Blogs


Notices

Reaction Difficulty

Old 08-21-2002, 02:44 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Reaction Difficulty

Hello All,

I'm having a difficult time with my reactions this week so I thought if I vent here it may help.

My brain is on overload from work emergencies all through the week and the weekend. Billing was due at the same time. Incident reports, client's telling stories about me to their caseworkers, starting new clients, training new staff etc.....

Spot was gone for two weeks and came home. I think I got used to being alone again and have to adjust.

The first night home he saw a large spider on my bed and tore apart my bedroom to find it. I have a lot of boxes and personal information under my bed. He looked through some of it when he had the boxes out. He showed me an old list of chores I left him when he was a child and was laughing because he wrote "you're stupid on the bottom of the list. It was funny, but it was stressful that he read through the book. Most of it was notes on my bible studies I was doing at home. So I felt out of control.

The next day he decided to clean out the shed/garage. He moved all of my stuff on the loft out there. I had it placed in a neat spot in the middle where I had cleaned. It was a horrible mess when I moved in and I didn't want to touch the other stuff. So now it's up high where I can't reach it. He also took all of the stuff out of there and filled up the trash cans. They aren't going to take it because one is for greenery and the other is for recyclebles. So this was an overload for my brain and I found myself wanting to react with critisizm. He should have asked first!

On the other hand he was trying to do something nice and from his standpoint he was hurt that I didn't appreciate it. I told him he needed to ask before doing things like that and told him I was on overload.

So I'm really having to try really hard right now not to react in the wrong way. He is still in recovery and going to meetings daily and calling his sponsor and trying hard. I guess I'm overreacting.

Thanks for letting me vent. I know it's minor, but it will become major if I let it build up. It's the little things. My carpet is getting dirty because of the extra traffic. I wanted this little house to be my little clean house that stayed organized and my pots are being used all of the time and not looking new anymore and stupid things like that. You know when you spend years raising kids and then you can keep things nice when they're finally gone.

This little house I'm in was a dump. I built new walls and textured myself and painted the whole thing and you just wouldn't believe the things I had to do to make it nice. It had new carpet and floors. I wanted it to stay that way. It's not anything he's doing wrong so I feel bad for feeling this way. I just feel like it's my turn to have something stay nice. Like he dried the bathroom rug in the sun and now it's the wrong color for the bathroom.

He does the dishes everyday and cooks for me and vacuums and keeps the yard clean. I'm the one who is wrong here and I know that. I think it's just stress.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 08-21-2002, 04:32 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 59,400
Send him to MY house

Sorry, MG, I couldn't resist.

It is bad enough to adjust when our sons move home. For some reason, they just get in our space and bug us. Sometimes they mean to, and mostly they don't, But it drives us crazy just the same.

So take a deep breath, and read some suggestions from my Martha Stewart-like list.

1. He seems to want to be helpful and please you...and that is a good thing. Perhaps if you created a tasteful list of things that YOU would like him to do for you, it would let him continue to help, but he could refer to this list to stay "in-bounds".

2. List, equally tasefully, the areas that you would like him to leave alone, places where you keep personal things or areas where he could do damage (like the rug fading).

3. Make a list of things he can do to make your house pretty again. Can he clean carpets? or wash walls?

4. Disuss all of the above with him, to make sure there is no misunderstanding, and give him a big hug. That is a good thing.

5. Give yourself a big hug....you deserve it.

********** MG }}}}}
Ann is offline  
Old 08-21-2002, 04:40 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Thanks Ann,

That's a good idea. It's really not his fault, it's mine. I have more than my brain can handle right now and I'm on overload. It is very important to me that I continue to treat my son with respect and hope I can find a way to cope with all of this.

I forgot to mention that I'm involved in a company law suit and I'm the key witness. They are putting pressure on me to do things I don't want to do. I'm trying to set my boundaries and hold my ground, but it's difficult. I can't afford an attorney of my own so I'm winging it.

Maybe I need to jog, lol.

Hugs,

MG

Last edited by Morning Glory; 08-21-2002 at 04:49 PM.
 
Old 08-21-2002, 05:02 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 59,400
Well I'd say you have had about enough stress for one person.

Something I do, not very often, is to take a day off as a "me" day.
Use the day to relax, baby yourself, and just let the world wait a while.

Pray a lot, and turn over as much as you can.

Omar Khayam, the Persian Poet, wrote something I love and remember often:

"A man is blessed, who does his best, and leaves the rest, and doesn't worry".

And keep coming here for hugs of support. We love you.
Ann is offline  
Old 08-21-2002, 05:14 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Thanks Ann,

I'm going to write it down on paper and sort it all out. I think that will help to get it all in perspective. Have you ever defragmented your hard drive and watched the little squares all get into their proper order and the free space gets put into one place instead of scattered all over the place? I think I need to defragment my brain. I think writing will help me do that. I think I will write the things down that I have no control over and throw them in the trash.

