Dailies from ODAT part II
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November 15 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
One way Al-Anon is a big help is that it reminds me of truths I tend to forget. For example, I hear again and again at meetings, and read in the Al-Anon literature, “Alcoholism is a disease – the alcoholic is a sick human being – we do not punish people for being sick.”
I may give ample lip service to this idea, but when it comes to real acceptance my instinctive attitude toward the alcoholic is often hostile, as though he were an enemy, willfully bent on destroying me. I need Al-Anon’s constant reminders that such feelings hinder both my spiritual progress and improvement in the family situation. I must rid myself of the poison of resentment, indignation at a person I am not capable of judging fairly and useless pity for myself.
TODAY’S REMINDER
If I am suffering from bitterness against the alcoholic, I will cling to the thought that my growth and serenity depend on overcoming my animosity. Unless I free myself from it, I may carry it over into my relations with other people, even those who, in Al-Anon, are trying to help me.
“It is not men’s acts which disturb us – but our reaction to them. Take these away, and anger goes. No wrong act of another can bring shame on you.” – Marcus Aurelius
One way Al-Anon is a big help is that it reminds me of truths I tend to forget. For example, I hear again and again at meetings, and read in the Al-Anon literature, “Alcoholism is a disease – the alcoholic is a sick human being – we do not punish people for being sick.”
I may give ample lip service to this idea, but when it comes to real acceptance my instinctive attitude toward the alcoholic is often hostile, as though he were an enemy, willfully bent on destroying me. I need Al-Anon’s constant reminders that such feelings hinder both my spiritual progress and improvement in the family situation. I must rid myself of the poison of resentment, indignation at a person I am not capable of judging fairly and useless pity for myself.
TODAY’S REMINDER
If I am suffering from bitterness against the alcoholic, I will cling to the thought that my growth and serenity depend on overcoming my animosity. Unless I free myself from it, I may carry it over into my relations with other people, even those who, in Al-Anon, are trying to help me.
“It is not men’s acts which disturb us – but our reaction to them. Take these away, and anger goes. No wrong act of another can bring shame on you.” – Marcus Aurelius
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November 16 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
“It’s all very well to tell us to detach our minds from the problems we’re living with, but how do you do it?” asks an Al-Anon member. “It isn’t easy when we’re embroiled in all kinds of trouble day after day, with one decision after another to make, and only a confused mind to make them with!”
There must be some small bit of time during the day when we can lift our thoughts out of the swamp of confusion, if only to express a few words and think of their meaning: Let Go and Let God, Live and Let Live, Easy Does It.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I know that constant dwelling on my troubles lessens my ability to see them clearly and make wise decisions. I will not complicate the present by reviewing the past; nor will I dread what may happen tomorrow. One way to make detachment easier is to eliminate the past and future from my thoughts.
“He who frees himself of hampering regrets for the past and worry about what lies ahead finds himself able to deal with the present.”
“It’s all very well to tell us to detach our minds from the problems we’re living with, but how do you do it?” asks an Al-Anon member. “It isn’t easy when we’re embroiled in all kinds of trouble day after day, with one decision after another to make, and only a confused mind to make them with!”
There must be some small bit of time during the day when we can lift our thoughts out of the swamp of confusion, if only to express a few words and think of their meaning: Let Go and Let God, Live and Let Live, Easy Does It.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I know that constant dwelling on my troubles lessens my ability to see them clearly and make wise decisions. I will not complicate the present by reviewing the past; nor will I dread what may happen tomorrow. One way to make detachment easier is to eliminate the past and future from my thoughts.
“He who frees himself of hampering regrets for the past and worry about what lies ahead finds himself able to deal with the present.”
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November 17 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
If I have made myself a part of an Al-Anon group to get help, wouldn’t I be defeating myself if I allowed what we call personality clashes to interfere with my getting the full benefit of the program?
Individuals tend to be more or less dominant; sometimes the most competent and helpful assert themselves over-strongly and so engender hostility in others. Sometimes there just isn’t a personal rapport between two people.
I want to keep in mind always that my help depends on the unity of the group. I will not allow myself to resent what anyone does; I will accept the fact that they mean to be helpful, no matter what they may say or do.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will make a conscious effort to look for the good in every person in my group. I will not criticize anyone on a personal basis. If there are disagreements on principles, they can always be resolved by consulting the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
“We penalize ourselves when we allow disapproval of another person to endanger the unity of the group. Anything that damages the group interferes with its ability to function for the good of each person in it.”
