Blogs


Made it 4 days and then....yeah I don't learn

Old 05-19-2020, 08:56 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 3,912
A concern...your supposedly final communication:

His response? A text saying, "did you enjoy ******* me yesterday?" I said yes....and he responded "good." and then sent a funny clip from a show which we always watch together).“

This is not a dialogue between two exes. This is a guy who’s going to come back around because you’re still stoking his ego...and you’re using the present tense— “a show we always watch together.”

Be careful, yes? Every time you get pulled back in you destroy more of your self-esteem and give him more power over you. Ask me how I know...
Ariesagain is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Ariesagain For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (05-20-2020), dandylion (05-19-2020), trailmix (05-19-2020), Zevin (05-20-2020)
Old 05-19-2020, 09:13 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Ariesagain View Post
A concern...your supposedly final communication:

His response? A text saying, "did you enjoy ******* me yesterday?" I said yes....and he responded "good." and then sent a funny clip from a show which we always watch together).“

This is not a dialogue between two exes. This is a guy who’s going to come back around because you’re still stoking his ego...and you’re using the present tense— “a show we always watch together.”

Be careful, yes? Every time you get pulled back in you destroy more of your self-esteem and give him more power over you. Ask me how I know...
wow...the use of present tense didn’t even hit me until you pointed it out.

😳😮
Maddoc78 is online now  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Maddoc78 For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (05-20-2020), trailmix (05-19-2020), Zevin (05-20-2020)
Old 05-19-2020, 10:03 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 14,888
Maddoc----I think that any one of us who has been "Madly in love" with someone that doesn't treat us right knows what it is like---when the person that we love is the one that hurts us.
It blows the mind---because it doesn't make any sense to us---especially if we believe that they look at the world the same way that we do. this is especially traumatic when they happen to possess all of the qualities of our "dream person"---and, they are attracted to US! It is more powerful than heroine to us--and, it is as close to a high as we can get without the aid of drugs.
Sometimes, we will go to any lengths to preserve and stay attached or engaged in such a feel good---feel euphoric relationship.
The brain levels of the feel good hormones, while they are being "nice" to us is sky high---especially serotonin and the wonderful dopamine---not to speak of the bonding hormone of oxytocin that surges with Horizonal Tangos.
Then, when the rug is pulled out from under us---when it goes south---the come down is worse than coming down from a cocaine binge. Our feel good hormones are usually so greatly reduced from the normal level that feelings of anxiety and depression can set in. For a while we can feel like a turtle without a shell.
None of us who have ever been there would diminish what a horrible human experience that this is. It is one of the worst.
I will add one more layer to this perfect storm of human pain---and, that is the fact that we must go through a grieving process and all of the emotions that grieving entails.
One of the features of the early grieving process is Rumination---we tend to "examine" every molecule of the relationship---hold it up to the light and try to see if we can understand it---and, maybe, IF we can understand it---we can FIX---
*****Now, here is where the stickiest of wickets comes in*********
Those of us who happen to have a substantial amount of co-dependent tendencies are set up to not only suffer greatly---but. to cling to the relationship way more than anyone else could tolerate.
We can all suffer the awful heartbreak of a broken relationship....but, the co-dependent seems to have the ability to outlast all others.
Some of us may even ---like the turtle, suddenly without it's protective shell---may need very supportive help while we grow a new, thicker shell---in order to be able to navigate the misery of the short-term pain in order to get to the long term gain. That new and stronger shell is mostly made up of increased recognition of our self and increased self worth and self esteem. That is the ki nd of shell that protects us and our vulnerable soft belly from the various slings and arrows that, invariably come to us in the life. Life can/will be hard of every one of us, in one way or another.

***helpful hint: Practicing Alcoholics have an altered and messed up mind----so, never drink with one, as you will set yourself to be even more enmeshed with their Kraziness.

dandylion is online now  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to dandylion For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (05-20-2020), SmallButMighty (05-20-2020), trailmix (05-19-2020), Zevin (05-20-2020)
Old 05-19-2020, 10:44 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
trailmix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 5,009
Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
It blows the mind---because it doesn't make any sense to us---especially if we believe that they look at the world the same way that we do.
^^^^ This!
trailmix is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to trailmix For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (05-20-2020), dandylion (05-19-2020), Zevin (05-20-2020)
Old 05-20-2020, 09:46 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Zevin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 363
I’m not going to blame all of his very, very bizarre behavior on “just” being an alcoholic. I’m an alcoholic, so I feel justified in pointing out that he’s waaaaay beyond the pale when it comes to substance abuse causing these problems.
I think he’s worse than a sociopath and seriously, where’s the woman missing her panties and jeans??
He obviously purposely put them there for you to see.
And again, why does he want you to call his ex-wife or whatever she is?? I think you mentioned they have an autistic child. (Double the points for him being a total ******* if he really does and causing his family more stress, btw). He’s addicted to causing drama and turmoil. Next time he threatens to kill himself, call 911. Let him have some fun, dramatic time in a mandatory 72 hour lockdown.
Oh and tell the cops about women’s clothing being strewn around his house.
Good luck. I hope you run as fast as you can from this....person.
Zevin is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Zevin For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (05-21-2020)
Old 05-21-2020, 07:42 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 504
I wonder if whoever left the clothing around maybe found him an earring you may have dropped or something else and thinks the same thing you do. He probably cares as much for her as he cares for you. Ouch. I know. But think about that.
qtpi is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to qtpi For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (05-21-2020), Zevin (05-21-2020)
Old 05-21-2020, 06:29 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 4,525
Hey Maddoc, how are things going.

