Newcomer...

In light of a post I shared earlier today - regarding my ex's email stating that I was to blame for his drug use because he started using so that I would leave, and then he got hooked - I thought a "Best Worst Excuse" thread might be in order (Thanks to OutToLunch's idea!)

I know at least a few people got quite a kick out of my ex's justification for blaming me... And, personally, if I can't laugh at it, I'll lose it! So, maybe we can come up with a few more good laughs!

mooselips

I need $650.00 because my girlfriend has been kidnapped by the Russian mafia......


(and NO, I didn't give the money )

StillLearning1

"I am actually an undercover DEA agent. I have to smoke it with them once in awhile or they will get suspicious of me and they would kill me if they thought I was a snitch. And you are making everyone really mad- you keep wrecking our set-ups by showing up or calling the local police."

Okay- I reported that to my old highschool friend who was the Commander of the Gang Task Force. His reply???
"Don't laugh it certainly could be true"
:wtf2

Newcomer...

Ok - so far, I'm not sure who's winning - the russian mafia or the undercover DEA!

LiveLife

"Oh my God ..... look .... there's two baggies of heroin on our bedroom floor. They must have fallen out of the new pants I just brought home."

"No ... no ... here let me have them ... I'll dispose of them later. I wouldn't want you to get in any trouble over this."

Latte

I don't know what that pill is, just leave it hear and I'll look it up.

That was my excuse to dh. I flushed it after talking to my sponsor. She is way wise. :lol

Mine is not as good. Mafia. :rof

greeteachday

I think the undercover DEA wins for the most brilliantly thought out (he must not have been too wasted at the time) For the Funniest Best Worst....The Russian Mafia!! Now Moose, that boy has talent...an active imagination!!! :rof:rof

chloe78

After finding what I think was Ecstasy in my bedroom closet (I have two children, 3 and 2 yrs old so thank GOD that it was me who found it) "I don't know how if got there, it's not mine"

StillLearning1

Oh... the whole DEA story could be a Lifetime Movie!
Now when we do nominations for our responses to them- oh ladies and gentlemen, when I submit on that one... switch my name to "Crazy Codie Queen"

Does anyone know how to officially apply to the CIA? I have one hell of a resume for that one!! My talents have been wasted!!!

KMMK

oh smoking pot is good for me..
it calms me and its organically grown!

Newcomer...

Haha!! I wasn't aware you could buy organic pot... Would you find that at Whole Foods? Or would the organic section of the local supermarket carry it?

biocat

Excuse for writhing around on the bathroom floor and throwing up for 3 days from opiate withdrawals . . . "This doesn't have anything to do with drugs. I have a stomach problem. This is just how I get sick. The doctors told me that I have a rare condition where my intestines are actually inside out." Impossible.

Then, after discovering a bunch of pills in the bathroom. "These are for my stomach problem." I looked them up. They were Methadone.

Then, when I asked what he was doing with Methadone. "They're not Methadone. They're Loritabs." As if that's so much better. I still don't understand this lie.

cinderellawkids

I heard my favorite today, "Yes Im sick and miserable, but I cant go to detox because Im afraid of being put on Librium, I may like it to much."

Im so sorry that he'd rather be high on crack while downing bottles of whiskey, cause Im sure that feels so much better

and number 2...

I go out for days because, I feel you need the space.

wooforever

I like this one my Ex used. I'm not doing drugs in the bathroom I just have a problem going phoo.

Or having a torch in the house asked him way he had the torch in the house, because it is for work. I said to him you do not have a job. I know I will use it when I get a job.

kj0975

I stumped the addict once. FINALLY he had no excuse or reason and wasnt quick enough to think of one.


Where have all the spoons gone? cleaning one day found a bunch under sink in bathroom. I asked what are all these spoons on the bathroom for? Well I just got a blank stare. I mean really what would u use a spoon for in the bathroom? BUSTED After that I bought plastic sporks..........

biocat

I can't believe he couldn't come up with anything!!!!!!!!! Must have been a bad day.

wooforever

Here is one clean out his car, I asked him why he had a scale and all the needles in the tool box with the plasic tubing. The needles were for refilling ink cartridges and the scale was so he could make sure the dealer did not short him and of course the plasic tubing was for the car.

outtolunch

Common theme with AD:

"Since you would not give me money, I stole your_____________."

CatsPajamas

"But MOM, if I smoke dope at your house, at least you know where I am and that I'm not driving and I'm safe"

"I don't know how all those charges showed up on your gas card, especially since it was the week you were out of town. I thought you reported it stolen. Doesn't that mean you don't have to pay for them now...?"

ValVal

The next-to-last time my addict husband stole money using my ATM card, he told me that he was "buying Christmas presents for myself and his daughter", and assured me that on Christmas, "I was going to be really embarrassed". Well, guess who was embarrassed on Christmas? Not me, of course. Unfortunately, I "forgot" that I couldn't trust him with my ATM card, and he did it again a couple of weeks ago. It had been almost four months. Just when you think you can trust someone...how is it possible to keep your guard up all the time? Luckily, a Naranon meeting has started in my town. It is a great relief. Perhaps that will keep me on my toes in a healthier way!