If I have made myself a part of an Al-Anon group to get help, wouldn’t I be defeating myself if I allowed what we call personality clashes to interfere with my getting the full benefit of the program?
Individuals tend to be more or less dominant; sometimes the most competent and helpful assert themselves over-strongly and so engender hostility in others. Sometimes there just isn’t a personal rapport between two people.
I want to keep in mind always that my help depends on the unity of the group. I will not allow myself to resent what anyone does; I will accept the fact that they mean to be helpful, no matter what they may say or do.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will make a conscious effort to look for the good in every person in my group. I will not criticize anyone on a personal basis. If there are disagreements on principles, they can always be resolved by consulting the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
“We penalize ourselves when we allow disapproval of another person to endanger the unity of the group. Anything that damages the group interferes with its ability to function for the good of each person in it.”
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November 18 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
As a member of Al-Anon, I am part of a group which is part of a fellowship of thousands of such groups, encircling the world. One cannot even imagine the many kinds of people who join al-Anon for the same purpose as I did: to learn a better way of life despite the difficulties of living with an alcoholic. Their social units and customs are different from mine; the spirit that motivates us is all the same. This holds us together as one united fellowship wherever in the world we may be.
TODAY’S REMINDER
In one sense, I have an obligation t members of every group, not only my own. That duty is to observe and preserve Al-Anon’s principles and Traditions. The principles, for the individual, are stated in the Twelve Steps, important to all Al-Anon, and to me personally, to know both the Steps and the Traditions and protect them from distortion and dilution, I will read them and try to apply them in both personal and group matters.
“Tradition One: ‘Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.”
As a member of Al-Anon, I am part of a group which is part of a fellowship of thousands of such groups, encircling the world. One cannot even imagine the many kinds of people who join al-Anon for the same purpose as I did: to learn a better way of life despite the difficulties of living with an alcoholic. Their social units and customs are different from mine; the spirit that motivates us is all the same. This holds us together as one united fellowship wherever in the world we may be.
TODAY’S REMINDER
In one sense, I have an obligation t members of every group, not only my own. That duty is to observe and preserve Al-Anon’s principles and Traditions. The principles, for the individual, are stated in the Twelve Steps, important to all Al-Anon, and to me personally, to know both the Steps and the Traditions and protect them from distortion and dilution, I will read them and try to apply them in both personal and group matters.
“Tradition One: ‘Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.”
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November 19 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Told by a member at an Al-Anon meeting:
“During my first year in Al-Anon, I concentrated on changing my attitude toward the alcoholic. I learned to sidestep quarrels; I controlled my impulse to complain and scold. I worked hard on getting rid of my resentments. As our relationship improved and he was in AA, I had less reason to feel sorry for myself. I thought I was working the program.
“But all was not well in the home. There was a constant undercurrent of minor irritations. I had gone overboard trying to distract my mind from concentrating on the alcoholic problem. Golf, bowling, bridge, reading and socializing didn’t leave me enough time and thought for my children; my house was never in order; meals were a bother. I wasn’t doing my job!”
TODAY’S REMINDER
“Suddenly, I awoke to the fact that Al-Anon asks a lot more of us than just to cope with the problem of alcoholism. We need to apply it to all departments of living – and in order of their importance!”
“I pray to remember to attend to first things first.”
Told by a member at an Al-Anon meeting:
“During my first year in Al-Anon, I concentrated on changing my attitude toward the alcoholic. I learned to sidestep quarrels; I controlled my impulse to complain and scold. I worked hard on getting rid of my resentments. As our relationship improved and he was in AA, I had less reason to feel sorry for myself. I thought I was working the program.
“But all was not well in the home. There was a constant undercurrent of minor irritations. I had gone overboard trying to distract my mind from concentrating on the alcoholic problem. Golf, bowling, bridge, reading and socializing didn’t leave me enough time and thought for my children; my house was never in order; meals were a bother. I wasn’t doing my job!”
TODAY’S REMINDER
“Suddenly, I awoke to the fact that Al-Anon asks a lot more of us than just to cope with the problem of alcoholism. We need to apply it to all departments of living – and in order of their importance!”
“I pray to remember to attend to first things first.”
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November 20 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
“Our group,” explains a member, “concentrates on the Twelve Steps. We rarely discuss the Traditions, because we feel that personal guidance for individuals is more helpful to us than pointers relating to the functioning of the group.” This I warped thinking, for the fact is that the Traditions are essential to the survival and proper functioning of the group through which each individual gets the desired help.
