MeredithD1

August 8 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We hear it said that Al-Anon members do not give each other advice. This refers specifically to the kind of advice that suggests taking drastic action to bring about a radical change in a marriage relationship. This we do not – and must not – do.

In other ways, we in Al-Anon give a great deal of advice. We suggest looking into ourselves for the causes of our problems; we advise dependence on God’s guidance. We recommend lots of Al-Anon reading, the study of the Twelve Steps and the slogans. We suggest spiritual ways to find a new perspective and new strength and share our personal experience to applying them.

TODAY’S REMINDER

When I am greatly troubled by an insoluble problem, I will gladly accept the advice of my fellow members that I concentrate on a slogan or a Step in finding a solution. I know that constructive action can be taken only after I have lifted my thoughts and emotions out of their confused state.

Using the slogans and the Twelve Steps will strengthen me to make wise decisions.

MeredithD1

August 9 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

I know how easy it is to let anger well up inside me at the thought of someone who has injured me. What is much more difficult is to take a detached view so we can stop the building up of this “head of steam.” Unless I do this, it will explode, damaging me and everything around me.

When we are frustrated in our desire to punish the one we’re angry at, we may take it out on innocent bystanders, sometimes even our own children; those young lives which God has entrusted to our hands. Surely we have an obligation – a duty of love – to avoid aggravating the emotional damage that the drinking parent may already be inflicting on them.

TODAY’S REMINDER

There are many good reasons to keep myself from harboring resentful thoughts. They can grow into savage attacks on other human beings. Another good reason for quieting my anger before it gets out of hand is to prevent the emotional scars it can leave on me.

“If any man among you seems to be religious and bridleth not his tongue, he deceiveth his own heart; this man’s religion is vain.” (General Epistle of James)

Ann

I needed this reminder today that I don't have to take on negative behaviour because of the words or actions of others...they own them and I am only responsible for my reaction to them. I love the saying "we don't have to attend every fight we are invited to."

Taking pause before allowing the adrenaline to pump always helps me. Taking a walk or reading something helpful helps turn my mind back to positive thoughts.

We can live in the problem or we can live in the solution, and just for today I plan to live in the solution of my recovery and all it has taught me.

Hugs

MeredithD1

Ann - I always remind myself to BREATHE

August 10 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

In the book of Ecclesiasticus we read: “The stroke of the tongue breaketh the bones. Weigh they words in a balance and make a door and a bar for thy mouth. Envy and wrath shorten the life.”

This statement speaks directly for the Al-Anon program. We are constantly being reminded that we are working to improve ourselves, to protect ourselves from the influences of confusion, anger and resentment.

In these words from the Bible, we have a direct recommendation to check our part in the difficulties we have with others. And the reason it gives – our own benefit – is equally valid in Al-Anon teachings.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Let me reflect on how much damage I may have done, and may still do, by saying the first thing that comes to mind. Let me realize that the worst reaction of unbridled anger falls upon me. What I say in a single moment of uncontrolled rage can have inconceivable long-range consequences.

“Be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the truth of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”

MeredithD1

August 11 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Even with a growing understanding of Al-Anon philosophy, we might find it difficult to accept such a statement as this:

“Al-Anon is a way to personal freedom.”

Suppose I feel like a prisoner, trapped in an irksome way of life, as so many of us do. What am I doing about it? My obvious impulse is to try to manipulate the things and people around me into being more acceptable to me. Do I argue, rage and weep to make my spouse behave in a way that I think will make me happier? Happiness isn’t won that way.

Freedom from despair and frustration can come only from changing, in myself, the attitudes that are maintaining the conditions that cause me grief.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I have the power to set myself free by conquering the personal shortcomings that chain me to my problems. And not the least of these is the short-sightedness that has made me refuse to accept responsibility for the way I am.

“Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

MeredithD1

August 12 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

It is difficult to overcome the habit of setting standards for our spouses, and expecting them to be followed. Unfortunately, this may continue even after the alcoholic is sober in AA. We figure out what the results of his sobriety should be, in changed attitudes and behavior and, when things don’t work out the way we expect, we’re frustrated and angry.

I must teach myself to leave my partner to God and to his friends in AA. I must learn not to expect or demand. I will look for, and appreciate, his positive and desirable actions, and not concentrate on the negative. I must, in other words, do something constructive about my own attitude.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will not look for perfection in another person until I have attained perfection myself. Since I know this will never be, let me learn to accept things as they are, and stop manipulating them into changing. Let me look for a wiser approach to life from myself not from other people.

“Thou must learn to renounce thy own will in many things, if thou wilt keep peace and concord with others. ” (Thomas A’Kempis)

MeredithD1

August 13 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We suffer more than we need to, and often, perhaps, because we want to. Many of us reopen old wounds by dwelling on the past – what “he or she did last week or last year.” Many of us live in needless dread of what tomorrow will bring.

An interesting and rewarding exercise for today might be to examine all the things that are hurting me at the moment. I will challenge their validity to see if there is any basis for my bitterness – 9or for that dread and fear. I’ll probably discover, to my delight, that I have, right at this moment, more than enough reasons to be happy and contented.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Why do I allow myself to suffer? Is there any meaning or validity to the items I am permitting myself to suffer from? What if “he said this” – or “she did that.” Even if it was MEANT to hurt, it cannot reach the real me, if I stand grand at the door of my mind.

“Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you’ve even survived
But what torments of grief you’ve endured,
From evils which never arrived.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

MeredithD1

August 14 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When an alcoholic finally reaches bottom, and begins the long climb upward through AA, this is the beginning of growth in personal and spiritual maturity.

If we grant, as surely we must, that both partners in an alcoholic marriage are or have become neurotic, we non-alcoholics, too, need the help of a growth program.

If A, then, takes steps to get well and face life as a responsible adult, how can B keep pace without the self-understanding that eventually comes to us in Al-Anon? This is the practical logic of the words of our Suggested welcome: “Working in unity for a common purpose does more than strengthen both partners individually: it draws them together.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

If the AA member recognizes that sobriety is only the beginning of his growth, the spouse, too, needs continuing help in adjusting to the new problems of their joint relationship. Al-Anon shows us how to meet that responsibility with dignity, grace and love.

“…that our loves and comforts should increase even as our days do grow.”

MeredithD1

August 15 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Each of us has, as a person, an enormous potential. Many of our frustrations come from not making the most of ourselves and getting out of life what is has to give, ready and waiting for us to accept.

Although we come into Al-Anon to deal with a specific problem, we do not always realize that developing ourselves could be the answer, not only to the problem of living with alcoholism, but to others as well.

The solutions rest with me. With the help of my Higher Power, I can adorn my life with comfort, serenity and enjoyment. It does not depend on any other person, and the sooner I accept this fact, the sooner I will be able to face myself realistically.

TODAY’S REMINDER

People can affect me only as I allow them to. I need not be influenced by others, for I am free to consult my own wishes and standards, and decide what is best for me. I find I can realize my own strength and confidence by working faithfully with the /Al-Anon program, and using it in my daily life.

“…the only real answer to frustration is to concern myself with the drawing forth of what is uniquely me. This gives me the impulse and the courage to act constructively on the outside world.” (Robert K. Greenleaf)

MeredithD1

August 16 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

It may be that the harsh words and accusations we use to whip the alcoholic for what he has done, or failed to do, leave no mark once the battle is over. But how can we tell? How can we risk hurting another person who is already so deeply wounded by his own guilt?

Does the voice of God have a chance to be heard over my angry shouting? What is the purpose of letting myself fly apart in reckless tantrums? To punish the drinker? To relieve my pent-up feelings?

TODAY’S REMINDER

I cannot punish anyone without punishing myself. The release of my tensions, even if it seems justified, leaves dregs of bitterness behind. Unless I have deliberately decided that my relationship with my spouse has no further value in my life, I would do well to consider the long-range benefits of quiet acceptance in times of stress.

“How shall you punish those whose remorse is already greater than their misdeeds?” (Kahlil Gibran, THE PROPHET)

MeredithD1

August 17 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We sometimes forget what a painful experience it was to come to our first Al-Anon meeting. Remember the whirling thoughts, the fears, and the uncertainty? Uneasy questions came crowding into our minds: “Is it the right thing to do?” – “What will he say if he finds out?” – “Am I disgracing my family by admitting that husband and father drinks too much?” – “What if somebody tells I was there?”

Then we were reassured to discover that Al-Anon has a protective cloak of anonymity for us. Every member understands that no word of the proceedings must ever go beyond the meeting room, and especially that no names should ever be mentioned.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The newcomer to Al-Anon immediately feels comforted and safe when she learns that she can talk freely without fear of having anything repeated. We owe her this assurance. We are committed to it by our own Traditions, as well as by our personal need for protection against careless gossip.

I will remind myself daily that I must guard against revealing anything concerning Al-Anon or an AA member.

“Tradition Twelve: Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.”

MeredithD1

August 18 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Some of us had a long list of grievances against the alcoholic, especially while the drinking was still active. The worst possible thing we can do is to remember them, dwell on them, and polish up our halos of martyrdom. The very best we can do is to erase them from memory, so that each new day becomes an opportunity to make things better.

