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AH-A Lost Soul-I AM STILL SANE!!!!

Old 08-26-2007, 12:10 PM
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AH-A Lost Soul-I AM STILL SANE!!!!

I have thought about posting and decided I would. AH came by the other night with dog food and wanted to play with the dogs. Also brought the dogs meds. No problem-he left. Next morning he comes over-asks me to go with him about 60 mi. from here. I thought ok-what can it cannot hurt-plus he wanted to talk. We start to come back-all is well-he pulls off the highway-got a bottle of whiskey and pours it in his coke. Then rolls a big hooter and off we go. Then pulls into the liquor store and stocks up. (mind you he just got over $500 from selling scrap metal) He is 2 months behind on his personal loans. He knows I will not put a dime out & he has not asked. Then he wants to know if I want to talk-told him I had nothing to say. He started in about "pot", calling his friends(haha) druggies-told him pot is pot & friends are druggies-simple? He starts quacking about pot is recreational and an herb. Normally, I WOULD HAVE BLOWN UP!!!!! All I said was"you have your opinion and I have mine-lets end this dicussion. Got home in one piece-said bye and that was it. He has tried to call 2 times on a druggies cell phone-I didn't answer.He looked like homeless person-says he is crashing here and there, has he got any clothes here-he can't find all his clothes-eventually he is going just bottom out. Not a thing I can do about it except watch it happen. Makes me a hard-hearted b----?

Actually, I am doing well. Not a heart twinge, not a brain fart, pity, disgust-just amazement I guess that I did not realize nor ever hear of co-dependancy. Lobo & Nyte new sticky even made life better. I am also amazed to watch a person destroy themselves, but not a chance he will take me with him. 36 yrs. of drugs-I cannot ever see help for him. I have more pieces to put back together at home and move onward and upward!!!!!!!!

Ok-I know there wil be a bump now and then-but at least I can face them rationally-I HOPE!!!!! Thanks to all!!!!!!!!!
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Old 08-26-2007, 01:41 PM
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Wow... I am so glad you made it back home safely! And way to go for putting an end to the madness before it got worse. He obviously isn't quite ready to change yet if he is going to drink and drive with you in the car... I'll be praying he hits his bottom soon, for both of you.

*hugs and prayers*
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Old 08-26-2007, 01:41 PM
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((MomsRainbow))

Hopefully you will be able to continue on your road to recovery. It sounds like you have a good foundation. Boundaries are a good thing, detachment is good too. Perhaps, in time, you'll be able to set a firmer boundary that says you won't get in the car with someone who is drinking, drugging and driving. Unfortunately, HIS consequences might also be yours in a situation like that.

You are right, eventually he is going to hit his bottom, and then perhaps he'll seek help. Ya never know!

Hugs. Keep reading and posting. We're here for you.

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Old 08-26-2007, 02:04 PM
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Just remember that the way he looks and the way he is living is probably bothering you more than it is him. As long as he can afford his drug of choice the rest does not matter. Only when the drug stops working for him will he decide to make a change. Glad that you are doing well. It is hard to watch them self-destruct. That is why I won't do it with my daughter anymore. (and if that makes me cold hearted, so be it. I want to survive.) Hugs, Marle
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Old 08-26-2007, 03:31 PM
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I understand where you're coming from. Don't we live in the same area? I think so. Anyway one of my XAH's friend/pill dealer just died last week from oding. I posted about it, and i figured he would find suspicion in the reason the guy died. I think it was Dolly who said that as long as there's anything else or someone else to take the focus of of THEM, they won't see other people's misfortunes as possibilities of their own. Therefore, the conversations that you are having with your husband will always be about ANYTHING but him. I know that as long as I talk to my XAH about his disease in a sympathetic tone, he's good. The second I start to sound irritated and forcing him to make a decision, or backing him into a corner, literally out the door he goes. I just want to beat him and shake him. I was a very BAD codie this week. I haven't really slept that good this weekend for it either. So, hopefully I can get back on track this week. Hope your week is better! School starts back tomorrow!
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Old 08-26-2007, 03:41 PM
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M-I miss the thanks button. You have always been here for me and many others. Seeing him the way he is now-is just a reminder of the past yrs. and an awaking in me. Seeing AH like he was(never saw it before-drugs & booze)-did not hurt me- a shame but that is his life & I have mine. Pups are doing well-had homes for them and crashed 2 wks. ago-he wanted the pups. Know that will never be acceptable-too much love and training has gone into them.

