Checked My "A" Into Rehab - Now What?
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
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No, you are giving her a fighting chance to lick this thing by letting her own it and deal with it.
Whether you like it or not, this is not your problem.
The power of drugs and booze is more powerful than love ... I'm sorry to say. If it was that simple that "Love conquers all" then none of the folks here would be living dealing with co-dependent issues.
You don't think you are a co-dependent person? Well then why are you here? What are you worried about, it sounds as if when she gets out of rehab everything will be rosey and perfect for the two of you. You will never have to worry if she will do this again and it's all behind you. Congratulations, I'm very happy for you, honest!
Whether you like it or not, this is not your problem.
The power of drugs and booze is more powerful than love ... I'm sorry to say. If it was that simple that "Love conquers all" then none of the folks here would be living dealing with co-dependent issues.
You don't think you are a co-dependent person? Well then why are you here? What are you worried about, it sounds as if when she gets out of rehab everything will be rosey and perfect for the two of you. You will never have to worry if she will do this again and it's all behind you. Congratulations, I'm very happy for you, honest!
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
Hey wait a minute. I just checked out the link you posted for this rehab and it clearly states that they use no drugs in getting people off drugs. You said she said this:
This doesn't bother you in a rehab that uses no drugs to detox their patients.
Here is what the facility says about how they get their patients off of drugs:
Ah, something is amiss here .... but perhaps she is a special case eh? Especially when valium is highly addictive and also a narcotic, so why would they give her valium and "other meds"?
but actually is unhappy that she has to take the valium and other drugs that they have her on.
Here is what the facility says about how they get their patients off of drugs:
Drug Free Addiction Withdrawal
A totally drug free withdrawal program is offered as an integral part of the Narconon StoneHawk drug rehabilitation program. We believe that it is counterproductive to an effective drug rehab program to subsitute the use of one drug with the use of another. When a student arrives at the Narconon StoneHawk facility they will first stop using drugs of any kind or, of course, alcohol. We use methods that are designed to make the process comfortable, fast, and effective. A combination of nutrition, vitamin supplementation, and expert care from qualified staff members.
There are specific vitamin deficiencies that occur due to the abuse of alcohol and drugs. Vitamin B1, for instance, is eliminated from the body with alcohol abuse, causing nightmares and then more sever symptoms. We can help alleviate these symptoms during the withdrawal phase by supplementing with vital minerals and vitamins, thereby making the entire process much more comfortable. Comfort is not the only reason that this method is employed; it's also the most effective method. They may be, by nature, very simple approaches, but are in no way less effective than those methods employing prescription drugs.
Students move on from this part of the Narconon StoneHawk drug rehab program when they no longer feel any discomfort, have regained their appetite, and are sleeping through the nite.
A totally drug free withdrawal program is offered as an integral part of the Narconon StoneHawk drug rehabilitation program. We believe that it is counterproductive to an effective drug rehab program to subsitute the use of one drug with the use of another. When a student arrives at the Narconon StoneHawk facility they will first stop using drugs of any kind or, of course, alcohol. We use methods that are designed to make the process comfortable, fast, and effective. A combination of nutrition, vitamin supplementation, and expert care from qualified staff members.
There are specific vitamin deficiencies that occur due to the abuse of alcohol and drugs. Vitamin B1, for instance, is eliminated from the body with alcohol abuse, causing nightmares and then more sever symptoms. We can help alleviate these symptoms during the withdrawal phase by supplementing with vital minerals and vitamins, thereby making the entire process much more comfortable. Comfort is not the only reason that this method is employed; it's also the most effective method. They may be, by nature, very simple approaches, but are in no way less effective than those methods employing prescription drugs.
Students move on from this part of the Narconon StoneHawk drug rehab program when they no longer feel any discomfort, have regained their appetite, and are sleeping through the nite.
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"You don't think you are a co-dependent person? Well then why are you here? What are you worried about, it sounds as if when she gets out of rehab everything will be rosey and perfect for the two of you. You will never have to worry if she will do this again and it's all behind you. Congratulations, I'm very happy for you, honest!"
