Newbie girlfriend of Addict

Old 05-16-2010, 09:36 AM
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Question Newbie girlfriend of Addict

Hi everyone! I'm new here I have been lurking for awhile. I couldn't figure out why my registration wasn't going through. Turns out it was lost in my spam folder. Now I can't finally post here too! I have been dating my boyfriend now for a year. I didn't realize he had a pill problem until about 2 or 3 months ago. Just last month his family had an intervention with him and got him into in-patient treatment successfully. Now he's back home and seems to be doing well. He has moved in with me as he couldn't go back to where he was living before. So far we are both doing well. It's def. a struggle at times we both get in funky moods. I have noticed more recently he keeps talking about wanting to drink again. How he doesn't plan on stopping drinking because he never had a problem with drinking. I got the feeling he was trying to see how I would react to this. I just told him what I thought and that I felt it would only lead to him picking up again. I think he feels he can have one or two and be fine. I also told him that he should talking someone who is going through what he is going through. Maybe mention it to his counselor or at a meeting. Naturally he got defensive about that and then wanted to drop the subject all together. I'm wondering if it would be helpful for me to mention his new thoughts about booze to his counselor. I'm pretty new to all this. Any advice is helpful! Thanks! I would elaborate more but my computer sounds like it's going to blow up any second better restart....
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Old 05-16-2010, 10:30 AM
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Glad you found SR.

My XAH has a prescription drug problem as well (opiates)....and I do remeber a time when he thought he could drink because it was "never really the problem."

Then he went to a 30 day rehab facility and came out realizing that he cannot go near ANY mood altering substances...including booze.

There's not a whole lot you can do for Him....he has to tend to "his" while you just keep working on "yours". That's about the extent of it....

But it's no easy task to learn to detach...especially when you live together.

Stay everything you can. The Stickies at the top of the forum are very helpful, and others will be along to help you on your journey as well.

We just try to remember the 3 C's:

You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it

"he should talking someone who is going through what he is going through..."

Yes...that's best left up to those who know...but once again, he has to reach out on his own, just as you're reaching out now.

"I'm wondering if it would be helpful for me to mention his new thoughts about booze to his counselor."

Enablers like us usually have expectations attached to the "good deeds" we think we can perform. We magically think one of our "tasks" will have a huge impact on our "A"s. The bottom line is....he is the only one that will decide when he is ready to be sober. REALLY sober. And it will be in the moment of his choosing.

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tjp613 (05-16-2010)
Old 05-16-2010, 10:55 AM
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Thanks for your response! Yes he was on opiates too...Living together is working alright because we don't really see too much of eachother. He started a new job which seems to be going well, but I wonder if it's too much alone time for him (very independent work). I'm looking for full time work. He came out of treatment a month ago a new person in essence. Super motivated and driven to change. He was going to meetings everyday. Now he is telling me that he doesn't HAVE to go everyday and because he's working it's less stressful for him to go 3 times a week. He also feels like the meeting are really redundant and all the same information. So he feels he doesn't need to go as often. He's the macho guy type super stubborn and he knows everything already. LOL so I gave up trying to get him to do anything addict or not. He is going to do what he's going to do. I'm just wondering why this sudden interest in drinking...he says he's feeling the need for an adrenaline rush. I feel like drinking is just an excuse to pick up he could say I only did it because I was drunk. I said "well if you don't have any problems with alcohol then why is it you want to drink so badly??" He would say things like "Well don't expect me to give up everything It's not like I'm never going to drink again in my life." As if he's trying to prepare me for it or something...It is usually been on a Friday or Saturday night when he mentions this. Maybe he's just missing the bar scene. I don't know what to say or how to react...
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Old 05-16-2010, 11:12 AM
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If you haven't already, find an Alanon, Naranon, or Coda (codependents anonymous) for yourself, and work the program you wish he would
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Old 05-16-2010, 12:09 PM
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Hi Coexist!

I just love this recent post by is so helpful in understanding the dynamics of alcoholic/addict thinking and what it means to be in real recovery. If you haven't read Co-Dependent No More yet, then you need to run, not walk, to get a copy pronto.

And yes, to tell the truth, your BF is slip-sliding on that slippery slope and doesn't sound like he really 'gets it'. Simply put, Addicts/alcoholics really canNOT moderate with any kind of booze or drugs because of the way their brains are wired. Chances are very good that if he starts drinking eventually it will lead to the same behavior--inability to control the addiction. It's a disease that is not his fault but it IS his responsibility to manage it.

There is nothing that you can do or say that will make much difference one way or the other. Your job is to decide what you will accept in your life or not, draw the boundaries, then stick to them.

Sounds so simple, eh? :-/
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Old 05-16-2010, 01:37 PM
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If he needs an adrenaline rush...tell him to get on a rollercoaster.

Seriously, it is actually healthy for ex opiate users to get their adrenaline going. Sky Diving, Bungee Jumping, Rollercoasters, etc....

Helps get their "computer" rebooted.

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Old 05-16-2010, 05:14 PM
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