It is not my assignment to keep an inventory of my spouse’s faults and misbehaviors. My task is to watch for my own and root them out, so that what I say and do will help to make things better for me and for my family.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Storing up grievances is more than a waste of time; it’s a waste of life that could be lived to greater satisfaction. If I keep a record of oppressions and indignities, I am restoring them to painful reality.

I’ve found they’re surprisingly easy to forget, once I start using the Al-Anon program each day.

“The horror of that moment,” the King said, “I shall never, never forget.” “You will, though,” said the Queen, “if you don’t make a memorandum of it.” Lewis Carroll: THROUGH the LOOKING GLASS

MeredithD1

August 19 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

My attitude toward another – whether drinking or not – can have untold influence on the life of my family. Perhaps, through long drinking years, I acquired the habit of tearing him down, showing my contempt for his actions, indignation at the neglect of obligations. I am responsible for the consequences of such attitudes. Even a little understanding and compassion will show us that our behavior is ego destroying, and the ego of the drinker is already painfully battered by guilt and fear.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I never want to forget that my spouse, with whatever faults he or she may have, is a child of God, and is therefore entitled to my respect and consideration. I will guard against assuming the role of judge and punisher, for I cannot destroy another person without inflicting great damage on myself.

“It is easy, terribly easy, to shake a man’s faith in himself. To take advantage of that to break a man’s spirit, is devil’s work.” – GB Shaw: CANDIDA

MeredithD1

August 31 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

“It’s a nice day,” people say when the weather’s fine. One of the things we learn in Al-Anon is that the kind of a day it is does not depend on the weather, but on our attitudes and reactions to what’s happening.

We can make every day a nice day. Al-Anon’s helpful little leaflet, “Just for Today,” says it this way: “Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, keep my voice low, be courteous. I won’t find fault.” This is bound to brighten the day, for me and everybody I meet!

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will make up my mind to be cheerful every waking moment of this day. I will not expect too much; this will shield me from being annoyed at little things that don’t go just the way I wanted them to. I will try to accomplish something specific, perhaps some chore I have long been putting off. I will wear a pleasant smile for everyone I meet today.

“What a comfortable feeling it gives me to realize that all I have to deal with is just this one day. It makes everything so much easier.”

August 30 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When a family situation becomes really desperate, and we think we just can’t go on another day living in uncertainty, fear, deprivation and general misery, we may decide to take action. That’s good. But what action? So much depends on taking the right course. Let me consider:

Is my present frame of mind, whether of anger, bitterness or confusion, one in which I can make a wise choice? Have I yielded too readily to friendly advice, well meant, but based on only limited knowledge of all the factors?

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I have come to the end of my rope, I have lived in this turmoil for a long time. Let me be patient a little longer while I weigh the alternatives. Will a radical change really work out better for me, for my children and, yes, for my spouse?

Before I make a decision, or take a step, I will redouble my efforts to apply the Al-Anon program. It could bring me to an entirely different, more constructive solution than the drastic ones I was considering.

“Make sure that the medicine you decide on in a rash and desperate moment doesn’t turn out to be worse than the malady.”

August 29 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

How many of my frustrations and disappointments come from expecting too much! It is good to set one ‘s standards high, but only if we are prepared to accept, with unperturbed serenity, results that fall short of what we expect.

We expect more of the alcoholic than a sick, confused human can deliver. Once he is sober, we expect a complete transformation. Above all, we make too great demands on ourselves.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Let me learn to settle for less than I WISH were possible, and be willing to accept it and appreciate it. I will not expect too much of anyone, not even of myself. Contentment comes from accepting gratefully the good that comes to us, and not from raging at life because it is not better. This wholesome attitude is by no means RESIGNATION, but a realistic acceptance.

“What you have may seem small; you desire so much more. See children thrusting their hands into a narrow-necked jar, striving to pull out the sweets. If they fill the hand, they cannot pull it out and then they fall to tears. When they let go a few, they can draw out the rest. You, too, let your desire go; covet not too much…”

August 28 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
There is one meaning to the phrase, “…forgetting myself” that admonishes me not to lose my temper. When someone say something rash or ugly, we say that they are “forgetting themselves,” meaning that they are forgetting their BEST selves in a sudden fit of uncontrolled anger.

Someone at an Al-Anon meeting spoke of this in telling how her mother helped her overcome a fiery temper when she was a little girl.

“Whenever I had a tantrum, my mother would say, very quietly, ‘You’re forgetting yourself, dear; mod-u-late your voice and then it won’t hurt so much.’ That always brought me up short and made me ashamed. Once, I answered, ‘All right, mother, I will remember myself,’ and finally, all she had to say was, ‘Forgetting yourself? Modulate…’ and we’d both laugh.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I remember the kind of person I want to be, I won’t forget myself and yield to an angry surge of temper. I will remember to modulate my voice – quiet always sets the stage for calm.

“Forget not thyself in times of anger…”

August 27 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

An interesting exercise, and one well worth a few moments of reflection, would be to consider the exact meaning of the phrase, “to take offense.”

These words describe an act of willingly taking into ourselves a hurt we feel somebody intended to inflict on us. We take offense. We don’t have to take it. We are free to refuse to be hurt by a spiteful remark or malicious action.

So the whole matter really rests with us. The choice of accepting or rejecting an offense is ours alone.

TODAY’S REMINDER

It may not be easy at first, but if I keep reminding myself that I will not permit myself to be hurt by what anyone says or does, it can bring about an amazing change in my attitude and disposition.

Whenever I feel I am being hurt by someone, I will silently refuse to take offense or take any action to retaliate. What a relief it will be to have such incidents vanish into thin air, leaving not a mark on me! I will not accept offense.

“What can words do to me unless I take them to heart?”

August 26 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Someone at an Al-Anon meeting said, “My wife has been around AA for ten years, and has never made a first anniversary. She almost completes the year, and then something happens that sets her off to drinking again. It may not last more than a few days, but these repeated lapses are so frustrating that I wonder if she’ll ever make it.”

This is a problem Al-Anon is well able to solve. It was pointed out to him that the long periods of sobriety were cause for rejoicing; that he should appreciate the earnest effort this spouse made to stay sober, and not condemn her lapses. And above all, that the problem is not his, but hers, and does not have to affect his life as an individual.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Too often, I take the alcoholic’s struggles unto myself, and feel that I should be able to do something about them. When I find myself slipping into this God-like attitude, I’ll do a little concentrating on the First Step – “admitted we were powerless…”

“Why art thou troubled because things to not succeed with thee according to thy desire? Who is there who hath all things according to his will? Neither I, nor thou, nor any man upon earth.” – Thomas A’Kempis

August 25 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Have I ever accomplished anything good while my emotions were churning with hysteria? Am I aware that reacting on impulse – saying the first thing that pops into my head – defeats my own purposes? I couldn’t lose by stopping to think: Easy Does It. Wouldn’t any crisis shrink to manageable size if I could wait a little while to figure out what is best to do? Unless I’m sure I’m pouring oil on troubled waters, and not on a raging fire, it might be best to do and say nothing until things calm down. Easy Does It.

TODAY’S REMINDER

It may take a bit of self-control to back away from conflict and confusion. But it’s wonderful protection for my peace of mind. Unless I can say or do something to quell the storm, I’ll only be inflicting punishment on myself. And each little battle I win – with myself – makes the next one easier. Take it easy, for Easy Does It. It will all seem much less important tomorrow!

“Quietness is a great ally, my friend. As long as I keep my poise, I will do nothing to make bad matters worse.”

August 24 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Somewhere along the line, in our study of the Al-Anon program, we reach a sharp realization of the growth value of honesty and candor. When this happens, one of the first things we are able to admit is that our behavior, like that of the alcoholic, has been far from sane and reasonable. When we can do this, without shame or embarrassment, we seem to break free of a hampering shell.

This is progress, but let’s not imagine that Al-Anon has done all it can for us. We have reached a plateau; there are still more heights to climb, to reach serenity and a full life.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If ever I come to the complacent conclusion that I don’t need Al-Anon any longer, let me remind myself that it can do far more than to carry me through the anguish of living with the problems of alcoholism.

I know I can make even greater strides in fulfilling myself, for Al-Anon is a philosophy, a way of life; I will never outgrow the need for it.

“Once I have overcome the problems that first brought me into this fellowship, I am confident that my continuing search for spiritual understanding will yield ever richer benefits.”

August 23 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We learn so much in Al-Anon, and in such interesting and unexpected ways. In the midst of a somewhat bantering interchange at a meeting, everyone suddenly laughed at something that was said. “Wait a minute,” one member interrupted. “Everyone around this table is smiling – we’ve all put aside our grief and our grievances. Do we behave in this cheerful way at home, or do we automatically put on our ‘martyr face’? I know I do, and right now I’m going to begin to change that.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

Do I habitually wear my martyr face to remind my spouse what a hard time he’s giving me? Or do I try to lift his spirits, already so depressed by guilt and confusion? Will I try, really try, from now on, to be pleasant and a bit gay, even when things aren’t going my way Am I afraid to let those around me know I do have some reasons to be happy, or do I want everybody to feel sorry for me?