The Traditions tell us, for example, that the officers of a group are its leaders. Guided by the light of Tradition Two, they will not dominate or direct, a sometimes happens when a strong-willed opinionated member insists on holding office term after tem, and makes decisions for the group.
TODAY’S REMINDER
“Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.” They serve, but do not control. Al-Anon is a fellowship of equals, and each member should welcome an opportunity to serve. Who, then, provides the authority under which the groups function? Tradition Two says, “For our group purpose there is but one authority – a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience.”
“Everyone should realize that our groping and reaching toward peace of mind depends very much on our attitudes within the Al-Anon group.”
“Our group,” explains a member, “concentrates on the Twelve Steps. We rarely discuss the Traditions, because we feel that personal guidance for individuals is more helpful to us than pointers relating to the functioning of the group.” This I warped thinking, for the fact is that the Traditions are essential to the survival and proper functioning of the group through which each individual gets the desired help.
The Traditions tell us, for example, that the officers of a group are its leaders. Guided by the light of Tradition Two, they will not dominate or direct, a sometimes happens when a strong-willed opinionated member insists on holding office term after tem, and makes decisions for the group.
TODAY’S REMINDER
“Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.” They serve, but do not control. Al-Anon is a fellowship of equals, and each member should welcome an opportunity to serve. Who, then, provides the authority under which the groups function? Tradition Two says, “For our group purpose there is but one authority – a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience.”
“Everyone should realize that our groping and reaching toward peace of mind depends very much on our attitudes within the Al-Anon group.”
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November 21 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Someone persuaded Mr. J. to attend an Al-Anon meeting. His wife had finally joined AA and was devoting herself to sobriety – and to developing herself as a person through the spiritual elements in the AA program.
Mr. J. frankly didn’t like it. He and his wife had entertained a great deal, at cocktail parties and such, and her sobriety interfered with these activities. To him, it was perfectly ridiculous that anyone of their social standing should admit to being enslaved by alcohol. Even after four or five Al-Anon meetings, he still couldn’t understand why his wife found it necessary to continue with AA now that she was sober, or that Al-Anon had anything for him.
TODAY’S REMINDER
When I consider how people limit themselves by keeping closed minds, I learn that pride often makes recovery difficult both from alcoholism and from the emotional sickness of living with an alcoholic. I see how necessary it is to accept changes in my patterns of living – if I really hope for a serene and orderly existence.
“Some people don’t know how badly they need a new way of life until disaster overtakes them.”
Someone persuaded Mr. J. to attend an Al-Anon meeting. His wife had finally joined AA and was devoting herself to sobriety – and to developing herself as a person through the spiritual elements in the AA program.
Mr. J. frankly didn’t like it. He and his wife had entertained a great deal, at cocktail parties and such, and her sobriety interfered with these activities. To him, it was perfectly ridiculous that anyone of their social standing should admit to being enslaved by alcohol. Even after four or five Al-Anon meetings, he still couldn’t understand why his wife found it necessary to continue with AA now that she was sober, or that Al-Anon had anything for him.
TODAY’S REMINDER
When I consider how people limit themselves by keeping closed minds, I learn that pride often makes recovery difficult both from alcoholism and from the emotional sickness of living with an alcoholic. I see how necessary it is to accept changes in my patterns of living – if I really hope for a serene and orderly existence.
“Some people don’t know how badly they need a new way of life until disaster overtakes them.”
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November 22 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
It is strange to think that many groups are hardly aware of the Twelve Traditions and their importance to keeping an Al-Anon group strong and united. The Traditions guard us from the destructive effects of dominance by individual members. They make us all equal, so we can work together in harmony to achieve our spiritual growth an...d understanding.
When each member of the group is familiar with the traditions and helps to make them work in the group, we are safe from many of the hazards that beset people who come together for a particular purpose.
In Al-Anon, conflicting views become merely differing views, so our problems can be solved with tolerant understanding and mutual respect.
When problems arise, we refer to Chapter 10 of LIVING WITH an ALCOHOLIC, where we find explanations and solutions arrived at through the Twelve Traditions.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will make it my business to familiarize myself with the Twelve Traditions of Al-Anon so I can do my part toward promoting growth for the group and each member in it.
“Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” (Tradition One)
It is strange to think that many groups are hardly aware of the Twelve Traditions and their importance to keeping an Al-Anon group strong and united. The Traditions guard us from the destructive effects of dominance by individual members. They make us all equal, so we can work together in harmony to achieve our spiritual growth an...d understanding.
When each member of the group is familiar with the traditions and helps to make them work in the group, we are safe from many of the hazards that beset people who come together for a particular purpose.
In Al-Anon, conflicting views become merely differing views, so our problems can be solved with tolerant understanding and mutual respect.
When problems arise, we refer to Chapter 10 of LIVING WITH an ALCOHOLIC, where we find explanations and solutions arrived at through the Twelve Traditions.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will make it my business to familiarize myself with the Twelve Traditions of Al-Anon so I can do my part toward promoting growth for the group and each member in it.
“Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” (Tradition One)
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November 23 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Just for today, I will not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless dreads, I will track them down and expose their unreality. I will remind myself that God is in charge of me and mine, and that I have only to accept His protection and guidance. What happened yesterday need not trouble me today.
This is a brand new shining day and I have it in my power to make it a good one just by the way I think about it and what I do with it.
TODAY’S REMINDER
If I live just this one day at a time, I will not so readily entertain fears of what might happen tomorrow. If I am concentrating on today’s activities, there will be no room in my mind for fretting and worrying. I will fill every minute of this day with something good – seen, heard, accomplished. Then when the day is ended, I can look back on it with satisfaction and serenity.
“I recall the words of an old ditty that said, ‘Never trouble ‘trouble’ ‘til trouble troubles you’.”
Just for today, I will not be afraid of anything. If my mind is clouded with nameless dreads, I will track them down and expose their unreality. I will remind myself that God is in charge of me and mine, and that I have only to accept His protection and guidance. What happened yesterday need not trouble me today.
This is a brand new shining day and I have it in my power to make it a good one just by the way I think about it and what I do with it.
TODAY’S REMINDER
If I live just this one day at a time, I will not so readily entertain fears of what might happen tomorrow. If I am concentrating on today’s activities, there will be no room in my mind for fretting and worrying. I will fill every minute of this day with something good – seen, heard, accomplished. Then when the day is ended, I can look back on it with satisfaction and serenity.
“I recall the words of an old ditty that said, ‘Never trouble ‘trouble’ ‘til trouble troubles you’.”
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November 24 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
A fairly usual idea in some Al-Anon groups is that w attend meetings only to hear other people’s tragic stories – blow-by-blow descriptions that we can perhaps identify with. This is one – but only one – of Al-Anon’s functions. But when the stories are a continual rehash of the alcoholic’s misdeeds, nobody learns anything except that we all go through pretty much the same experiences. Where is the growth in that?
If I want to determine how much help a meeting can give, I should ask myself, “How many of the people here tonight have learned something new about applying Al-Anon principles? How many have given me a constructive idea to take away with me and use?” That is the only measure of a truly valuable meeting.
TODAY’S REMINDER
What I say at an Al-Anon meeting should not be a recital of the details of someone else’s faults and actions. I have come to get knowledge of how to deal with my frustrations and difficulties, and to impart what I have learned in al-Anon to the others. Personal problems can be discussed with my sponsor or another Al-Anon friend.
“A truly valuable Al-Anon meeting is one in which we concentrate on principles, and do not discuss personalities.”
A fairly usual idea in some Al-Anon groups is that w attend meetings only to hear other people’s tragic stories – blow-by-blow descriptions that we can perhaps identify with. This is one – but only one – of Al-Anon’s functions. But when the stories are a continual rehash of the alcoholic’s misdeeds, nobody learns anything except that we all go through pretty much the same experiences. Where is the growth in that?
If I want to determine how much help a meeting can give, I should ask myself, “How many of the people here tonight have learned something new about applying Al-Anon principles? How many have given me a constructive idea to take away with me and use?” That is the only measure of a truly valuable meeting.
TODAY’S REMINDER
What I say at an Al-Anon meeting should not be a recital of the details of someone else’s faults and actions. I have come to get knowledge of how to deal with my frustrations and difficulties, and to impart what I have learned in al-Anon to the others. Personal problems can be discussed with my sponsor or another Al-Anon friend.
“A truly valuable Al-Anon meeting is one in which we concentrate on principles, and do not discuss personalities.”
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November 25 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
It sometimes happens that an Al-Anon member, deeply dedicated to some particular cause or religious organization, tries to persuade the group to share her enthusiasm and take part in it.
