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how do I do this?

Old 05-14-2007, 06:54 PM
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Unhappy how do I do this?

My husband is a meth addict. I caught him, he didnt come to me. That was in January. He says hes clean but I have no way to drug test him because his doctor put him on addrall. I find myself always wondering and looking for clues and signs. He says if I make him go to NA he'll just find someone to hook up with and use. We talked and I said that even though he may be clean he needs to get help because this can jump back up really quick and he needs to deal with his stuff. he said he would go to meetings. That was last week and he hasnt gone once. I'm a wreck but I feel like if he is clean I cant just leave him. I find myself looking through his stuff watching for him while Im driving. I cant talk to him about how I feel or whats going on b/c he gives me that here we go again look. Hell get irritated or fight with me. I cant get over it, this feeling just crawls up in me and wont let go, it makes me feel like im going nuts. How do I do this? Yes I have gone to Naranon meetings but im not sure why things are still the same.....Advice anyone?
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:12 PM
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Hi Bransgirl,
So glad you found Soberrecovery.
Have you been to an alanon meeting? I go because there are no naranons where I am. It's just as good.
The first step is to admit we, our very own self, is powerless to control addiction no matter whos it is.
Just knowing that helps me realize that nothing I do will cause the person to quit. Nothing I do causes it either.
Nothing I can do to fix the addict, only my self.
I know you're hurting. Addiction is just so horrid.
I hope you find peace through all this turmoil.
WW
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:17 PM
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bransgirl - Honey take a deep breath and know in your heart that YOU are going to make it through this. My xagf was a meth or ICE user and it is a purely nasty drug. Meth creates anger and arguments deffending the usage and to create an excuse to deflect guilt from the user onto you are I. If you bring it up, as you should be able to, you create an excuse for the user to leave, fight, deflect guilt or whatever so they can use. Looking for clues and signs will drive you crazy however from my point of view this is your life too, but for now let your spying be put on hold until you can in a healthy way locate what you need and not what your looking for. Important things need to be addressed like but you will never be able to address a meth user about meth. My xagf said she was clean and that might have been occassionally but mostly she was a skillful user, hustler and a danm good liar. The fact and the importance of where the two of you are, asking him to go to meetings and to him your words only seem to encourage that he will find more people to use with throws up my red flag. It is terrible what you are going through and I respect your feeling of being consumed by it, I was there and luckily I found SR. BTW welcome and make yourself at home. I would advise you to read the stickies at the top of the thread page and to post, interact with others. Do me a favor, if he is high or angry leave him alone. Meth is a dangerous drug and does bad things to those who use it, he might truely hurt you. Come here for now, for guidence and take a deep breath or two. Remember this is his problem, you are ok and not crazy. You can work your way out of this. Welcome and God bless.

Last edited by Noah812; 05-14-2007 at 07:36 PM.
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:27 PM
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welcome to sr, the addict in my life is my husband of 21 yrs. i agree with all that noah said, i think he said it well. there is nothing you can do to help. i had to seperate myself from my addict for my sanity, his behavior and me trying to figure him out, was making me crazy. sorry you're going through all of this, and i'll keep you and your family in my prayers
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:33 PM
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Red face wow

Wow thanks so much for the words. I admit that we have good days and bad days, today is just a really bad day... I am learning detachment and to not be so crazy, I dont wake up at 4 am to go through his truck anymore. LOL I guess thats progress. Anyway, thank you I will draw strength from this.
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Old 05-14-2007, 07:41 PM
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i want to welcome you to s.r. there is lots of people here going thru the same as you.my addict is my son. as bad as it is we can do nothing for our addicts. when we go through there things all we r doing is upsetting our selves.if they want to use they r going to do it, nothing we can do to stop them.read the stickys at the top of the forum.learn to take care of you.i am sorry for what you are going thru.keep coming back.saying a prayer for you & him too.
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