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I had him arrested...

Old 07-07-2007, 10:54 AM
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krhea75
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I had him arrested...

Well, yesterday I had my 17 year old son arrested. He had stolen adderall from my safe and sold it to a friend. I found an IM on my computer in which he confessed it. I had given him the choice of going back to rehab or going to jail. He said he would go back to rehab, but then he was dragging his feet. He kept breaking his curfew, the last night dragging his butt in at 3 a.m. i thought, if he is really serious about this he would be toeing the line. So I called the cops and now he is sitting in jail with distrubution of a controlled substance and robbery charges against him. I am ill. Not because I had to have him arrested, I feel that it was my only option. But that his life is self-destructing. I know in my heart I did the right thing. I know that I have excused his behavior too many times. I know that God is bigger than this mess and that He will use this to help my son see reality. It just is sad. The cops said that the court would probably mandate his treatment or send him to a boot camp. Whatever. At this point, I know it is out of my hands and last night was the first night I have slept well in weeks. Thanks for all of your support. I wish that we weren't drawn together by this common thread, but I am so glad you all are here for each other and for me. God is good.
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Old 07-07-2007, 11:13 AM
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(((Krhea))))
Just hugs coming your way. Funny how the thoughts of jail once made us squirm, now we are grateful for it!!

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Old 07-07-2007, 11:15 AM
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Krhea75,
I am sorry you are going through this. You did the right thing for you and your son. Hopefully this will be what he needs to get sober. I too press charges against my son, so I know the pain you are in. I am sending prayers to you that you find the extra strength you need at this time.
Hugs coming to you
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Old 07-07-2007, 11:19 AM
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It took me awhile to learn that the best thing I could do for my son was to GET OUT OF THE WAY so that God could get to him and work with him.... my son has his own life lessons to learn and they are not from me.

Hugs from mom to mom. You're definitely amongst friends here- and we understand.

~Cats
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Old 07-07-2007, 11:23 AM
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(((krhea)))

I remember another mom in Alanon saying -

"We moms hurt so bad because it feels like our kids are DYING!!! There are not dying. They are not dead. They are right here in front of you."

"What is dying is OUR perception of what THEIR future should be."


What she was saying was that we are crying because of the death of OUR dreams, not theirs. That pain is REAL, it is IMMEDIATE... but it can get better.

Once I stopped with the idea that my beautiful, intelligent, vivacious daughter was NOT going to graduate high school, was NOT going to go onto college, was NOT going to get a degree, was NOT going to get that great career and was NOT going to find a college-educated job and have a lifestyle better than ours....

Once I gave up on that, I was able to see the beauty in her love for her recovering addict husband and gorgeous baby.

These things came after 4 rehabs, a recovery house and an Oxford house... and the time it took for her to decide what she wanted in life. Her wants, needs and desires are not the same as mine today. It seems to me, that the road she has chosen is far more difficult. But I don't know that. I really cannot see the future. Only the present. And today she is happy.

Your son is exactly where he needs to be. His future is not determined.... not good, and not bad. Watching him walk through THIS time is horrible... I do know that. I also can totally understand you sleeping well last night. Jail and rehab were the only times I REALLY got good sleep for many months. But his future is not determined. It is quite likely there will come a time where he can look back at this time and say, "Without THAT, I would not be HERE....".

My prayers are that your son can find what he needs in this experience, and that this brings him into recovery.

Lots and lots of continuing Alanon meetings help me remember how painful it was for me when MY dreams for my child died, and why I need to constantly stay on top of my need to control every thing in my life. It is my natural bent... but now that I have awareness and acceptance of those traits, I can take action to help me do something different today. Because I don't like feeling that pain.


(((krhea))) Hoping today is a good one for you.
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Old 07-07-2007, 11:25 AM
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(((((krhea))))
Your son's life will never be the same — whether he finds recovery now or later along his path, his mother's strength and courage will always be with him, and the knowledge that you loved him enough for this...
..my prayers are with you ~ nitelite
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Old 07-07-2007, 11:26 AM
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krhea...

