OMG he called
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Sounds to me like you will be in waiting of his next call.
Let it go. You told him you have no intention of calling him
and if you are serious about no contact for a year, hang up
if he calls again. You have said it more than once, he isn't
brain dead he should get it.
Nothing ever works out the way we want it to. You can reherse
it in your head all you want but when the time comes it ends up
for what it is...as you found out today.
Now that the call is behind you, you can put all of the focus on
yourself. It sounds as if he has a lot to workto do on himself and
by himself. BTW you handled it the best that you could, it's hard
to know exactly what to do when we are taken by surprise.
Hang in there it's all about you now.
Let it go. You told him you have no intention of calling him
and if you are serious about no contact for a year, hang up
if he calls again. You have said it more than once, he isn't
brain dead he should get it.
Nothing ever works out the way we want it to. You can reherse
it in your head all you want but when the time comes it ends up
for what it is...as you found out today.
Now that the call is behind you, you can put all of the focus on
yourself. It sounds as if he has a lot to workto do on himself and
by himself. BTW you handled it the best that you could, it's hard
to know exactly what to do when we are taken by surprise.
Hang in there it's all about you now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Me, too, deax. Still love - from AFAR.
Hard as it is - and I know - try to get the focus back on you. Re-read this thread and see what you thought would happen, what did happen, etc. Learn from it. There were many things I had (and still have) to go back and learn again.
I agree, you did good, so don't sweat it.
Hard as it is - and I know - try to get the focus back on you. Re-read this thread and see what you thought would happen, what did happen, etc. Learn from it. There were many things I had (and still have) to go back and learn again.
I agree, you did good, so don't sweat it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
I think the conversation went the way it was supposed to go by a power greater than yourself or him.
Have no regrets deax ... I don't think you said anything wrong and you handled yourself with dignity. Good job!
Now put it behind you and take the year you asked for and learn, grow and become a better person. Learn to love yourself first, everything will fall into place after that.
Have no regrets deax ... I don't think you said anything wrong and you handled yourself with dignity. Good job!
Now put it behind you and take the year you asked for and learn, grow and become a better person. Learn to love yourself first, everything will fall into place after that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Wow! Thank you guys... I feel so much better. I was beating myself up for not handling the conversation “better” but I did learn a few things—as Patty said, all the rehearsing in the world will never totally prepare you, and also that I can’t ever rely on him to do what he says-- for good or for bad.
Anyway, yes now when he calls again telling him to please not call my work line anymore and just hanging up is ALL I will do. If it f’n kills me, that’s what I’ll do. I need to stop delaying the inevitable already.
I’m glad it’s ok to say I love you, I had so many mixed emotions, but something compelled me to throw it in.
And you all are right- I’m going to try very hard to focus on me. I don’t know what to make of half of what he said but I won’t dwell on it. I wonder what’s up with his arm but it’s not my concern right now…. Time will tell if he’s genuine, which I have trouble with... So I’m gonna try my hardest to let go of his affairs now... I don't always know how to keep the focus on me or even always when I'm NOT doing that, but I trust you guys will give me a good verbal a**kicking if I yo notice that I fall out of line.
The timing was good for me. I was worried he’d call tomorrow when I’ll be flying to Chicago for a couple days with my mom and other family members... So now I don’t need to bring the burden of THE CALL on the trip with me.
Thanks for your support, I’m so glad I didn’t do as badly as I thought I did, lol…
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
I don't know why I feel the need to update here, but he called again. Today. And the last post I made about him calling on Aug 3 was the last time before this one.
This time I was outside my building at work talking to my friend Jackie and I didn't have my cell with me, so I didn't even know he'd called. Then when I came back in my cousin called my cell and I noticed I had a voice mail and I just listened to it now.
He sounded great, actually. He sounded clear and... I dunno, just good. But he sounded awkward too. Nervous. He just said, "Hey it's me, I was just caling to see how you are and what's going on with you..... All right, talk to you later. Later."
Every time he calls it sets me back, as we know. But after the last conversation we had, where we exchanged 'I love you's and all and agreed we both still needed this year, even tho I felt good about the conversation I just knew I'd hear from him. And I knew I wanted to.
