teke

i know my ah did, even after all the "standing by my man" by any means, and after all the yrs, when i needed him the most, he chose his drugs.

i mean, after 21ys of this, i found myself literally on my death bed(they tell me) due to health issues, he watched me being carried away in the ambulance for emergency surgery and couldn't even get away from his drugs long enough to at least find out where they took me so that my kids could come to sign the paper work. he chose to stay home and do drugs leaving my kids having to search neighboring hospital to find me before i could get the life saving care that i needed.

i'm even ashame to tell some of the things that i've experienced in dealing with an active addict, and to think about it all, he didn't even realize what the problem with his behavior was. though we're not together, just thinking about the stuff i've been through with this still hurts my heart.

DreamAngel

How terrible
about the other victim you are so right. At first it was his ex wife... Now its me.
I know that he loves me to death but that love can not cure him.
Thats why since we separated I have not talked to him ... I did write him a letter to jail just to let him know about the wedding cancellation:
What can I say? You really messed up…. I never thought that you would do this to me…ever.
But I got the lab results from your drug test. And you did relapse.
I will never understand why. You had everything you needed. Mother that is a doctor, my support, vitamins, work, friends etc…
You put me through so much pain and humiliation.

Honestly I think that it’s the best that you are in jail, at least you will detox there and think about how badly you messed up everything you had. Maybe it will give you a motivation to begin a new life….
Just so you know,
I canceled the wedding. I called all the vendors and told everybody that we have invited.
I wish you all the best.
And I hope that you will not put your family through this again.
Please don’t try to contact me. I will not pay for your collect calls.
I want to forget you.

I mailed that on Monday, I think he got it already. I just honestly hope that when he gets out of jail he would not contact me. Than Mexico would not be an issue.
Lol and he's mom is not helping at all. She was like, why don't you come over on a weekend , spend the night, we can have a girls night out....

teke

DreamAngel

I'm pretty sure that he will stay clean on the trip since his mom is trying to get him on naltrexone. And yes i know it would not be healthy for me if we'll go together.
My family is scared that if we'll go together , we will end up together again.

gowest

Please don't kid yourself about the fact that he will stay clean while you are at a major "party" resort. I don't know anybody who goes to Cabo to "abstain". Do you really think you'd be able to enjoy yourself?

If I were you I'd take a loss on the money and save my sanity.

Your emotional health is priceless.

DreamAngel

How would he get heroin? im sure he is not gonna come up to every single person asking if they have some... hmmmm but again, im not him, so i could never know

hello-kitty

You know what the say, Oxycotin is the rich man's heroin. Or hillbilly heroin. Or something like that.

Easy to get it in Mexico.

:-)

Cocaine is real easy to get there too if he's looking for something a little different. You can usually get it hooked up with it if you ask your bartender.

DreamAngel

wooww
Like he says he doesn't like uppers he likes downers

teke

just curious, what is it that you really want to do?

IPT

They should be. It happens so insidiously you don't even know it! Happened to me multiple times.... even with NC I struggle, though it's getting better.

hello-kitty

Ain't that the truth. You could probably ask a bartender for Heroin too. Basically my point was that drugs are pretty easy to come by in Mexico. That whole cartell thing and all.

DreamAngel

Yes i did tell him not to contact me.
And if he gets out and will not contact me that would be perfect than defiantly no trip for him !
One month is a long time.... My life changed in 1 week in to an opposite direction so i can only imagine what will happen in one month ! lol maybe ill meet somebody else ! jk

outtolunch

The lion's share of heroin on the West coast comes from Mexico. Reportedly, $15 billion a year of wholesale black tar is imported to the U.S., each year to feed an insatiable U.S. appetite, for drugs.

It seems to me that going off on a drug run, while in Mexco is the least of the issues associated with this trip. The truth is that there is absolutely no reason to treat this non-productive adult child to a vacation, unless you are running some sort of fantasy.

I would say this even if drugs were not involved. He's not a self sustaining and dependable adult. That drugs are involved and his DOC is heroin just adds to the mix. Deep down...I sense a fantasy that you want this trip to cause him to see the light, be the reason why......

kj3880

So...basically it is up to him? You've said don't contact me, but you are still going to accept his calls/visits? No contact means you don't do that.

It really is up to you what direction your life takes. You can choose to go alone, although to me it seems you don't want to. You can enjoy time alone on a vacation without a man. Yes, you can, really!

Do yourself a big favor and do not look to "meet somebody else" for the time being. Take this golden opportunity to find out what you like to do on vacation, where you like to go..Here are some better questions to ask yourself instead of Should he go?:

1. Do I want to eat a big breakfast then hang about the pool, or would I enjoy a day of snorkelling off a reef?
2. Would I like to dance the night away at an authentic local fiesta or check out some thousand year-old Mexican historical village in the jungle?
3. Should I swim with the trained dolphins today, or take a tour of the butterfly park followed by a lunch of authentic hand-made tortillas and tamales?
4. Do I want to shop at Chanel (vicariously) on the Place de la Concorde in Paris, or would I prefer to see the Tour Eiffel today? Do I want to spend the day at the Louvre, checking out the Venus de Milo and the Mona Lisa, or would I prefer the awesome stained glass and gargoyles that top the Notre Dame Cathedral? What about dinner? A Croque Monsieur in the park al fresco or crepes in a picturesque cafe?
5. Should I check out the torture chamber or the Crown Jewels first at the Tower of London? Shall I take a double-decker bus or a hansom cab to get there? Or the London Underground?
6. Would I enjoy Pub food (steak and kidney pie?) or a restaurant within sight of the Big Ben?
7. Should I visit the Kolner Dom in Cologne, or would I prefer the quaintness and history of Frankfurt?

I only know the answers to these questions because I travel alone. Don't you want to find out what you enjoy?
Make it all about you, just this once.

Love,
KJ

hello-kitty

Dang KJ ~ you got me asking myself those questions!

catlovermi

I feel like I have a colony of fire ants in my britches, reading this thread....

CLMI

Freedom1990

Mind if I sit and squirm beside you, dear?

ThirteenYears

DreamAngel, I am the wife of an addict (you were the fiance) so based on THAT somewhat mutual experience at this point in the game I KNOW it would not be YOUR idea to initiate talks of rekindlement, I KNOW that it wouldn't be in YOUR mind to STILL want to marry this man at this point for that makes zero sense to me.

What I was saying but apparently I wasn't clear is because an addict with a plan can be VERY convincing -- my thing was don't allow HIM to talk you into calling the marriage back on, hence my saying HE MAY TRY AND WIN YOUR HEART BACK so don't fall for it, coming back announcing the marriage is back on. As a wife of an addict I full well know we can have our mind set on one thing yet, they talk some stuff in our ear and we just find it hard to say no so, instead we tell them yes.

I think I'm clear now, but you let me know if I'm not.

p.s. The ONLY reason I'm in agreement with the trip is because of the situation with the tickets so I don't think *I'm* the one, based on ALOT of these other responses, that needs to be told by you "it's only about the tickets." I got that part, it's others here who, for their reasons, don't get that part.

In no way do I see this as a love trip, but a trip to not let those tickets go to waste. All I'm saying is just stay focused out there, meaning don't let him talk you into changing your mind.

suki44883

Ain't that the truth?

DreamAngel

I do love him, you can not just erase my feelings by canceling the wedding. Yes i still hope that when he gets out of the jail, he will go see an addiction specialist. And that if by October 11 he will be clean i would see what to do next....

True.. dip inside i know that he really wants a normal life. He wants to have kids, he has a dealers license to sell cars and he loves doing that.