"But rehab doesn't work" Excuse or truth?

Old 05-04-2007, 06:29 AM
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"But rehab doesn't work" Excuse or truth?

My ABF is currently trying to get clean....again. This time, he has decided to do it all on his own. He refuses to go into another treatment center/psych hospital, or even go to meetings.

When I asked him about all this. He states that none of them have worked in the past, why would they work now...that he already knows all the programs, the tools, the steps, ect....He gets upset b/c he feels like he doesn't fit in at NA meetings, psych hospitals always give him some weird diagnosis (I will agree there) and treatment centers just really feed you and let you sleep it all off.

I know he has been to a lot of places over the years (8+ rehabs, 3 psych hospitals to be exact) And I know he has said that a lot of times at the NA meetings, that it is the easiest place to find dope. I can understand his frustration. But...can he really do it all on his own? I am trying to see if he will at least go to a therapist, which he is considering. To help get to the bottom of his pain. He actually will tell me now, "Don't let me go out, make sure there is no money around, I am having a crack attack"...

I guess I can't tell if not wanting to go to rehab is an excuse or not. Could he just be fed up with all that? I guess my whole thinking is that, it has been a few years, and he is in a different place now, maybe rehab will do more good then it did the last time. I know I can't make him go, but I just can't tell if he is pulling my chain.

Do some people just give up on the whole rehab/meetings thing and do it themselves?
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Old 05-04-2007, 06:49 AM
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Hi, not sure if we met yet, I'm kinda new here, wish I had a definate answer for you, but I don't. I remember hearing that ALL the time from my AH. I'm guessing that it just depends on the person. I do know a girl who was a crack addict for about 3 yrs and she did just "give it up" one day without any help. She's been clean for 6 yrs now, is a RN and has a great husband and beautiful daughter. My AH said the same thing as your ABF for years, now that hes been clean for 2 whole months he keeps telling me that he does want to go to meetings when he gets out of jail. But I'll believe that when I see it. Hope it helps.
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Old 05-04-2007, 07:07 AM
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Hi Notpeter.... ((hugs))

What I believe is that rehab is a type of "school" that helps addicts learn about themselves and addiction.... while trying to clear their minds and bodies of the drug so they CAN begin to think.

There is a lot of delusion and denial in any addict... sounds like both things are still strong in your ABF.

What I know is that rehab is not a "silver bullet".... it is a not a "cure"... so perhaps if either of you are thinking of it that way, you have been disappointed. There is no such thing as a cure.

Not everyone needs meetings and rehab to get sober.... something like 60% of alcoholics who get sober say they did it by themselves.

But many of that intractible, other 40% say that their program saved their life. There are programs other than 12-step.... Cognitive Behavior Therapy.... SMART.... Rational Recovery.... MANY others.

But it doesn't sound like your ABF is ready for those yet. When he is, it will be HIS desire to reach out to them and look for what he needs.

Until then, I have found AMAZING relief and insight myself by attending Alanon. I may not have needed 12-step to get sober (I am also an alcoholic, sober since 1983), but I NEEDED Alanon to get sane... they saved my life.

I urge you to try some of those meetings for yourself. I hope you are as amazed as I have been.

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Old 05-04-2007, 07:36 AM
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i'm a recovering addict who has been through several detox and rehabs, and i think like bigsis say, there is no cure for addiction. rehab is just the start, it teaches tools of recovery gives space for clearer thinking, space for getting the system cleaned but the real work began after rehab or detox. i found that i had a lot of painful core issues that i needed to work through, for me, using the 12 program helped me to do that, taking away my need to medicate the pain of my past with drugs and helping me to become a more healty person.

i'm sure that there are other methods but i don't know of any that worked for me, there is a big difference in getting clean and getting sober. the 12 step program was a live saver for me. i pray that your addict will find his way to sobriety but in my opinion, even if he manages to stop using, the problem would be whether or not he can stay stopped. clean does not equal sober living that comes with commited soul searching.

i guess the answer to your question would be that unless the addict is commited to getting better, nothing will work.keeping you and yours in my prayers
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Old 05-04-2007, 08:44 AM
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Is he making excuses.....well, let's look at the responses. My ex included....I have only seen maybe one person who "did it on their own". In my opinion, those "who do it on there own" don't want to get clean & sober. I've heard all the excuses. I went into rehab for drinking & was sober 7 years. I stopped going to meetings, stopped talking to my sponsor & then thought I could go drink Pepsi in the bar with my ex. I relapsed & went back to rehab May 12, 2003 & have been sober since. My ex said the same thing. I threw him out 1-1/2 years ago. As of yesterday he is still trying to do it on his own & he's STILL using!!! What does that tell you?

So, I would just say "whatever" & go on with your own recovery. Sometimes they don't like that.

