How do you feel around alcohol?
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How do you feel around alcohol?
a little background.... I never liked to drink, I don’t like how it taste or how it makes me few, and a few times I tried to fit in, it just made me sick. I was the kind of person who would spend a whole night holding on to the same drink and not take a single sip of it. In very rare ocasiona i would share a margarita or have a little bit of wine. But on a regular bases I don’t drink at all. In fact I haven’t touched alcohol since I found out 2.5 years ago that my now XAF is an alcoholic.
So today I went out with my sister to get a pedicure. At the salon they gave us a glass of Moscato as a courtesy. I thought I’d take it and set aside just to be polite and then set it aside, but as soon as I touched the glass I felt so much anxiety I started to shake. I had no desire for that glass, actually I felt so angry that she didn’t asked me if I wanted to drink she just brought it to me (I guess I took it a little personal because what I’ve been going through).
Towards the end of my relationship I got so protective (controlling) of my XF, I would avoid everywhere or everyone who was drinking. I picked a few arguments even at work when I saw a co worker insisting with another to go for a drink after the shift was over and the other person said NO multiple times. (I would always imagine an alcoholic battling to stay sober and someone else being in their way). That’s insanity!
I normally get made fun of even when I’m out for dinner with my co-workers and I order my iced tea or water. They give me a hard time for not drinking, but I never liked it before the fiancé, can you imagine now?!
im scared to even touch alcohol.
Have anyone experienced something like that? How do you guys feel about alcohol after watching it destroy families/relationships/careers etc?
p.s I’m not writing this asking for advice in how to make peace with alcohol. Or how to start drinking etc LOL ... it just made me wonder how people feel being around alcohol after or while dealing with a loved one who is an alcoholic.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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I understand that feeling. I was never much of a drinker (1 or 2 drinks a month) but after being around my EXAH's drinking I started to hate alcohol. Maybe it was easier to blame the alcohol at the time. I held a grudge against alcohol for years. I was filled with so much rage. I still occasionally go on rants when I see things like Mommy juice memes, mother's day and mimosas events, a story in the paper about wine bars opening in grocery stores, or characters making poor choices around alcohol in movies. Maybe more than occasionally now that I read that list and think of many more. But that is why I finally started posting because I need to use all my tools to work through feeling stuck.
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My POV comes from having been a problem drinker, and mainly avoiding events where they serve alcohol. It's not because I'm afraid I'll drink, but because I find it very difficult to get into the mood when everyone else has a wine on board and has loosened up. I'm actually very honest about why I'm not going and most people understand.
One thing I do find intrusive is when my frequent flier program sends me wine offers, which is every month or so. There's no way of opt out.
Nara, I can see why you'd be annoyed that you were given a drink without them asking first. Imagine if it had been someone in early sobriety? Or who was driving afterwards? Your reaction of annoyance was understandable, but the shaking looks like a reaction to trauma. Maybe you could work with a therapist so it doesn't interfere with your normal functioning.
It's one thing to dislike drinking, another to have a physical reaction in the presence of alcohol.
One thing I do find intrusive is when my frequent flier program sends me wine offers, which is every month or so. There's no way of opt out.
Nara, I can see why you'd be annoyed that you were given a drink without them asking first. Imagine if it had been someone in early sobriety? Or who was driving afterwards? Your reaction of annoyance was understandable, but the shaking looks like a reaction to trauma. Maybe you could work with a therapist so it doesn't interfere with your normal functioning.
It's one thing to dislike drinking, another to have a physical reaction in the presence of alcohol.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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I rarely drink but it doesn't bother me to be around alcohol and I don't care how much anyone else drinks.
That's a control issue imo. It's not my place to decide if someone drinks, how much they drink or when they drink - that's 100 percent up to them.
Them handing you wine without asking is out of line. I would actually call them and mention it (if you are so inclined).
The shaking is definitely an emotional reaction and worth working on. Not because you need to feel comfortable around alcohol, but there is obviously some trauma there.
That's a control issue imo. It's not my place to decide if someone drinks, how much they drink or when they drink - that's 100 percent up to them.
Them handing you wine without asking is out of line. I would actually call them and mention it (if you are so inclined).
