teke

sorry that you thought that your post was deleted, i don't think that i could have done that anyway. i have posted and didn't see my post afterwards, but i think that maybe i didn't send it or something. i've never had a post deleted, and i don't know what will be the cause for one to be deleted, that i guess would be something that the mods would do, but i don't know. i'm still kind of new here too, as far as i'm concerned. you are welcome to post here or on any threads that i may start anytime and as much as you like. honestly, i think that maybe you kind of overlooked it, maybe it was on the previous page. sorry though

IO Storm

Teke, I see it was reposted because it was gone yesterday,

it's OK. It WAS inapprpriate. I did hijack this thread.

I am having a very bad case of PMS DM now (debilitating)

and that man's insensivity made me cry. Sometimes it is

best to calm down before hittin' the old keys. I think was

overreacting at the time. Honestly, I was hot, and I saw

the thread, Penny for Your Thoughts,so I jumped in and let

go, called the guy a jerk, thereby by perpetuating the bad

feelings...hmmm..now today I post my beautiful uplifting

sayings with my tail between my legs....

Thank you for being so sweet.

Love,

IO

kim1973berly

I get tired of holding it together, being strong and acting like the actions of the addicts in my life did not hurt me, did not change me as a person forever. I get SOOOO angry at my sister I want to smack her across the face. When she calls me a "b----" or tells me to F off, when it is totally her problem. I am tired of being able to use her addictions as excuses for everything that she does wrong.
I am angry that we are losing so much time together. She was supposed to be here for the birth of my son, but it was something that she couldn't manage to do. I hate that we will never get any of this time back. I hate that each time we talk it might be the last. I just want my sister and my best friend back.
Thanks for the opportunity to rant.

teke

io storm, you did not hyjack the thread, you posted your thoughts about what you wanted to and to who you wanted to, and that is want the initial stated. so go ahead and post your thoughts here if you want. sorry, i don't know if i saw the deleted thread that you say was reposted, gotta go back and look for it.ok.

teke

i'm so sorry that you are hurting kim. i think that its good that you can recognize your feelings, feel them and try to find a way to let them go.
try to turn them over to your hp and look to him to guide and protect your sister and lead her to the place where he wants her to be. there is always hope. i will pray a special prayer for you and your sister, that she finds her way real soon. i also pray that god will give you peace in the mist of this terrible time.

teke

hey tx, just checking in before i go to bed too
glad you enjoyed your meeting, look like you don't have many addicts where you live, you think?

teke

have you been to an alanon meeting? i found that they are basically the same just different drug. we have co anon here but hard to find, so i have enjoyed alanon too. been awhile since i was able to go to either one, don't have one in my imediate area, so a lot of time, i end up just going to a ca, na or aa meeting, i guess i qualify for both.

Promise

Teke,
I really like the penny in the cup idea. I'll let you know how I make out.
Promise

IO Storm

Teke: Here's a penny for the cup :

Permission to quote you here:

"But while I was using, I some times kind of saw things that I could have sworn were people too, heard voices and every noise was somebody outside that I needed to catch. I did and said a lot of crazy stuff, but as I got clean and sober, I got better".

While I was using, especially when I started drinking again on top of the amphetamines (what hell), I heard noises and wanted to go outside and scratch a cat. I would go looking for something furry to to hug and they would yowlp and jump away. Poor things.

Brownie. It is not unusual for animals to sense a change in the personality of an owner while under the influence of drugs or a while in a psychotic episode. The dogs are most likely afraid and need a reprieve. Maybe they can be kenelled for a time?

Love you.

IO

teke

this morning, i'm having one of those insecure moments.

i think that i talk too much and not doing enough listening

i think that i'm suppose to be trying to build a relationship with my rah and still don't want to do anything about it, so i feel like i'm being too hard or something

i feel like i'm going backwards a little, i thought that my rah was sneaking to the comp in the middle of the night to read my posts, so i set a little trap to find out and...........nope, not this morning. i feel like a dunce and a regress. feels like i'm snooping again. gotta find a better way. seems like i'm thinking too much about what he maybe thinking about the fact that i'm not very receptive towards him.

