How do you feel around alcohol?
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
I used to drink. I noticed I was going down the same slippery slope so many of our loved ones have done. So, I started healthier living and stopped drinking altogether. I'm much happier and healthier.
I didn't make any big declarations or announcement. I simply stopped one day.
It does not bother me if others drink. Not my circus or my monkeys. No one says anything to me when I'm drinking my sparkling water.
I have noticed a couple of my friends have stopped asking me to join them during events where drinking might be part of the affair, but I haven't felt like I've missed anything.
I didn't make any big declarations or announcement. I simply stopped one day.
It does not bother me if others drink. Not my circus or my monkeys. No one says anything to me when I'm drinking my sparkling water.
I have noticed a couple of my friends have stopped asking me to join them during events where drinking might be part of the affair, but I haven't felt like I've missed anything.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by skippernlilg 
I used to drink. I noticed I was going down the same slippery slope so many of our loved ones have done. So, I started healthier living and stopped drinking altogether. I'm much happier and healthier.
I didn't make any big declarations or announcement. I simply stopped one day.
It does not bother me if others drink. Not my circus or my monkeys. No one says anything to me when I'm drinking my sparkling water.
I have noticed a couple of my friends have stopped asking me to join them during events where drinking might be part of the affair, but I haven't felt like I've missed anything.
I didn't make any big declarations or announcement. I simply stopped one day.
It does not bother me if others drink. Not my circus or my monkeys. No one says anything to me when I'm drinking my sparkling water.
I have noticed a couple of my friends have stopped asking me to join them during events where drinking might be part of the affair, but I haven't felt like I've missed anything.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
The dorky side of me is fascinated by the science behind alcohol, and I love to hear in excruciating detail how certain spirits are made.
However, it will never be in my destiny to drink the stuff in excess. My body simply can't tolerate it. I seem to skip the blessed buzz stage entirely and go straight into hangover mode.
I do have friends who are hard drinkers but they never bother me to drink more - I never tell them to drink less so it doesn't make any sense for either of us to stir the pot. It does get very weird when I attend gatherings where the liquor is poured in full force. Everybody gets blitzed, people start acting oddly, and that's when I usually leave. Otherwise I start getting judgmental and angry and who wants to go there?
However, if there's dancing... I'll do anything for dancing.
However, it will never be in my destiny to drink the stuff in excess. My body simply can't tolerate it. I seem to skip the blessed buzz stage entirely and go straight into hangover mode.
I do have friends who are hard drinkers but they never bother me to drink more - I never tell them to drink less so it doesn't make any sense for either of us to stir the pot. It does get very weird when I attend gatherings where the liquor is poured in full force. Everybody gets blitzed, people start acting oddly, and that's when I usually leave. Otherwise I start getting judgmental and angry and who wants to go there?
However, if there's dancing... I'll do anything for dancing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by trailmix
I find it weird that someone would question you not drinking. If you were in a bar, well that's a somewhat normal question, but with dinner? I never drink and eat at the same time and no one has ever asked me why, how, who, what.
Your co-workers seem to be far too focused on alcohol- which is their choice but to try to drag you in to that is very rude and to ask you more than once or make a comment is rude.
I would say (nicely) - "I don't like alcohol - so I don't".
Bet they won't ask again. If they then asked "why" I would repeat, I don't like alcohol, so I don't. That should be the end of that line of questioning. If someone pursued it, I would just stop answering and read the menu. Just because someone decides to question you doesn't mean you ever have to participate.
Your co-workers seem to be far too focused on alcohol- which is their choice but to try to drag you in to that is very rude and to ask you more than once or make a comment is rude.
I would say (nicely) - "I don't like alcohol - so I don't".