“…that thou art happy, thou owest to God; that thou continues such, thou owest to thyself.”

August 22 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
If a sharp thorn or a splinter pierces my hand, what do I do? I remove it as quickly as I can. Surely I wouldn’t leave it there, hurting me, until it festered and sent its infection throughout my body.

Yet what do I do with the thorns of resentment and hatred when they pierce my thoughts? Do I leave them there and watch them grow, while I suffer increasingly from the pain?

True, resentment and hatred are more difficult to pull out of our thoughts than the physical thorn from a finger, but so much depends upon it that I will do my best to eliminate them, before their poison can spread.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I really do not want to be hurt, and if I am sure that self-pity isn’t giving me a certain secret satisfaction, I will take all the steps necessary to free my mind from painful thoughts and emotions. The best way to do this is not by grimly exerting will power, but by replacing those hurting ideas with thoughts of love and gratitude.

“Thou has not half the power to do me harm, as I have to be hurt.” – William Shakespeare: OTHELLO

August 21 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
If I believe that it is hopeless to expect any improvement in my life, I am doubting the power of God. If I believe I have reason for despair, I am confessing personal failure, for I DO have the power to change myself, and nothing can prevent it but my own unwillingness.

Never let me imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else may do. This is a thinking error I can get rid of in Al-Anon. I can learn to avail myself of the immense, inexhaustible power of God, if I am willing to be continually conscious of God’s nearness.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I am not at the mercy of a cruel or capricious fate, for I have the power to determine what my life will be. I am not alone. I have the confidence and faith of all Al-Anon to support my efforts, as it is expressed by the loving concern and help of the friends in my group. I am not alone because God is with me whenever I make myself aware of Him.

“To be without hope is to deny the wonderful possibilities of the future.”

August 20 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

A member whose husband had recently joined AA was recounting her current experiences: “He doesn’t go to enough meetings to keep him sober. I noticed that the level of Scotch was a little below the mark I had made on the bottle. He doesn’t want me to go to AA meetings with him, but I go anyway; I have to see how this AA works.”

Another member answers, “You’re treating him like a baby in a playpen, watching him perform, deciding what he ought to be doing. Who put you in charge of your husband? Why do you think you know what’s right for him? Accept the fact that he’s trying, and let him find his sobriety in his own way.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

“It’s sometimes a shock to have our thinking errors pointed out to us, but I must always remember that in Al-Anon, the motive is loving and helpful.

If I’m on the wrong track, I want to know it so I can correct my faulty attitude. Others can often see our problems more clearly than we can, and form that, we get our best help.

“Teach me to think straight, and not to take offense at criticism which is meant as loving guidance.”

Anaya

All of the above are very helpful, and I'm encouraged to keep working on me.

Thanks!

MeredithD1

SEPTEMBER ODAT'S (1st is at the bottom, 30th is at the top_)

September 30 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Once there was a man whose beloved wife was transformed from the charming girl he had married into a sodden drunkard. She suffered from a disease called alcoholism, although neither of them knew it.

He was always angry and frustrated because he couldn’t make her stop drinking. The more he tried, the worse she felt about it, and the more she drank. She was full of guilt and self-reproach because she left everything to him. He had to get the children ready for school, do the shopping, cook meals and clean house.

Then one day somebody told him about Al-Anon. Although he knew his case was hopeless, he thought he’d try it anyway. As he read, and asked questions and listened at meetings, he found he could get some perspective on his problems, When he learned his wife had a disease, compulsive drinking, he stopped blaming himself for not being able to control her. He realized the children resented him because he was often cross and unreasonable, and that they loved mama because she never scolded and they knew instinctively she was sick. He began to consider his own needs, for rest, quiet and a bit of recreation, and arranged to have a housekeeper take over the home chores. He made many changes, but, especially in his attitude toward the alcoholic.

After a spell of rebellion and resistance, she saw that she would have to get help..

One day, she asked him to take her to an AA meeting.

September 29 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
One reason we go to Al-Anon is to learn about alcoholism, We learn that it is an illness which could end in physical, mental and spiritual bankruptcy. We also learn that there is no known cure, but that sobriety is possible through the healing help of AA – when the alcoholic is ready. We learn that our own reactions to the alcoholic situation have not been reasonable; appraisal of ourselves will open the way to improvement and start us on the upward climb to sanity and serenity. Reading Al-Anon literature and exchanging experiences and ideas with our Al-Anon friends will give us strong support in this effort.

TODAY’S REMINDER

To live the Al-Anon way can lead to such contentment as we have never before experienced. To those of us who earnestly use the program, it offers the richest of benefits. It is a learning process that works best for those who approach it with willingness and humility.

“I ask God to make me willing to learn how to live more fully, through the light which I can find in Al-Anon.”

September 28 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Someone suggested we add another slogan to those we use in Al-Anon: Listen and Learn. My first reaction was, “No! Not everybody at an Al-Anon meeting says something that is helpful. What about those who advise, ‘Throw the bum out!’ Doesn’t that negate everything we’re supposed to hear in Al-Anon?” But wait! What I learn from the negative comments can be useful in opening my mind to my own wrong thinking. When someone gives advice, I can say to myself, “But we’re not supposed to advise in Al-Anon.” If someone expresses hostility and resentment for what the alcoholic does, it can teach me to avoid those very things in myself.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Listen and Learn is sound doctrine, if we use it well. We don’t make significant progress in our thinking if we’re only listening to ourselves talk.

“It is the disease of not listening…that I am troubled with.” – William Shakespeare

“I pray that I may learn from listening – whether or not I agree with what I hear.”

September 27 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
An early Al-Anon member once said:

“I tried to manage my husband’s life, although not even able to manage my own. I wanted to get inside his brain and turn the screws in what I thought was the right direction. It took me a long time to realize that this was not my job. I just wasn't equipped for it. None of us are. So I began to turn the screws in my own head in the right direction. This has taught me a little more about managing my own life.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

If my life has become unmanageable, how can I get control of it? Am I being forced into doing things I don’t want to do, like losing my temper, contriving, conniving and scheming to make things work out the way I want them? Am I now the kind of person I really want to be? An honest effort to manage my own life will open many doors to me that my distorted thinking had kept closed.

“If thou canst not make thyself such a one as thou wouldst, how canst thou expect to have another according to thy liking?” – Thomas A’Kempis

September 26 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Today let’s review some of the sayings of an Al-Anon founder:

“Smugness is the very worst sin of all, I believe. It is difficult for a shaft of light to pierce the armor of self-righteousness.”

“Many of the things I thought I did unselfishly turned out to be pure rationalizations to get my own way about something. This disclosure doubled my urge to live by the Twelve Steps as thoroughly as I could.”

“In the early days I was deeply hurt that someone else had brought my husband to sobriety, when I could not. Now I have learned that a wife can rarely, if ever, do this job. I found no peace of mind until I recognized this fact.”

“The word ‘humbly’ was one I never understood. It used to seem servile. Today it means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

“It is easy to fool oneself about motives, and admitting it is hard, but very beneficial.”

“Bargaining with God and asking Him to grant my wishes is not the highest form of prayer. It is very different from praying only for knowledge of God’s will for me…”

September 25 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Even when I find myself growing in understanding of Al-Anon, and can see tangible results from my new attitudes, I might question such a statement as this:

“Al-Anon is a way to personal freedom.”

Enmeshed in a difficult family situation, we doubt we can ever be free from all this woe and care. When we think how closely our lives are intertwined with others, we’re sure that personal freedom is impossible.

The key word is personal. We can free ourselves from many involvements that seem necessary. In Al-Anon we can learn to develop our own personalities, to reinforce our personal freedom by leaving others free to control their actions and destinies.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Personal freedom is mine for the taking. No matter how close are the ties of love and concern that bind me to my family and friends, I must always remember that I am an individual, free to be myself and live my own life in serenity and joy.

“When I know I am free within myself, I will be better able to give loving thought to others.”

September 24 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

After we have been trying to use the Al-Anon program for a while, one thing becomes clear: we can get unlimited benefits from changing our way of thinking. No realistic, reasonable person would consider this an easy task; indeed, there is nothing more difficult in life!

Suppose, just suppose, we were resolved to follow this one idea, expressed by one of AA’s founders in an informal talk:

“Let’s stop throwing blame around.” This one idea could be explored, meditated on, acted upon, from now until the end of our days. What would happen if we stopped blaming anyone for anything? We would experience miracles of tolerance and grace – rich spiritual rewards, reflected in a life of real fulfillment.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will try not to blame the alcoholic. How can I know what he is going through in his struggle with the bottle, the ever-present escape? What can I know of his strivings to improve after he is sober? I will not blame him. I will not blame anybody. I will not blame myself.

“Who is to blame? Whom have I the right to blame? Let me concentrate on keeping my own conduct from being at fault; more I cannot do.”

