Checked My "A" Into Rehab - Now What?
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Checked My "A" Into Rehab - Now What?
Well, i checked my fiancee into the facility this morning. She is very optimistic about it, but I seem to be having my doubts. Not about her recovery, but more about the facility. She wanted to get in to a treatment facility as soon as possible, so we did not have many options on the particular rehab center. I though that it was nice on the outside, a very serene environment in the woods and on a lake, but the people inside just seemed to be in such a diffeent mental state than her. Probably more opiate adicts than benzo addicts like my fiancee, but they seemed so droney. I guess my issue is, she will only get better if she wants to, and when we said our goodbyes, she was very lucid about how she was going to get better and kick this thing once and for all. My issue is that she is not a daily user; she goes weeks without any drugs and then will get one or two from a firend, next thing you know sh's got a prescriptuion for 60 and has taken 40 the same day. It seems like her issue is not as much with the drugs but more with being excessive. All prayer sand supoort is greatly appreciated!
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Whether it's four every 6 hours or 40 in one day...ingesting substances that are unnecessary often brings havoc. Not just for the user but everyone who comes into contact with them.
If she wants to get sober and utilizes the tools they offer, that would be SUPER. While she's gone are you going to attend nar-anon? Remember, addiction is a family disease...you take care of you, let her take care of her and in the end, with hard work, you could be two much more healthier people.
And remember, SR is here 24/7 ...you can talk to us anytime!
If she wants to get sober and utilizes the tools they offer, that would be SUPER. While she's gone are you going to attend nar-anon? Remember, addiction is a family disease...you take care of you, let her take care of her and in the end, with hard work, you could be two much more healthier people.
And remember, SR is here 24/7 ...you can talk to us anytime!
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Thank you. I am actually going to be getting back into the gym and taking up sports. I have neglected myself for a while and I know that it will keep me occupied physically and mentally make me stronger. I will be attending nar-anaon mettings and have scheduled an appointment with my therapist. We can talk everyday, so I will be keeping everyone posted on her progress. God bless you. Thank you.
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Hi Sweepdaddy,
I suppose drug addiction is like alcohol addiction in that, some people can go for weeks without using and then BAM.....they'll binge like crazy for a good while. Maybe that goes for all addicts....gambling and so on.
Please do the Nar-anon and get the support and definetly take care of you. Hopefully, your fiance' chooses to get sober and will, but if not.....you still have to take care of yourself.
Keep posting!
I suppose drug addiction is like alcohol addiction in that, some people can go for weeks without using and then BAM.....they'll binge like crazy for a good while. Maybe that goes for all addicts....gambling and so on.
Please do the Nar-anon and get the support and definetly take care of you. Hopefully, your fiance' chooses to get sober and will, but if not.....you still have to take care of yourself.
Keep posting!
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Agrees girlfriend. That is a hard idea to think about, but I know it is the reality. As the man who loves her, I am willing to go the distance with har and I realize that she may relapse, but if/when it happens, I need to be prepared for it and handle it properly without my codependent, controlling tendancies making the issue even harder.
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sweepdaddy - welcome! get yourself some support as the others mentioned above. it along with taking care of yourself physically will make a world of difference! godd luck and hugs to you and your finance!
come here and post/"dump" anytime - we are a friendly family!
come here and post/"dump" anytime - we are a friendly family!
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Frequency of use is of no importance in the determination if someone is an addict.
May I say that her usage is is not YOUR issue, but hers?
Hey, ever try Nar-anon/Al-anon? Give it a shot, all you have to lose is your misery!
May I say that her usage is is not YOUR issue, but hers?
Hey, ever try Nar-anon/Al-anon? Give it a shot, all you have to lose is your misery!
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I know that whether she takes 5 a day consistently or takes 30 in a day every once and a while, that she has a problem. It really is not an issue of whether there is a problem or not, just the severity of the issue.
As for an update, I have spoken with her a few times today. It turns out that the detox will take longer as her body is saturated with opiates and benzos. No surprise there. Quite a half life on that junk! What is positive is that she is not resistant to change. She is obviously missing me. I really do not think that she misses the drugs. I think that she misses more the time in her life when they did not define her. I pray that she keeps on with her recovery. The facility doesn't require that she attend sessions while in detox, as she could be ill and not up to group/one on one therapy. She is moving ahead anyways, determined to get past this demon. She went to two sessions today and that makes me feel reassured that she actually is tired of the two lives. I do expect harder days for us both until she leaves, and even harder days when she is out of the rehab. Please keep us in your prayers.