Bet they won't ask again. If they then asked "why" I would repeat, I don't like alcohol, so I don't. That should be the end of that line of questioning. If someone pursued it, I would just stop answering and read the menu. Just because someone decides to question you doesn't mean you ever have to participate.
and yes I find a new way of saying no every day, I’m not the kind of person who drinks just to fit in... but yet it is a bit annoying. I deal well with that. I haven’t been around alcohol for 2.5 years. I’ve been avoiding every person who drink or places that serves alcohol. Since the break up, yesterday was the first time I was faced with the situation where I had it in my hands. So I was wondering what all of you guys here has experienced.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
I went through my phases of drinking. Once I started my career I limited my drinking.
I was never fond of beer. My H drink of choice. Every once in a while I'd like a drink but haven't had any alcohol. Especially since there's been no alcohol in the house since H has stopped drinking.
I was never fond of beer. My H drink of choice. Every once in a while I'd like a drink but haven't had any alcohol. Especially since there's been no alcohol in the house since H has stopped drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 135
When I was a "kid" I made a lot of money hustling pool and out-drinking men. I was tiny but had a stomach of steel and never ever threw up. I worked 2 full-time jobs, went to school full-time and played competition level sports in 3 seasons. No one would have suspected my habits. The day I found out I was pregnant (I was 19) I declared the end and never looked back. I try not to put myself in situations where folks are blasted drunk (being home with AH is the exception) I just don't like it but if people are drinking I just go with the flow. I have been known to say, "don't you know what that stuff does to your liver/brain/kidneys...etc" but I don't make a big deal about it.
i don't drink and haven't touched alcohol at all since 2016. Before that I might have a shot or two a couple times a year for birthdays or celebrations but never kept it in the house (AH would have just finished it all off) I think you have to go with what you are comfortable with. I know my tolerance is very high and that is dangerous. I stay away because of that.
i don't drink and haven't touched alcohol at all since 2016. Before that I might have a shot or two a couple times a year for birthdays or celebrations but never kept it in the house (AH would have just finished it all off) I think you have to go with what you are comfortable with. I know my tolerance is very high and that is dangerous. I stay away because of that.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 160
I feel like I'm the only person here who enjoys a drink! haha.
I used to drink a lot more when with my XAH--just to keep up, I guess? And there were times where I would drink beers at home just so he would have less to drink. I dont even like beer. What's bizarre is that I was doing that on purpose, but I didn't think he had a drinking problem at the time? Denial! lol.
Now that he's out of my life, I don't really drink much. I hardly ever have any alcohol in the house unless it was given to me as a gift. But I do drink. I had a glass of wine with lunch at Nordstrom yesterday before I went shopping. I will have a glass of wine with my meal in airports when I'm traveling. I will have a glass when I go out to dinner--2 if it takes forever or I'm not driving. I'm not ever really at 'high alcohol' events anymore, but if there's an obnoxious drunk person around, I generally just ignore them or leave.
It's a complex relationship though. I have talked with my therapist about my own drinking. I have developed almost a phobia of becoming an alcoholic myself? Both my parents are alcoholics and I was married to one. So when I do drink, I am hyper-aware of it. It's slowly become less and less often that I drink because of that.
I do have an emotional reaction to being around marijuana though--but mostly because I tried it a handful of times in highschool and I got AWFUL panic attacks each time. It turned into a fear of getting a contact high if I was around the smoke, so I have to leave the area if I smell it. It's actually embarrassing sometimes.
I used to drink a lot more when with my XAH--just to keep up, I guess? And there were times where I would drink beers at home just so he would have less to drink. I dont even like beer. What's bizarre is that I was doing that on purpose, but I didn't think he had a drinking problem at the time? Denial! lol.
Now that he's out of my life, I don't really drink much. I hardly ever have any alcohol in the house unless it was given to me as a gift. But I do drink. I had a glass of wine with lunch at Nordstrom yesterday before I went shopping. I will have a glass of wine with my meal in airports when I'm traveling. I will have a glass when I go out to dinner--2 if it takes forever or I'm not driving. I'm not ever really at 'high alcohol' events anymore, but if there's an obnoxious drunk person around, I generally just ignore them or leave.
