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Old 07-19-2019, 12:49 PM
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Heís packing

hes packing and Iím sad but not devastated. All I can think of after 20 years is thus:
https://youtu.be/TO_UsNPrc_U
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Old 07-19-2019, 12:51 PM
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I really do think it would be good for you to get away from this until he leaves. Do you have any other alternatives??
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Old 07-19-2019, 01:02 PM
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Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
I really do think it would be good for you to get away from this until he leaves. Do you have any other alternatives??
it would cost money at this point. Iíve spent so much already. Iíll see what else I can do
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Old 07-19-2019, 01:03 PM
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He said he could be gone by Monday. No concern about signing the papers, or clearing out his cars. Leaving a mess behind for me to clean up AGAIN...
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Old 07-19-2019, 02:07 PM
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Ok Iím out again. I donít believe this is happening. Just a month ago we were making plans to go to art festivals and vacations
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:02 PM
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Dazed......it is so important for you to have some kind of other human contact, during this pivotal time.....even if it is one friend that you can stay o n their couch or hang out on their back patio for a few days....
This is too hard to do the way you are doing it, right now...it is like torture, for you....
Alcoholism is too much of a Beast....please extend a bit of kindness/mercy for your own self...Ö
Maybe, also, call and talk to your father and family for some extra support....
Cry all that you need to...and, you probably need to, because You are grieving, right now, I believe....but, stay out of the house at all costs....
It won't stay like this, I promise, but, for tight now, you have to get over this particular "hump"....

Most all of us have been through this...and, it is sooo tough...and, we understand how your heart feels....
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Old 07-19-2019, 03:22 PM
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Yes please do take extra care of yourself. This is hard!

I would also recommend that you try to turn your thoughts a bit (I know, again, hard!).

Instead of thinking - 20 years and that's it! Try to think perhaps - we gave it a good shot. I did my best. I really tried. All those things are true too.

Also, he is not dying, he is moving. Who knows, somewhere down the road he may seek recovery, one just doesn't know.

But again, in the meantime, be kind to yourself.
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Old 07-19-2019, 04:00 PM
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Originally Posted by trailmix View Post
Yes please do take extra care of yourself. This is hard!

I would also recommend that you try to turn your thoughts a bit (I know, again, hard!).

Instead of thinking - 20 years and that's it! Try to think perhaps - we gave it a good shot. I did my best. I really tried. All those things are true too.

Also, he is not dying, he is moving. Who knows, somewhere down the road he may seek recovery, one just doesn't know.

But again, in the meantime, be kind to yourself.
I hope for his sake he recovers. He is moving 2000 miles away. I donít see him returning. Basically through all this grieving I just feel like I was duped; rejected by an alcoholic. Ugh. He said today, the good news is I donít have a job so I can leave right away! Ugh. I am staying away, and have been in touch with my kids. Might call on a friend or two as well. Thank you all.
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Old 07-19-2019, 04:30 PM
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I donít really have any friends I trust. It would be gossip fodder for them. I donít want to burden my kids and my dad is 90! Iím really all alone in this because Iíve isolated myself so much because of the drinking. Iím seriously depresed
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Old 07-19-2019, 04:51 PM
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Oh, Iím so sorry Dazed, this way of life we are living sucks for sure.
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Old 07-19-2019, 04:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Dazedandconfus View Post
I donít really have any friends I trust. It would be gossip fodder for them. I donít want to burden my kids and my dad is 90! Iím really all alone in this because Iíve isolated myself so much because of the drinking. Iím seriously depresed
You're not alone, you have us.

There is nothing fun about this, nothing good about someone you had plans with taking off.

Remember though, the guy you loved wouldn't do this, he's changed.

There is an adjustment to be made here. Whether you two end up back together or not remains to be seen. In the meantime, it's time to look after yourself. There is an acronym, HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Watch out for all of these. It's important right now because when you are feeling so down any of these can be missed - meals, proper sleep etc. If you don't really feel like eating, try to tempt yourself with something you love, whether that is ice cream or a bagel with cream cheese. Sleep when you can. All these things will help keep you on a slightly even keel.
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:03 PM
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Trail mix you da bomb. ThAnk you
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:44 PM
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Dazed.....you would be surprised at how people would be responsive to you...if you just give them a chance. If you can call them "friend"....even an "old" friend....reach out to them in your need. after all, almost everybody has someone that they know is an alcoholic, or has one in their family...even if they haven't talked about it, openly.....
Do NOT let there be any excuse for not getting the human support that you need, right now!
In addition to reaching out to a friend...you can also call and talk to a domestic violence worker (you qualify) due to emotional abuse.....they will talk to you in a very understanding way and even offer help to you...you can talk to them 24/7.....
You can go to an alanon meeting , tomorrow.....they will understand, because they have walked in these same shoes....they understand, beyond mere words....
And, you have US, of course, but I think you need a human(s) close to you, right now.
We humans are wired to be very social...and, human contact is the most comforting and healing thing that there is!
I hear that you are depressed.....and, you can always call a hotline if you are freaking out, in the middle of the night...the hot line to the domestic workers or the suicide hotline...they exist to talk to and help you.....
There ARE options....you just have to reach out your hand...…
LOl...I don't care if your father is 90....he understood that you don't have to live like this. he sounds wise in that way....there is no age on compassion and caring....and, you need that right how!
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:48 PM
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Such wise advice!

Yes, why not call and talk to your Dad.
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:49 PM
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I called the suicide hotline. It was very calming and informative. Iím in a cool crisp clean bed now, reading. I had delicious Mexican food for dinner. Iíll try to sleep soon and say a prayer for all my virtual social media friends here on SR. God bless you all for your kindness.
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Old 07-19-2019, 05:52 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Dazed.....you would be surprised at how people would be responsive to you...if you just give them a chance. If you can call them "friend"....even an "old" friend....reach out to them in your need. after all, almost everybody has someone that they know is an alcoholic, or has one in their family...even if they haven't talked about it, openly.....
Do NOT let there be any excuse for not getting the human support that you need, right now!
In addition to reaching out to a friend...you can also call and talk to a domestic violence worker (you qualify) due to emotional abuse.....they will talk to you in a very understanding way and even offer help to you...you can talk to them 24/7.....
You can go to an alanon meeting , tomorrow.....they will understand, because they have walked in these same shoes....they understand, beyond mere words....
And, you have US, of course, but I think you need a human(s) close to you, right now.
We humans are wired to be very social...and, human contact is the most comforting and healing thing that there is!
I hear that you are depressed.....and, you can always call a hotline if you are freaking out, in the middle of the night...the hot line to the domestic workers or the suicide hotline...they exist to talk to and help you.....
There ARE options....you just have to reach out your hand...Ö
LOl...I don't care if your father is 90....he understood that you don't have to live like this. he sounds wise in that way....there is no age on compassion and caring....and, you need that right how!
dandelion, angel of mercy! Thank you!
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