Reaction Difficulty
Hello All,
I'm having a difficult time with my reactions this week so I thought if I vent here it may help.
My brain is on overload from work emergencies all through the week and the weekend. Billing was due at the same time. Incident reports, client's telling stories about me to their caseworkers, starting new clients, training new staff etc.....
Spot was gone for two weeks and came home. I think I got used to being alone again and have to adjust.
The first night home he saw a large spider on my bed and tore apart my bedroom to find it. I have a lot of boxes and personal information under my bed. He looked through some of it when he had the boxes out. He showed me an old list of chores I left him when he was a child and was laughing because he wrote "you're stupid on the bottom of the list. It was funny, but it was stressful that he read through the book. Most of it was notes on my bible studies I was doing at home. So I felt out of control.
The next day he decided to clean out the shed/garage. He moved all of my stuff on the loft out there. I had it placed in a neat spot in the middle where I had cleaned. It was a horrible mess when I moved in and I didn't want to touch the other stuff. So now it's up high where I can't reach it. He also took all of the stuff out of there and filled up the trash cans. They aren't going to take it because one is for greenery and the other is for recyclebles. So this was an overload for my brain and I found myself wanting to react with critisizm. He should have asked first!
On the other hand he was trying to do something nice and from his standpoint he was hurt that I didn't appreciate it. I told him he needed to ask before doing things like that and told him I was on overload.
So I'm really having to try really hard right now not to react in the wrong way. He is still in recovery and going to meetings daily and calling his sponsor and trying hard. I guess I'm overreacting.
Thanks for letting me vent. I know it's minor, but it will become major if I let it build up. It's the little things. My carpet is getting dirty because of the extra traffic. I wanted this little house to be my little clean house that stayed organized and my pots are being used all of the time and not looking new anymore and stupid things like that. You know when you spend years raising kids and then you can keep things nice when they're finally gone.
This little house I'm in was a dump. I built new walls and textured myself and painted the whole thing and you just wouldn't believe the things I had to do to make it nice. It had new carpet and floors. I wanted it to stay that way. It's not anything he's doing wrong so I feel bad for feeling this way. I just feel like it's my turn to have something stay nice. Like he dried the bathroom rug in the sun and now it's the wrong color for the bathroom.
He does the dishes everyday and cooks for me and vacuums and keeps the yard clean. I'm the one who is wrong here and I know that. I think it's just stress.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Hugs,
MG