The shaking is definitely an emotional reaction and worth working on. Not because you need to feel comfortable around alcohol, but there is obviously some trauma there.
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Join Date: Jan 2019
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Im ok around it. Yes, the 'mommy needs wine' posts are tedious and not at all funny to me, so i scroll past.
I can no longer stand being around intoxicated people. I just cannot watch their self-destruction. What they choose for their bodies is their business, and I'm not hanging around to watch
Perhaps a few pre-prepared lines could help..." im driving and a bit tired, so I'm going to be on the safe side...but thanks for offering".
I can no longer stand being around intoxicated people. I just cannot watch their self-destruction. What they choose for their bodies is their business, and I'm not hanging around to watch
Perhaps a few pre-prepared lines could help..." im driving and a bit tired, so I'm going to be on the safe side...but thanks for offering".
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Doesn’t upset me. If I wasn’t very pregnant I would still have an occasional drink. I definitely got into the habit of drinking more than I had in the past and more than I should w my XAH drinking all the time, mostly because I was miserable a lot. I am not concerned for myself going forward but I have definitely swung far in the other direction.
But I have nooooo patience for people who glamorize over-drinking or post online about drinking all the time. I feel like my X’s over-respect for drinking was either a symptom of the alcoholism or made it more acceptable to him in his own mind to go down that road.
And I am deeply distrustful of alcoholics, even in recovery. I have long-sober coworkers friends who have been helpful, but if I ever date again no chance I will tolerate having an alcoholic in my personal life in a position I am supposed to rely on, even in long recovery. Can’t risk it for me or my kid(s).
But I have nooooo patience for people who glamorize over-drinking or post online about drinking all the time. I feel like my X’s over-respect for drinking was either a symptom of the alcoholism or made it more acceptable to him in his own mind to go down that road.
And I am deeply distrustful of alcoholics, even in recovery. I have long-sober coworkers friends who have been helpful, but if I ever date again no chance I will tolerate having an alcoholic in my personal life in a position I am supposed to rely on, even in long recovery. Can’t risk it for me or my kid(s).
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Originally Posted by Wombaticus 
Im ok around it. Yes, the 'mommy needs wine' posts are tedious and not at all funny to me, so i scroll past.
I can no longer stand being around intoxicated people. I just cannot watch their self-destruction. What they choose for their bodies is their business, and I'm not hanging around to watch
Perhaps a few pre-prepared lines could help..." im driving and a bit tired, so I'm going to be on the safe side...but thanks for offering".
I can no longer stand being around intoxicated people. I just cannot watch their self-destruction. What they choose for their bodies is their business, and I'm not hanging around to watch
Perhaps a few pre-prepared lines could help..." im driving and a bit tired, so I'm going to be on the safe side...but thanks for offering".
The thing about going out for dinner with co workers is that I travel for work so I’m in hotels a lot. Sometimes I go to the hotel’s restaurant and the co workers shows up orders his/hers drinks and question my choice of not drinking. I’m always finding new ways to say no. I get I can’t control it so just deal with it. Just scared now that I seem to get an emotional reaction just from seeing alcohol.
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Join Date: Dec 2018
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I cant stand it!
I hate the smell of it.
I get on the subway and people get on stinking of booze. YUCK.
And it's everywhere!!!!!!!
They drink when they're happy. They drink when they're sad. They drink at parties and at funerals. It's even served in coffee shops and sold in convenience stores and pharmacies. YUCK
I hate the smell of it.
I get on the subway and people get on stinking of booze. YUCK.
And it's everywhere!!!!!!!
They drink when they're happy. They drink when they're sad. They drink at parties and at funerals. It's even served in coffee shops and sold in convenience stores and pharmacies. YUCK
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Originally Posted by Nara
I get I can’t control it so just deal with it. Just scared now that I seem to get an emotional reaction just from seeing alcohol.
Your co-workers seem to be far too focused on alcohol- which is their choice but to try to drag you in to that is very rude and to ask you more than once or make a comment is rude.
I would say (nicely) - "I don't like alcohol - so I don't".