I don't think this is the case. I know that I am codependent Why are you speaking to me with such sarcasm? I know that rehab is just part of her battle. Please tell me where it says that talking with your loved one while they are away is wrong.
As far as the recovery facility, I have no idea where you got that link from. She is at the High Point Facility in Cooper City, FL. From what I know about benzo detox, they place you on the valium and I beliee flexoral to reduce the possibility of seizure, which is a possible side-effect of stopping benzos cold turkey. She had a high amount in her system from binging the previous Monday.
I don't think this is the case. I know that I am codependent Why are you speaking to me with such sarcasm? I know that rehab is just part of her battle. Please tell me where it says that talking with your loved one while they are away is wrong.
As far as the recovery facility, I have no idea where you got that link from. She is at the High Point Facility in Cooper City, FL. From what I know about benzo detox, they place you on the valium and I beliee flexoral to reduce the possibility of seizure, which is a possible side-effect of stopping benzos cold turkey. She had a high amount in her system from binging the previous Monday.
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The facility allows contact from day one on. It may vary depending on the addiction. I have a family session tomorrow. I am taking the steps neccesary, all while closing on my first house, expanding a business and dealing with her addiction. I do not have any rosy ideas about us running off into the sunset together, but I am optimistic. It takes guts to admit your problem and leave for 30 days of treatment. I admire that. Most people live their lives, hiding their addictions, whether it be drugs, food or people. I am just saying that the facility is much more of an expert than I am, and if they feel it is ok for her to contact her family, than I imagine they know better than I do.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
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Where I got that information from is from the link to the rehab you provided when you started this thread.
Look, you have your views and everything you've done, I've done over and over and over with different abusers in my life. Different story, different drugs/booze, unfortunately the ending is still the same in each case. The abusers wants help and works a program independent of their loved ones, they succeed. The ones that tended to lean on loved ones and family failed miserably and the rehab merry go round would stop every few years to pick them up and try again.
I wish you the best because I think you're going to need it and I honestly hope your fiancee gets well.
Again, I have to ask if you feel everything is going good why are you here?
Look, you have your views and everything you've done, I've done over and over and over with different abusers in my life. Different story, different drugs/booze, unfortunately the ending is still the same in each case. The abusers wants help and works a program independent of their loved ones, they succeed. The ones that tended to lean on loved ones and family failed miserably and the rehab merry go round would stop every few years to pick them up and try again.
I wish you the best because I think you're going to need it and I honestly hope your fiancee gets well.
Again, I have to ask if you feel everything is going good why are you here?
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Join Date: Jul 2005
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I spoke with one of the nurses over at the rehab who informed me about her progress(My "a" consented to release info to me). She said that she is doing great, attending all counseling sessions. She also said that they feel the support of loved ones is very important to the recovery process. She said that when she calls, it is recomended that I be supportive and let her know I love her and care about her. I do understand where some of you are coming from as far as my recovery. If it causes me to pay less attention to myself than take the stand for myself. I do not feel that it is hindering me. It is comforting to know that she is proactively taking care of herself. During detox, the facility does not require that she attend sessions as she could be feeling ill. I guess it makes me feel better that she wants this. I know that she could slip, and I am very aware of the fact that I need to get help so that I can take care of myself whether or not she sticks with it. Thanks again for all the support!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 261
Sweepdaddy- Good luck..It is a disease. My husband came from a loving home with 2 very affectionate parents that are the "perfect" family..Neither parent ever drank, smoked, even cursed..I come from a broken home, my dad was an alcoholic and died from diabetes at age 43..My mom is bipolar..My husband never had a reason to go down the "wrong path"..Addiction affects the white, black, poor, rich..It doesn't discriminate..My husbands problems aren't daily either, but they are a problem..I hope your fiancee gets the help she needs..Take care!
