itiswhatitis...

hmmmm....

let me think about that

love,
s

teke

cinderella

after i think about it, i guess it would take away your things to do to and give you more time to think, do it?

i guess when my rah do all of this kind stuff, for whatever reason he have for doing it that i don't understand, it makes me feel like i should be doing something!! and don't know what it is i'm suppose to be doing. then i guess this feeling like i'm suppose to explain that i'm not being lazy or something. WHAT IS THEIR PURPOSE FOR DOING THIS, AND WHY DO I FEEL THE WAY THAT I FEEL BECAUSE OF IT. it feels like there has to be a motive behind all of this helping stuff.

i keep telling my ah if he would please sit down somewhere and relax, that he makes me nervous doing all this stuff. now how sad it this.

teke

tx

i know that you didn't just say that you'd love it as long as the wife didn't talk? it funny because when he starts doing all of "my chores" i get somewhere and don't say a word for the longest or pretend that i don't notice, until i get tired of watching him do all the work and start to feel guilty because i'm not helping.

is that what he's doing? trying to keep me quiet.

cinderellawkids

Teke, that is so me.
When Im running around rushing for no apparent reason to clean organize or whatever. AH asks if he can help I say he can help by sitting down and leaving me alone. ( Sometimes I do ask him to play the guitar though so I ahve soothing music)

Why cant I let him help and us get it done faster? WHy do I cringe at the way he folds towels or puts the boys clothes in the wrong pile? Why do I want to scream when he and our oldest bring in the trash cans but I dont like where they put them? And-My Goodness no one better unload the dishwasher that is so MY job.

cinderellawkids

I do feel Im being lazy if I sit while he does something.

teke

cinder

oh man, all last wk, i didn't clean not one thing around here, all of a sudden i when into fuss mode and told them that i didn't do anything cause it felt like they were taking over the house, and i didn't sleep in my bedroom cause it didn't feel like my room anymore cause every where i look theres all these big clothes hang off everything and big shoes everywhere and i told him that he can have the room. i think that he think that i had kind of lost it for real. no matter how i want to decorated things, they seem to like it some place else. i can't stand this, leave my stuff alone. i'm trying to share, but its kind of hard when everything that i own around here, i had to struggle to get without his help. sorry, a little vent there

teke

now i can work with a maid and a cook. i actually enjoyed being married seperated all of these yrs, being married together is just plain forein to me now, and i'm having a hard time adjusting. my ah a kind of big guy compared to me and the kids, he's pretty neat with his things but all of the rest of us really small people with small clothes and shoes, and all of a sudden we have all of these big things here. kind of different for me. LOL

cinderellawkids

When I moved into my house it was mine. I had decor plans. I allowed AH in with one stipulation"Decorate nothing without permission."
He has good taste, but its just not mine.
We've divided things that we can do up.
We are still arguing over one thing, the livingroom. I like it open and airy empty and nothing on the bare clean tile floor.
He wants an entertainment center. The couch diving the living room in half and a nice throw rug. To me that spells (C-L-U-T-T-E-R) of course Ill eb the one to clutter, but why get a throw rug its just another place to get stains and collect pet hair. If you ask me the house looks much cleaner this way.

cinderellawkids

Teke, I think that is my issue too. In 3.5 years he's been incarcerated or in rehab roughly 18 months. Add that with weeks he was just MIA and I dont know how to function with him.

teke

i guess i'm ok, then,huh? at least i'm not the only one that don't know what to do with a live-in husband. LOL

cinderellawkids

Teke-My first husband was a truck driver. Gone 6 weeks home 2 days gone again.
I dont know how to live with anyone and never ever liked roomates even before kids

teke

me either cinder, my first husband and i married young and divorced young,a long time ago, and i stayed alone with my kids for a lot of yrs before i met rah and he moved in with us.my dad died young and i never had a father figure around so i don't know the first thing about living with a man. my rah has been seperated off and on since the day we married. i don't know why i thought i was to stick and stay all of those yrs, but still, here i am, go firgure!

teke

mine will do all of this house work on his day off and then spend the rest of the day doing yard work. i called myself going on strike last wk, didn't do a bit of good, these folks acted like they didn't see the messes that they were making. so i got up, went into the gustafo mode and they all got to scrambling around cleaning something while i just rant and raved. see i got all these kids and grandkids in and out of the house most of the time and i keep thinking that i'm gonna find me a 1 bedroom effenciency, then see what they do and this includes hubby

cinderellawkids

Ok anvilhead-how do ou et your husbands work clothes clean?