September 23 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

One of our delusions is that we, as spouses of alcoholics, are “running the show.” This form of self-deception can only increase our frustrations. It makes the home a battleground in which the alcoholic has the best chance of winning every encounter. We are often outwitted by the alcoholic’s lightning changes of mood, his promises, challenges and other maneuvers. This is the best reason for detaching our minds and our emotions from the minute-by-minute conflict and seeking a peaceful, orderly way of life within ourselves. If we stop fighting out every incident that happens, absence of an active adversary is bound to bring about wholesome changes in the home environment and everyone in it.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will not try to outwit our outmaneuver anyone else, but will proceed quietly to live my life so I will have less reason for self-reproach. I will withdraw my mind from what others do, and think of what I am doing. I will not react to challenging words and actions.

“When you are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”


September 22 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
When I concentrate on little things that annoy me, and they sprout resentments that grow bigger and bigger, I seem to forget how I could be “stretching” my world and broadening my perspective. That’s the way to shrink troubles down to their real size.

Worrying about trifles saps my spiritual energy which I could certainly put to better use. I am I willing to waste my life in this way?

When something or somebody is giving me trouble, let me see the incident in relation to the rest of my life, especially the part that is good, and for which I should be grateful. A wider view of my circumstances will make me better able to deal with all difficulties, big and little.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I refuse to let my serenity be drowned out by happenings that are in themselves unimportant. I will not be made uneasy by what others do, whether they intend to hurt me or not. I will not clutter up my thoughts with resentment; it would not profit me but, worse it would hurt me.

“Why do we accept things that trouble us, when we could do something about them?”

September 21 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Until I understand the inner meaning of the Twelve Steps, my natural impulse is to resist admitting that they apply to me.

I don’t want to believe I am powerless over alcohol or that I have allowed my life to become unmanageable. Yet I know I must accept the First Step before I can make progress.

Although most of us do acknowledge a Power greater than ourselves, we are shocked at first by the idea that we need to be “restored to sanity,” as the Second Step suggests. Yet an honest appraisal of many of my reactions shows me I have too often resorted to futile and childish tricks to achieve what I wanted. With my thoughts distorted by fear, despair and resentment, and my nerves overwrought, I could not think clearly nor make wise decisions.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Each of the Twelve Steps challenges me to be absolutely honest with myself. They will make me ready to accept the help of my Higher Power in restoring myself to the wholesome sanity of a mature, reasonable adult.

“The Twelve Steps will point a way to God and His infinite wisdom, by which I hope always to be guided.”

September 20 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
If irrational and irresponsible behavior on the part of the alcoholic has betrayed us into assuming an attitude of contempt for him, some serious examination of ourselves is in order.

They are not “bad boys,” who must be directed, disciplined or punished by us. They are sick, confused and guilt-ridden human beings with badly battered egos.

God has given no one the right to humiliate another. In every one of His children there are qualities that should command our respect, and to withhold it is a wrong that will return to wound us.

TODAY’S REMINDER

It is vital to my serenity to separate, in my mind, the sickness of alcoholism from the person who suffers from it. I will dignify him with the respect which is everyone’s due. This, in turn, will give him back the self-esteem that is an important element in wanting sobriety.

“The surest plan to make a Man is: Think Him So.” – (James R. Lowell)


September 19 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

An Al-Anon member with a particularly serious problem was told by another at a meeting: “I just wouldn’t put up with it!”

The answer came: “I am not, as you say, putting up with it. I am trying to correct my own faults, keep my mouth shut when I am tempted to yell and scream at him, and keep hands off his problems. You see, I never want to forget that I have a commitment to my husband. I want to live up to that commitment which I made, willingly and solemnly, when I married him.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

Any marriage made in expectation of lifelong bliss and freedom from care is bound to bring us to some shocking realizations that life just isn’t like that. An adult point of vie recognizes that alcoholism and its train of troubles is only one of the disasters that can happen to a marriage. We would face others with courage; why not this? The commitment to the person we married demands that we do everything we can to correct our problems. What to do, we learn in Al-Anon. How we use it is up to us.

“…in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…”

September 18 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Most of us, when we first come into Al-Anon, have but one idea: Sobriety for the alcoholic. We learn at once that this is not Al-Anon’s purpose. We have ourselves to change and, by great good fortune, the changes we make can so improve the environment we live in that the alcoholic will seek sobriety.

We may think all our problems have been solved when the alcoholic is safely in AA, so we feel we can rest on our oars. Meetings and telephone talks with our Al-Anon friends don’t seem so necessary. This is due to forgetting two basic truths:

TODAY’S REMINDER

1. Emotional disturbance is one cause of alcoholism. This condition can improve as the alcoholic practices the spiritual elements of the AA program. The adjustment period may be long – and trying t o our patience unless we have Al-Anon to help us grow, too.

2. What we have learned in Al-Anon, and all the help we have received, must be passed along to troubled newcomers in the fellowship we embraced when we were in trouble.

“If I believe that life will be rich and rewarding only as I live it with spiritual guidelines, I know I will always need Al-Anon.”

September 17 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
We often hear it said in Al-Anon that the Twelve Steps are a way of life, not only in coping with the problems of alcoholism, but in everything else. We have only to replace the word “alcohol” with the name of the problem that confronts us.

The beginning of Step One, for example, says” “Admitted we were powerless over alcohol…” That admission can apply to many other difficulties we feel we should be able to control, but are not.

I do have a power, a God-given one, and that is power over my own mind, emotions and reactions. If I exercise that power wisely, the problems outside of me will work out without my interference.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Before Al-Anon, I did everything I could think of to manage the life of my spouse. Yet I was demonstrating every day that I could not even manage my own! I felt I was being forced into doing and being what I did not want to do and be. In Al-Anon, I discovered how to be myself.

“If I try to govern another person’s life, I will fail. When I can fix my thoughts on improving my own, I can count on the help of my Higher Power.”

September 16 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

A member speaks in a meeting: “I keep trying to get my point across to him but nothing I say seems to penetrate.”

Another member answers, “Perhaps when we can’t get our views across to the alcoholic, or anyone else, it is time to consider whether the point we are trying to make is really valid. Could it be that it isn’t right or reasonable or that our determination to ‘get the point across’ is being used at the wrong time? Are we making allowances for the other person’s right to a different point of view?”

TODAY’S REMINDER

Right and wrong are not always black and white. Before I take a positive stand, it would be wise first to make sure that it is reasonable, and then that I have taken into account all possible reasons against my “right” point of view. An open mind is a handy thing to have when once I become willing to Live and Let Live.

“Let me not force my own certainties on others. I could be wrong. A generous tolerance can smooth out many rough places in my day-to-day living.”

September 15 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
A good way to “get out from under” some of our daily problems is to stop reacting to everything that occurs. Some of us have a constant drive to do something about everything that happens, everything that someone says to us.

There is a time to act, of course. But the action should be based on careful thinking out of the factors. It should not be triggered by every wind that blows. When something displeases us, it isn’t a threat to our lives, our safety, or anything important. If we keep it in perspective, it will help us to let go.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will try to overcome my tendency to react to what people say or do. I can’t know why they do it, because I cannot understand their inner unhappiness and compulsions, any more than they can understand mine. When I react, I put the control of my peace of mind in the hands of others. My serenity is under my control, and I will not relinquish it for trivial occurrences.

“I pray for the tolerance and the wisdom to avoid reacting to what other people say and do.”


September 14 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
We hear it over and over again, in both AA and Al-Anon: this program is Spiritual, not Religious. Each of us must find our own way to Heaven and the Al-Anon teachings reinforce our faith in the way we choose to worship, whatever it may be. If our dedicated practice of Al-Anon helps us make a Heaven on earth, no religious faith would quarrel with this happy outcome.

Yet sometimes a member, devoted to a particular religion, may try to win others over to her faith, virtuously convinced that she is only trying to help. This can lead to confusion and many difficulties, and may indeed result in creating a rift in a marriage whose foundation is a common faith.

TODAY’S REMINDER

It is emphasized in our Traditions and in much of our literature that a) we are not affiliated with any other organization, and b) that the tenets of any faith can be applied with the Al-Anon program.

“I pray for the wisdom not to involve myself with the personal lives and beliefs of others, and to help them only by means of Al-Anon principles.”

September 13 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Once upon a time, there was a married couple who lived in a beautiful house, and had lots of the material things that many of us think are important to contentment. They were not contented, however. What with one little misunderstanding and another, the situation grew worse. Nobody would give way an inch in their bitter arguments, until at last, their love turned to hate. Finally the wife insisted that the inside of the house be divided by a brick wall, behind which each could live in his and her own quarters. Each went his own way, and they never spoke to each other again as long as they lived They had many wretched years in their isolation.

* * *

Am I unknowingly building a wall between myself and the person I married? Is it being made of stubbornness, self-will, self-righteousness and a desire to punish? Such a wall can be as hard and unyielding as though it were made of real bricks. It would leave me no space in which to grow. As one member put it:

“God grant me the wisdom to recognize the faults I am building into a wall, such a wall as cannot be penetrated even by love.”

September 12 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When an Al-Anon member undertakes to give advice, it is important to remember that it should be limited to helping the other person in terms of spiritual growth. There is danger in going beyond this and advising action to be taken. None of us have the right to do this.

