EndOfRoadWife

Sweep- You sound like you are doing great and really catching onto this!!! Sounds like you are really working on yourself! Good job!!!! Have a great weekend! You deserve it!

Sweepdaddy

Trying too! SHe had a rough night last night. The therapist, in a group session, certainly triggered her emotions, which I am glad about. She is an attention monger, and uses her good looks to get what she needs sometimes. He asked if all of her doctors who she had gotten pills from were male, and she said yes. He basically called her a drug ***** (verbatim). She caled me crying and angry, as the rest of the group laughed at her. I told her, firmly and lovingly, that he was right. If she thinks that her good looks will get her by the rest of her life, she is gong to have a life filled with low self esteem (her biggest problem) and hurt. She was a bit angry with me for not coddling her I guess, but her mother spoke to her just after that and also gave it to her straight. I am very happy that the rehab therapists realize that to successfully treat the addict, they must also treat the disorders that may cause the addiction.

I am going out for sushi and billiards later with a good friend. One day at a time!

Sweepdaddy

She just called. Their power is out due to the hurricane last night, so they have no electric, a/c, cold drinks, etc. She is miserable! I can tell you that she definately doesn't like the heat. She says that no one is participating in the sessions b/c they are all hot and frustrated. I told her that I can understand how that would be a nuisance, but that she would feel even more of a sense of accomplishment after she gets out of the program. Not to gloat, but my a/c here ate the house is just fine. I've been asked by her therapist to some in for a three way meeting, which I will certainly attend. It will be good counseling for me and for the relationship. Plus, it may help them better treat her. Any opinions?

miss_sterling

I have to agree with you about people being harsh. I too believe anyone can change. If you remember me, I was the one who posted a week or so ago about the mood swings my boyfriend and I were going through.

In his program, he can come and go as he pleases but has to check in at meals. He checked out after breakfast to go take a driving test to get his license back. I supported him for doing something positive and even paid for the fees. He called this evening because he needed a ride. He went out to drink to celebrate passing the test. I did go to get him because at the time I didn't realize that he was drunk. Boy did I smell it when I found him! This is only week two for him and this really is discouraging to me. I wonder just how good his program is and if I should call someone there to talk. UGH!

Just know that you and I seem to be in the same place with our loved ones. I will keep you guys in my prayers.

Sweepdaddy

She called me a bit earlier. Because she is still in detox, she won't be allowed visitors tomorrow. I can honestly say that I am happy about that, and so is she. We agreed that seeing each other right now makes it harder for us. Also, the power is still out over there due to the hurricane and the generator went last night, so no a/c, cold drinks, food got spoiled, etc. What she said to me was as if it were someone else,"Whatever it takes. It does stink having to take cold showers and sweat all day, but I will finish this and get into NA and drug counseling. I am really learning a lot about myself and though it is ard due to the lack of creature conforts, I would give them all up to continue my progress". I was a bit shocked. She has always been a bit prissy about these things, so it seems like some big changes are taking place. As for me, I signed back up at my gym and played raquettball for three hours. It felt great! I am really enjoying this time to myself. Although it is lonely occasionally, I know that this is the best thing that could ever happen to me and her. Thank God. I thought that with the stress of closing on my first home and her being in rehab that I would be miserable, but instead it feels very good to accomplish these goals. No telling what will happen when she gets out, if she'll stay clean, if I will continue my co-dependency personal rehab, but I am only living for today. Today is good. Tomorrow will be better! Thank everyone!

Sweepdaddy

Thanks Dakota! I know in my heart that it is God's will for her to be clean. I think that she is realizing how much more there is to life when you are of sound mind. It is never easy, but can be quite a journey. It reminds me of an ad I saw for a teen bible a while back..."It doesn't stop life's waves, just shows you how to ride them better". That's what being sober is to me. Not turning from life's stresses, but overcoming them and using the strength gained to accomplish other things. I do feel a bit alone right now, but quiet time is good. As much as she will never be able to completely avoid situations that may tempt her, the same applies to me. I face my addiction, codependency, by somewhat removing the addiction from my grasp. Trial by fire! God bless.

Sweepdaddy

Little update. She called and said that they got their power back. She sounds great! All things considered. You know, it really gives me warm fuzzies to think about the change I hear in her. I know that may change as her recovery progresses, but it is encouraging to her which is all that matters in her battle. As for me, just sat on the couch and watched the tube. Feeling good! Almost another day of getting better! God bless.