I'm so sorry that you have to endure this heartache. Maybe this is God's way of bringing your son to his knees. Hold on to your faith and know in your heart that you did the right thing.

Many many hugs and prayers...
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Old 07-07-2007, 11:37 AM
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Just sending some hugs and prayers your way. ((((krhea)))) Hugs, Marle
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Old 07-07-2007, 11:47 AM
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Hugs, you did the right thing. My AD is in jail and it is just where she needs to be...I pray being there connects her with her HP. You know, you really never know what is in store for our children. Some will clean up nicely and have very productive lives, some won't...really none of it is our choice whether they be addicts or not..I have three other grown children that are not addicts and if the truth be told when they were younger and I was younger too, *laughs* I had their lives all mapped out as to what they would be etc etc...and guess what? ALL of them had different idea's and NOT one of them is anything that I thought they should be...so really why would the addicted one be any diff...

You never really know what he WILL be because in the future anything is possible, *smiles*
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Old 07-07-2007, 11:52 AM
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Offering support. you did what you needed to do for your own sanity. May help his too in the long run.

(((hugs)))
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Old 07-07-2007, 12:46 PM
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Just wanted to add my hugs an support! An say I admire you for having the strength to do what you did. Will keep you an your son in my prayers.
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Old 07-07-2007, 02:40 PM
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Lots of mom to mom hugs. I know this hurts...we are here for you. Sleeping well...well I think that shows you did what you had to do and it was a true act of love. Hugs and prayers
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Old 07-07-2007, 02:57 PM
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At this point, I know it is out of my hands and last night was the first night I have slept well in weeks. Thanks for all of your support. I wish that we weren't drawn together by this common thread, but I am so glad you all are here for each other and for me. God is good.
You did the right thing and were generous to give him a choice, krhea. I know the chaos you have been through, but I also know the peace you feel today, leaving your son in God's hands.

Hugs
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Old 07-07-2007, 05:07 PM
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i am sorry it had to come to this but you did the right thing.maybe he will see how destructive his life has become & how you will not take the disrespect.i am glad you are getting some peace out of this.sending prayers up for you & him.hugs,
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Old 07-07-2007, 06:42 PM
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(((((((Khrea)))))))))

It's okay, sweetie.
You did what was needed and that took so much strength and courage.
I applaud your bravery.
Sending prayers that this is his wake up call and he gets serious about recovery after this experience.
Ya need to talk, let me know.
Prayers for you both,
Linda
(((((Khrea's Son))))))
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Old 07-07-2007, 06:58 PM
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Hi krhea,
What you did sure took alot of strength & courage and it will end up being the most loving thing that you could have done. I wish that I wouldn't been like you when my son was young and started all of this. I really admire you for doing what you did. Never ever doubt that you did the right thing for your young son and the younger the better, before he has a chance to progress in this any further. This just may have saved him from a life long nightmare of a life. I know that you have helped alot of others too that will come along and read what you have shared with us and it will inspire them to do what you have done and will help to strengthen them to carry through. God bless you.
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Old 07-07-2007, 08:17 PM
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krhea75
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thank you all for your words of support. i don't feel half as strong as you all think i am, but i do feel better today....more sure of myself. I went to see him today, and i cried. He asked me to drop the charges. I told him, you still don't get it do you?sigh....I know that I do have to let go of his future and just concentrate on getting through today. Thanks for the good advice.
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Old 07-07-2007, 08:40 PM
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I know what you did was hard, but I am so proud of you for doing it. He'll eventually realize that it was what had to happen.

*hugs and prayers*
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Old 07-08-2007, 05:39 AM
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(((Hugs)))
I follow your story each time you post...
from mom to mom I know your pain...

your son has a long road ahead of him....he has made choices that have brought him to this spot and only he can make the choices that will bring him through it...

my son's current recovery started the night I left him at a shelter and told him he could not come home....(I have heard him speak at meetings and his "talk" includes acknowledging that it was not what he wanted but it sure was what he needed...)

I will keep you and your son in my prayers
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Old 07-08-2007, 06:13 AM
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((krhea))

No words of wisdom here. Just big hugs from one mom to another. Heart felt prayers for you and your son.

B
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