Sometimes a frustrated neurotic gives advice that stirs up hostility between a man and wife. She may make the situation much worse by justifying the wife’s resentment. Promoting such resentments can have serious consequences. So, too, can urging her to “stand up for her rights” or “not to allow this or that.” She is getting unconscious satisfaction from managing other people’s lives, while she imagines her intentions are only good.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Heaven protect me from my good friends who, with only the best intentions, keep the wounds of my resentment open, weaken me by their pity, and justify my complaints. In the name of doing good, they can hamper my restoring a tolerant and loving relationship with my family.

“We must not be easy in giving credit to every word and suggestion, but carefully and leisurely weigh the matter according to God.” – (Thomas A’Kempis)

September 11 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Occasionally, an Al-Anon meeting dredges up grievances and reports of domestic hostility. The chairman of one such meeting, having also told about “family fights” of her own, jolted the group with this final comment:

I’ve often wondered, when I start a battle with my husband, how I’d feel if somebody were making a tape recording of what I was saying and the tone of voice I was using to say it. I’d be screeching and shouting like a fish wife; I’d bring up all my weapons of sarcasm like a fish wife; I’d bring up all my weapons of sarcasm and lash out. And by the way, the word “sarcasm” comes from a Greek word, meaning, “to tear flesh.”

Wouldn’t I feel pretty cheap if I could hear myself being played back? Wouldn’t it give me some idea of my part in the family troubles?

“Please, please, let’s listen to ourselves and see if it doesn’t help us to cool off.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will, from now on, take note of how disagreements start in my home. If I am the instigator, this is the first thing I will try to correct in myself. If I am challenged by an angry person, I will respond quietly or not at all.

“A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.” – Proverbs

September 10 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Again I ask myself the same question as yesterday’s; “What am I doing with what I have?” This query can be applied in many ways. Take, for instance, the faculty of being able to remember. If I have been given the gift of a good, clear memory, how do I use it?

It isn’t likely that God conferred this gift on me for the purpose of dredging up old wrongs, injured feelings, futile regrets and personal sufferings. That would clearly be a misuse of His gift, when everyone has so many pleasant and satisfying things to remember.

TODAY’S REMINDER

What am I doing with this precious ability to recall what happened in the past? If I use it to remember enjoyments and interesting experiences, it will give me a saving perspective on the problems I am encountering in the here and now. I can also use the gift of memory for storing up today’s blessings to tide me over future woes.

“Let not thy thoughts dwell upon the days of thy sorrows, but rather on those which brought thee brightness and peace.”

September 9 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
Here’s an eye-opening, mind-opening question to ask myself: What am I doing with what I’ve got? Instead of crying over what I don’t have, and wishing my life were different, what am I doing with what I’ve got?

Am I so sure I’m doing everything possible to make my life a success? Am I using my capabilities well? Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for?

Actually I am the possessor of unlimited resources. The more I do with them, the more they will grow, to overshadow and cancel out the difficult and painful aspects that now get so much of my attention.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Isn’t my life full of potential good that I’m not using? Couldn’t I bring it to fruition by changing my attitude? As a beginning, I will apply liberal amounts of gratitude for even my littlest advantages and pleasures. When I build on this precious foundation of present, tangible good, things will continue to change for the better.

“God make me grateful for all the good things that I have been taking for granted.”

September 8 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
We who have chosen our life partners from the ranks of alcoholics often feel our lives are especially difficult and complicated. And they often are. We come to believe, quite mistakenly, that we’re the only people in the world with real trouble! Let us recognize that the alcoholic – insecure, lonely, and often too sensitive to life’s realities – usually has many endearing qualities to be grateful for. Indeed, many of us wouldn’t want to exchange him for a less interesting, if more dependable, partner.

Yet matters may have reached the point of desperation and we are completely hopeless. What to do?

TODAY’S REMINDER

In Al-Anon, I discover, in myself, the power to throw new light on a seemingly hopeless situation. I learn I must use this power, not to change the alcoholic over whom I am powerless, but to overcome my own distorted ideas and attitudes. If I can bring sunshine into our home, it cannot fail to affect those in it.

“Help me to use the gifts You have given me. I want to use them to help others through making my own world better and brighter.”

September 7 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
We do not come to Al-Anon – or should not – to look for pity. We should not expect the other members to assure us that our resentments are justified or that we ought to take aggressive action. Indeed, we learn to resist aggression from others by maintaining our dignity and poise. In short, what the Al-Anon program does for us, through its members, is to help us change the way we look at our family problems.

If I complain about something “he” did, somebody may point out that I seem too determined. (I will not even take it amiss if the word is “stubborn”!) When I reveal that I am checking up on his activities, I may be told that my interference won’t help matters, but will keep me from growing.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Al-Anon meetings and friendships can be inspiring, interesting, enlightening, and even fun. But they are also dedicated to the serious business of making me into a confident, spiritually oriented adult human being. If that is what I want, I will listen with an open mind, accept suggestions and put to good use what I learn.

“I pray to let nothing stand in the way of my being receptive to what Al-Anon has to offer.”

September 6 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Have I been trying to live the Al-Anon program? Then I must surely be learning to overcome any tendency to control others – the directing, scheming and manipulating that can only result in my own defeat.

I will not interfere with the activities of the alcoholic or watch over him, counsel him, or assume his responsibilities. He must have the same freedom to make his own decision as I have, since he must suffer for them if they are wrong.

Perhaps I have felt I had a right and an obligation to set the standards for the family and compel those around me to live up to them. In Al-Anon we learn a better way.

Here is a vivid picture, from the great novelist Tolstoy, which makes the situation clear:

TODAY’S REMINDER

“I sit on a man’s back, choking him and making him carry me, and yet assure myself and others that I am very sorry for him and wish to ease his lot by all possible means – EXCEPT by getting off his back.”

“Teach me to leave, to others, their inborn right to dignity and independence, as I wish to have them leave mine to me.”

September 5 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
So much of what there is to learn in Al-Anon has to do with discovering myself – the real person I am. One Greek philosopher said simply, “Know thyself: - another: “We would have inward peace, but will not look within.”

Complete self-knowledge is impossible, but the “looking within” will open our eyes to many possible improvements. It is difficult because we’re afraid we won’t like what we see, and we may have misgivings about being able to change ourselves. Yet what we may find when we look within may be quite a surprise package – all those many good qualities tucked away under heavy layers of guilt.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Our greatest handicap is self-deception. We cannot recognize in ourselves the faults we criticize in others.

If I could only foresee what an inspiring experience it is to search out the real me, I would not hesitate. The first step, after all, is to be completely honest in our search.

“If I knew what I was really like, chances are I’d like myself much better than I do.”

September 4 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Some of us, after long enduring misfortunes we didn’t know how to cope with, reached a breaking point. In our hopelessness we even felt rejected by God, so we never thought of turning to Him for help.

A wonderful thing about Al-Anon is that we are encouraged to renew our faith in a power greater than ourselves. We may have thought we were beaten, but we had merely forgotten that God has given us the strength and the means to hold up our heads and live. We learn once more to identify ourselves with the Divine Principle that rules us all.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The sure knowledge that God is always with me, and expresses Himself through me, will guide me in every difficulty. This is the source of confidence and strength that will help me to face life in an entirely new way. His help will make possible a wholesome detachment from the problems that do not belong to me.

“Let me add a spiritual dimension to my life; then I will never be alone in dealing with whatever troubles may appear.”

September 3 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

What’s the Big Idea in Al-Anon? What’s behind these assurances that I do have the power to improve the shape and texture of my life?

It is this: Look to yourself. What am I doing that creates difficulties for me, or aggravates the ones I have? Could it be that I’m trying to fix everything by finding fault with somebody else? In Al-Anon, I am encouraged to examine my impulses, motives, actions and words. This helps me to correct the causes of my own unease and not blame it on others.

TODAY’S REMINDER

At first, the idea that we might be at fault isn’t easy to accept. We find it hard to believe that our behavior isn’t all it should be.

Once I overcome the habit of justifying everything I do, and make use of such tools as courtesy, tenderness and a warm interest in others, miracles will happen This I know because I have seen them happen to others who tried the Al-Anon way.

“If you cannot make yourself what you would like to be, how can you expect to have another person exactly to your wishes? We want to see others perfect, yet our own faults go unattended.”

September 2 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
The time has come for me to realize that my attitude, toward the life I am living and the people in it, can have a tangible, measurable effect on what happens to me day by day. If I am expectant of good, it will surely come to me. Even the grace of courtesy gives rich immediate rewards in warm response. Awareness of others – a tolerant uncritical awareness, will gradually change my personality for the better.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I try each day to put my point of view and my attitudes on a sound spiritual basis, I know it will change all the circumstances of my life for the better, too. I will see the results in the way other people respond to me and in the way my daily needs are met.

Concern, love and kindness on my part will be reflected in everything that takes place in my life.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew)

September 1 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
When our problems enclose us and saturate our thoughts, we find ourselves in an isolation that gives us an acute sense of loneliness. We may confide in friends, but underneath we feel nobody understands what we are going through.

Dwelling on our troubles only shuts out a world that is waiting to be enjoyed. Nothing has real power to deprive us of the delights to be found in many daily experiences – even a routine household task, well done. For those of us who are fortunate enough to have young lives in our care, we can forget out troubles in devoting loving attention to them and their development. Observing our children is like reading a fascinating and often amusing book!