My hubbies are awful with tar ect, but he has the best smelling shirt. Last week 3 guys had white shirts, they were tossed in a pile. my hubby said he knew his shirt by the smell of Gain joyful expressions scent

cinderellawkids

I use downy dryer sheets too.
My Ah wears the same two outfits but we wash them nightly.
His shorts and jeans have black and brown goop all over them. I think theres no hope for the stains, but atleast his clothes smell good. For years at our old house when he'd sweat he'd smell like a wet dirty dog because of our washer we thought, we later figured out it was because the dog stayed in the garage, which was damp and the dryer hose had a hole-Now I make sure our clothes smell great

hopeforever

its abig adjustment from one day living alone one day with my husband when hes ok or when hes in reahb or when hes using,,,,,.. its two diffrent lives.. and sometims it happens so fast u know,, like one day were in heaven lol one day werein hell.. when im alone,, i know i have to do everything bymyself,, becouse i have no help so i have t o be always on the go go go ,, with the kids,, and me and everything,,.. when my husband is home it kinda of takes me few days to realx and stop being on the gogogo... i think becouse so many times i was alone with the kids,, i learn to adjust to it,, physcially faster,, i mean by doing the home chores,, takeing care of the kids. but emotionally its always a shock... like the other day were were talking me and my husband and i old himm,, im always have to be here no matter how i feel ,, how life is with me,, i have to be strong ,, do everything with the kids and the home,, but u can just have ur moods, and swings,, like u feel, one day youre here one day not, he said he knows its wrong and he doesnt want it to be like this...but i told him ,, he will never ever know how it feels to be in the position im in.....hes really trying now,,and so am i,,,.. i hope everything will be good. and keep being good and better,,and will all here will feel better.

teke

are you guys tring to tell me that i'm suppose to wash hubby's clothes, too?
i must be an awful wife, it may be my fault cause he uses, do you think? think i'll try the gain expression, i usually use tide with bleach for everything.

cinderellawkids

If he'll do his laundry. let him. My husband and I share the job, I just end up being the one that gets all clothes out and fold them.

Next time your in Walmart stick your nose ina bottle of Gain Joyful expressions and see if you like it. I do because the clothes still smell good later, for example you open my boys closet and get a wiff of freshness.

I think I make AHs lunch for me, so I can say "Yeah, I did that." and He can brag "Look at what my wife made me."

IO Storm

It is because you are still in shock. Try to relax. Don't

watch him. The only thing I can help you with that has

been the only thing that has helped me to stop! The crazy

co-dependent, checking up on, scared, panicky, what if

feelings about another is: (Actually, HE gave me this tool

because i was driving him crazy after he took me back in)

Focus on God.

I had to do it over and over and over again, and it

eventually brought peace, and you know what?

Minutes became hours of peace.

Nine months now, and ,I never had a thing to worry about.


Love,

Sherry


(An aside to Teke Yes, they were real cats. I would walk in the rain, and call stray kitties to me. I would pick them up, hug them tightly , and cry out my woes to them, they would scratch and yowlp and get the h--- away).

I did see faces in the willow trees in the park. Unbelievable.
Alcoholic delusions.

teke

IOSTORM

to think of all the weird stuff that i did and had to go through to get drugs, knowing what it was gonna be like before i start trying to get high and how i was gonna feel after the money and drugs were gone, after i get stuck and couldn't make myself go home if i still had one to go to, go to work, or do the things that i knew that i was suppose to do, i would still go somewhere and get all rested up and start the cycle all over again. its the insanity of addiction.