Sweepdaddy

Well, the roller coaster has its peaks and valleys. She just called, just got her period, and was very emotional. Said that she dreads her therapy session tomorrow because her therapist is like Haniibal Lecter. I also find him quite strange. At the family session on last Wednesday, the main counselor said that if we have any questions that we could contact our loved one's assigned therapist and if we wanted to, could set up a three way meeting. Well, I called him last Thursday and he never returned my call. He apparently took my A aside and told her that I called, left a message and she said that he was almost mad about it. I can honestly say that all I mentioned in the message was who I was and that I wanted to speak with him and share any info that may be helpful in her recovery. He told her that he does not return calls, and if I wanted to speak with him I would have to "take time out of my apparently busy schedule if I cared enough about her". What kind of jive is that? I know that as I saw a few different therapists about my issues, some of them were just plain sociopaths themselves. She said that she is going to really try to keep an open mind. I said that he may be a bit strange and his methods may be "out of the box" compared to others, but if she can gain even the slightest bit of insight into her habit then it is worthwhile. I did speak with the nurses who told me that she is doing very well and is attending/sharing in each sesssion available to her, so I do feel that she is trying to get the most out of this. How do you guys feel about possibly a bad therapist? I know that there are obviously good therapists and bad ones, but she really doesn't have a choice on who she gets while at the rehab center. Maybe I'm rambling on a bit, but some of those therapists can do more damage than good. Kinda like get someone all opened up and not following through. What can I say to her that is not coddling, but understanding of how she feels? I told her that we all have underlying issues that we allow to fester and that her drug use is symptomatic of it; that for the therapists to truelly help her that she will be delving into issues that she is uncomfortable with, no matter who the therapist is. As for me, it hurts to hear her anxious words. I would rather her be upset while she is there than happy. Seems like happy = denial in some ways, whereas upset shows more introspection. Any thoughts?

nocellphone

All I can say is "trust the process". Let the professionals do what they know how to do, and let recovery do what it does. I find that these things work best when we keep our hands off as much as possible...

Loulouise

SweetD,
I'm sorry but I have to agree with those that say no communication for the first 6 days so the Addict can detox and get through some of the depression. It is their baggage and they need to pack it and unpack it on their own without our help. It is a tough one for us to detach with love but oh so necessary for our Serenity.
Prayers and Hugs,
Loulouise

Sweepdaddy

This is her 8th day now. I am kind of surprised that she has stuck with this. I expected much more complaining, but instead she has kept enthusiastic with her rehab. I tell her that she is doing awesome and to continue on with her program. I am the most sore that I have ever been from working out. It is hard to just straighten out my arms. Should have strectched. It had been a while! Hopefully, by body aches less tonight and I can get back over to the gym. Thanks for all the support, once again!

GettingBy

Sweepdaddy,

I have to say that I'm so unbelievably impressed with the focus you have on YOU! I think you are doing a wonderful job, and keep up the good work! My sponsor gave me one of the most helpful tools to keep me going whenever I got off-center. When ever I would write to her, or call her, to tell her all about what I wanted my husband to do, or how I was so worried about our marriage, what should I do?, yada-yada... she would say, "whatever it is that is upsetting, why don't you wrap it up in a nice warm blanket and hand it over to your HP? Your HP will take care of it for you so you can focus back on taking care of yourself!" WOW, that gave me so much relief! No more worrying about having to save my husband or the marriage... the image of it being wrapped up, cozy and safe, and giving it to my HP was extremelly comforting!

Just a thought... something that's worked well for me!

Keep us posted on all your wonderful progress!
Shannon

ASpouse

Have you tried calling again? The therapists are busy and may not have time to return your call. I know I had to call my husbands social worker several times to get through to him. Keep trying.

What kind of jive is this? I think it's the jive of an addicted person who is on day 8 of no drugs, who is hurting and trying to manipulate the person she loves. To get pity. Sorry, been there done that and seen it more times than I care to admit.

Also, most programs will have a social worker/therapist contact loved ones. If you have concerns over her therapist I suggest you contact their social worker there to express your concerns.

Please do not offer any "unasked" for information to the therapist. She is the one that has to share the information, NOT YOU! They have ways of getting information from the patient over time. You work on your recovery, not hers.