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Thank you. I am encouraged to help myself more and more. I have scheduled an earlier meeting with my therapist. I have two nar-anon meetings this week. I am also getting back into the gym to support my physical health. We used to sit on the couch like two bumps on a log. I want to have an environment that is supportive to her recovery and mine, and I know that exercise will keep my mind occupied and my body fit.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
SD - that's a fantastic plan.
Please don't feel that everyone here is having a go at you - it's just that some of us have been where you are and are sharing our experience. I know that I had my posts picked apart a bit when I first started coming here, but it was the most loving gift to me. It helped me break out of my denial and show me a different way to be supportive.
Please don't feel that everyone here is having a go at you - it's just that some of us have been where you are and are sharing our experience. I know that I had my posts picked apart a bit when I first started coming here, but it was the most loving gift to me. It helped me break out of my denial and show me a different way to be supportive.
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
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Ahhh I just love this thread. Makes me remember where I dont want to be ever again. In denial and addicted to another human being.
Sweep...what are you doing about YOUR recovery from the effects of addiction?
Sweep...what are you doing about YOUR recovery from the effects of addiction?
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 261
Sweep- The gym is great! I joined last December and it is actually mental therapy as well!!! I didn't think I'd last with it, but feel great afterwards!! And it helps with the working on yourself bit!! My posts got picked apart when I first started coming here too and I remember one guy (that had been clean for years) telling me that "my husband was playing me like a fiddle" ..(because my husband was talking the talk) I still remember that..He was right about my husband and this site really emphasizes focusing on yourself..I need to come here to be reminded..
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Join Date: Jul 2005
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I just wanted to wish you all the best. My husband will be going into inpatient by end of week - I am very hopeful he will get the help he needs to recover.
All the best to you and your fiance - please keep us posted!
All the best to you and your fiance - please keep us posted!
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
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Hi Sweep, welome to SR. I have been watching and reading this thread and thinking about what to say as to not offend. I think for me, the warning sign was your title of the post. It sort of implies that you checked her in.
The big part of recovery and being codependent is trying to make decisions for the addict that they should be making for themselves. Thats my only concern, that you are making the decision for her.
As for the contact issue at rehab. I spoke to my ex several times a day while he was in rehab and at the time it seemes to help him, but after he as out I realized that he had spent more effort on talking to me then working a recovery program. He relapsed. I dont think naone here is trying to burst your bubble or bring you down, thats not what SR is about. But, the sad fact is that relapse happens and if you do not work your own program and learn to worry about yourself and let her do the same, it becomes a spiral of blame, manipulation and self loathing.
Good luck to you, and I hope you find SR helpful to YOUR healing.
The big part of recovery and being codependent is trying to make decisions for the addict that they should be making for themselves. Thats my only concern, that you are making the decision for her.
As for the contact issue at rehab. I spoke to my ex several times a day while he was in rehab and at the time it seemes to help him, but after he as out I realized that he had spent more effort on talking to me then working a recovery program. He relapsed. I dont think naone here is trying to burst your bubble or bring you down, thats not what SR is about. But, the sad fact is that relapse happens and if you do not work your own program and learn to worry about yourself and let her do the same, it becomes a spiral of blame, manipulation and self loathing.
Good luck to you, and I hope you find SR helpful to YOUR healing.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Originally Posted by ASpouse
Where I got that information from is from the link to the rehab you provided when you started this thread.
I've seen links added to my own posts and have gone back in to edit them out. When I want to post a link, I post a link!
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Join Date: Jul 2005
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Just to clear some things up, she checked herself in. I went with her. Maybe I should have not gone, but I love her. SOme may say that I went because I am codependent, but I went because she asked me to and I love her. As far as her treatment, it is a 28 day program. They measure her success daily, and she has three one on one sessions and 4 group sessions a day. The phone calls are limited to ten minutes, so the most we can talk is for 30 minutes a day. The conversations are usually shorter than that, just a few words. I tell her that I am praying for her and she let's me know how she is doing, if she wants. I do not pry. This is day two, by the way.