As worthy as a project might be, it is well to remember that Al-Anon’s primary purpose is to learn how to achieve serenity for ourselves while living with the problem of alcoholism. Our Third Tradition points out that it would be unwise for us to take on, as a group, any interests not related to our program. For reasons of our own well-being and progress, we do not involve ourselves with other causes or organizations, although individuals are certainly free to do so if they wish.
TODAY’S REMINDER
Tradition Three states in unmistakable terms Al-Anon’s single-minded dedication to one common denominator: “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves and Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.”
“…through our Traditions we guard against distortion and dilution of the Al-Anon idea.”
It sometimes happens that an Al-Anon member, deeply dedicated to some particular cause or religious organization, tries to persuade the group to share her enthusiasm and take part in it.
As worthy as a project might be, it is well to remember that Al-Anon’s primary purpose is to learn how to achieve serenity for ourselves while living with the problem of alcoholism. Our Third Tradition points out that it would be unwise for us to take on, as a group, any interests not related to our program. For reasons of our own well-being and progress, we do not involve ourselves with other causes or organizations, although individuals are certainly free to do so if they wish.
TODAY’S REMINDER
Tradition Three states in unmistakable terms Al-Anon’s single-minded dedication to one common denominator: “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves and Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.”
“…through our Traditions we guard against distortion and dilution of the Al-Anon idea.”
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November 26 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
People in trouble look for help and often ask for it in the shape of advice from the more seasoned members who are all so willing to help them.
“My husband comes home drunk and turns on the TV and keeps us awake; what shall I do?” “He was arrested for fighting; what shall I do?” “I’m sick of sitting at home all the time; he never takes me anywhere; what shall I do?”
The more experienced member realizes that we don’t tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use the advice they’re ready for. Helping the newcomer apply Al-Anon principles to all problems is a vital part of the learning process through which all of us grow. Then we will know how to make the decisions that are best for us, and have the courage to see them through.
TODAY’S REMINDER
When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another. Good advice in Al-Anon takes the form of gentle guidance into Al-Anon principles, so people can find the right answers for themselves.
“I cannot solve anyone else’s problem. I can, however, show how problem-solving is done by using the Al-Anon program.”
People in trouble look for help and often ask for it in the shape of advice from the more seasoned members who are all so willing to help them.
“My husband comes home drunk and turns on the TV and keeps us awake; what shall I do?” “He was arrested for fighting; what shall I do?” “I’m sick of sitting at home all the time; he never takes me anywhere; what shall I do?”
The more experienced member realizes that we don’t tell anybody what to do. People only accept and use the advice they’re ready for. Helping the newcomer apply Al-Anon principles to all problems is a vital part of the learning process through which all of us grow. Then we will know how to make the decisions that are best for us, and have the courage to see them through.
TODAY’S REMINDER
When I am asked for advice, I know only what I would do if I were faced with the same problem, and not what would be right for another. Good advice in Al-Anon takes the form of gentle guidance into Al-Anon principles, so people can find the right answers for themselves.
“I cannot solve anyone else’s problem. I can, however, show how problem-solving is done by using the Al-Anon program.”
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November 27 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
A man whose wife is an alcoholic often hesitates to seek help in Al-Anon because it seems like a confession of failure on his part. He may be reluctant to let go of the martyrdom of carrying the entire responsibility for the family; perhaps he derives an inner satisfaction from the dependency of the alcoholic, whom he considers weak and helpless.
In the Al-Anon program he can learn to make himself comfortable by not accepting his wife’s responsibilities. He will in time discover his own motivations and change his attitudes, And he will do nothing toward controlling his wife’s sickness, for the First Step assures him that he cannot.
TODAY’S REMINDER
When a man sees the logic and promise in the al-Anon idea, he will accept the necessity of releasing his wife from his solicitous domination. He will realize that she will seek sobriety only when he allows her to face her problem. His search for help is thus not a confession of failure, but proof of his strength to reach out for a new life for his family.
“If that thou hast the gift of strength, then know thy part is to uplift the trodden low.” – George Meredith, THE BURDEN of STRENGTH
A man whose wife is an alcoholic often hesitates to seek help in Al-Anon because it seems like a confession of failure on his part. He may be reluctant to let go of the martyrdom of carrying the entire responsibility for the family; perhaps he derives an inner satisfaction from the dependency of the alcoholic, whom he considers weak and helpless.