As for an update, I have spoken with her a few times today. It turns out that the detox will take longer as her body is saturated with opiates and benzos. No surprise there. Quite a half life on that junk! What is positive is that she is not resistant to change. She is obviously missing me. I really do not think that she misses the drugs. I think that she misses more the time in her life when they did not define her. I pray that she keeps on with her recovery. The facility doesn't require that she attend sessions while in detox, as she could be ill and not up to group/one on one therapy. She is moving ahead anyways, determined to get past this demon. She went to two sessions today and that makes me feel reassured that she actually is tired of the two lives. I do expect harder days for us both until she leaves, and even harder days when she is out of the rehab. Please keep us in your prayers.
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Originally Posted by Sweepdaddy
It seems like her issue is not as much with the drugs but more with being excessive. All prayer sand supoort is greatly appreciated!
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drug abuse comes in many forms. People do it so differently, but they still have issues and it still affects their lives and the lives of others. I hope this is a successful treatment for her. Use this time to take care of YOU.
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It is soi quiet here. I guess I should be happy that I have this time, but I don"t do very well on my own. I know that is a sign of my codependency. It was nice to have the whole bed to myself!
Aside from that, she was pretty depressed last night when I spoke with her. She isn't saying that she can't deal with it, but that she just misses being here with me. It stinks because I am not a doctor and I don"t want to say something that will trigger her to lose her momentum. Can anyone reccomend some sayings or ideas that will help keep her focused? I know that I am not the key to her success and I don"t want to be, but she calls me three or four times when we has a chance and I do not want to coddle her. I want sometimes to just say "28 days is nothing compared to what I have dealt with for the past three years!", but I know the demotivating affect that type of talk has. I have been telling her repeatedly that this is her time to get the knowledge she needs, her toolkit, to help her fight the temptation. I know that she wants to be clean but the thought of never taking drugs again is too much for her. I simply tell her not to worry about next week, next month or next year. Just deal with getting through another day. That seems to help her (helping me too!) Thank you everyone for your continued support!
Aside from that, she was pretty depressed last night when I spoke with her. She isn't saying that she can't deal with it, but that she just misses being here with me. It stinks because I am not a doctor and I don"t want to say something that will trigger her to lose her momentum. Can anyone reccomend some sayings or ideas that will help keep her focused? I know that I am not the key to her success and I don"t want to be, but she calls me three or four times when we has a chance and I do not want to coddle her. I want sometimes to just say "28 days is nothing compared to what I have dealt with for the past three years!", but I know the demotivating affect that type of talk has. I have been telling her repeatedly that this is her time to get the knowledge she needs, her toolkit, to help her fight the temptation. I know that she wants to be clean but the thought of never taking drugs again is too much for her. I simply tell her not to worry about next week, next month or next year. Just deal with getting through another day. That seems to help her (helping me too!) Thank you everyone for your continued support!
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I wouldn't speak to her at all for at least 7 days ... she is detoxing and is probably not feeling well and when anyone doesn't feel well, depression sinks in. I wouldn't talk to her for a few days.
She is still using you as a crutch and is just reinforcing your codepency issues.
She is still using you as a crutch and is just reinforcing your codepency issues.
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Not talking to her is not an option for me. She has distanced her self from all of her friends who were also taking pills and the only people she has right now is her mother and I. I want to support her and I do not see how not speaking to her will help. I also know that I cannot stick with that, so I would essentialy be once again saying I will/will not do something and not following through. I feel that it is part of the process for two people who love each other romantically to support one another and not turn away from them. I would not have the courage to leave my life for a month, so I am inspired by her. I tell her that when we speak. How is not talking to her beneficial for her or me? I will still hurt over this whether I speak with her or not.
Also, I will mention that the trigger that caused her to start taking pills was the death of her uncle (alcoholic who eventually killed himself) and grandfather (recovered alcoholic who past away from heart problems) within a year. I can understand why she would turn to something to numb her fellings. She understands that too. I'm not saying that is an excuse to abuse yourself. I am just saying that I will not leave her there and be there when she needs reassurances that she can get through this.