I hope you are getting through these first few days of no-contact the best you can. Unfortunately this guy may very well circle back and find a way to contact you. Even harder, whatever draws you to this guy may raise its head again.

Hope you are well.
Bekindalways is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Bekindalways For This Useful Post:
dandylion (05-21-2020), trailmix (05-21-2020), Zevin (05-22-2020)
Old 05-22-2020, 05:31 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Bekindalways View Post
Hey Maddoc, how are things going.

I hope you are getting through these first few days of no-contact the best you can. Unfortunately this guy may very well circle back and find a way to contact you. Even harder, whatever draws you to this guy may raise its head again.

Hope you are well.
thanks...hanging in there. Time at the beach did me good. Came home to a bunch of drama
via text and phone with my estranged husband. Fun, fun.

The more I think about it, I wonder how much with M is orchestrated for drama and effect...I mean, some of these comments or slip ups I attributed to him
being super drunk. Now I am thinking maybe he is always in control, just another way to mess with my head. Some sick twisted mind f$&k.

Like the pants. I swear I didn’t see them when I went to sleep...but in the am they were there next to the head of the bed on my side.

or the whole moving to Pasadena...a few weeks ago he mentioned an old friend called who is a nurse, “she called out of the blue” and how she was just so stressed working with the covid situation etc. And how he was shocked at how drunk she was at 10 am, her one kid walked in and commented on it too. Well that same woman is now an exGF, a doctor who lives in Pasadena and if he does not come up with $10,000 he will lose his house and he will go live with her since she will let him bring his dogs. Same woman? Mixing up her Or melding her with a codie who he also has been stringing along ? WTF knows...I am
glad to be out of the drama
Maddoc78 is online now  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Maddoc78 For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (05-22-2020), trailmix (05-23-2020), Zevin (05-22-2020)
Old 05-22-2020, 06:13 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Maddoc78 View Post
thanks...hanging in there. Time at the beach did me good. Came home to a bunch of drama
via text and phone with my estranged husband. Fun, fun.

The more I think about it, I wonder how much with M is orchestrated for drama and effect...I mean, some of these comments or slip ups I attributed to him
being super drunk. Now I am thinking maybe he is always in control, just another way to mess with my head. Some sick twisted mind f$&k.

Like the pants. I swear I didn’t see them when I went to sleep...but in the am they were there next to the head of the bed on my side.

or the whole moving to Pasadena...a few weeks ago he mentioned an old friend called who is a nurse, “she called out of the blue” and how she was just so stressed working with the covid situation etc. And how he was shocked at how drunk she was at 10 am, her one kid walked in and commented on it too. Well that same woman is now an exGF, a doctor who lives in Pasadena and if he does not come up with $10,000 he will lose his house and he will go live with her since she will let him bring his dogs. Same woman? Mixing up her Or melding her with a codie who he also has been stringing along ? WTF knows...I am
glad to be out of the drama
Much like with his wife, he made sure to tell me this Dr’s name a few times...claims she is also an alcoholic “yeah so when I move in I will have that **** to deal with”....so, how much is real and how much is the crazy talk? Boggles my mind lol
Maddoc78 is online now  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Maddoc78 For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (05-22-2020), trailmix (05-23-2020), Zevin (05-22-2020)
Old 05-22-2020, 07:27 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 3,912
And his house burned down and he’s close to bankruptcy and losing his house, but somehow he has a “maid” he’s also having sex with.

At the point, why not just assume he’s lying? It’s going to save you a lot of time...
Ariesagain is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Ariesagain For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (05-22-2020), kittycat3 (Yesterday), Zevin (05-22-2020)
Old 05-22-2020, 08:11 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 4,525
There is a bad joke around here, "How do you know an alcoholic is lying? . . . . . Their lips are moving.". It might not be completely true but it makes a good point.

Unfortunately M is not the only narcissistic/alcoholic/addict out there. Some of us are more prone to falling madly in love with them than others. Keep working on yourself and figuring out what is going on with you.

Big big kudos for getting out to the beach! Take extra good care of yourself: eat well, stay hydrated and get a bit of exercise.
Bekindalways is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Bekindalways For This Useful Post:
Zevin (05-22-2020)
Old 05-22-2020, 08:17 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Zevin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 363
YES to what Aries said! Just assume EVERYTHING is a huge lie. And he’s enjoying the drama, the games, the attention etc. Weird guy, IMHO.
Has he asked you for money yet?
Please be careful. I truly worry about your safety.
Zevin is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Zevin For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (Yesterday)
Old 05-22-2020, 08:18 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 14,888
Maddoc--------another song for you

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...tail&FORM=VIRE
dandylion is online now  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to dandylion For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (Yesterday), trailmix (05-23-2020)
Old 05-23-2020, 06:59 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Zevin View Post
YES to what Aries said! Just assume EVERYTHING is a huge lie. And he’s enjoying the drama, the games, the attention etc. Weird guy, IMHO.
Has he asked you for money yet?
Please be careful. I truly worry about your safety.
No, never asked for a dime...and this is the second almost foreclosure I have heard about. Also knows I am in a 1 bd apt...no
room for him, me and 3 dogs—-guessing that’s why it never came up.
Maddoc78 is online now  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Maddoc78 For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (Yesterday), trailmix (05-23-2020)
Old Today, 09:35 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Zevin View Post
YES to what Aries said! Just assume EVERYTHING is a huge lie. And he’s enjoying the drama, the games, the attention etc. Weird guy, IMHO.
Has he asked you for money yet?
Please be careful. I truly worry about your safety.
yep...money ask came today. I reconnected (yep I messed up), details in a separate post...but when he did ask I thought of your message. ❤️👍🏻

Maddoc78 is online now  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:17 AM.