Bet they won't ask again. If they then asked "why" I would repeat, I don't like alcohol, so I don't. That should be the end of that line of questioning. If someone pursued it, I would just stop answering and read the menu. Just because someone decides to question you doesn't mean you ever have to participate.
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Originally Posted by Nara
I would always imagine an alcoholic battling to stay sober and someone else being in their way...snip...Have anyone experienced something like that?
I had a buddy who was a prison guard. He felt badly for the newly released who vowed they were staying away from X town or Y friends, they would go astray. It isn't the town, it isn't your friends. People are the same everywhere. One has to decide to not drink, to avoid bars, to find people whose idea of fun is to do something other than use drugs. Alcohol is just a legal drug.
In this day and age, I'm surprised you weren't asked what you'd like to drink and offered wine, tea, herbal tea or sparkling water.
If one read one's Bible carefully (just as an example) it states we are supposed to avoid being a stumbling block to others. That seems like pretty good common sense when dealing with our fellow humans, whether you're religious or not. To me, that would mean offering the option of something non-alcoholic to drink, *especially at a business.*
I don't have a problem with booze, but it's not on everyone's radar. I was at a birthday party years ago, and one of the guests brought brought the birthday man a bottle of wine. Evidently, they weren't aware that he'd stopped drinking years before, after nearly having a disastrous car accident while drunk. I guess they hadn't talked to him much in recent years.
At any rate, you're free to say no, hand your drink to your sister. You may even call the salon, and hint that offering you a beverage you didn't drink cost them money. Offering a glass of something else would have been appreciated and cost them less.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
I rarely drink but it doesn't bother me to be around alcohol and I don't care how much anyone else drinks.
That's a control issue imo. It's not my place to decide if someone drinks, how much they drink or when they drink - that's 100 percent up to them.
Them handing you wine without asking is out of line. I would actually call them and mention it (if you are so inclined).
The shaking is definitely an emotional reaction and worth working on. Not because you need to feel comfortable around alcohol, but there is obviously some trauma there.
That's a control issue imo. It's not my place to decide if someone drinks, how much they drink or when they drink - that's 100 percent up to them.
Them handing you wine without asking is out of line. I would actually call them and mention it (if you are so inclined).
The shaking is definitely an emotional reaction and worth working on. Not because you need to feel comfortable around alcohol, but there is obviously some trauma there.
I knew if someone offered or gave him alcohol he would take it. Now I understand i have no power to control it or take care of them. And most people have no idea what is like to live in an alcoholic world.
One of the vacation we went XAF promised he wouldn’t drink in that trip, on the flight the flight attendant trying to be nice handled him 4 bottles of wine (the small ones)he immediately opened one.
I was upset with the flight attendant, but I get she was just trying to be nice. But a lot of emotions goes with that.
i will definitely try figure a way to cope with it
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Oh, Nara, I get it. This is an extremely emotional topic.
When I was dating my XABF we had a mutual friend who was a bartender. It made me crazy that this friend allowed XABF to get so blind drunk every time he came into the bar. I said everything I could think of to convince him that he could help with XABF's problem just by saying no when XABF ordered the next drink. Never mind that to do so would actually put our friend's job in jeopardy.
I had to learn (the hard way) that no person or circumstance could MAKE my ex-boyfriend drink. If an alcoholic is determined to drink, it doesn't matter where it comes from--a shop or a flight attendant or a bartender--they're going to do it. On the other hand, if an alcoholic is truly determined NOT to drink, no freebies can make them change their mind, either.
Personally, I am no longer able to enjoy other people's company once they've crossed the line between buzzed and drunk. I very rarely drink myself, and when I do I usually end up regretting it because even a small amount makes me feel irritable and headachey.
When I was dating my XABF we had a mutual friend who was a bartender. It made me crazy that this friend allowed XABF to get so blind drunk every time he came into the bar. I said everything I could think of to convince him that he could help with XABF's problem just by saying no when XABF ordered the next drink. Never mind that to do so would actually put our friend's job in jeopardy.
I had to learn (the hard way) that no person or circumstance could MAKE my ex-boyfriend drink. If an alcoholic is determined to drink, it doesn't matter where it comes from--a shop or a flight attendant or a bartender--they're going to do it. On the other hand, if an alcoholic is truly determined NOT to drink, no freebies can make them change their mind, either.