It's a complex relationship though. I have talked with my therapist about my own drinking. I have developed almost a phobia of becoming an alcoholic myself? Both my parents are alcoholics and I was married to one. So when I do drink, I am hyper-aware of it. It's slowly become less and less often that I drink because of that.
I do have an emotional reaction to being around marijuana though--but mostly because I tried it a handful of times in highschool and I got AWFUL panic attacks each time. It turned into a fear of getting a contact high if I was around the smoke, so I have to leave the area if I smell it. It's actually embarrassing sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 62
I have an occasional drink. I definitely know my limits now better than I ever have. I've always thought there is no harm in having a few beers or just a night of letting loose. I just don't think that it should be done all of the time. After watching and continuing to watch alcohol destroy lives it is a touchy thing. I agree with the memes about drinking and all of the commercials. They almost glorify drinking and try to make you think that you aren't normal unless you are out partying or sitting around a bonfire with a cold beer in your hand. lol
Thankfully, there is so much more to life. Just a shame when a liquid has that much power.
Thankfully, there is so much more to life. Just a shame when a liquid has that much power.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
I never used to go to the local bar with co workers and management after work. They only thing I missed out on were promotions and get out of jail free cards. I was a fitness buff/gym rat at the time and had a dog to walk/feed so it was never a tough decision not to go. Many in that crowd had or wound up with duis, lost their careers to stupid stuff and one actually got fired to accidents and being drunk upon arrival to work.
To me management drinking with employee is wrong on multiple levels because with younger employees in particular it helps validate drinking behavior seeing a person in a position of authority drink/party.
With several family members it became an issue when my drinking went from little to basically nothing. "How you can you not drink" , "Awe come on just one", "Why don't you drink again", "Have a drink so I don't drink alone"-so they can validate their choice. The most comments come/came from the A's gf and older relatives who happened to be the biggest enablers.
To me management drinking with employee is wrong on multiple levels because with younger employees in particular it helps validate drinking behavior seeing a person in a position of authority drink/party.
With several family members it became an issue when my drinking went from little to basically nothing. "How you can you not drink" , "Awe come on just one", "Why don't you drink again", "Have a drink so I don't drink alone"-so they can validate their choice. The most comments come/came from the A's gf and older relatives who happened to be the biggest enablers.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,547
To me management drinking with employee is wrong on multiple levels because with younger employees in particular it helps validate drinking behavior seeing a person in a position of authority drink/party.
I think it blurs boundaries, too. I had one boss who regularly drank with her staff (still does, probably) Then she has to coach or discipline them. She's all buddy-buddy, then the next day she's ridiculing or threatening. I guess that's not really a boundary problem, so much as a character flaw. Sadly, her own daughter was also her employee, (and a very troubled young woman) and has had one child die in her care, and had the other removed from her custody.
I strongly suspect that the many of the encouragers are not just enablers, but people looking to justify their own level of consumption. On another forum, one woman even asked if having a 'dry' shower was tacky. She asked twice, because we 'just didn't understand.' Yeah, we do. You can't go the afternoon without booze.
I think it blurs boundaries, too. I had one boss who regularly drank with her staff (still does, probably) Then she has to coach or discipline them. She's all buddy-buddy, then the next day she's ridiculing or threatening. I guess that's not really a boundary problem, so much as a character flaw. Sadly, her own daughter was also her employee, (and a very troubled young woman) and has had one child die in her care, and had the other removed from her custody.
I strongly suspect that the many of the encouragers are not just enablers, but people looking to justify their own level of consumption. On another forum, one woman even asked if having a 'dry' shower was tacky. She asked twice, because we 'just didn't understand.' Yeah, we do. You can't go the afternoon without booze.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 356
It is annoying that people are weird when other won’t drink. Personally I don’t care if someone drinks or not. Lots of people don’t drink for religious reason, they don’t like it whatever. Their choice and people should just accept that.