TODAY’S REMINDER

I may have big troubles but I can, if I will, make them less painful by turning my thoughts to happier things. I will not isolate myself in my problems. I will observe and enjoy what is good and pleasant in the world around me.

“Let me not deprive myself of the many little joys that are mine for the taking.”

crazybabie

September 1 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:
When our problems enclose us and saturate our thoughts, we find ourselves in an isolation that gives us an acute sense of loneliness. We may confide in friends, but underneath we feel nobody understands what we are going through.

Dwelling on our troubles only shuts out a world that is waiting to be enjoyed. Nothing has real power to deprive us of the delights to be found in many daily experiences – even a routine household task, well done. For those of us who are fortunate enough to have young lives in our care, we can forget out troubles in devoting loving attention to them and their development. Observing our children is like reading a fascinating and often amusing book!

TODAY’S REMINDER

I may have big troubles but I can, if I will, make them less painful by turning my thoughts to happier things. I will not isolate myself in my problems. I will observe and enjoy what is good and pleasant in the world around me.

“Let me not deprive myself of the many little joys that are mine for the taking.”

I really needed that today thanks

MeredithD1

OCTOBER ODAT
31st at top 1st at bottom
Also the first post in this topic starts on October 7

October 31 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Al-Anon is not an organization; it has no managers or bosses. It is a fellowship of equals, held together in close union by something called “obedience to the unenforceable.” This means that every group conducts Al-Anon’s work according to the spiritual principles stated in our Traditions, which they accept and follow of their own free will, without being directed or compelled by anyone.

“But,” someone may say, “…the Fourth Tradition says each group should be autonomous. Doesn’t that mean we can run our meetings any way we want to, use any kind of literature, and generally run things to suit ourselves?”

The answer is that the autonomy granted by the Fourth Tradition is limited to what is good for the fellowship as a whole. If a group departs from the ideas and procedures that make for the greatest good for the greatest number of Al-Anon members, it takes on its shoulders the responsibility for damaging the fellowship to which all of us look for help.

When a group faces questions or problems, the answers will be found in our Twelve Traditions. That is why it is so important for all of us to know them. The health and unity of all Al-Anon depends on the cooperation of all groups.

“Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-0Anon or AA as a whole.” Tradition Four

October 30 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We get so used to hearing Al-Anon described as a fellowship that we sometimes forget the significance to each of us personally of that word. The Oxford English Dictionary sais that it is “Participation, community of interest, sentiment and nature; the spirit of comradeship…especially spiritual, etc.” In a fellowship, we give of ourselves and the more we give, the more we get.

If I go out of my way to help a fellow member in trouble, and try to help him or her understand a problem and deal with it spiritually, I am actually getting more than I give, for I learn more from examining my own ideas and clarifying them. Many a solution to a difficulty of my own has come to me while I was helping someone else.

TODAY’s REMINDER

The good that I get from the spiritual teachings of Al-Anon will work most fully for me as I use opportunities to give it away to someone else. In this fellowship, I am but a channel for God’s loving help.

“Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself?” - Romans

October 29 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We make a great many decisions; small, day-to-day ones that are mere choices, all the way up to big resolutions to make important changes in our lives.

Little or big, they are better when we use whatever forethought the situation require. If they are concerned with other people, it is well to include such ingredient as love, generosity, tolerance and just plain kindness. Then we will make decisions we can live with comfortably.

If the resolution we’re about to make is highly charged with anger, resentment or bitterness, it would be wise to hold back until the hysteria has subsided and we have taken time to consider all the factors calmly.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will remember that a decision I make in a time of crisis might not be the one I would make when the crisis is past. I will not rashly take a step which I may afterward regret.

“All our resolves and decisions are made in a mood or frame of mind which is certain to change.” - Proust

October 28 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

There are times when the “poor me” mood is upon us; we’re overwhelmed by all the troubles we have to face. This is especially likely to happen when we have begun to try to change our thinking about ourselves and our relation to others. We may, at first, become too analytical and try to solve too much at once.

For this frame of mind there is an almost infallible prescription: to empty our minds of all thoughts but one: today and how to use it.

TODAY’S REMINDER

This day is mine. It is unique. Nobody in the world has one exactly like it. It holds the sum of all my past experience and all my future potential. It belongs to me to do with whatever I like. I can fill it with joyous moments or ruin it with fruitless worry. If painful recollections of the past come into my mind, or frightening thoughts of the future, I will put them away. They cannot spoil today for me.

“Today is my special gift from God. How will I use it? The less I let others affect it, the more serene and satisfying it will be for me.”

October 27 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When we try to absorb too much too quickly in Al-Anon, we may be discouraged and fail to continue with the program. But let us consider that philosophers throughout the ages spent their whole lives in contemplating such truths and, since our busy lives leave us little time for meditation and study, we would be wise to take it slowly, concentrating on one idea at a time.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will select a single thought from one of the Twelve Steps, or a phrase from my Al-Anon reading, and try to apply it ach day. This will give me a little nugget of security on which I can add other concepts as I need them. In this process, we find an important application of our slogan Easy Does It.

I will not try to grasp the whole program at once, lest I become distracted and confused. I will remind myself that the only vital thing is to apply what I have learned – to make it work for me in all the happenings of my daily life.

“If I learn nothing more in Al-Anon than to keep hands off what is not truly my business, this alone will lighten and brighten my life.”

October 26 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Step One of the Twelve Steps, “…admitted we were powerless,” is often thought to be the most difficult of all. For some of us, though, the Second Step is just as hard because it suggests we admit that our own behavior hasn’t always been entirely sane. Here’s an example:

A fairly usual habit that is irrational and self-defeating is to make big troubles out of little ones. We don’t do this because we haven’t enough of the big ones – oh no! It’s because we’re so weighed down by it all that everything looks black, and we fail to distinguish between what’s crucial and important, and what things we could afford to ignore and forget.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Every time something happens to frustrate or annoy me, I’ll stand off and ask myself: “Is this a mountain or a molehill?” I just won’t waste time and nervous energy on unimportant things; I’ll save them so I can cope with the big ones!

“Some folks worry and putter,
Push and shove,
Hunting little molehills
To make big mountains of.”

October 25 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

People often marvel when they see the Al-Anon program bring about changes in the lives of those who practice it. This is its secret: that it is built on the fundamental ethical philosophy which has been known throughout the ages. It is stated in such widely different books as the Bible and the fables of Aesop.

To deal gently with our fellowman is suggested in Galatians: “The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, gentleness…”

The same thought appears in the fable of the wind and the sun, who challenged one another as to which could first remove the cloak of a passing traveler. As the wind blew hard and cold, the man wrapped the cloak tightly around him; then, the sun shone, and its warmth made the man take off his cloak.

TODAY’S REMINDER

In Al-Anon, this same thought is repeated in many ways that point out that we can do nothing by force or compulsion. I will remind myself not to be too determined in my judgment and actions.

“Kindness is the mightiest force in the world.”

October 24 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

One evening at a meeting, there seemed to be an unusual number of complaints from members about not having what they felt entitled to, or about the alcoholics’ behaviors and generally about their sorry lot in life.

One, a forthright person, spoke up.

“You know, all this sounds as though some of us were childishly expecting life to be entirely free of problems. I recall a long-ago radio comedienne whose favorite line went something like this, ‘Well, you have to take the bitter with the better.’ That’s pretty good Al-Anon philosophy, too, because it tells us we have to accept some unpalatable experiences along the way, never forgetting, at the same time, to keep an eye on the good things.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

Am I expecting everything in life to be just the way I want it? Maybe I ought to take a good look at those expectations and see if they are realistic for my particular situation. If I’m constantly reaching for the moon, I’m going to miss a lot of pleasant things right here in my little world.

“The Serenity Prayer is excellent medicine for discontentment.”

October 23 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Sometimes, it is good to examine a commonplace familiar phrase, meditate on it, take it apart and explore its inner meaning.

We hear someone say, “He is standing in his own light.” How clearly the picture emerges of our shadowing our own happiness by mistaken thinking .Let us stand aside so the light can shine on us and on all we do, so we can see ourselves and our circumstances with true clarity.

If we have Al-Anon, there is no need to stand in our own light and try to solve our problems in darkness. The ways and means that Al-Anon offers have lighted the way for so many thousands of despairing people that no one can question their power.

TODAY’S REMINDER

When I am faced with a problem that seems impossible to solve, when I feel trapped in a situation and can see no way out, let me ask myself whether I am standing in my own light. I must find the vantage point where I can most clearly see my difficulty as it is; then, answers will come.

“…and the light shall shine in the dark places and make all clear as day.”

October 22 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Once I am immersed in the Al-Anon program in my search for peace of mind, I feel I am committed to the effort to understand my own drives and motives, and to correct those, which are hampering me.

The search for self-understanding is a difficult, if not impossible, thing to achieve fully. But we can learn a lot about ourselves if we have the courage to face our real motives, without deceiving ourselves with evasions. We can, if we don’t allow uneasy guilt feelings to obscure our good qualities, which we must recognize and build upon.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Taking my own inventory does not mean concentrating on my shortcomings until all the good is hidden from view. Recognizing the good is not an act of pride or conceit, as I may have feared. If I recognize my good qualities as God-given, I can do it with true humility while experiencing joyous satisfaction in what is pleasant, loving and generous in me.