Personally, I am no longer able to enjoy other people's company once they've crossed the line between buzzed and drunk. I very rarely drink myself, and when I do I usually end up regretting it because even a small amount makes me feel irritable and headachey.
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Originally Posted by Nara
i will definitely try figure a way to cope with it
If I throw the toaster at you (I wouldn't!), it then becomes a weapon, not "just a toaster".
That is going to cause you trauma, for sure. What you are experiencing is not abnormal at all, you are not wrong for feeling that way you know. You've been through a trauma. Therapy, Al-Anon, posting here, keeping chipping away at it.
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How do you guys feel about alcohol after watching it destroy families/relationships/careers etc?
ive been sober 14+ years. caused a lot of damage in my wake, have been in a relationship with a chronic relapser, have seen wet brain and DTs, have known a few people that died from alcoholism, have read and known many families affected by alcoholism, and still remain neutral about alcohol.
alcoholism, OTOH...welp, theres only 3 things i use the word hate for:
cancer, the old me, and alcoholism.
ive been sober 14+ years. caused a lot of damage in my wake, have been in a relationship with a chronic relapser, have seen wet brain and DTs, have known a few people that died from alcoholism, have read and known many families affected by alcoholism, and still remain neutral about alcohol.
alcoholism, OTOH...welp, theres only 3 things i use the word hate for:
cancer, the old me, and alcoholism.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
I'm not that way with alcohol but am with marijuana. Both are problems for my AH. He's had problems with others but these are the last two he rationalizes are not a problem for him and that he can manage. I think I feel that way about marijuana and not alcohol because I think more people understand that alcohol can be dangerous but I hear way too many people touting marijuana as the new cure-all wonder non-drug that never hurt anybody because it is not addictive.
I do hate all the FB posts about alcohol and they make me sad. I feel like we, as a society, normalize frequent and binge drinking far too much.
I do hate all the FB posts about alcohol and they make me sad. I feel like we, as a society, normalize frequent and binge drinking far too much.
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Originally Posted by SparkleKitty
Oh, Nara, I get it. This is an extremely emotional topic.
When I was dating my XABF we had a mutual friend who was a bartender. It made me crazy that this friend allowed XABF to get so blind drunk every time he came into the bar. I said everything I could think of to convince him that he could help with XABF's problem just by saying no when XABF ordered the next drink. Never mind that to do so would actually put our friend's job in jeopardy.
I had to learn (the hard way) that no person or circumstance could MAKE my ex-boyfriend drink. If an alcoholic is determined to drink, it doesn't matter where it comes from--a shop or a flight attendant or a bartender--they're going to do it. On the other hand, if an alcoholic is truly determined NOT to drink, no freebies can make them change their mind, either.
Personally, I am no longer able to enjoy other people's company once they've crossed the line between buzzed and drunk. I very rarely drink myself, and when I do I usually end up regretting it because even a small amount makes me feel irritable and headachey.
When I was dating my XABF we had a mutual friend who was a bartender. It made me crazy that this friend allowed XABF to get so blind drunk every time he came into the bar. I said everything I could think of to convince him that he could help with XABF's problem just by saying no when XABF ordered the next drink. Never mind that to do so would actually put our friend's job in jeopardy.
I had to learn (the hard way) that no person or circumstance could MAKE my ex-boyfriend drink. If an alcoholic is determined to drink, it doesn't matter where it comes from--a shop or a flight attendant or a bartender--they're going to do it. On the other hand, if an alcoholic is truly determined NOT to drink, no freebies can make them change their mind, either.
Personally, I am no longer able to enjoy other people's company once they've crossed the line between buzzed and drunk. I very rarely drink myself, and when I do I usually end up regretting it because even a small amount makes me feel irritable and headachey.
Now that I’m learning my behaviors and reactions I feel embarrassed. For the longest time I was calm, I would fill up my mouth with water and keep it there until I didn’t feel the need of saying things I’d regret later. But eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I went full crazy.