In the Al-Anon program he can learn to make himself comfortable by not accepting his wife’s responsibilities. He will in time discover his own motivations and change his attitudes, And he will do nothing toward controlling his wife’s sickness, for the First Step assures him that he cannot.
TODAY’S REMINDER
When a man sees the logic and promise in the al-Anon idea, he will accept the necessity of releasing his wife from his solicitous domination. He will realize that she will seek sobriety only when he allows her to face her problem. His search for help is thus not a confession of failure, but proof of his strength to reach out for a new life for his family.
“If that thou hast the gift of strength, then know thy part is to uplift the trodden low.” – George Meredith, THE BURDEN of STRENGTH
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November 28 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
We hear in Al-Anon that no situation is hopeless. At first, we find this hard to believe. Hope and despair are human emotional attitudes; it is we, who are hopeless, and not the condition of our lives. In a desperate situation, we give up hope because we are unable, as yet, to believe in the possibility of a change for the better.
TODAY’S REMINDER
If I have been relying on my judgment alone, and have tried to correct what is wrong by using the wrong tools, I have reason for despair. I will learn, in Al-Anon, to recognize my errors, to see the roadblocks of self-will and self-righteousness I have been putting in my way. Then I will no longer insist that a thing is impossible because I have been unable to accomplish it. Others have, and many of them had far greater problems than mine. Once I use the Al-Anon program and let myself be guided by God’s will instead of my own, my distorted outlook will be replaced by order and peace of mind.
“…if thou canst believe; all things are possible to him that believeth.” - Mark
We hear in Al-Anon that no situation is hopeless. At first, we find this hard to believe. Hope and despair are human emotional attitudes; it is we, who are hopeless, and not the condition of our lives. In a desperate situation, we give up hope because we are unable, as yet, to believe in the possibility of a change for the better.
TODAY’S REMINDER
If I have been relying on my judgment alone, and have tried to correct what is wrong by using the wrong tools, I have reason for despair. I will learn, in Al-Anon, to recognize my errors, to see the roadblocks of self-will and self-righteousness I have been putting in my way. Then I will no longer insist that a thing is impossible because I have been unable to accomplish it. Others have, and many of them had far greater problems than mine. Once I use the Al-Anon program and let myself be guided by God’s will instead of my own, my distorted outlook will be replaced by order and peace of mind.
“…if thou canst believe; all things are possible to him that believeth.” - Mark
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November 29 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
In one of the Al-Anon leaflets, the following hard-to-believe statement is made: “A drinking problem in the home can often be more easily recognized by the wife’s behavior than by that of the drinker.”
Isn’t this an inevitable consequence of our turbulent emotions, our despair and uncertainty? Isn’t it proved by our futile efforts to outwit the alcoholic, to compel him to stop drinking and meet his responsibilities? This self-imposed struggle to control the uncontrollable is certainly not rational!
Once we experience the effects of applying the Al-Anon program, and observe the miraculous changes that take place in the attitudes of our Al-Anon friends, we can look back thankfully that we, too, are improving our relationships.
TODAY’S REMINDER
As I see the progress I have made, it becomes clear to me that many of my earlier habitual reactions needed to be transformed into normal mature behavior. The only possible way to improve the conditions of one’s life is to improve one’s emotional condition.
“Most of the things I did, in anger and frustration, only made matters worse. Now I am learning to let go.”
In one of the Al-Anon leaflets, the following hard-to-believe statement is made: “A drinking problem in the home can often be more easily recognized by the wife’s behavior than by that of the drinker.”
Isn’t this an inevitable consequence of our turbulent emotions, our despair and uncertainty? Isn’t it proved by our futile efforts to outwit the alcoholic, to compel him to stop drinking and meet his responsibilities? This self-imposed struggle to control the uncontrollable is certainly not rational!
Once we experience the effects of applying the Al-Anon program, and observe the miraculous changes that take place in the attitudes of our Al-Anon friends, we can look back thankfully that we, too, are improving our relationships.
TODAY’S REMINDER
As I see the progress I have made, it becomes clear to me that many of my earlier habitual reactions needed to be transformed into normal mature behavior. The only possible way to improve the conditions of one’s life is to improve one’s emotional condition.
“Most of the things I did, in anger and frustration, only made matters worse. Now I am learning to let go.”