I guess what I feel is, yeah, I miss her, but I miss who she is sober more. I miss the person I was before this whole thing started the most. I will get back to that place. If she cleans up, then that would be great. If she doesn't get sober, I know that I need to be prepared to walk and mean it. Not to teach her a lesson, but because I do not want that in my life.
Of course I want her to succeed. I cannot just expect that she will eventualy go back to doing drugs again. But if she does, I will know what I need to do.
I guess what I feel is, yeah, I miss her, but I miss who she is sober more. I miss the person I was before this whole thing started the most. I will get back to that place. If she cleans up, then that would be great. If she doesn't get sober, I know that I need to be prepared to walk and mean it. Not to teach her a lesson, but because I do not want that in my life.
Of course I want her to succeed. I cannot just expect that she will eventualy go back to doing drugs again. But if she does, I will know what I need to do.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
Well, I think that this is you and your wife's first time experiencing this process of recovery. Why shouldn't you be optimistic and proud of her for this big step? Some people have definitely given you some strong opinions, but I think that is because they have seen the process fail, and they desire to help keep someone else from making the same mistakes. I think after going through something time and again, we become pessimistic about the results, as well we should be...it protects us from being hurt and let down again. Facts are facts, but not every single situation in the entire world responds to what the facts say should happen. Perhaps you and your wife are handling this perfectly. Perhaps you are not. And if you are not, you will learn from it. I will hope for the best for you and your wife.
Reikihelps
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 221
Hi Sweepdaddy,
Here's a simple suggestion: Can you contact her counselor and ask her what would be most helpful? When our son was in rehab, he was allowed 3 ten minute calls a week.
There is probably also be a family component to her program. Ours was 3 full days plus a weekend. The center's got the expertise - why not access it.
best wishes and prayers,
Reikihelps
Here's a simple suggestion: Can you contact her counselor and ask her what would be most helpful? When our son was in rehab, he was allowed 3 ten minute calls a week.
There is probably also be a family component to her program. Ours was 3 full days plus a weekend. The center's got the expertise - why not access it.
best wishes and prayers,
Reikihelps
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: boca raton florida
Posts: 46
Thanks TexasGirl for the words. It is comlpletely understandable that those who have been through this over and over would be pessimistic. There's a saying I like (although haven't followed in this circumstance!), "Do me wrong once, shame on you. Do me wrong twice, shame on me."
Reikihelps,
I spoke with a counselor today. She told me that they find the recovery process certainly is aided by loving support from family. I asked her how often I should speak with my "A", and she said as often as she calls.
To everyone:
I spoke with her about an hour and a half ago. She was in good spirits. She told me about the sessions she was attending and how they are really showing her things about herself that she hadn't thought about before. She also said that an inspiration for her were all of the moms in rehab, with kids at home, who were there for prescription pill addiction. She said it was like seeing a glimpse of the future if she keeps abusing. It is nice to see positive changes in her.
FriendofBill,
Is that supportive? I get the idea, but come on. Even a co-dependent, naive first timer can see that this sarcasm is not for my benefit. Please remember that comments like this can hurt, not because they are untrue, but because they belittle the seriousness of the situation. I still appreciate your feedback and thoughts, but if you are going to comment on this situation please tone down the cutting comments.
Reikihelps,
I spoke with a counselor today. She told me that they find the recovery process certainly is aided by loving support from family. I asked her how often I should speak with my "A", and she said as often as she calls.
To everyone:
I spoke with her about an hour and a half ago. She was in good spirits. She told me about the sessions she was attending and how they are really showing her things about herself that she hadn't thought about before. She also said that an inspiration for her were all of the moms in rehab, with kids at home, who were there for prescription pill addiction. She said it was like seeing a glimpse of the future if she keeps abusing. It is nice to see positive changes in her.
FriendofBill,
Ahhh I just love this thread. Makes me remember where I dont want to be ever again. In denial and addicted to another human being.
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