That said, I like alcohol and I never gave it up and never will. Why should I stop just because my ex had a problem? I drink maybe once a week 1 or 2 drinks and only when I am with friends. I rarely drink alone because I don’t enjoy it. For me drinking is really a social thing. About once a year at the most I overdo it at a big party. I honestly find it hard to believe that people do this for a living so to speak because I don’t enjoy getting drunk (the last couple of times it happened because the drinks were homemade and super strong and I drank too quickly) .
I know my ex did not enjoy being at parties after he sobered up because even if people weren’t drunk, once they got a little less inhibited it made him uncomfortable. Now this was 6 months sober and not sure how he feels about that now after 3 years but I think he mostly avoids parties in our usual circle.
My kid sees me drink and has seen me drunk once, I did tell her I drank too much because the drinks were stronger than expected but also explained to her that this is not like daddy and that daddy had an illness that made him drink every day and that I don’t have that Illness. One night I Wasn’t drunk but had drank too much to drive home safely and I explained that to her as well. She understands that alcoholics have an illness that makes them keep drinking but that not everyone that drinks is like that.
I think people need to mind their own business more as far as why people don’t drink, but maybe it makes them feel less guilty about their drinking if everyone drinks? Who knows.
OP, you reaction to what happens sounds more like a post traumatic reaction. You should have been able to just leave it there and not drink it or just decline it without feeling guilty. It would probably really help you to get some help for yourself to help you deal with that because that doesn’t sound like any fun for you. I am not exact sure what your story is but it sounds like it was traumatic like so many of us. I know I would have not weathered this well without therapy. Even with weekly therapy it took a long time to get past a lot of this stuff. It is traumatic what we go through, it is different for everyone but the same on many levels. The rosy has helped me come a long way. And I would not have been one that would have chosen to go to therapy willingly prior to when everything hit the fan so to speak, and you will learn to not care about what others think so much, as hard as that is. It also takes a while to work through all of this stuff. We need help just as much as the alcoholic does, I never knew that until he went to rehab and everything went to pot. Good luck with everything and hang in there
That said, I like alcohol and I never gave it up and never will. Why should I stop just because my ex had a problem? I drink maybe once a week 1 or 2 drinks and only when I am with friends. I rarely drink alone because I don’t enjoy it. For me drinking is really a social thing. About once a year at the most I overdo it at a big party. I honestly find it hard to believe that people do this for a living so to speak because I don’t enjoy getting drunk (the last couple of times it happened because the drinks were homemade and super strong and I drank too quickly) .
I know my ex did not enjoy being at parties after he sobered up because even if people weren’t drunk, once they got a little less inhibited it made him uncomfortable. Now this was 6 months sober and not sure how he feels about that now after 3 years but I think he mostly avoids parties in our usual circle.
My kid sees me drink and has seen me drunk once, I did tell her I drank too much because the drinks were stronger than expected but also explained to her that this is not like daddy and that daddy had an illness that made him drink every day and that I don’t have that Illness. One night I Wasn’t drunk but had drank too much to drive home safely and I explained that to her as well. She understands that alcoholics have an illness that makes them keep drinking but that not everyone that drinks is like that.
I think people need to mind their own business more as far as why people don’t drink, but maybe it makes them feel less guilty about their drinking if everyone drinks? Who knows.
OP, you reaction to what happens sounds more like a post traumatic reaction. You should have been able to just leave it there and not drink it or just decline it without feeling guilty. It would probably really help you to get some help for yourself to help you deal with that because that doesn’t sound like any fun for you. I am not exact sure what your story is but it sounds like it was traumatic like so many of us. I know I would have not weathered this well without therapy. Even with weekly therapy it took a long time to get past a lot of this stuff. It is traumatic what we go through, it is different for everyone but the same on many levels. The rosy has helped me come a long way. And I would not have been one that would have chosen to go to therapy willingly prior to when everything hit the fan so to speak, and you will learn to not care about what others think so much, as hard as that is. It also takes a while to work through all of this stuff. We need help just as much as the alcoholic does, I never knew that until he went to rehab and everything went to pot. Good luck with everything and hang in there
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