Hugs to all,

MG
 
Old 08-21-2002, 05:57 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
bonbon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
just up here at work, trying to catch up and thought I would add my two cents...I think it is soo important to remember that when were under stress already esp at work, it makes everything else really really hard. I know the saying goes to leave work at work~ but that is sometimes impossible.

Don't beat yourself up MG, I kept noticing you would say in your post how you know your just overreacting or that you know your wrong....your just reacting to a situation the best you can. I have had to work soo hard on trying not to control EVERYTHING that I did, your right in how your acting...it IS your space and you deserve every inch of it.

Hang in there~I am the queen of stressful workplaces, I am sitting in the middle of a nightmare here now.

I am going to try some of your suggestions too anns, those are great!!

Love ya MG!!
bonbon is offline  
Old 08-21-2002, 06:09 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Thanks Bonbon,

I am really trying to keep my reactions good no matter what the life situation. It's hard to do. I need to learn more self control so that I don't take it out on those around me. I'll keep practicing.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 08-21-2002, 07:29 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
smoke gets in my eyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi MG!

You may recall the snit I was in recently when I found that "somebody" had moved around some of my computer files. My computer was the only spot in my life where I knew where to find everything. It was my "clean tidy house" oasis and it got mucked around with. I think I know just how you feel. There were even fingerprints on the screen. This is not one of those touchy feely computers... why would you have to touch the screen?


You aren't wrong. It's your stuff and you have preferences. Naturally you want to consider his feelings, but it's just as natural to be in "every man for himself" mode emotionally when you have that much stress around you. I think you're a champ for not blowing your stack.
smoke gets in my eyes is offline  
Old 08-21-2002, 09:02 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Paused
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 175
MG....I am thinking of you...my panic disorder is sneaking up on me tonight...*&^%*).....this time is was not the A but an old friend that really let me down....so I am feeling stressed to the max and this (*^^& panic is really getting me...time for my drugs.....take care girly...I will post later to you...............
Love Kitty
Kitty is offline  
Old 08-21-2002, 10:20 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Kitty,

I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I hate panic. I hope it goes away soon. Protect yourself right now until your life calms down.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 08-22-2002, 05:19 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Rose56's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Hi MG,
It really makes me crazy if someone messes around with my "stuff". In a house with three other people, two dogs, and two cats, stuff can get moved, lost, destroyed, whatever. Most of the time I am easy going about it all, but when stress takes me over then watch out! I can go beserk if the sizzors are not in the appropriate place!! And sometimes I find out that I was the one to leave them someplace else. lol.
You are doing great, perhaps exercise would help. I find if I do very strenous exercise, it relaxes me no matter what is going on in my life. I feel like a bowl of jello, mello..................whatever.....
Rose56 is offline  
Old 08-22-2002, 05:24 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
JT
Supply Manager
 
JT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
MG,

There is an Al Anon slogan...."how important is it??" .....some times that helps..

Take it easy on yourself MG.

JT

And no...I have never done anything like that to my computer...it sounds like it hurts!
JT is offline  
Old 08-22-2002, 07:22 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Grace Under Fire
 
Josie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Another world
Posts: 536
M.G.,
With everything going on in your life
right now, I think you are doing great.
You're job would scare me, how over-
whelming.
I think your son understands how much
pressure you're under, you are only
human. And I don't see how you have
done anything wrong here-it's your
stuff!
Hope today is a calmer day at work-
mental stress is no fun.

Hugs,
Josie is offline  
Old 08-22-2002, 09:42 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Thanks everyone. I know this was something small, but I wanted to talk about it before I lost control.

I've had a terrible habit of criticising people close to me when I'm stressed like this. I recognize that now and want to stop it.

So far I've done pretty good at keeping my mouth shut. I think this reaction thing is the key to my recovery. I have to learn it. This is a good chance for me to practice with something small. Self control when under stress.

Hugs to all and thank you,

MG
 
Old 08-22-2002, 01:13 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
JT
Supply Manager
 
JT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
MG,

Reacting is one of my biggest characture defects.... I have whipped it and I have fallen back into it.

What I do know is that there is a moment of time before you react when you still have a choice of how to RESPOND or even IF a response is needed. If you blindly react you are giving up that choice.

I faked it....I just chose not to say anything at all when I felt provoked. And then I watched the other person and often they would backpeddle. They were setting me up to react...pushing my buttons....and when they did not get what they expected their attitude would change. It was an eye opener and it led me directly into examining MY part in all the drama.

It is an interesting path....so that would be my advise to you..just stop it....fake it 'till you make it!

Love,

JT
JT is offline  
Old 08-22-2002, 01:34 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Morning Glory
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Thaks JT,

I will stop it I've done so well for a couple of months and it just hit me again.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Hugs,

MG
 

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:52 PM.