“I am larger, better than I thought, I did not know I held so much goodness.” – Walt Whitman

October 21 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

One suggestion we hear in Al-Anon is: Don’t take anyone’s inventory but your own. This may surprise us if we feel, as many of us have, that all our misery is caused by the actions of the alcoholic. We are eager to justify ourselves, explaining what he or she did that was so shocking, so inexcusable! Then how, we ask, could anyone think we were at fault?

Gradually, we come to understand that we could have done many things more wisely. Perhaps we have criticized actions that we need not have taken to heart. We brought many troubles on ourselves, we find, by interfering. Finally, we see that we have much inventorying of our own to do.

TODAY’S REMINDER

Do I habitually criticize others? I will learn to Live and Let Live.

Am I fearful, picturing with dread what the future will bring? I will Let Go and Let God, and live only for this one day.

Do I aggravate family problems with temper tantrums and uncontrolled words and actions? I will remind myself to Think. Am I constantly in a state of flustered confusion? I will put First Things First.

“I find the slogans a great help in taking a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.”

October 20 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Our slogans are so clear and simple, yet they may still mean different things to different people. We naturally color them somewhat according to our own experience and reaction to the words and ideas.

For example, the slogan “Let Go and Let God” may suggest to some people that all we have to do is sidestep the challenges that confront us and somehow, by a kind of spiritual magic, God will do all the work.

There was a purpose in His giving His children free will, intelligence and good sense; we can fulfill ourselves only by using these gifts in dealing with the daily problems that arise.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I may be ready to submit to God’s guidance; I may humbly ask for it; but along with being willing, I must cooperate by doing my part. If I am truly receptive, he will make His will known to me step by step, each day; but I must carry it out.

“Surrender to God’s will does not give us a passport to inertia. Each of us must try to carry out God’s will, which He transmits to us in ways we recognize only after we have made ourselves willing and aware.”

October 19 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

In the great Spanish classic, Don Quixote, the author tells about a bemused hero who goes forth to right the world’s wrongs. Among his adventures, he has an encounter with some windmills that he imagines to be menacing giants. He fights them with his rusty sword until he falls exhausted.

Don’t we, too, often wear ourselves out “tilting at the windmills” – using our heavy artillery of anger and worry over trifling annoyances that aren’t worth all that futile struggle?

TODAY’S REMINDER

Do I waste my time and energy fighting situations that are actually not worth a second thought? I will not allow my imagination to build small troubles into big ones. I will try to see each situation clearly, and give it only the value and attention it deserves. This is the sanity to which I want to be restored, as the Second Step suggests.

“God grant me the sense of proportion to judge the difference between an incident and a crisis.”


October 18 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

A brief study of some intangibles:

Our attitudes are usually conveyed to other people by what we say and do – and how, if the attitudes really reflect what we feel. Gentle actions and soft, courteous words may only counterfeit our true feelings. We may even think we have overcome resentment, self-righteousness and self-pity, but if they are still there inside us, they will, in some mysterious way, emanate from us and deny what we try to convey by our play-acting.

“How can he tell?” asks a confused wife, “I never raise my voice, never argue, try to do what he expects, and yet he’s always challenging me!”

TODAY’S REMINDER

Merely to change my behavior, and what I say and do, does not prove a change of inward attitude. I am deceiving myself if I imagine I can completely disguise my real feelings. They will somehow come through, and prolong the hostility in my family. I must root out entirely the troublesome emotions I’ve been trying to hide.

“There are more things in heaven and earth…than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” – William Shakespeare

October 17 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The Twelve Steps make up a body of spiritual wisdom that unfolds and expands our understanding as we study them, one after another. There is one Step, however, that could be studied from the very outset, very day, for its extraordinary power to throw light on the others. This is the Eleventh, which speaks of prayer and meditation.

Meditation is the quiet and sustained application of the mind to the contemplation of a spiritual truth. Its purpose is to deflect our minds from the problems we are experiencing, to raise our thoughts above the grievances and discontent that color our thinking.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I will set aside at least five minutes, morning and night, for spiritual concentration, excluding from my mind all but one spiritual idea. I will begin and end each meditation with a conscious awareness of God.

“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” – Step Eleven

October 16 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

All kinds of people turn to Al-Anon for help – rich and poor, educated and unschooled, people with social polish and people without.

Sometimes, it may be observed that those who have had more advantages tend to be a little patronizing of others; they may criticize faulty grammar or poor speech or inappropriate clothing.

It is fortunate that those with the illusion of superiority have come to Al-Anon, for they will find out that it is a fellowship of equals. It often happens that a person from whom they least expect spiritual insight will make a statement that reaches directly to the heart of the hearers, to give light and comfort and hope.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I am in Al-Anon to help myself solve my problems, to overcome my shortcomings, and to help others find serenity just as I am trying to find it. I will make no personal judgments nor criticisms, but will humbly accept the good in everything I find in the fellowship.

“Who am I to judge God’s children by their manner of speaking or by what they wear? I will listen for the help they can give me.”

October 15 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The new member of a group is understandably upset, distraught and perhaps even desperate. Just as ours did in the beginning, her trials seem too great for a human being to endure. She is not yet aware that she may be making it worse by complaining, weeping and trying to outwit the alcoholic. All these things we learn not to do after we’ve been in Al-Anon for a time. Her recital may even be distorted by hysteria – this is natural, too.

All this should warn us not to make sweeping judgment on anyone else’s problem or suggest making any decisions for her. We must help her become able to make them for herself.

TODAY’S REMINDER

No matter how unbearable a person’s situation appears, I know I am not capable of judging it since I can’t possibly know all the factors involved. Nor can I measure another’s emotional pain by my own experience and feelings. But I can offer comfort and hope, and the healing therapy of the Al-Anon program.

Our Eighth Tradition says, “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional.”

October 14 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We come to Al-Anon because we believe it has something we want. In other words, we come to get something for ourselves. At first we have no idea that this “getting” is intimately involved with Giving.

We soon discover that our willingness to help others has an immediate and beneficent reaction on us. Our progress in the program depends on that satisfying sense of sharing, giving of ourselves, whether it be to enlighten and comfort a newcomer, serving as a group officer, supporting our fellowship or listening patiently to someone in trouble.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The more I give of myself and the more generously I open my heart and my mind to others, the more growth I will experience as I deal with my problems. I learn in Al-Anon never to measure my giving against my getting; the very giving provides my reward.

“The giver is only a channel for the gifts he has received from God. He cannot hoard or withhold them without blocking the channel.”

October 13 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

We come together in an Al-Anon group for the purpose of sharing experience, strength and hope with each other. This we do by attending meetings, discussing, listening, counseling, and telephoning each other for comfort and renewal of confidence.

It is wonderful to know that this close communication, this keeping in touch, is not limited to the members of a single group; it embraces the whole world! This message came to the United States from the publication of the Al-Anon groups of South Africa:

TODAY’S REMINDER

“Learn to face things as they come, and when they come, with calm deliberation. We may not be able to control events, but we can control our attitudes toward them.”

This clear message from a faraway continent will inspire Al-Anon people everywhere in their search for serenity. It demonstrates how closely akin we are in our loving fellowship.

“And be renewed in the spirit of your mind….for we are members one of another.” - Ephesians

October 12 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Once upon a time, there was an Enormous Thumb belonging to a woman with an Alcoholic Husband and Three Teenaged Children.

The four of them lived under her thumb, so of course they couldn’t do much growing up. Often their spirits writhed under the weight; every time they tried to get out from under, they’d do something wrong and the thumb would clamp down on them again.

Father managed b y keeping himself flattened out drunk most of the time; he was so cute about escaping to a bottle that, no matter how much mama watched, she couldn’t catch him at it until he’d drunk himself into unconsciousness. Everyone thought she was a Very Nice Lady, and they were sorry she was having such a hard time with her family.

There was really no reason for her to come to Al-Anon to solve her problems because she always knew just what to do about everything. But she did want to make her husband stop drinking, so she thought she’d try it. She was quite unhappy at first because some of the members were not inclined to Pull Any Punches. She was quite indignant when they tried to show her what she was doing to her family, but to everyone’s amazement, the Thumb began to shrink and lose weight, and things looked brighter.

More and more she realized what she was doing and, being a Determined Character, she applied the program every day and her other problems took care of themselves very nicely.

October 11 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

The wife with a long-standing habit of managing her husband may not even realize that she is constantly directing and admonishing him.

“Don’t wear that blue shirt today; wear this one.” – “It’s almost time for church. You better get ready.” – “Don’t take the car out in this weather!” – “You’ve made four AA meetings this week and the kitchen needs painting.”

Trifles, yes, but such an attitude deprives the husband of all freedom of choice, all dignity and manhood. She plays the mother role and treats him like a child who wouldn’t know what to do without being told.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If in the troubled drinking years I unwisely assumed responsibility that should have been my husband’s, I will now break these habits of managing. I realize now, through Al-Anon, that sobriety might have come much sooner if I had been able to stand aside and let the alcoholic, suffer the consequences of his own choices. I will respect his rights as an individual.