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
November 30 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
One of the ways in which we help ourselves to serenity and an orderly life is through Twelfth Step work, so-called because it is the final one of the Twelve Steps by which we live in Al-Anon.
It means to be always ready to help another person in trouble – someone new who may not yet have heard that Al-Anon can help when there is alcoholism in a family. This “carrying the message” requires constant awareness of a possible need: perhaps a neighbor or someone we meet casually who indicates that he or she is living with such a problem.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will tactfully offer help to anyone who needs to learn how to live with all the many difficulties which alcoholism can create or aggravate. My first suggestion should be that there is always hope, and that a new way of life can be found in Al-Anon, in the company of others who share the same problem.
“I will be always ready to carry the message to others. The need is all around me if I keep myself alert enough to recognize it. In helping others, I also help myself.”
One of the ways in which we help ourselves to serenity and an orderly life is through Twelfth Step work, so-called because it is the final one of the Twelve Steps by which we live in Al-Anon.
It means to be always ready to help another person in trouble – someone new who may not yet have heard that Al-Anon can help when there is alcoholism in a family. This “carrying the message” requires constant awareness of a possible need: perhaps a neighbor or someone we meet casually who indicates that he or she is living with such a problem.
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will tactfully offer help to anyone who needs to learn how to live with all the many difficulties which alcoholism can create or aggravate. My first suggestion should be that there is always hope, and that a new way of life can be found in Al-Anon, in the company of others who share the same problem.
“I will be always ready to carry the message to others. The need is all around me if I keep myself alert enough to recognize it. In helping others, I also help myself.”
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
December 1 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Throughout this month, which brings us to the closing of another year, I will review the happenings of my life as though I were standing just a little way off trying to see myself as another person.
Have I made progress in my effort to correct my faulty attitudes? Have I let discouragement plunge me back into my old habit patterns? When something I did had consequences that made life difficult for me, did I try to blame someone else?
How has al-Anon helped me to realize some of my potential as a person?
TODAY’S REMINDER
AS I look back over this year, I will consider calmly my actions and attitudes, just as though I were evaluating the progress of someone else. I will not make it an occasion for guilt and regret. I will blame no one else for anything that happened, for I have learned in al-Anon that I am not a judge of others. This day, and the days to come, will be filled with opportunities to make more of myself.
“The purpose of my inventory is to get a clear picture of where I now stand, to recognize shortcomings that still need to be corrected, and not to use any self-deceiving means of justifying them.”
Throughout this month, which brings us to the closing of another year, I will review the happenings of my life as though I were standing just a little way off trying to see myself as another person.
Have I made progress in my effort to correct my faulty attitudes? Have I let discouragement plunge me back into my old habit patterns? When something I did had consequences that made life difficult for me, did I try to blame someone else?
How has al-Anon helped me to realize some of my potential as a person?
TODAY’S REMINDER
AS I look back over this year, I will consider calmly my actions and attitudes, just as though I were evaluating the progress of someone else. I will not make it an occasion for guilt and regret. I will blame no one else for anything that happened, for I have learned in al-Anon that I am not a judge of others. This day, and the days to come, will be filled with opportunities to make more of myself.
“The purpose of my inventory is to get a clear picture of where I now stand, to recognize shortcomings that still need to be corrected, and not to use any self-deceiving means of justifying them.”
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
December 2 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
When we’re at a meeting, the Al-Anon ideas seem so clear to us that we never doubt we can apply them to our daily living. But alas, the old thinking patterns take over and we have what corresponds in AA to a “slip” or a relapse. This is no reason to be discouraged.
If I look back on my pre-Al-Anon attitude, I can see how much I have learned, and how much of it I do remember to use in dealing with my everyday problems. Perfect mastery is too much for me to expect of myself; I will be patient.
TODAY’S REMINDER
If it isn’t easy for me to “see myself as others see me,” and to recognize how much progress I have made, all I need to do is to observe the improvement in others in my group. Even some that appeared to have “hopeless” problems make great strides in learning to detach from many of the harrowing episodes in the alcoholism. They recognize that their thinking and their actions were not always sane either. They use the Al-Anon program to restore themselves to a reasonable and serene frame of mind.
“Al-Anon doesn’t produce miracles overnight, but when we look back, we realize that a miracle is in the process of taking place.”
When we’re at a meeting, the Al-Anon ideas seem so clear to us that we never doubt we can apply them to our daily living. But alas, the old thinking patterns take over and we have what corresponds in AA to a “slip” or a relapse. This is no reason to be discouraged.