IOSTORM: ok the furry cats? were they really there?


i remember i use to shadow watch too, but i did this when i got crazy tring to catch my rah in whatever actions that i thought that he was trying to hide. like to have drove myself even crazier trying to figure out why he was acting so weird. man addiction is the worse thing that i've experienced, i think

itiswhatitis...

teke, et al;

today i'm thinking about my first alanon meeting (tons of people - i think most of the people in the beginners group 15 or so were there because of kids drug use - so i'd say lots of naranon people were there) i'm thinking that i really need to stop thinking about what others; think, do, feel, or say - i need to stop resenting them for what I think they did to sabotage things in our lives - i need to live for me and those around me - i need to live in the moment more - just being happy - not letting me think of things that **** me off - i just need to be and not think so much...

and teke, if you can just enjoy your husband for the things he brings - you know - just enjoy sharing something - for myself that would be sex - (all embarassed now) - i know if i'm mad at him i don't have sex but when i'm not and the time is right sex just lets me release so much - and feel less stressed - about everything - i hope that for you teke - to feel less stressed...

love,
s

teke

this is the part where i'm not being attentive at all, and it concerns me, but there is a lot of insecure feelings that i still have to work through, i guess when either i'm ready or that i just don't have a reason.

i think that he has been unfaithful off and on, maybe when we were seperated but its all the same to me. the trust was torn away and i'm not sure if i want to allow myself to trust him again. i think that i'm doing the best i can but i don't think that my best is enough for me to feel secure in the relationship
.
i think maybe i just enjoy him being around, don't nessessarily need a relationship. i know that that must sound kind of sick on my part. the kids are very happy that he's around and as far as me? i don't don't know what i feel about it yet. seems like i should know more by now, but i don't.

glad you enjoyed your meeting and i'm with you on the thinking part. i think that i'm beginning to do way too much thinking for my own good. why can't i let someone else do the thinking and i just be.

cinderellawkids

I think I am crazy.

My AH has been doing good for 9 days and I caught myself, last night when he took the trash out, for just a second thinking, maybe he'll just keep walking.....
Where the heck did that thought come from?
He came in 20 seconds later and all was fine, but my psychotic thinking has me a little disturbed, why cant I just be happy?

teke

cinder and anvil

i wonder how long are we gonna be doing this kind of stuff. this kind of thinking gets old and i'm tired of falling for it.

you know i was just thinking, maybe we have a codie voice that speaks out when we're least expected, just like that voice of addiction that speaks out when our addicts are least expected, causing them to possibly relapse. if so, that means i have to pay more attention to what i think. does this make any sense?

itiswhatitis...

i think we all need a wife

love,
s

cinderellawkids

Teke, I agree and it makes perfect sense.

I also wnat to add that last Friday my husband was off work. He wanted to keeep our 2 year old. Since I was stopping in at lunch, he was cashless and in good spirits I decided it was okay. Both Friday and Saturday the man and I reversed roles, sorta. He got up first and made coffee, made me breakfast and prepared a lunch, got kids up and helped us out the door. Even did laundry. I HATED EVERY SECOND. I do those things because somewhere in my head Ive dubbed them as mine and feel lost if I dont. The universe(at least mine) seemed off balance. I had to fix it by getting up early Sunday and going grocery shopping alone.

teke

just curious to know what i need a wife for? or did i miss something?

itiswhatitis...

teke,

that was so rt in response to anvil's post - how she makes his lunch, gets his stuff together, keeps things together so he doesn't need to worry about stuff - i guess that might not be such a good idea though - then we'd just have more time to think - thinking is what got us into this mess in the first place...

love,
s

cinderellawkids

Wonderfully said. Yet I think when I do that stuff. ANy known cure for thinking too much?

teke

itiswhatitis

you hit the nail with the anvil that time. all of my smarts got me married to an addict for 21 yrs. i think that its time for me to give up thinking for a good little while.