in the house when he got out (I didn't go to family week b/c my job was really on the line). He ended up relapsing. I was too far along to ever trust him again (when he was in rehab I found a bunch of "new information/lies/betrayal) and just couldn't have him back.

You are very strong - stay grounded for you and your children. Hugs to you!
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Old 03-18-2012, 11:09 AM
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(((Gurlie))) - Rehab is just a first step toward recovery. I'm an RA, and it took a looooong time for me to rebuild trust with my family (my dad/stepmom) and I felt like a kid again..where are you going, when will you be back, why didn't you answer the phone when I called (not answering the phone, in the past, was a good indicator that I was out there), etc. I never went to rehab, I just read a lot on here and worked out my own recovery program.

I know this is just a weekend thing, but I would still pay attention to his ACTIONS. Words are just that...words. I could easily stay clean for a weekend, even 2 weeks back when I was using. However, I wasn't in recovery or even thinking about it...my XABF#3 and I would go spend time with his family...had a GREAT time, then back to the 'hood.

With my XABF#3, I realized I would never trust him. That's just me, but don't feel like you HAVE to trust him even if he works recovery 100%. He broke that trust, and I knew that no matter how much recovery my ex had, I'd be waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to relapse. Again, that is just me. On the other hand, I've become "Ms. Responsible" in a dysfunctional family, so who knows?

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:50 PM
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Update: The weekend went by in a total flash.....in fact, my head is still spinning. Basically we barely got a minute together as we were covered up with family and children, understandably so. I know I'm not the only one who missed him, everybody just wanted to see him too, etc. Anyway, so he comes back for good tomorrow. I just can't figure out what I'm going to do?? I mean, I told him on the way back on Sunday (I drove him back and it really was the only chance we had to talk) that I couldn't and wouldnt promise him anything, including a place to stay (even though it is our home). He said he understands completely where I am coming from and is 100% committed to proving himself to me, whatever that takes. So, I am just trying to figure out where to draw a line in the sand. I don't want to hinder his recovery in any way and told him he needs to be 100% committed to that, not to proving himself to me. Is that wrong? Am I not being supportive enough? Have any of you been through this? Any advice?
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