I'm not going to call him back. The other night I was talking to my friend and I don't talk about him half as much as I used to. But I said, I wonder if he's worried that I'll meet someone else. And she said, 'no he's not, he knows how into him you are, I think he feels pretty secure that you'll end up waiting for him and I don't even think he believes you about this year.' She said what I know- that the only way to make him "believe me" is to really stick to my guns when it matters, when the calls like these start up again. Which- alas- is today.
I miss him terribly. I can't and won't talk to him, but as right as I know this no contact decision is, I still feel bad about it. I'm calmer now-much calmer- than I've been in the beginning and at certain other intervals through the process, but I'm sad if he doesn't call and sad when he does call.
Lately I've been thinking God sent him into my life because he's kicked up all this other family **** I need to deal with- and thats what I've been focusing on. I've going to therapy, to Al Anon, to meditation classes, I've been journaling. My therapist said the universe will send him back to me if he's supposed to be here. But 2 months into no contact and it feels like 2 years already.
I hate to hurt him, but I know I'm not. The last words he heard me say were I love you. I need to let go.
That's all. Thanks for letting me vent... again.
This time I was outside my building at work talking to my friend Jackie and I didn't have my cell with me, so I didn't even know he'd called. Then when I came back in my cousin called my cell and I noticed I had a voice mail and I just listened to it now.
He sounded great, actually. He sounded clear and... I dunno, just good. But he sounded awkward too. Nervous. He just said, "Hey it's me, I was just caling to see how you are and what's going on with you..... All right, talk to you later. Later."
Every time he calls it sets me back, as we know. But after the last conversation we had, where we exchanged 'I love you's and all and agreed we both still needed this year, even tho I felt good about the conversation I just knew I'd hear from him. And I knew I wanted to.
I'm not going to call him back. The other night I was talking to my friend and I don't talk about him half as much as I used to. But I said, I wonder if he's worried that I'll meet someone else. And she said, 'no he's not, he knows how into him you are, I think he feels pretty secure that you'll end up waiting for him and I don't even think he believes you about this year.' She said what I know- that the only way to make him "believe me" is to really stick to my guns when it matters, when the calls like these start up again. Which- alas- is today.
I miss him terribly. I can't and won't talk to him, but as right as I know this no contact decision is, I still feel bad about it. I'm calmer now-much calmer- than I've been in the beginning and at certain other intervals through the process, but I'm sad if he doesn't call and sad when he does call.
Lately I've been thinking God sent him into my life because he's kicked up all this other family **** I need to deal with- and thats what I've been focusing on. I've going to therapy, to Al Anon, to meditation classes, I've been journaling. My therapist said the universe will send him back to me if he's supposed to be here. But 2 months into no contact and it feels like 2 years already.
I hate to hurt him, but I know I'm not. The last words he heard me say were I love you. I need to let go.
That's all. Thanks for letting me vent... again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Deax -
Wow..what progress you have made in just 2 months!!!
Congrats and good for you on not calling him back....
I went through something similar with my exabf...he called a few times - I didn't answer...
Welll then 6 months after the breakup I bumped into him on the street...
Went to my Alanon meeting and sobbed my heart out...but also knew that although I loved him - there was no going back...(He looked horrible).
Hang on! You are doing great.
Wow..what progress you have made in just 2 months!!!
Congrats and good for you on not calling him back....
I went through something similar with my exabf...he called a few times - I didn't answer...
Welll then 6 months after the breakup I bumped into him on the street...
Went to my Alanon meeting and sobbed my heart out...but also knew that although I loved him - there was no going back...(He looked horrible).
Hang on! You are doing great.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Thanks Minx. I think what I feel most is not only guilt but fear-- fear that he will give up and let go of ME if too much time goes by. That's my main uncomfortable feeling. Insecurity, again, I guess.
The kicker of it is, this will be the first time since the NC started that I'm not reacting. So I'm not sure what to expect next from him... New territory.
His birthday is Sept 21. To be honest, I'm still debating whether I want to send him a short and sweet card. No talking, no phonecalls, no reunion. Just a card in his mailbox. (I fancy the implied message to be simply: I can't talk to you, but I still care and am glad you were born, for God's sake.) Can't say I see so much harm in that, esp since last year no one in his family except one neice called for his birthday. But on the other hand I don't know.... because he's expecting me to acknowledge his birthday, I know it. And I don't want to undercut myself.
I dunno, I have about a month to kick it around.