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Old 05-04-2007, 09:29 AM
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Im gonna stick my two cents in here as I am a recovering addict too. This is just my own personal expierience. My DOC is meth and any kind of pain pills. I have had an addiction for countless years. I have tried repeatedly to quit on my own with no help at 1st. That plan failed everytime. It was Nov. of 2005. I was in a lab and my bf came in and called the cops. My kids werent there but he took them away and called child services. I was arrested and sat in jail from Dec. 24th to Jan 3rd. I stood to lose everything if I didnt get into rehab. Even then it was still doubtful. I didnt want to go but I went to try something new. I learned alot of the tools I needed to help me stay clean. What it comes down to is my own way of thinking. If I dont change my way of thinking and the way I was living then the tools I learned were pointless. Thats what tools are. Tools to turn your thinking, tools to help you change the way you live, etc. I went to inpatient and out patient to make sure I learned all that I could for almost a year. I wanted to make sure i did it the right way the first time. I still learn something new almost everyday for recovery. I went to meetings too. And yes some of the meeting are a place to score or to rehash the good ol days of getting high. Meetings is about taking what you can learn and leaving the rest. I had to find the 'right' meeting for me. Not all meeting are good. I also had a wonderful therapist. That was the key for me. It was my counselor who did the most wonders for my recovery. I now have a year and a half clean with no relapses so far. In that time I have worked very hard to put my family back together, and clean up the wreckage of my past using. I am still paying for my mistakes in the legal way. A sponsor has also played an important role in my recovery. Not someone with just a year clean or just a little time. I have one sponsor that has almost 26 years come this June. I dont get to go to meetings because they werent available in my area. Ive moved in the last 2 months and will be seeking a meeting looking for more support now though.

Now this is just my expierience. I have to agree with Blackrose, as I hear alot of excuses. He may not need to go back to rehab but thats because he's not ready to change his ways. Recovery is doing anything and everything to stop using including your way of thinking. He will have to do this on his own to a point and that is when he is ready to stop doing things his way and start using the ways to get clean and sober.
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Old 05-04-2007, 10:43 AM
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We haven't met yet. Just wanted to welcome you and let ya know,
you've come to a great place for support, understanding, and love.
My 25 yo son is the addict in my life.
He no longer is on the dope (H), yet continues to drink and think like an addict.
He's never done rehab. He spent 6 months in county prison to kick the H addiction.
Only because I pressed charges for robbing my home.
He's done 2- week long stints in detox, methadone clinic for about a year, and a drug counselor for 3 short visits.
Oh, and a few NA meetings thrown in for good measure. He did find dope there.
I guess it depends on how much they have suffered and are really ready to quit.
Imho, I believe that a "program" works, but only if you work it.
If your not's not going to do anything for you.
It's a battle with the mind and body. Rock bottom is the only way.
Now on to you. lol
Keep comin' back, get into some meetings of your own. (ie: Alanon, Naranon, CoDa, ect.)
You can learn to deal with addiction of a loved one and learn coping skills that will make "your" life better.
This is all based on my own personal opinion. I love SR.
Hope you do too.
Sending hugs and prayers your way for you and your abf.
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Old 05-04-2007, 11:20 AM
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Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
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Rehab is not a cure it is just a place for the addicts to dust themselves off; it is ultimately up to the addict to stay clean
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Old 05-04-2007, 11:30 AM
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let it grow!
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it works if you work it. k
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Old 05-04-2007, 01:08 PM
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Have to say that I agree. It is like anything else that we learn in life. If you are motivated you use what you learn, if you are not then it just sits there in the recesses of your brain. He has the tools, he just needs to use them. Only time will tell if he is a success. Until then, take the focus off him and put it back on you. You are the only thing in your life that you have the ability to change. Once that really sunk into my brain, I made the changes that I needed to find happiness despite what my AD is doing with her life. Hugs, Marle
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Old 05-14-2007, 04:35 PM
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Smile running out of excuses

he can tell you all of this because he probably believes his own BS/ lies. NO ADDICT CAN GET CLEAN FOR NO ONE BUT THEMSELVES. all of those times in rehab before were wasted because he wasnt ready to quit. he is giving you all the excuses he can to take the focus off of him. you should let him do his thing, if he wabnts to stay clean he will find a way>>>>>>if not he will find an cant keep him clean. try to keep your composure and do what you can to find your peace of mind.
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Old 05-14-2007, 04:58 PM
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If he says rehab doesnt work then it wont work for him. My husband has been trying to quit on his own for years. Once he's been sober a day he is sure he has it under control. Yes he's been to rehabs and NA also says he doesnt fit in, says the other people there are losers and not as smart as him. Funny many of the people weve met through the years havent lost their wives and everything they own...
...but he thinks he's smarter?
Today, to the best of my knowledge he sits in a house with no power, no water, busted windows that is sonn gooing to be sold from around him. He's lost me, he's lost his boys, even his mom will not take his calls...and he still thinks he can fix it alone, maybe he'll start tomorrow....
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