“Each of us has the right and the obligation to make our own decisions. It is character-destroying to usurp that right.”

October 10 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Without faith in a power greater than myself, I am like a storm-tossed ship without a rudder. I am flung from one trouble to another; however bravely I may battle the elements, my own strength and wisdom are not enough.

All of us need something to cling to with absolute confidence. If I have been disillusioned by disappointments, or have been let down by someone I trusted, it makes me feel as though I were alone and vulnerable in a hostile world.

I will not deprive myself of God’s help and guidance. I see it at work in Al-Anon as we share knowledge, courage and hope with each other. Confidence and dignity are restored to us by the knowledge that we are God’s children.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If my faith has been dimmed by disappointment, I can begin to regain it by clinging to a spiritual idea like the one expressed in the serenity Prayer. This living philosophy will give me a secure foundation of faith.

“For we walk by faith, not by sight…” Second Corinthians

October 9 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When we speak of miracles happening in Al-Anon, we often include among these the entry of a spouse into AA and sobriety.

This is indeed a miracle, but it is not our miracle; it is the alcoholic’s. It is not our business (nor has it ever been!) to watch over him, worry about his sobriety, see that he doesn’t drink, that he goes to the right number of AA meetings. If we continue the techniques of management and supervision that did so much to make a mess of life during the drinking days, we’re headed for trouble.

We can and should be grateful on his behalf, but our business is with Al-Anon and ourselves. This wonderful program will help us make something of our own lives. Our responsibility to the alcoholic is to let him manage his own sobriety, and to be gentle, courteous and cooperative.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The AA member, however close to me, is the concern of his friends in AA. He must be left free to follow the program in his own way. IF I am truly grateful, I will keep hands off.

“Study to be quiet, and to do your own business.” – Thessalonians)

“…and confuse not the business of others with your own.”

October 8 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When I hear it said in an Al-Anon meeting that I can help myself, no matter how great my burdens and troubles are, I may think: "Easy to say, but you don'’ know what I'm going through."

Applying a little sensible realism to this, let me ask myself whether I’m not building up trifles into monstrosities that seem unbearable. Most of us do, at some time or other. We may magnify disagreements about money for instance: we expand minor slights into huge grievances. Without realizing it, we’re looking for trouble and are ready to fasten on little things that we could easily pass over if we really wanted our own peace of mind.

TODAY’S REMINDER

If I don’t make big problems out of little ones, I can save myself much grief. Fighting for my “rights” often creates more difficulty than accepting less than I expect. If I really value my serenity, I will avoid making big issues out of trifles. Giving in and letting go becomes easier as I practice it, and it pays big dividends in inner satisfaction.

“Whensoever a man desires anything inordinately, he is presently disquieted within himself.” - Thomas A’Kempis

October 7 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Heard at an Al-Anon meeting:

“Before I came to Al-Anon, it was like groping around in a dark room, trying to sidestep the obstacles without being able to see them. Because there was no light, I was constantly getting hurt because I tripped over things, or bumped into them.

Then I came into Al-Anon and learned that I have the power to turn on the light, to get a clear view of my life, its difficulties and good things. Often I still forget to turn on the light. I still hurt myself. But I’m getting better as I do more reading and living the program.”

TODAY’S REMINDER

Looking for light in a grim situation? Here it is, in Al-Anon. Nobody can force you to accept it, but you’ll want to when you learn how much easier it can become to deal with life’s inevitable problems. As one member put it, “I see things differently now.”

“And God said: Let there be light...” - Genesis

“Light always dispels the darkness.”

October 6 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Sometimes it happens that a member at a meeting “talks good Al-Anon” but those who know her well are aware that it is only skin-deep. She professes compassion for the alcoholic, but all the softness goes out the window when she is crossed or disappointed or annoyed. The real, untamed faults come through, and she hardly ever realizes it herself.

When we make only superficial changes in ourselves, and give only ardent lip service to the program, our progress is slow and our relapses many. The regeneration must be a true spiritual rebirth. It must go very deep, with each character flaw replaced by a new and good quality.

TODAY’S REMINDER

I must be completely honest with myself in uncovering the faults, which hamper my spiritual growth. One by one, watchfully and painstakingly, I will replace them with constructive attitudes.

“Men imagine they communicate their virtue…only by overt actions and words. They do not see that virtue or its opposite emits a breath at every moment.” (Emerson: essay on self-reliance, paraphrased)

October 5 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

When I say the Serenity Prayer, over and over again, I could fall into the habit of merely parroting the words without being aware of their meaning. This would blunt one of my most useful Al-Anon tools. If I think of the meaning of each phrase as I say it, my understanding will grow and along with it my capability to realize the difference between what I can change and what I cannot.

The prayer states first that there are elements in my life which I have no power to change; my serenity depends upon my accepting them. The more I fight them, the more they will torment me. “Courage to change the things I can” gives me unlimited freedom to work on those elements which are my concern.

TODAY’S REMINDER

The Serenity Prayer suggests I ask God for “courage to change the things I can.” The word is “things,” not “people.” True, there is much room for improvement in my life, but it can come only from changing my own attitudes and actions for the better.

“In every problem, great and small, the Serenity Prayer will work for me if I keep aware of its meaning every time I say it.”

October 4 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Heard at an Al-Anon meeting:
“I have only one person’s guilt to carry; my own. If the alcoholic blames me for his difficulties, I will not accept that blame, but I will not defend myself, either, for that would only start a fruitless battle. I know he blames me because of his painful need to unload some of his remorse on somebody else. This should generate only compassion in me – not resentment or anger.”

Another member responds: “I wish I could believe that! When my husband gets through telling me off, I feel as though the devil were sitting on my back with a fifty pound lead weight in each pocket!”

TODAY’S REMINDER

There is no need for me to accept blame for another person’s irrational actions. I will deal with my own shortcomings. If I do this honestly – following the Fourth to Tenth Steps – the change in me will be reflected in every person whose life touches mine.

“Let me weigh my misdeeds on an honest scale and make restitution as well as I can. But let not the scale be unbalanced by the weight of what others have done.”

October 3 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

Cheery platitudes are not much help to newcomers in really desperate straits. Nor is the hearty attitude: “Come on, snap out of it – Al-Anon will work wonders for you!”

A wife and mother who has seen everything go down the drain, who has lived through losing her home, going on public relief, with the husband in an institution or a prison, may feel even farther removed from hope in a bright, optimistic circle of Al-Anon people who are on the way up.

Such newcomers should select sponsors who can understand their problems and help them, with patience and tact, to meet the challenge.

TODAY’S REMINDER

It is a spiritual experience to lead a desperate newcomer into a new point of view. We learn the subtle difference between pity and sympathetic understanding. We do not flaunt our own success in Al-Anon; we let it speak for itself.

A good sponsor keeps in touch, gently conveys the idea that it’s always darkest just before dawn, and gives a lift to the bruised ego.

“I pray for the opportunity to help the hopeless; it will show me the way to share myself with someone in great need.”

October 2 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

This is the story of a newcomer to Al-Anon who was not a newcomer…certainly not a novice, for she had the courage to break out of a situation that was hampering her work in the program.

Seeing a new face at the meeting, the chairman asked her to tell about herself. Instead of launching into a recital of her domestic problems (which turned out to be quite severe) – she told what had made her leave the group where she’d started some months before.

“Quite frankly,” she said, “I’m shopping around for a group I can feel comfortable in. I grabbed Al-Anon like a life preserver, which it certainly is for me. I joined a group, never missed meetings, and read Al-Anon literature every day. That’s how I got the idea that everybody in a group, and everyone in the fellowship, too, is equal. The group I belonged to was run, and I DO mean run, by a managing old timer who ruled everything with an iron hand. She’d been secretary for eight years, chaired the meetings, and decided on the programs. She knew what was good for us, all right! We didn’t even have to think for ourselves. And I couldn’t see that anybody was making much progress – the membership was what you might call a shifting population. Most of them just gave up on Al-Anon, and all because of this one person. I didn’t give up, so here I am, hoping for a group where I can really see the Al-Anon fellowship in action.”

October 1 in The Little Blue Book ONE DAY at a TIME in AL-ANON:

In Al-Anon, we often speak of the importance of prayer. This idea calls for some reflection. If I could get what I pray for, would it really make me happy? Do I always know what is best for me? Do I bargain with the God I pray to, (“I want my spouse, but only if he or she will stop drinking,”) or give Him instructions, (“Please don’t let Bill keep on drinking.”)

TODAY’S REMINDER

One thing must ultimately be accepted: Few of us know what we really want, and none of us knows what is best for us. That knowledge remains, in spite of all our determined resistance, in the hands of God.

This is the reason for limiting our prayers to requests for guidance, an open mind to receive it, and the fortitude to act upon it.

I will quietly defer any decisions until my contact with God has made me certain they are right for me. And I will pray to be kept from taking any action, even a little one, that is intended to punish another.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and cometh down from the Father of lights with Whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” (General Epistle of James)

MeredithD1

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...6&pp=20&page=8

here is where you can find the ODAT's - there are more than a year's worth.

Meredith