The kicker of it is, this will be the first time since the NC started that I'm not reacting. So I'm not sure what to expect next from him... New territory.
His birthday is Sept 21. To be honest, I'm still debating whether I want to send him a short and sweet card. No talking, no phonecalls, no reunion. Just a card in his mailbox. (I fancy the implied message to be simply: I can't talk to you, but I still care and am glad you were born, for God's sake.) Can't say I see so much harm in that, esp since last year no one in his family except one neice called for his birthday. But on the other hand I don't know.... because he's expecting me to acknowledge his birthday, I know it. And I don't want to undercut myself.
I dunno, I have about a month to kick it around.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Well...he does know you care..
So is that why you would send it? Is your motive to make sure that he knows you are still available?
I m asking because I know that I (and others on the board) went through similar things...
I didnt send the birthday card...but I did send my exs father get well cards when he was dying of cancer and I sent flowers when he did die..
and didnt answer the phone when the call came (this was a year later) to thank me for the flowers.
So is that why you would send it? Is your motive to make sure that he knows you are still available?
I m asking because I know that I (and others on the board) went through similar things...
I didnt send the birthday card...but I did send my exs father get well cards when he was dying of cancer and I sent flowers when he did die..
and didnt answer the phone when the call came (this was a year later) to thank me for the flowers.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Is it any wonder why addicts have such a hard time giving up a physical addiction - something their actual body craves? I was in a relationship that I knew was harmful to my mind, body and soul, yet I would not give it up.
For me, no contact has meant just that - no contact - and I feel better about it every day.
For me, no contact has meant just that - no contact - and I feel better about it every day.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Minx1969
Well...he does know you care..
So is that why you would send it?
So is that why you would send it?
Originally Posted by Minx1969
Is your motive to make sure that he knows you are still available?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Originally Posted by deax
and ignoring a birthday just seems insensitive.
Yes-- but not so much 'available' (which I've come to resent because my friends say he knows I was wrapped around his finger so to speak) as... I dunno, just still here? Still thinking of him and hoping for the best for him?
Yes-- but not so much 'available' (which I've come to resent because my friends say he knows I was wrapped around his finger so to speak) as... I dunno, just still here? Still thinking of him and hoping for the best for him?
Our reactions and actions are our choice...
Also - It appears you are still trying to control the outcome of what happens in a year...you want to "Make sure" that he is going to be there.
Deax - you aren't that powerful..you can't control his drinking, you can't see the future so put away the crystal ball...
I know it's hard - been there done that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by Minx1969
Also - It appears you are still trying to control the outcome of what happens in a year...you want to "Make sure" that he is going to be there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 96
Deax, if you look through my posts from 2004, you will see I went through the same thing with my axbf.
I ended up moving in "to improve our relationship". Now, 8 months later, I've moved out and on with my recovery of self.
I had some great times and some TERRIBLE times with him. That crazy lost look in his eyes, the yelling, destroying things and constant distrust made me question and blame myself.
Check out this amazing site. I talks about signs of an abusive relationship, what the abuser is thinking and why it is so utterly bad for you.
http://www.womansavers.com/articles-for-women/128.html
Repeat to yourself 5 times when you think you miss him:
"I Deserve More."
I ended up moving in "to improve our relationship". Now, 8 months later, I've moved out and on with my recovery of self.
I had some great times and some TERRIBLE times with him. That crazy lost look in his eyes, the yelling, destroying things and constant distrust made me question and blame myself.
Check out this amazing site. I talks about signs of an abusive relationship, what the abuser is thinking and why it is so utterly bad for you.
http://www.womansavers.com/articles-for-women/128.html
Repeat to yourself 5 times when you think you miss him:
"I Deserve More."
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dream
Posts: 88
AGREE!!!!!! I admitt seems ot have made some progress. But I just did this., They come back with what you waited to here and Toby gave me the same advice but I decided why would he come back if he did not love me. and want to be with me. HOney all those things mnay be true and it is a risk you take. Only you have to wake up to it in the morning after 5 mnths of tasking our break he came back and through alanon I thought I caouls deal I can!!! He cannot!!! Be there for suppoort but focus on you sweetie. He needs to have him and he has made a great start but keep your distance they do not do it intentionally so to mad at them is pointless and in the end as hurt as you become it is really frustrating you cannot get mad just sad to know how they love you as much as they can but sometimes you become part of their manipi;lation it can be worked on but to much too soon not a good idea from experience. I love my boyfriend very much but I need me if he decides to stay or go so as I sit here again wondering what to do stay or leave again. I hear your story it does make your stomach drop and you want it so much HEAR ME take baby steps or you will be at the beginning.
