Dazed......it is so important for you to have some kind of other human contact, during this pivotal time.....even if it is one friend that you can stay o n their couch or hang out on their back patio for a few days....
This is too hard to do the way you are doing it, right now...it is like torture, for you....
Alcoholism is too much of a Beast....please extend a bit of kindness/mercy for your own self...…
Maybe, also, call and talk to your father and family for some extra support....
Cry all that you need to...and, you probably need to, because You are grieving, right now, I believe....but, stay out of the house at all costs....
It won't stay like this, I promise, but, for tight now, you have to get over this particular "hump"....
Most all of us have been through this...and, it is sooo tough...and, we understand how your heart feels....