Also, I will mention that the trigger that caused her to start taking pills was the death of her uncle (alcoholic who eventually killed himself) and grandfather (recovered alcoholic who past away from heart problems) within a year. I can understand why she would turn to something to numb her fellings. She understands that too. I'm not saying that is an excuse to abuse yourself. I am just saying that I will not leave her there and be there when she needs reassurances that she can get through this.
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Not talking to her is not an option for me.
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Yes I'm sorry, the death of an uncle or family member or friend is absolutely an excuse. How can you understand that????
Death is part of life, imagine if we all started drinking/drugging because someone we loved died due to an addition? We'd be a society of Alcoholics and drug addicts. Your reasoning is off balance.
She owns this addiction, not you and if you love her you will let her conquer this on her own.
My husband drank/drugged for 35 years. I've heard all the excuses .... my father cheated on my mother and hurt her, my first girlfriend broke up with me and I was hurt, a cop shot my favorite dog, my uncle died from drinking and I loved him best and the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on.
When he went to rehab, I did not drive him, I did not make the call to go and I did not check with the insurance company. I spoke to him the first few days, which was a mistake. I asked him to stop calling and I allowed my kids to call him during calling hours.
He came home, found a sponsor and does his AA meetings. It is anonymous and unfortunately it is not something we share. After 90 days of sobriety I sat and talked to him and told him how proud I was of him and I hope he continued to do what he needed to do FOR HIM, not for us. At 6 months I did the same as 1 year I went to his celebration. After every meeting I ask him how the meeting was and his answer is always the same, it was good or great.
I support him by not drinking at home or having booze in our home, by including him in the kids things which I didn't do before and mostly by taking care of myself and not "babysitting" him and letting him make his own decision, coping with things in his way and by not controlling.
So yes, not speaking to her while she is in rehab, especially the first 7 days while she is probably in enormous pain is best for you. But you will do what you need to do and most likely find yourself right back in this position in a few months or a few years.
Death is part of life, imagine if we all started drinking/drugging because someone we loved died due to an addition? We'd be a society of Alcoholics and drug addicts. Your reasoning is off balance.
She owns this addiction, not you and if you love her you will let her conquer this on her own.
My husband drank/drugged for 35 years. I've heard all the excuses .... my father cheated on my mother and hurt her, my first girlfriend broke up with me and I was hurt, a cop shot my favorite dog, my uncle died from drinking and I loved him best and the list goes on and on and on and on and on and on.
When he went to rehab, I did not drive him, I did not make the call to go and I did not check with the insurance company. I spoke to him the first few days, which was a mistake. I asked him to stop calling and I allowed my kids to call him during calling hours.
He came home, found a sponsor and does his AA meetings. It is anonymous and unfortunately it is not something we share. After 90 days of sobriety I sat and talked to him and told him how proud I was of him and I hope he continued to do what he needed to do FOR HIM, not for us. At 6 months I did the same as 1 year I went to his celebration. After every meeting I ask him how the meeting was and his answer is always the same, it was good or great.
I support him by not drinking at home or having booze in our home, by including him in the kids things which I didn't do before and mostly by taking care of myself and not "babysitting" him and letting him make his own decision, coping with things in his way and by not controlling.
So yes, not speaking to her while she is in rehab, especially the first 7 days while she is probably in enormous pain is best for you. But you will do what you need to do and most likely find yourself right back in this position in a few months or a few years.
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Minnie,
I don't agree with this. We can all agree that everyone's story is different, though similar. It was she who decided to go in to rehab. She took that step. Now I'm supposed to just not answer the phone when she calls? When she calls to tell me how she is progressing? When she calls to tell me she is having a hard time? It does not seem like a loving thing to turn my back on her now. She is detoxing from benzos and not experiencing withdrawls, but actually is unhappy that she has to take the valium and other drugs that they have her on. She just wants to be clean of any drugs in her system. It isn't a begging/pleading "I have to get out of here" situation. It's a "this sucks that I have alowed myself to get to a point that I need this, I miss you".
Once again, can someone explain further why answering the phone when she calls is a bad thing?
I don't agree with this. We can all agree that everyone's story is different, though similar. It was she who decided to go in to rehab. She took that step. Now I'm supposed to just not answer the phone when she calls? When she calls to tell me how she is progressing? When she calls to tell me she is having a hard time? It does not seem like a loving thing to turn my back on her now. She is detoxing from benzos and not experiencing withdrawls, but actually is unhappy that she has to take the valium and other drugs that they have her on. She just wants to be clean of any drugs in her system. It isn't a begging/pleading "I have to get out of here" situation. It's a "this sucks that I have alowed myself to get to a point that I need this, I miss you".