BEsT WISHES
SC
BEsT WISHES
SC
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: chelsea, ma
Posts: 3
Take it from me and my experience. My ex boyfriend undergone the Pellet implant for several months and was doing great. He started looking good, working and living life drug free. But something happened and he started going out drinking with the guys and then I suspect coke as well. Before long he was using heroin once again and overdosed on my birthday this past July. He woke up and wanted that implant again and I of course took him, paid for everything and took care of him (once again) and after one week, he confessed to me he was shooting coke and I made the decision that this was enough for me. It's so hard not to believe in them but you have to consider he was lieing to you and it was probably more than one time or even sometimes. It's all of the time. Stay strong, I understand what it's like to worry, and wonder and love someone so deeply you want them in your life. But you have to keep in mind they lie about everything and you need to keep your guard up. I do not know what I would do if he called me and i know it's easier said than done.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 96
Deax,
I have an update for you, my xabf just called me tonight!
I looked on my cell caller ID and there was his name. I did not answer. A few minutes later, he called back and left a vm. I KNOW I am not supposed to listen to the voicemails but I wanted to know if it was a:
-I hate you, it's all your fault
-I miss you, why aren't we together
-"This is 'so-and-so' and your xabf is dead or in the hospital"
It was him, drunk at a bar, unintelligble mumbling.
L-O-S-E-R!
After reading your posting, I wrote down what I would say to him if I needed to talk to him. My first choice is not talking to him at all because I already know from how he talks to me, he would love to sit there and tell me how everything is my fault - his childhood, that he drinks, that our relationship ended, that blah, blah, blah!
Adapted from
Womansavers.com - What To Do When Your 'Worm' Comes Crawling Back
What I will say if I have to talk to him:
-I have an attitude of gratitude that my higher power put me here on earth to do something powerful and positive with my life.
-Breaking up is just what I need to get things straight in my life.
-I wanted to believe your strongest emotion was love. It wasn't
-You blew your chance. I wanted to love your pain away.
stay strong!
giz
I have an update for you, my xabf just called me tonight!
I looked on my cell caller ID and there was his name. I did not answer. A few minutes later, he called back and left a vm. I KNOW I am not supposed to listen to the voicemails but I wanted to know if it was a:
-I hate you, it's all your fault
-I miss you, why aren't we together
-"This is 'so-and-so' and your xabf is dead or in the hospital"
It was him, drunk at a bar, unintelligble mumbling.
L-O-S-E-R!
After reading your posting, I wrote down what I would say to him if I needed to talk to him. My first choice is not talking to him at all because I already know from how he talks to me, he would love to sit there and tell me how everything is my fault - his childhood, that he drinks, that our relationship ended, that blah, blah, blah!
Adapted from
Womansavers.com - What To Do When Your 'Worm' Comes Crawling Back
What I will say if I have to talk to him:
-I have an attitude of gratitude that my higher power put me here on earth to do something powerful and positive with my life.
-Breaking up is just what I need to get things straight in my life.
-I wanted to believe your strongest emotion was love. It wasn't
-You blew your chance. I wanted to love your pain away.
stay strong!
giz
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Dream
Posts: 88
Much love for your honesty. I guess sometimes it seems you are a little further in the acceptance phase of all of this. All of what you say is clear and helpful. I guess sometimes it takes time to see it ya know. Did you figure it all out right away. I know I have learned the same thing multiple times. It all takes time. (I SUPPOSE) Anyway it is always refreshing to hear your viewpoints- very much of you won't take it anymore bless you for your strength. A little side suggestion from heart maybe explain how to get there . thanks for listening.
SC
SC
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Bronx, NY
Posts: 412
Wow, it was weird to see this thread bumped up here again... It's weird because I feel like my feelings about things are changing so rapidly, every time I look back at something I did or said after I have a little more time under my belt, I can laugh at myself. Not like I'm a different person or everything is easy now- not by a long shot. I still miss him, some days more than others, but I do feel a shift of some sort.
