Old 05-19-2020, 10:03 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Maddoc----I think that any one of us who has been "Madly in love" with someone that doesn't treat us right knows what it is like---when the person that we love is the one that hurts us.
It blows the mind---because it doesn't make any sense to us---especially if we believe that they look at the world the same way that we do. this is especially traumatic when they happen to possess all of the qualities of our "dream person"---and, they are attracted to US! It is more powerful than heroine to us--and, it is as close to a high as we can get without the aid of drugs.
Sometimes, we will go to any lengths to preserve and stay attached or engaged in such a feel good---feel euphoric relationship.
The brain levels of the feel good hormones, while they are being "nice" to us is sky high---especially serotonin and the wonderful dopamine---not to speak of the bonding hormone of oxytocin that surges with Horizonal Tangos.
Then, when the rug is pulled out from under us---when it goes south---the come down is worse than coming down from a cocaine binge. Our feel good hormones are usually so greatly reduced from the normal level that feelings of anxiety and depression can set in. For a while we can feel like a turtle without a shell.
None of us who have ever been there would diminish what a horrible human experience that this is. It is one of the worst.
I will add one more layer to this perfect storm of human pain---and, that is the fact that we must go through a grieving process and all of the emotions that grieving entails.
One of the features of the early grieving process is Rumination---we tend to "examine" every molecule of the relationship---hold it up to the light and try to see if we can understand it---and, maybe, IF we can understand it---we can FIX---
*****Now, here is where the stickiest of wickets comes in*********
Those of us who happen to have a substantial amount of co-dependent tendencies are set up to not only suffer greatly---but. to cling to the relationship way more than anyone else could tolerate.
We can all suffer the awful heartbreak of a broken relationship....but, the co-dependent seems to have the ability to outlast all others.
Some of us may even ---like the turtle, suddenly without it's protective shell---may need very supportive help while we grow a new, thicker shell---in order to be able to navigate the misery of the short-term pain in order to get to the long term gain. That new and stronger shell is mostly made up of increased recognition of our self and increased self worth and self esteem. That is the ki nd of shell that protects us and our vulnerable soft belly from the various slings and arrows that, invariably come to us in the life. Life can/will be hard of every one of us, in one way or another.

***helpful hint: Practicing Alcoholics have an altered and messed up mind----so, never drink with one, as you will set yourself to be even more enmeshed with their Kraziness.

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