Once again, can someone explain further why answering the phone when she calls is a bad thing?
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Join Date: Dec 2003
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Once again, can someone explain further why answering the phone when she calls is a bad thing?
You can tell her "Hon, I want you back real soon and I know this is hard for you, but why don't you concentrate on meetings and reading literature and give me a call in a few days. I'll be waiting for you to call, just please get well and concentrate on YOU!"
I would hope she would understand that and you would be giving her a wonderful gift of herself. If this bothers her, she can talk about it with her counselor and in the meetings the rehab supplies.
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ASpouse,
To say that I will likely find myself in the same situation b/c I talk to her now seems off balance. By that logic, I should just pack up her things and leave her. Hell, she's going to go back to it anyways, right? It seems that a lot of people on this board who have alowed these things to go on for 20, 30 years can be very harsh. I appreciate the fact that many of you have gone through this over and over again, and do not trust that someone can get past their problem, but I am differet. Not b/c I am this co-dependent person who cannot handle things properly, but b/c I have faith that people can change. Including myself.
To say that I will likely find myself in the same situation b/c I talk to her now seems off balance. By that logic, I should just pack up her things and leave her. Hell, she's going to go back to it anyways, right? It seems that a lot of people on this board who have alowed these things to go on for 20, 30 years can be very harsh. I appreciate the fact that many of you have gone through this over and over again, and do not trust that someone can get past their problem, but I am differet. Not b/c I am this co-dependent person who cannot handle things properly, but b/c I have faith that people can change. Including myself.
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[QUOTE=Sweepdaddy]Not talking to her is not an option for me. She has distanced her self from all of her friends who were also taking pills and the only people she has right now is her mother and I. I want to support her and I do not see how not speaking to her will help. I also know that I cannot stick with that, so I would essentialy be once again saying I will/will not do something and not following through. I feel that it is part of the process for two people who love each other romantically to support one another and not turn away from them. I would not have the courage to leave my life for a month, so I am inspired by her. I tell her that when we speak. How is not talking to her beneficial for her or me? I will still hurt over this whether I speak with her or not.
Hi there -
I am right there with you on this and in my situation it is my HUSBAND!
There are those who have told me not to see him and to speak to him very
minimally or not at all - however, I love the man and I am married to him.
They say if you love him, you will not see him or speak to him and let him do this by himself.
That said - I have moved out. I won't live with him as long as he is
still actively drinking. Even if he has cut back substantially - I don't want
to see him in that condition EVER again.
But that does not mean I can't speak to him or continue to be supportive.
I feel I can support him and show my love him by still talking to him - and
if/when he gets into inpatient - I will visit if permitted or attend family sessions. I do think it is important to show our love and support and not
turn our backs. They do need to be the ones to choose to get help and
recover, but I think still giving them love and support for certain individuals
is also important! Have you read this book? It explains how to "detach" but with LOVE! It is a great book.
http://www.lovefirst.net/index.htm
Love First: A New Approach to Intervention for Alcoholism and Drug Addiction (A Hazelden Guidebook) (Hezelden Guidebook) (Paperback)
by Jeff Jay, Debra Jay
Hang in there!!
Hi there -
I am right there with you on this and in my situation it is my HUSBAND!
There are those who have told me not to see him and to speak to him very
minimally or not at all - however, I love the man and I am married to him.
They say if you love him, you will not see him or speak to him and let him do this by himself.
That said - I have moved out. I won't live with him as long as he is
still actively drinking. Even if he has cut back substantially - I don't want
to see him in that condition EVER again.
But that does not mean I can't speak to him or continue to be supportive.
I feel I can support him and show my love him by still talking to him - and
if/when he gets into inpatient - I will visit if permitted or attend family sessions. I do think it is important to show our love and support and not
turn our backs. They do need to be the ones to choose to get help and
recover, but I think still giving them love and support for certain individuals
is also important! Have you read this book? It explains how to "detach" but with LOVE! It is a great book.
http://www.lovefirst.net/index.htm
Love First: A New Approach to Intervention for Alcoholism and Drug Addiction (A Hazelden Guidebook) (Hezelden Guidebook) (Paperback)
by Jeff Jay, Debra Jay
Hang in there!!
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