Thanks, giz. I read your story and your old threads and really identified with some of it, especially your 'what I learned' thread and this part of your letter: "I mess up on a lot of things. I know that. I also know I have worked too hard in my life to get where I'm at to not seek the same in a long-term partner." I really like that and understand the sentiment completely, in my own way.
On the up side, things have gotten easier. I'm not as emotional as I once was, I just shut my phone off at night without thinking twice, and my memory these days is a good balance, I think, between sentimentality and accuracy. I'm still going to Al-Anon (even when it's the last thing I want to do), going to therapy, and I've even started attending meditation workshops. It was interesting- while I was at one last Friday, we had to visualize a conflict we had with a person and do a meditation on working it through differently than we had and then letting it go. And you know what? I DIDN'T think about Richie. I thought about a situation with my neighbor... I wanted a clean example, something I couldn't justify or rationalize, but the fact that he isn't 100% on my mind to the point where I can't think about anything else surprised even me!
Still the last time he called was Aug 3. When I think back to when we were together, if I was unable to call him back within an hour or 2 of when he left me a message, it would make me crazy. I wouldn't want too much time to go by, I might not get him on the phone again for 24 hours, I had to anticipate and prevent, etc. I cannot even believe that he left me a message and I'm on, what-- day 40 or something?-- that I haven't called him back.
What has helped me is my firm belief that God sent him to me for a reason-- which was for me to deal with my issues. Richie indirectly kicked up a lot of **** for me, and I'm doing things I never would have done before. Meditating? Journaling? Finding a great new therapist, being so honest about myself, etc. He's been an impetus for me to make positive changes, and he's caused me to develop my spirituality. And as I do those things, Richie, who I still love and part of me always will, is being looked at in a new light.
Anyway now I'm just venting... Back to the point, giz- thank you for your story and the abuse link as well. But I really don't feel as though I was abused. I know the lies of both the omission and boldfaced variety can be considered a form of emotional abuse. But I see now the role I played in it as well; why did I expect him to treat me any differently as far as that goes than he did everyone else? I never saw him drunk or high, he never ever was verbally, physically or sexually abusive. He was actually quite kind and patient towards me, to tell you the truth. I don't want the life he has to offer me, and perhaps if I ever was in his company when he was using excessively I would have seen a much uglier side, but I'm grateful that I never did (I know another woman has, one who's as reckless as he is...). But still, I just don't want the life he has to offer me(drugs...alcohol...unpaid bills... occasional attendance at work...etc) , and I've given up my delusions about being the angel who brought on this complete transformation in this poor underdog. If I could I would, but I can't so I no longer want to waste my time trying!
TBH, I feel as though he's taking this pretty well. Again, I haven't heard from him at all since the message he left on Aug 3. I though, whether he's clean or sober, I'd have heard from him more, he'd be trying harder to get me to talk to him than he is. I really am preparing myself for anything to come with him in the back of my mind and it's far from optimistic, but even my friends who hate him say if you have to take a guess at how he's spending his time, his NOT calling is kind of a good sign. At the best, he's trying to get it together; at the worst, he's not being an *******.
Anyway, giz, about not listening to the voice mails, I still say that's asking a little too much, the curiosity alone would kill me, lol... But I hope your HP sends you the right words if he does keep calling, and I love your second sentence in your list of things you want to say. I'm gonna store that one away in my head, if you don't mind! You stay strong, too.
SC, you have no idea how much this sentence helped me. On my bad days I find myself saying-- am I ready? Can I talk to him yet and be less affected? I know that's the devil on my shoulder and what you just said is how I get myself through it- I'll be right back at square one in no time. Thank you.
Yes...which is so exhausting. And it's easier for me to keep my guard up through no contact at all rather than trying to not engage with him around. Wow, you went through a lot... I could totally see myself going down that road and doing all the same things you did, trying and hoping time and again. Thanks for sharing with me.
SC- who are you talking to in your last post? I assume giz? Because I never feel like I have it together enough to give others good advice, I'm just learning as I go too, lol. As far as learning it all right away, I know I didn't, there was a lot of repeat performances of the drama between us, but I guess I didn't let it go on too long, the whole relationship was only about a year old when I ended it. Felt much longer though.
Love to everyone on these boards. It's always great for me to have the opportunity to read what you guys' experiences have been, everyone has been through so much, and for the chance to think things through out loud again. I'm really grateful for this place.