I tried that too. I suggested that we tell some of our friends about the problem and maybe they could support us by not ordering alcohol when we went out together, or not being alcohol when we invited them over etc. well he talked me into “my friends are not good for me anymore, so u don’t wanna hang out with them”. True is that he was avoiding letting other people know that he was an alcoholic. I never told anybody besides my sister. And now guess who are the friends he is back hanging out with? Yep... the friends who no longer was good for him. I can’t believe I felt for that ...
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Nara,
I gave up alcohol when my AW gave it up. So I have been without a drink for 5 months. I was never a heavy drinker before hand. I would have a glass of wine I would drink half of it. Let me rephrase that sip half of it. One glass would last me a while. I wouldn't be drinking it then my AW would finish it off. I wasn't helping her in letting her do this. I had no clue at the time how bad she was.
I now see people I hang out with at my monthly poker game in a whole new light. Some of them I wonder if they are borderline alcoholics. We all respect each other and they never question me when I switched one month from having beer to the next month haveing soda. I'm still wondering if I should say anything to a few of them?
At a restaurant it dosent bother me but I can see my AW looking at other people's drinks. She is staying strong but I know it's hard. She just takes it one day at a time.
But I come to hate all the alcohol commercials I see on tv. Seams every other one is for beer or hard alcohol.
I gave up alcohol when my AW gave it up. So I have been without a drink for 5 months. I was never a heavy drinker before hand. I would have a glass of wine I would drink half of it. Let me rephrase that sip half of it. One glass would last me a while. I wouldn't be drinking it then my AW would finish it off. I wasn't helping her in letting her do this. I had no clue at the time how bad she was.
I now see people I hang out with at my monthly poker game in a whole new light. Some of them I wonder if they are borderline alcoholics. We all respect each other and they never question me when I switched one month from having beer to the next month haveing soda. I'm still wondering if I should say anything to a few of them?
At a restaurant it dosent bother me but I can see my AW looking at other people's drinks. She is staying strong but I know it's hard. She just takes it one day at a time.
But I come to hate all the alcohol commercials I see on tv. Seams every other one is for beer or hard alcohol.
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Originally Posted by ironwill
Nara,
I gave up alcohol when my AW gave it up. So I have been without a drink for 5 months. I was never a heavy drinker before hand. I would have a glass of wine I would drink half of it. Let me rephrase that sip half of it. One glass would last me a while. I wouldn't be drinking it then my AW would finish it off. I wasn't helping her in letting her do this. I had no clue at the time how bad she was.
I now see people I hang out with at my monthly poker game in a whole new light. Some of them I wonder if they are borderline alcoholics. We all respect each other and they never question me when I switched one month from having beer to the next month haveing soda. I'm still wondering if I should say anything to a few of them?
At a restaurant it dosent bother me but I can see my AW looking at other people's drinks. She is staying strong but I know it's hard. She just takes it one day at a time.
But I come to hate all the alcohol commercials I see on tv. Seams every other one is for beer or hard alcohol.
I gave up alcohol when my AW gave it up. So I have been without a drink for 5 months. I was never a heavy drinker before hand. I would have a glass of wine I would drink half of it. Let me rephrase that sip half of it. One glass would last me a while. I wouldn't be drinking it then my AW would finish it off. I wasn't helping her in letting her do this. I had no clue at the time how bad she was.
I now see people I hang out with at my monthly poker game in a whole new light. Some of them I wonder if they are borderline alcoholics. We all respect each other and they never question me when I switched one month from having beer to the next month haveing soda. I'm still wondering if I should say anything to a few of them?
At a restaurant it dosent bother me but I can see my AW looking at other people's drinks. She is staying strong but I know it's hard. She just takes it one day at a time.
But I come to hate all the alcohol commercials I see on tv. Seams every other one is for beer or hard alcohol.
One curious thing I notice and wonder about is that most of the Al anon meetings or AA meetings I have researched, normally will have a liquor store or a bar right next to it. At least where I live.
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I feel bewildered that it has that kind of power of some people, I am thankful I am not one of them. I also have gone through just not really even wanting it around and definitely have a heightened awareness around peoples behaviors. I can easily smell strangers from a good 5 feet particularly if its beer, whisky, or bourbon, etc. Makes my stomach turn that smell, instant physical reaction
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