If I look back on my pre-Al-Anon attitude, I can see how much I have learned, and how much of it I do remember to use in dealing with my everyday problems. Perfect mastery is too much for me to expect of myself; I will be patient.
TODAY’S REMINDER
If it isn’t easy for me to “see myself as others see me,” and to recognize how much progress I have made, all I need to do is to observe the improvement in others in my group. Even some that appeared to have “hopeless” problems make great strides in learning to detach from many of the harrowing episodes in the alcoholism. They recognize that their thinking and their actions were not always sane either. They use the Al-Anon program to restore themselves to a reasonable and serene frame of mind.
“Al-Anon doesn’t produce miracles overnight, but when we look back, we realize that a miracle is in the process of taking place.”
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
December 3 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
There are questions – and many of us ask them – that lead us straight down the dead-end street of frustration: “Why can’t he…?” – “What is he up to?” – “Why can’t I make him see…?”
They’re simple, but they say a lot. They reveal our conviction that we’re in control – that we know what ought to be done – that our wisdom is greater than someone else’s. They lead to frustration because we’re not in control – of anyone or anything but ourselves.
In his book, The Sign of Jonas, the noted writer Thomas Merton says, “Stop asking yourself questions that have no meaning. Or, if they have, you’ll find out when you need to – find out both the questions and the answers.”
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will rather ask myself: “What prompts me to do or say things that cause trouble?” – “Why do I concentrate on someone else’s shortcomings instead of my own?” To such questions I can find the answers – if I dig deeply and honestly enough.
“Speculating on other people’s attitudes and motives is a waste of time and effort. To search out the reasons for my own is a voyage of discovery!”
There are questions – and many of us ask them – that lead us straight down the dead-end street of frustration: “Why can’t he…?” – “What is he up to?” – “Why can’t I make him see…?”
They’re simple, but they say a lot. They reveal our conviction that we’re in control – that we know what ought to be done – that our wisdom is greater than someone else’s. They lead to frustration because we’re not in control – of anyone or anything but ourselves.
In his book, The Sign of Jonas, the noted writer Thomas Merton says, “Stop asking yourself questions that have no meaning. Or, if they have, you’ll find out when you need to – find out both the questions and the answers.”
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will rather ask myself: “What prompts me to do or say things that cause trouble?” – “Why do I concentrate on someone else’s shortcomings instead of my own?” To such questions I can find the answers – if I dig deeply and honestly enough.
“Speculating on other people’s attitudes and motives is a waste of time and effort. To search out the reasons for my own is a voyage of discovery!”
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
December 4 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Some of us come to Al-Anon to find out why the alcoholic drinks. We’re afraid it’s because “….he doesn’t love me anymore,” or because something we have done or are doing is upsetting him and making him drink.
We are much relieved to learn that alcoholism is an illness. It is also helpful, however, to know that the very things we have been doing may have hindered recovery from this illness.
With the best of intentions, we have been trying to cure it by treating it as deliberately willful and wicked. We are told that anything we do to humiliate and blame the alcoholic only increases his guilt or reinforces his claim that we are at fault. This teaches us the immense value of a hands-off policy. It is hard to come by, but it works wonders!
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will not waste thought on exploring the reasons why the alcoholic drinks. Al-Anon answers that I can cope with my problems effectively by changing my thinking about them, correcting my own mistaken attitudes, and allowing the alcoholic to take care of his own problem.
“I ask God to help me on the course that will change my life for the better.”
Some of us come to Al-Anon to find out why the alcoholic drinks. We’re afraid it’s because “….he doesn’t love me anymore,” or because something we have done or are doing is upsetting him and making him drink.
We are much relieved to learn that alcoholism is an illness. It is also helpful, however, to know that the very things we have been doing may have hindered recovery from this illness.
With the best of intentions, we have been trying to cure it by treating it as deliberately willful and wicked. We are told that anything we do to humiliate and blame the alcoholic only increases his guilt or reinforces his claim that we are at fault. This teaches us the immense value of a hands-off policy. It is hard to come by, but it works wonders!
TODAY’S REMINDER
I will not waste thought on exploring the reasons why the alcoholic drinks. Al-Anon answers that I can cope with my problems effectively by changing my thinking about them, correcting my own mistaken attitudes, and allowing the alcoholic to take care of his own problem.
“I ask God to help me on the course that will change my life for the better.”
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