Thanks, giz. I read your story and your old threads and really identified with some of it, especially your 'what I learned' thread and this part of your letter: "I mess up on a lot of things. I know that. I also know I have worked too hard in my life to get where I'm at to not seek the same in a long-term partner." I really like that and understand the sentiment completely, in my own way.
On the up side, things have gotten easier. I'm not as emotional as I once was, I just shut my phone off at night without thinking twice, and my memory these days is a good balance, I think, between sentimentality and accuracy. I'm still going to Al-Anon (even when it's the last thing I want to do), going to therapy, and I've even started attending meditation workshops. It was interesting- while I was at one last Friday, we had to visualize a conflict we had with a person and do a meditation on working it through differently than we had and then letting it go. And you know what? I DIDN'T think about Richie. I thought about a situation with my neighbor... I wanted a clean example, something I couldn't justify or rationalize, but the fact that he isn't 100% on my mind to the point where I can't think about anything else surprised even me!
Still the last time he called was Aug 3. When I think back to when we were together, if I was unable to call him back within an hour or 2 of when he left me a message, it would make me crazy. I wouldn't want too much time to go by, I might not get him on the phone again for 24 hours, I had to anticipate and prevent, etc. I cannot even believe that he left me a message and I'm on, what-- day 40 or something?-- that I haven't called him back.
What has helped me is my firm belief that God sent him to me for a reason-- which was for me to deal with my issues. Richie indirectly kicked up a lot of **** for me, and I'm doing things I never would have done before. Meditating? Journaling? Finding a great new therapist, being so honest about myself, etc. He's been an impetus for me to make positive changes, and he's caused me to develop my spirituality. And as I do those things, Richie, who I still love and part of me always will, is being looked at in a new light.
Anyway now I'm just venting... Back to the point, giz- thank you for your story and the abuse link as well. But I really don't feel as though I was abused. I know the lies of both the omission and boldfaced variety can be considered a form of emotional abuse. But I see now the role I played in it as well; why did I expect him to treat me any differently as far as that goes than he did everyone else? I never saw him drunk or high, he never ever was verbally, physically or sexually abusive. He was actually quite kind and patient towards me, to tell you the truth. I don't want the life he has to offer me, and perhaps if I ever was in his company when he was using excessively I would have seen a much uglier side, but I'm grateful that I never did (I know another woman has, one who's as reckless as he is...). But still, I just don't want the life he has to offer me(drugs...alcohol...unpaid bills... occasional attendance at work...etc) , and I've given up my delusions about being the angel who brought on this complete transformation in this poor underdog. If I could I would, but I can't so I no longer want to waste my time trying!
TBH, I feel as though he's taking this pretty well. Again, I haven't heard from him at all since the message he left on Aug 3. I though, whether he's clean or sober, I'd have heard from him more, he'd be trying harder to get me to talk to him than he is. I really am preparing myself for anything to come with him in the back of my mind and it's far from optimistic, but even my friends who hate him say if you have to take a guess at how he's spending his time, his NOT calling is kind of a good sign. At the best, he's trying to get it together; at the worst, he's not being an *******.
Anyway, giz, about not listening to the voice mails, I still say that's asking a little too much, the curiosity alone would kill me, lol... But I hope your HP sends you the right words if he does keep calling, and I love your second sentence in your list of things you want to say. I'm gonna store that one away in my head, if you don't mind! You stay strong, too.
Originally Posted by So Confused
I hear your story it does make your stomach drop and you want it so much HEAR ME take baby steps or you will be at the beginning.
Originally Posted by traciears
It's so hard not to believe in them but you have to consider he was lieing to you and it was probably more than one time or even sometimes. It's all of the time. Stay strong, I understand what it's like to worry, and wonder and love someone so deeply you want them in your life. But you have to keep in mind they lie about everything and you need to keep your guard up.
SC- who are you talking to in your last post? I assume giz? Because I never feel like I have it together enough to give others good advice, I'm just learning as I go too, lol. As far as learning it all right away, I know I didn't, there was a lot of repeat performances of the drama between us, but I guess I didn't let it go on too long, the whole relationship was only about a year old when I ended it. Felt much longer though.
Love to everyone on these boards. It's always great for me to have the opportunity to read what you guys' experiences have been, everyone has been through so much, and for the chance to think things through out loud again.
I'm really grateful for this place.
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