Cat-thanks!!!!!! Bumps along the road to recovery-never thought it would be from SR/ thanks-I will just read an not post.
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Old 08-26-2007, 04:37 PM
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Moms, So glad you made it home in one piece. I'm sure that is the last time you'll get in the car with him driving. You handled it well though. Did he actually think he could have a discussion with you in that condition?? Glad you told him that conversation was over. You go girl......

Keep staying strong..........Lo
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Old 08-26-2007, 05:31 PM
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((((MomsRainbow))))

Glad you got home in one piece.. someday I would love to tell you the stories of my XABF and his using pot while driving and dumb naive me didn't know it was pot.. just thought it was some fancy tobacco in his pipe!!!!

It was fancy alright.. and he was driving.. Geeze Loueeze I am gblad I made it and I am so glad you did too!

You are sounding 100% good. You really are. Yeah.. there are bumps on Recovery Road.. and some dang big rocks and we do smash into those once inawhile.... but its not fatal as long as we get up, dust off, and continue FORWARD!

You have come miles on this road since coming here!!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!!
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Old 08-26-2007, 07:47 PM
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MR,

I don't think you've been bumped from SR... or did I read your post incorrectly? I know we were down on Saturday and some of the buttons don't work now...

Anyway, you sound good and strong in your recovery. It's so heart wrenching to watch our As go down a bad path... what I had to do was detach a bit so I didn't get dragged along with!

Keep on posting. It's good to read others experience, strength and hope. It helps me to hear how others have gotten better.

Cats
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Old 08-26-2007, 08:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Momsrainbow View Post
Not a thing I can do about it except watch it happen. Makes me a hard-hearted b----?

Actually, I am doing well. Not a heart twinge, not a brain fart, pity, disgust-just amazement I guess that I did not realize nor ever hear of co-dependancy. Lobo & Nyte new sticky even made life better. I am also amazed to watch a person destroy themselves, but not a chance he will take me with him. 36 yrs. of drugs-I cannot ever see help for him.

Actually you're not a b-----, you're just taking care of your own needs.

Doing well! Hoorah for getting off the emotional roller coaster and standing up for what you want and need. Keep hanging in there. My ex is still doing crack and all the pain pills. He is skinny as a toothpick and he's almost 55. I dont' see him living long with this kind of lifestyle, but it is his choice.

Looks like you've hit a turning point in your life. It will get better and better if you keep tending your boundaries and doing what YOU want in life.
Hugs to you momsrainbow!
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Old 08-27-2007, 11:06 AM
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The roller coaster is closed permanently!!!!AH was here-this am. Would have never opened the door-but I was dead asleep and dogs were going nuts. Quacking big time-he was-problems with the police last night-where he was crashing. (I really care-haha) With his scrap metal-he is in major trouble-had a meeting at the police dept with the police chief, his parole officer and the man he used to work for at 11 this am. I don't know if my best friend (local police) will be there or not. I doubt it. He had told me -this mess will just take time. Hopefully this is the time when AH will not be able to lie or charm anyone. He wants to come back home? BS The I love you didn't work-asked if I loved him-told him NO-I did not even like him!!!! Told him to hit the bricks and keep going!!!!!! He thought he would soften me up with a smooch-dogs stepped right in -my dog and his 2 pups turned on him. He went outside and told me he may loose the truck(my truck I put up for collerateral for his travel trailer at the farm). Oh well, bank can reposess it. I simply want this mess to be done and over with.!!!!!! I think I am ok-not stressing-just fed up. I am quite happy to be in my small world. Kind of like being in a sheltered cacoon-waiting to hatch to a butterfly and be free.
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Old 08-27-2007, 03:27 PM
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Kind of like being in a sheltered cacoon-waiting to hatch to a butterfly and be free.

I can see the transformation...it's wonderful. So glad you are doing so well and can see through his manipulations.
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Old 08-27-2007, 06:49 PM
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I forgot to include in my post-on the way back home-outside the booze and pot-he tried to be nicey-nicey. Apparently there is a place that will sell-all the cold pills your want, would I do him a favor-Yeah right! Not a chance in my life. Said he could make major money -get a real job is what I told him!!!!! Darn shame-he cannot get his stories straight=doe not take a genius to prove he is a lier. Just feel total disgust. Back to enforcing boundies. Told him to go sign the divorce peprs at the attorneys officce, he refused. Oh well, life does move on and I am moving on. I think I am so much better than June? I know I am!!!
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Old 08-28-2007, 06:19 AM
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You are doing awesome.

Once you decide you no longer need a liar, cheater, user and addict in your life and that you will tolerate no more chaos, life just gets better and better!

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